


When Our Frames Collide

by carolinablu85



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, Cuddling and Snuggling, Family, Family Secrets, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-27
Updated: 2011-09-27
Packaged: 2017-10-24 02:50:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 145,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/258084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinablu85/pseuds/carolinablu85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> Noah wrestles with his childhood while Luke tries to deal with his future. (Sequel to "Sins of the Father")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Played a Ghost in a Sheet

**Author's Note:**

>  A pretty big hurt/comfort fic, be prepared! But lots of cuteness too, I hope. This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Noah (Ghost In A Sheet)" by Fionn Regan. Beautiful song, you should download it!

He stared hard at the screen of his laptop. Microsoft Word was mocking him, he knew it. Was probably saying mean things about him behind his back to the other computer programs. He was pretty sure that the minute he left the room they’d all be laughing at him…

“Okay,” Noah said to himself, his voice sounding extra-loud in the extra-quiet of the living room. “Maybe it’s time to take a break.” He had been looking at this blank screen for way too long if he was giving it a personality and a back-story. He closed the laptop a little bit harder than was probably necessary, shoving it away and flopping back onto the couch with a sigh.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been resting there, eyes closed, when he felt a pair of arms encircle his neck from behind and someone drop a kiss onto the top of his head. “How’s today going for you?” the now oft-repeated question was murmured into his ear.

He leaned back more into the arms, another sigh escaping his lips, though this one was a little more relieved than the first. “Kicking my ass,” he mumbled with eyes still closed.

Luke chuckled, letting go so he could walk around the couch and sit down perpendicular to his boyfriend, leaning against the arm of the couch, propping his feet up on Noah’s lap. “What’s the project this time?” Noah had a new short film assignment every three weeks for his _Film and Personal History_ senior seminar class, and every three weeks he had what Luke secretly referred to as a ‘nerd meltdown’ before he figured out what each film would be about.

Noah had opened his eyes the moment Luke’s feet ended up in his lap, and now he was staring spitefully at his laptop, hands absentmindedly rubbing at Luke’s ankles and feet. “I have to recreate my earliest childhood memory,” he finally answered, shrugging more with his voice than his actual shoulders.

Luke felt his stomach drop to the floor. Because ‘Noah’ and ‘childhood’ were two things Luke wanted to keep separate for the rest of their very long lives. He was just starting to plan the angry letter to Noah’s professor, or wondering if a note from Lucinda would excuse Noah from the assignment, when Noah playfully smacked his foot. Luke shook his head, looking back at him. “What?”

Noah’s smile was knowing, shy. “It’s okay. It’s not a bad memory.”

Luke studied his face, looking for any sign of a lie. Well, not a lie. Noah didn’t lie. More like… protected the truth. But the look on Noah’s face was open and honest. And Luke trusted it- Noah was getting so much better about opening up.

It had been almost eight months since the Colonel had reappeared and wreaked havoc on all their lives. Six months since the Colonel, Alan, and the other men had been shipped off to prison. (Four months since Luke and Noah had decided to extend their lease on the apartment for the year.) And maybe nine days since Noah’s last nightmare.

Luke could never predict when a nightmare was going to happen, and he didn’t think Noah could either. Sometimes it would be enough to wake both of them up in the middle of the night, Luke finding a way to calm Noah’s shaking. Or sometimes Luke wouldn’t find out until the morning, waking up to Noah’s forehead pressed into his chest and hand holding onto Luke’s shirt.

And sometimes he wasn’t sure if Noah even knew he had had one until the morning. They just showed up like unwelcome houseguests every once in a while. They’d always be a part of Noah. Of both of them. But Noah didn’t try to hide them anymore, so Luke had to believe he wasn’t lying now.

“You sure?” Well. It wasn’t like he still couldn’t check, right?

Noah just nodded, not offended. “He’s not even in it.” He was glaring at the computer again.

“Then what’s the big problem?” Luke pulled his legs away, tucking them in under himself so he could scoot closer. Noah had his dorky frown on, which was always the prelude to a nerd meltdown. “You and your Mac having artistic differences?”

It was a joke, but Noah nodded seriously. “It’s incomplete.”

“What do you mean incomplete?” He was leaning in even closer, head positioned next to Noah’s, trying to see whatever it was he was seeing.

“It’s like…” Noah unconsciously leaned into Luke. “Like we’re there and then it just stops. Really suddenly. Like someone pulled the plug on my brain or something.”

Luke reached out, resting his hand on the back of Noah’s neck, fingers playing with his hair. “Who’s we?”

Noah shook his head. “No idea. Two kids, a boy and a girl, I think. Older than me. We’re playing with a dog.”

“Your friends, maybe?” Luke guessed. “Neighbors?”

“Yeah, I think so,” he agreed. “Probably their dog. God knows I was never allowed to-” he cut himself off with a quick jerk of his head. “I just can’t figure out why it stops so suddenly.”

“Noah, you were probably, what- three or something? You’re not going to remember everything,” Luke reminded him.

“But then how am I going to do this project?” And the dork frown was back.

Luke couldn’t help but smile, no matter how hard he tried to remain serious for Noah’s sake. “I’m sure that big ol’ brain of yours will come up with something. Maybe you’re just thinking too much. I can’t really relate there, but you’ve been known to do it before.” Noah didn’t even crack a smile, so Luke tried again- tentatively- with, “If you need someone to bounce ideas off of…”

Noah looked up at him, startled. “Really? You’d want to?” His face was doubtful, and Luke had to stop himself from feeling hurt by that. Luke deciding not to go back to school had finally stopped being a sore subject between them, and he was determined not to make it an issue anymore.

So he shrugged instead. “Yeah, sure, if you need me.”

Then Noah smiled, fiddling with the collar of Luke’s polo shirt. “I always need you.”

Luke laughed, tapping a finger on his boyfriend’s nose. “Aw, you’re such a sweet talker.”

Noah waved Luke’s hand away, unable to fight off the blush that always appeared when Luke teased him. “And you’re a sweet… crap, is that really what time it is?” And somehow Noah was up and off the couch before Luke had time to blink. “I have to go.”

Luke sighed at the empty space on the couch where Noah had just been sitting. “What, you have a hot date or something?” he grumbled, turning around to sit backwards on the couch and watch Noah as he threw some books and his laptop into his school bag.

“Yeah, I don’t want my other boyfriend to get mad,” Noah shot back, scanning the room quickly to see if he was forgetting anything. “You know Casey doesn’t like it when I’m late.”

Luke turned back around with a huff, not really wanting to tease anymore. He knew he still had an irrational jealousy of Noah’s schoolwork- not to mention that as Noah’s lab partner, Casey got to spend so much time with him- but another part of him didn’t care. He wanted his boyfriend with _him_ , damn it! Was that so much to ask?

He realized then that there was no noise or movement behind him. He looked up to see Noah standing behind him, looking down with that knowing smirk on his face. “Hey,” was all Noah said.

“What?” Luke was still pouting, and he really didn’t care who knew it.

Noah leaned down, planting a sweet, soft, upside-down kiss on Luke’s mouth. “Spiderman,” he murmured, smiling again.

Luke couldn’t help but laugh then, shoving him towards the door. “Dork.”

“Brat,” Noah called out over his shoulder. “I’ll be back by seven, want me to bring Chinese home for dinner?”

“It’s my turn to pay, there should be a twenty in the jar by the door,” Luke replied, still smiling a little. He always smiled when he heard Noah use the word ‘home’ so easily.

Noah snatched up the twenty dollar bill with a grin on his way out the door. “Thanks, _dear_.”

“No problem, _sweetheart_ ,” Luke teased back. Noah just blew an exaggerated, overly-sappy kiss in response before disappearing outside. Luke waited for half a moment until he heard Noah’s truck pull away. Then his smile faded and he heaved a giant sigh, reaching under the couch to pull out a stack of folders.

The first folder contained some paperwork for the foundation. Grant applications, budgets, whatever else. Luke flipped through them half-heartedly, signing his name on a couple dotted lines. Sometimes it felt like his signature was all he was to the foundation. A name on a piece of paper and nothing more. His voice, his passion… the Luke Snyder Foundation didn’t really seem to need Luke Snyder all that much.

It was the next couple of folders that Luke was really interested in. Expense reports, data sheets, requisitions, time cards… Luke went through each page methodically, making notes and calculations as he went. At some point he paused, his fingers lightly tracing the company emblem on the top of the page. Who ever would’ve thought he’d actually _like_ working for this man? Probably no one, since no one knew he was. He had to wonder how much trouble he’d be in once this secret got out.

************

“Okay. So this one would be…” Casey frowned down at his notes, chewing on his pen cap. “Sedimentary?” he drew the word out uncertainly.

Noah was looking over his own notes. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

Casey shrugged. “Both?” They raised their heads and looked at each other for a moment before coming to an unspoken agreement, slamming their books shut. Casey shoved his hair out of his face with a sigh. “Dude, I don’t think it’s biologically possible for the human brain to study geology for more than two hours a day.”

Noah chuckled, checking his watch as he gathered up his books. “Tell that to Professor Singler.”

Casey pointed a finger at him, as though Noah had just had some great revelation. “Exactly! It’s _January_. We’ve had this class for two weeks and we’re already studying for a hardcore exam. What is that about?”

“Just keep thinking about May, Case,” Noah reminded. It had been their motto all year. ‘Just keep thinking about May,’ when they would be graduating from college. Graduating from college. It was hard to wrap his brain around that sometimes, a pinnacle Noah honestly thought he’d never reach.

Casey sighed and closed his eyes, mumbling “May” to himself for a little while. When he opened them again, he watched Noah pack up his stuff and send a quick text on his phone. “What are you up to now?”

Noah was smiling without realizing it. “Chinese food. Luke. Home.”

“Loser,” Casey teased, finally tossing his own books haphazardly into his backpack. “Eating Chinese food at home on a Thursday night? Sounds boring to me.”

Noah shrugged. “Not when we do it.”

Casey stared at him for nearly a full minute. “Dude. Do not go into detail.”

He laughed again. “Why are you asking in the first place? Aren’t you and Alison hanging out tonight or something?”

Casey shrugged this time. “Or something. I guess. I don’t know.”

“Everything okay between you two?” Noah asked, frowning at Casey’s tone. He didn’t think Casey and Ali were having any problems at the moment.

“Everything’s fine,” Casey said with a grimace. “But that’s the problem. It’s just fine. It’s nice. But it doesn’t feel like _everything_ to me. We aren’t, like… we don’t have…” Another sigh.

“Spark?” Noah supplied. He made sure his voice didn’t sound too knowing, just supportive. He and Luke had talked about this not too long ago, wondering how long it would take Casey-and-Ali (Noah had long ago forbidden Luke from calling them ‘Cali’) to fade away. He had just assumed Alison would be the one to figure this out first, not Casey.

Casey’s eyes went wide. “Yeah. We don’t have any spark.” He ran a hand through his hair again, agitated. “It’s starting to bug me a little, you know? Like I’m noticing it more and more. And it’s not that I don’t love her, I do, I just…” Another shake of his head, dislodging the hair he had just brushed away. “I see you and Luke, and it’s so… I can tell when you two are in a room together. I can, like, _feel_ it, whatever it is between you two. But sometimes- and I feel like a complete jerk for thinking this- sometimes I don’t think I would be able to tell if Ali was in the same room or not.”

Noah was literally rocked back in his chair by this. He studied Casey seriously for a moment before figuring out what to say. “Casey, man, you can’t compare our relationships. Luke and I are totally different from you and Alison.” He spoke quickly to cut off Casey’s joke. “Besides the gay thing. Every relationship is different, people get together in different ways and relate in different ways. What Luke and I have-”

“Is true love,” Casey finished for him, nodding. “Come on, Noah. You know it, I know it, the homeless guy who hangs out behind Yo’s knows it. But me and Ali… I love her, but I don’t know if I ‘true love’ her. And I don’t know if I should be doing something about it.”

Noah stared at him. “Like what, break up with her?”

“What? No, no. I mean, I don’t think so. No. I like being with her now, I think, but…”

“Casey,” Noah’s voice was quiet, serious. “I don’t know if this is something you can just ‘think.’ If you’re not happy with-”

“It’s not that I’m not happy,” Casey jumped in to say. “It’s just I… sometimes I wonder if I could be happier. Maybe I’m supposed to be with someone else.”

“Like who?” Noah prompted, though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer, even if Casey didn’t.

“No idea,” he almost grunted, frustration clear in his voice. “I… sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to dump this on you. It’s something I have to figure out for myself anyway. Don’t worry about it.”

“Hey,” Noah leaned closer. “Come on, man. You’ve been there for me through some pretty crappy stuff. Least I can do is return the favor. You can talk to me.” He was surprised when Casey started to laugh. “What?”

“I think what happened to you was possibly more than ‘pretty crappy stuff,’ Noah. And thanks for putting my trivial dilemma in perspective,” his grin showed he was teasing.

Though Noah couldn’t help but duck his head a little, grimacing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Casey waved away the apology. “I know you didn’t. And thanks. For listening. And making sure I don’t fail geology.”

Noah half-smiled. “Don’t thank me for that yet. We’ve got awhile until May.”

“We’ll get there,” Casey nodded firmly. “Speaking of dilemma, you get that latest film thing figured out?”

Now it was Noah’s turn to groan in frustration. “Don’t remind me.”

“Eh, you’ll be fine. You’ll figure it out, you always do,” Casey shrugged, not at all worried. He stood up from their table in the study lounge, slinging his backpack over one shoulder. “You have to get going, don’t you? Is it dinner time yet for you and Luke?”

 _“Is it dinner time yet?”_

Noah shook his head. What? A voice was echoing in his brain. He didn’t recognize it, had no idea where it came from. But then suddenly the scene was playing out behind his eyes…

 _The sounds were muted, distant, like he had cotton in his ears. And the edges of his vision were fuzzy. It was just like a flashback in an old movie. He was standing in the front yard of a house. Green grass, blue sky, there was even a white picket fence around him. He could see the next yard over, just as immaculately gardened. As was the one next to that, and the one next to that._

 _The two kids in the yard with him were older by a few years, a boy and a girl. He couldn’t make out their features, not that it mattered. He’d had a lot of ‘playmates’ as a little kid that he couldn’t remember anymore. There was a dog too, a big English sheepdog. Noah wished he could remember its name or which neighbor owned it._

 _“Is it dinner time yet?” the boy, the oldest of them, called out. There was an answering call from the house, but it sounded more like the warbling of the Charlie Brown teacher than actual words. Noah had no idea who was talking or what was said._

 _He turned a little in the direction of the house, saw a blonde woman standing in the doorway. She was holding something in her hands. She said something else, and the two kids ran off in different directions. Noah was alone in the yard…_

“Noah?” Casey waved a hand in front of his face, eyes narrowed, face pinched with concern. “Hey, you in there somewhere?”

Noah flinched instinctively, moving away and regretting it when Casey’s face momentarily flashed with worry. “Sorry. Spaced out for a second.”

Casey didn’t look convinced. “You sure you’re okay? You’re not, like, getting sick or anything, are you?”

“I’m fine,” Noah really hoped he wasn’t blushing. Everyone still got so freaked out about his health, it was embarrassing. It seemed like every time he coughed, someone was there pushing Vitamin C and a thermometer at him, making sure he didn’t have another relapse of pneumonia. Never mind he hadn’t gotten it again in months. He was convinced that the Snyders had to be secretly germaphobic or hypochondriacs. Why else would they obsess over his immune system so much?

“Really?” Casey brought him back to the present. Again.

“Really really,” Noah replied firmly, shoving the memory out of the way for the moment. He stood as well, following Casey to the door. It was time for Chinese, Luke, and home. Whatever was going on his head would just have to wait. Preferably until May…

************

Holden re-entered the kitchen just in time to see Lily decisively shut one cookbook and open another. “You do realize we just _had_ dinner, right?” he teased.

She made a face at him, flipping through the second cookbook. “Ethan asleep?”

He nodded, joining her at the table. “For now, at least.” He casually hooked his arm around the top of her chair, squeezing her shoulder. “So what’s with the cooking research?"

“I’m just trying to find something different to cook for dinner tomorrow night. Something fun,” she shrugged very deliberately.

Holden studied her for a moment, smiling knowingly. “Trying to make sure the boys keep coming for Friday night dinner?”

“Maybe,” she admitted, laughing at his raised eyebrows. “It’s just… they were both kind of quiet last week. Well,” she amended. “Luke was quiet. Noah was Noah, but he seemed a little distracted. I don’t want them to stop our tradition. With Noah in school and Luke working at the foundation so much, I feel like I never see them. So-”

“So you’re bribing them with a three course meal?” Holden teased again, ducking when Lily tried to smack him. “The boys are fine, stop worrying. Noah was probably thinking about whatever his new film assignment is- you know how he gets with that- and Luke…” he shook his head. “If you can ever figure out what mood Luke is in and why, then you’re a smarter person than me.”

“Well, I already knew that,” Lily said absent-mindedly, flipping through the cookbook again.

Holden snorted. “Thank you. I’m just saying, the boys might have a lot going on right now, but they’re not going to give up our Friday night dinners. No matter what, I don’t see two twenty-one-year-olds turning down a free meal. And anyway, they love coming here, and they love you. So quit worrying.”

Lily smiled then, blushing a little. “Am I that transparent?”

“No,” Holden answered, giving her a kiss. “I just happen to be pretty smart too.”

She laughed briefly before growing serious again. “You aren’t worried about Luke, are you? He _was_ quiet last week. Do you think maybe he’s doing too much with the foundation? We hardly ever seen him, and he-”

“Lily, sweetheart,” Holden tightened his arm around her. “No worrying. You haven’t lost your baby boy, okay?” In the silence that followed before Lily could reply, Ethan’s shouting from his bedroom could be heard all the way in the kitchen. Holden sighed. “Though if you do feel like getting rid of just one of these kids…”

Lily laughed again, slapping his shoulder. “Just for that? You don’t get to enjoy my cooking tomorrow night. All three courses.” She smiled as Holden went to go check on their youngest. Maybe he was right. There was probably nothing to worry about…

************

“I really don’t think there’s any reason to worry,” Luke said, tucking his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he flipped through the paperwork. “It was a simple clerical error. If you fix the calculations on page six of the contract, everything adds up right in the end.”

“Thank goodness for that,” he could hear Damian shuffling papers on the other end of the phone. “Sometimes I think this company would be lost without you, Luciano.”

Luke refrained from correcting him on the name. “It’s not that big a deal, anyone could have caught it.”

“But not ‘anyone’ did. You did,” Damian pointed out. “It seems like you’re always the one fixing these problems lately, son.”

Luke also refrained from correcting the ‘son’ thing because, honestly, Damian wasn’t saying anything untrue. Even though it was weird to hear. “I’m just doing my job, Damian.”

“And you’re doing it well, Luciano. I’m very proud of you.”

Luke couldn’t help but blush at the compliment, despite the fact that no one could see him. “Thanks.”

“It makes me wish you’d reconsider my offer. Most employees would jump at the chance for a promotion like this one.”

Luke shook his head inwardly, propping his feet up on the coffee table, his heel tracing the indent on the edge of the table where Hunter had accidentally chipped off part of the wood during a movie night last month. “Most employees aren’t related to you. Besides, I’m already putting in a lot of hours. Any more and my parents are going to start to wonder.”

He heard Damian sigh on the other end of the phone. “Luke. You need to tell them. You’ve been working for Grimaldi Shipping for months now, the longer you keep this a secret the worse it will be when they find out. This may sound… hypocritical coming from me, but I really think the truth is best.”

Luke snorted. “You’re right.”

“I am?” Damian sounded suspicious.

He was right to be. “You’re right, it does sound hypocritical coming from you. Look, Damian, you may be my boss and you may be my biological father, but I really don’t think you have a right to lecture me about my family.”

There was a heavy silence on the other end, followed by a sigh. “Yes, that’s true. I’m sorry, I have no right to butt into your personal life like that.”

 _Never stopped you before_ , Luke grumbled inwardly. But he kept calm, letting out a steadying breath. He was determined not to pick a fight. He and Damian were getting along so well recently, and Luke had to admit he liked it. He liked this new and improved Damian (Damian 2.0?) that actually seemed to care about him.

There was still a little part of Luke that was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Damian to show his true colors once again, but for right now Luke was more content than he had been in a long time. His family was happy, his job was fulfilling, and he had Noah.

“It’s my decision,” he reminded Damian and himself. “I’ll tell them when the timing is right.” God, he could only imagine the reaction he’d get from his dad. His mom and Noah wouldn’t like that he had been keeping this from them, but they might be okay with what he was doing. Holden Snyder, however… Luke had to admit it was a fear of his dad’s reaction that kept him from telling anyone what he was doing.

“When do you think the timing would ever be right to tell something like this?” Damian asked, again making a good point. Luke was starting to get annoyed by that.

“It’s my decision,” he repeated. “If it’s not affecting my work performance, then I don’t think you should have any say-” The sound of the door opening and closing interrupted Luke’s tirade. Was it seven o’clock already? “Damian, I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow sometime, okay?”

Another sigh. Damian was getting really good at that too. “Of course, Luciano. I’ll see you at the office.”

Noah entered the living room, arms full of Chinese takeout. Luke smiled at him. “Okay. I’ll see you around, bye.” He hung up before Damian could say anything else. “Hey, how was studying?”

Noah dropped the cartons onto the coffee table, sitting on the floor by Luke’s feet and leaning tiredly against his legs. “Same as always.”

Luke smiled, resting one elbow on Noah’s shoulder while he reached for the fried rice with his other hand. “Casey freaking out about failing?”

Noah grinned in response. “I did say ‘same as always,’ didn’t I?” He grabbed an egg roll. “I think I figured out how to fix my film, though.”

“What are you going to do?” Luke help but smile wider when he and Noah traded takeout cartons without saying a word- they knew each other that well. It was little things like that that always got Luke so giddy.

“I thought maybe if I can look through some of the boxes I have of my parents’ stuff, there’s got to be pictures of our houses or the yards or something. Something to tell me where that memory is from, right?” Noah managed to keep his voice mostly steady. It always seemed to shake when he talked about either parent, he couldn’t help it.

While he had been speaking, Luke moved one hand to Noah’s neck, rubbing it gently. “Sounds like a good place to start,” he said quietly, encouragingly. “Let me know when you want us to do this, okay?”

Noah’s head swung up to face Luke. “Us? You want to help?”

Luke was about to say ‘Of course, you moron!’ but figured he could convey that with a glare. Noah’s slight blush told him the glare was successful. “Name the time and place, love, and I’ll be there.”

“Okay.” Noah’s hand came up to hold Luke’s briefly, a silent thanks. Then he cleared his throat awkwardly. “So… that was Damian on the phone? What did he want?”

“Oh, uh…” Luke cleared his own throat. “Just to talk. Wants to get together sometime next week. I thought maybe we could invite him over for dinner again?”

Noah shrugged. “Of course, if you want. As long as it’s not a Friday.”

Luke shook his head, a little exasperated. Once they had gotten settled into their apartment, his mom had insisted they come over to the house for dinner every Friday night. And while Luke loved being with his family and loved his mother’s cooking, the real reason he went along with it was because it was obvious Noah was absolutely thrilled by the ‘tradition’ of it all, with having someone expect him for dinner once a week. That little eight-year-old boy was more present in Noah, and Luke would do just about anything to keep it alive and well. “As long as it’s not a Friday,” he agreed.

Noah nodded, satisfied, settling back comfortably against Luke’s legs and picking up the carton of Lo Mein. “By the way, I’ve got some interesting developments between Casey and Ali.”

Luke shook his head yet again. “Are they together this week? I can’t remember…” He laughed when Noah smacked his leg with a chopstick, and then leaned forward towards his dinner and his boyfriend, listening as Noah began to speak. Yep, life was pretty good right now, Luke wasn’t going to complain.

************

 _He was standing in the front yard of a house. Green grass, blue sky, there was even a white picket fence around him. He could see the next yard over, just as immaculately gardened. As was the one next to that, and the one next to that._

 _The two kids in the yard with him were older by a few years, a boy and a girl. There was a dog too, a big English sheepdog._

 _“Is it dinner time yet?” the boy, the oldest of them, called out. There was an answering call from the house, and Noah saw a blonde woman standing in the doorway. It was his mother, he was sure of it. He could feel it. The two kids ran off in different directions, and Noah was alone in the yard._

 _He clapped his hands for the dog to come back over to him. The sheepdog bounded over, and Noah threw a ball as hard as his little arm could throw. The dog chased after it, and Noah laughed at its floppy-legged running._

 _Then it suddenly seemed to get much darker and colder outside, like the prelude to a storm. Noah looked around, but there was nobody outside and no blonde woman (his mother!) standing in the doorway. He was alone. Suddenly a car came barreling down the street next to him, the sound of tires screeching loud in his ear-_

Noah shoved himself out of the dream and upright in bed. He was breathing harshly, his chest heavy. Fighting off the warning signs of a panic attack, he willed himself to calm down, counting silently in his head. One, two, three…

Luke continued to sleep next to him, unaware, and Noah couldn’t bring himself to wake him up. He sat back against the headboard, running a hand through his slightly damp hair. Was it just a dream, or was there more to the memory than he realized?

What the hell was going on?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Noah tries to investigate his parents, Luke wrestles with telling the truth, Casey has women problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "The Ballad of Love and Hate" by the Avett Brothers- one of my favoritest bands ever!

“You sure you want to do this now?” Luke asked, resting one hand at the small of Noah’s back.

Noah stared at the two boxes in front of him. “Would putting it off make a difference? I’ll have to look through them at some point.” He swallowed hard, nodding his head for a second. “Right?”

Luke perched his chin on top of Noah’s shoulder. “Right.” He waited a moment. “It’s just… would you feel better opening these with Dr. Weston maybe? I don’t want you-”

“No, I want you here,” Noah said, quiet but sure. With that determination now in place, he reached forward and pulled the first box closer. Luke just smiled and stayed very still and quiet, something that took more effort than he thought it would. But he held it together and held his boyfriend as Noah cut through the packing tape and ever so slowly opened the cardboard flaps. He was tentative as though afraid a demon, some unspeakable evil, would be unleashed once the box was open. Luke had to admit, the thought had crossed his mind.

The first box was Winston’s. Noah wanted to get this one over with, he couldn’t imagine there being anything pleasant inside. It was a box of his father’s possessions that the Army had sent to Oakdale after his supposed death. The last things his father had owned or kept with him before coming to Oakdale that first time. Before the major insanity had started.

Noah rested his hand on the open flap, but couldn’t bring himself to reach inside. Suddenly he had the feeling that he was tempting fate. This was like Pandora’s box. Whatever he found now… there’d be no going back. His hand shook a little, and he just couldn’t get himself to move it.

Then Luke’s hand was there, on top of his. No words were spoken, but Luke picked up his hand and guided it inside and suddenly Noah’s wasn’t shaking anymore. It was enough.

They pulled out two small plastic cases, and Noah had to try to swallow around a suddenly dry mouth. He recognized that type of case, he’d seen it many times before. Luke, however, was unaware and immediately opened the first one before Noah could stop him.

Luckily, it only held his father’s military medals. Thank God. He half-heartedly examined them- a Medal of Valor, a Purple Heart from the Gulf War, nearly half a dozen others. Looking at them now, Noah was left with a bitter taste in his mouth. These things were supposed to mean something, Noah had been taught his whole life that they were a sign of respect, and he still felt that way. And yet these had been given to a man who had done so much to dishonor it all. So many lies in his life, so many things gone wrong…

Luke gave him a semi-questioning look when Noah shoved the case away, but he said nothing. But he did make a small noise of shock when he opened the second case. It was what Noah had feared. A .22 caliber pistol. Noah couldn’t be sure if it was Army-issued or not, and he didn’t want to get close enough to find out.

He hated guns. No matter how hard his father had pushed him into handling them, no matter how good he had actually gotten at firing a gun, Noah hated them. And considering the last time he had held one he had almost used it to kill a man…

“You okay?” Luke asked, somehow moving in even closer, his arm wrapping around Noah’s waist. He didn’t want to touch the gun either.

“Yeah,” Noah hoped he sounded convincing. Idly he wondered if this was the gun his father had used to kill Charlene and almost kill Dusty. Should he give this to the cops as evidence? Would it even matter anymore? He made a mental note to ask Jack next time they hung out.

In the meantime, he felt a little of the tension ease as Luke finally reached over and pushed the case away to the far end of the table. _Out of sight, out of mind_ , Noah reminded himself as Luke pulled an American flag out of the box, folded regulation-style. Luke set the flag aside much more carefully before peering into the box again. “One thing left,” he said, reaching for Noah’s hand.

The last thing they picked up together was a cigar box. Noah almost flinched at the sight of it. He hated cigars, hated the smell. His father had smoked cigars for as long as he could remember, almost every night. Usually after he’d been drinking, either out with his Army buddies or alone in his study.

The thought of _that_ smell, cigar smoke combined with Scotch, was enough to make Noah sick to his stomach. His father’s voice, short and cutting and slurring just a little. His father’s movements, unpredictable and unsteady, coming at him… Noah clenched his right hand as it started to go numb.

But Luke was there again, gently pulling his fingers out of the fist, keeping his hand open and flat. “It’s just a box,” he murmured in Noah’s ear. “No matter what, right now it’s just a box. And it’s just you and me, okay?”

Noah stared down at their joined hands. Decidedly _not_ looking at the box. After a moment he nodded. “Okay.” His voice was just as quiet. He looked over to Luke for some reassurance, which of course he got, and then turned back to the table. He opened the lid and almost sighed in relief at the sight of photographs and papers. He had half been expecting to see like a severed head in there or something. Nothing would have surprised him at this point.

But it was just photographs. Some of Winston and other Army guys from over the years (thankfully no one Noah recognized from over the summer- he didn’t know what he’d do if he was suddenly confronted with a picture of Alan), a shot of an older couple Noah was fairly sure were his deceased grandparents, and some of Noah. None of Charlene.

Luke took the pictures of Noah out of the cigar box to study. They were of various ages, the earliest looking to be him at about four or five years old. A shot of him at Christmas with a rocking horse and with that full-on grin Luke still didn’t get to see nearly enough, Noah standing still and solemn in a suit and tie with his father at what looked like a military funeral, Noah in a Little League baseball uniform.

Luke was about to tease him when he came across another photo- an eight year old Noah in swimming trunks on a beach somewhere. What caught Luke’s eye was the tiny, barely noticeable mark on the little boy’s side. A bruise. And suddenly Luke didn’t feel like teasing anymore. He carefully moved that picture to the bottom of the pile before Noah could see it.

Noah was busy shaking his head, looking through the other pictures. “There’s nothing. No pictures of that yard or the neighborhood. Why can’t I figure out where it’s from?” He frowned at the papers in his hands, bank statements and military records. Nothing he could use to get over this damn mental block.

Luke smiled gently, rubbing his shoulder. “You want to try the next box?” Noah looked over everything on the table again and nodded, trying his hardest not to sigh. The next box was Charlene’s. It would probably be the easier of the two, considering Noah had already looked through some of it two years ago. This time Noah carefully pulled out the packets of letters and the toys and set them almost reverently on the table nearby.

Luke couldn’t help but reach out and pick up the little stuffed dog. He examined the thing, noting how worn it was, how well-loved it must have been. He could imagine little toddler-version of Noah carrying it around, playing with it in the back yard, hugging it tightly in his sleep. He found himself hugging his Noah a little tighter now.

Noah was busy taking deep breaths. He flipped carefully through the photographs- all of him as a baby. All inside a crib. Inside. He sighed, frustration building up in his chest. He was hoping for a picture of the yard from his dream. His mood souring, he was surprised to hear Luke laugh next to him. He turned quizzical eyes to his boyfriend.

Luke immediately tried to stop his laughter, but his grin remained. “Sorry. It’s just…” he picked up one of the photos, of the little blue-eyed baby smiling at the camera. “For someone who hates having his picture taken, it appears you’ve always been pretty photogenic, Noah Mayer.”

The overheated feeling spreading across his face told Noah he was blushing. “Cut it out, I’m trying to brood over here,” he mumbled, setting the photos down next to his mother’s letters.

Luke laughed again. “Hey, it’s only fair. You’ve seen every single photo of me ever developed from birth to, like, last week. It’s about time I get- hey!” he pulled all the baby pictures into his lap. “I wonder how much money Mom and Grandma would be willing to pay to see these…”  
“Oh God,” Noah groaned. He hadn’t thought of that. He _so_ didn’t need those up on a mantle at Snyder farm or Lily’s house. No, no, no. He quickly grabbed the pictures away from Luke. “No way.”

“Aw, Noah, come on!” Luke tried to get them back, but Noah stretched his arm out, keeping the photos away. Luke glared for just a second before a wicked gleam lit up his eyes.

Noah had just a second of warning before Luke was shooting up out of his chair and reaching for the pictures again. Noah scrambled away, a smile inadvertently appearing on his face. Which is what Luke had wanted in the first place. So he kept up the pursuit, chasing Noah into the living room, laughing.

He mock-glared again when Noah smirked and held his arm all the way up, stretching it to his fullest height which they both knew would be out of Luke’s reach. “Cheater,” Luke accused.

Noah’s smirk grew wider, but before he could say anything Luke stepped in closer and kissed him hard, sucking all the air out of Noah’s lungs. Noah’s eyebrows raised in surprise even as his eyes closed instinctively. For all the weaknesses he had been berated for throughout his life, he could honestly say Luke’s kisses were one he was glad to have.

He didn’t even realize Luke had maneuvered them over to couch until he felt himself fall back onto it, Luke right on top of him. Though he did manage to keep his hand stretched up above his head, away from Luke.

Luke kept up the distraction, leaving a trail of kisses down Noah’s jaw and neck to the collar of his plaid button-up before going for his lips again. Noah responded in kind, already leaning up for the kiss, not even noticing as Luke ran a hand up his arm and lightly grasped his wrist. Luke pulled the hand down and guided it to rest on his lower back, as though molding Noah into giving him a hug. But then he used Noah’s hand to slide the pictures into his back pocket. Victory.

Noah finally laughed into the kiss and pulled free, trying to frown. Luke gave his best innocent face. “What?”

Noah shook his head, refraining from sticking his tongue out (slightly afraid of what Luke would do to said tongue.) “Cheater,” he threw back. Not that he was really complaining. Before Luke could say anything in reply Noah pulled him back down for another kiss, making it last, letting himself forget about everything covering their kitchen table. The past. His father, his mother. His dream and mixed up memories. His _Film and Personal History_ grade. Everything. Right now he didn’t want to care, he just wanted Luke.

And Luke was happy to give himself back, take away the drama for awhile. It sounded trivial considering everything they had been through, but if he could do something to cheer Noah up, he’d do it. And hey, Luke thought to himself as they helped each other shed their clothes, if he got some enjoyment out of it too, then it was a win-win situation. Luke had always liked those.

************

“Yo, H.C.! What’s the happs this morning?” Casey called out as he entered Al’s, taking a seat at the counter and spinning around a few times.

Henry stared at him for a few seconds. “It’s like you’re trying to speak English, I know it.”

Casey just grinned. “Can I get two Number Three specials, one with extra bacon? And two coffees.”

“Either you have the munchies or a breakfast date with Alison.” Henry rolled his eyes as he put in the order to the kitchen.

“No reason I can’t have both!” Casey spun around one more time for effect.

Henry laughed in spite of himself. “Well, it’s nice to see you in such a good mood. Speaking of which, I had an entirely too lighthearted conversation with my little sister yesterday. What is wrong with today’s youth?”

He shrugged. “What can I say, Henry? Young love and all that…”

Henry shuddered. “It’s my little sister. She’s not allowed to be in love until she’s thirty.”

“Come on, man, Hunter’s a nice guy. I mean, once you get past the obvious problems- the clumsiness, the geekery, the kicking of puppies…” He grinned again when Henry groaned and moved away.

“Sometimes I can’t believe they let you out of prison,” the man mumbled.

“I wonder the same thing every day,” another voice spoke up from the other end of the counter.

Casey looked over to see Jade sipping on her own cup of coffee. “Oh my God, Jade, what are you doing here? The sun’s up! Won’t you, like, melt if you come in direct contact with it?”

She rolled her eyes audibly. “Oh so clever, Hughes. Noah isn’t working at Java this morning, and he’s the only one I trust over there to make my coffee right. So Al’s will have to do. Though I’m surprised,” she tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I could have sworn I read a sign on the way in here: _No animals allowed inside without a leash_. How’d you manage to sneak in?”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Casey held up a hand, eyes wide. “You can read?”

Jade glowered at him, smiling. “Uh-huh. And I didn’t need to go back to school a third time to learn how. How’s that geology class going, by the way?”

Casey fought back a sigh. He couldn’t show weakness, he couldn’t give her the upper hand. But internally he cursed Noah and Luke for being such nice guys and being friends with both of them. “Just fine. What helps is knowing I’m finally getting my life on track, you know? Finally making something of myself, living up to my potential… Oh, how’s your life going, by the way?” he consciously mimicked her question.

She dropped her smile, but not her glare. In fact, it intensified enough to burn. “Just fine,” she mimicked him right back. “It’s a relief not having to pretend to be better than I actually am. Have everyone around me just waiting for that moment when I inevitably screw up again.”

“Okay, you know what?” He had somehow gotten to his feet without realizing it.

“What?” Jade had too, and they were standing nearly toe-to-toe.

Casey leaned in even closer, almost inches from her face, but Jade didn’t back down. She never did, did she? They locked eyes. He was just opening his mouth to say something when he realized there was someone else standing near them, watching them. As one, he and Jade turned back to the counter to see Henry studying them with a smirk, one eyebrow raised.

He held up a hand. “Don’t mind me, just enjoying the tennis match. Carry on.”

Casey did sigh then, taking a step back to run a hand through his hair, slightly surprised to see Jade do the same thing. She glared at him one more time before grabbing her purse and storming out. Casey watched her go before twisting back to look at Henry. “What?”

Henry shrugged. “Just want to remind you that you’re going to be meeting your girlfriend any minute for breakfast, and you might want to wipe away the sweat from your verbal sparring before she gets here.”

Casey dropped back onto the stool heavily. “Henry, swear to God, you say anything more and I will call Maddie right now and tell her you gave her and Hunter permission to elope.”

Henry mimed zipping up his mouth and headed back into the kitchen just as Alison entered the diner. “Morning,” she called out, taking the seat next to his.

“Hey,” he smiled at her, but in his mind he flashed back to months ago. When they used to greet each other every morning as though they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, couldn’t stop kissing, couldn’t stop touching each other. Ali settled down next to him without another word, pulling out a newspaper and sipping her coffee.

Casey sat next to her, holding his own cup. That was it. What had he told Noah? It was ‘nice?’ Was that all it was anymore? What was wrong with him that now he got more worked up yelling at Jade than he did seeing his girlfriend first thing in the morning?

His thoughts were interrupted by the quick, re-arrival of Henry. “Wait- what do you mean give Maddie and Hunter permission to elope?”

************

  
“It just bugs me, you know? It… it feels important, for some reason. And it’s like my brain is betraying me.” Noah leaned forward in his chair, frustrated.

Marcus nodded a little, rubbing a hand along his jaw. “Maybe you’re trying to force it too much. Putting too much pressure on yourself. I know that’s a concept you’re unfamiliar with, but…” he shrugged, fighting off a smile.

Noah glared half-heartedly. “You know, sarcasm is a disturbing thing coming from a person of your age.”

Marcus quirked up one eyebrow. “And what age would that be?”

Noah paused, pretending to think. “Late twenties?”

Marcus chuckled. “Good boy.” He settled back more comfortably in his own chair. “Well, let’s look at this in a different way. Pretend the memory is a scene from a movie. Trace it back logically. You said you think you were two or three. Where was your family living then?”

Noah almost winced at the term ‘family.’ He was just now getting how much of a family they _hadn’t_ been. “Okay… we were… It had to have been in either Georgia or North Carolina. We lived at Fort Gordon until I was two or three, and then we were at Fort Bragg when Charlene, um, left.”

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you refer to her as your mother,” Marcus pointed out.

By now, Noah was used to Marcus’s abrupt line of questioning. He shrugged. “It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of her as one.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “She… she left me. With him. Maybe she didn’t know how bad it would get, maybe she thought she would do a worse job raising me, I don’t know. I don’t know why she didn’t take me with her. Though, I mean,” he sighed a little. “It’s not like she turned out to be this amazingly wonderful person either. It’s not like it would’ve been a great alternative…”

“But it would have been an alternative,” Marcus finished for him. “We’ve talked about this, Noah. It’s okay to admit you didn’t like how you grew up. It’s encouraged, actually.”

Noah stuck to the subject at hand, not up for going down _that_ road right now. “She wasn’t really my mother. Not that I can remember. She was a woman who gave birth to me, and then left me. She was Charlene. She didn’t raise me, she wasn’t a mother.”

“And yet she’s in this memory of yours,” the doctor pointed out. “It’s the first memory you have of yourself. And she’s there. It’s a fuzzy and insubstantial image, but it is your mother. That tells me it’s worth exploring.”

“And if I tell you it’s not?” Noah questioned hopefully.

Marcus smiled a little, shaking his head. “I’m a therapist. Childhood memories and dream analysis are my bread and butter, kid.”

“Figured you’d say that,” Noah mumbled.

The doctor chuckled again. “Okay, back to the memory. Pretend it’s a scene in a movie. There’s got to be some clue in the surroundings, in what you see that makes up everything on screen-”

“The mise-en-scène,” Noah supplied instinctively, flushing when he realized he’d interrupted.

Marcus just smiled, refraining from making one of his bad jokes in the moment. “In the _mise-en-scène_ that tells you where you are.”

Noah frowned, his eyes closing as he tried to bring the memory to the forefront of his brain again. “I don’t know. We moved so much over the years, everything was always… it always kinda looked the same. Although…”

“Although what?” Marcus prompted when Noah trailed off.

Noah shook his head. “It’s just, the yards were all so nice. Really green, lots of flowers and gardens all the way down the street. There’s even white picket fences, for God’s sake. I don’t remember any military base being that suburban and nice. It’s weird.”

Marcus thought about it for a moment. “Maybe that’s where your mind is playing tricks on you.”

“How?” Noah opened his eyes finally.

“Maybe it’s a little more dream than memory right now. The Stepford-like front yards, two kids and a dog, a mother calling you in for dinner...” Marcus sat forward a little. “You don’t have a lot of happy childhood memories, Noah. This could be you mixing it with some idyllic setting from a movie or a TV show. To make it okay for you to remember it, to share it with me and Luke and your class.”

Noah’s frown turned thoughtful, turning that over in his head. Of course it made sense. How often in the past had he escaped real life by imagining himself in a TV show or movie? A lot. “I guess that makes sense. But then why-” And then he cut himself off with a shake of his head. Oops.

Marcus of course wasn’t going to let that go. “Why what?”

Noah checked the clock and realized there was too much time left for him to try and stall until the end of the session. Crap. “I had the dream again last night. But it went further this time, and there was a… a car or something. There was a loud noise, and then I woke up.” He looked up at Marcus, confused, asking the man to tell him what it all meant.

Marcus gathered his thoughts, but decided to focus on something else. “Have you been waking up from dreams a lot lately?”

Noah tilted his head sideways a little. “Not a lot. Sometimes. It’s different dreams now, it’s not… it’s not the stuff from this spring. It’s just this memory. It’s bugging me. And I only have two weeks to figure out-”

“Noah, so help me God, if you add worrying about your grades on top of all of this…” Marcus tried to appear stern, but he wasn’t sure if he pulled it off. He waited for Noah to smile before diving in again. “Are you having trouble sleeping?”

Noah shook his head vehemently. “I don’t want those pills again.” He hated sleeping pills.

“Want vs. need, Noah. Are you having trouble sleeping?” Marcus repeated.

“No,” Noah said firmly. Maybe if he was still living at the farm that would be a problem. But no, Noah shared a bed with Luke now. He had no problems feeling safe at night. Sure, he didn’t like being kept inside small rooms for too long, and total darkness was out of the question, but other than that Noah felt he was doing just fine.

  
He really didn’t want those damn sleeping pills. And he didn’t need a therapist to tell him why- the pills controlled when Noah fell asleep, and Noah didn’t want _anything_ to have control over his body but him. (…And maybe Luke.)

Marcus studied him silently, and Noah knew this was one of those times that his doctor would make an executive decision if he had to. He tensed even as he held Marcus’s gaze, but Marcus nodded finally. “Okay. But if we keep going back to these dreams and they keep waking you up at night, then we’re going to have this talk again. Understood?”

Noah hesitated just a moment before giving in. “Okay.”

Marcus nodded himself. “Okay,” he echoed, sitting back in his chair again, back in Session Mode. “Now, let’s get back to talking about your m- about Charlene.”

  
************

Casey re-shouldered his backpack as he left the foreign languages building, moving quickly through the masses of students, sidestepping a couple that was basically making out in the middle of the path. He glared irrationally at them, simultaneously disgusted and jealous of their PDA. And he had no idea why it bugged him so much. Okay, he knew exactly why it bugged him so much, and that only caused him to be even more annoyed.

He was so distracted with those thoughts that he almost walked right past Noah without even seeing him. He did a quick double-take and then plopped down on the bench next to his friend. “Dude, Class-From-Hell starts in like ten minutes, how come…” and then he trailed off. Noah had that look on his face, the something’s-wrong-that-I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-but-I-probably-should-before-something-implodes look. “What’s wrong?”

Noah shrugged a little. He had an old, worn-looking envelope in his hands, one of those old Kodak envelopes that pictures came in after being developed. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“But something isn’t right,” Casey countered. “What’s going on?”

“I talked to Dr. Weston about that memory,” Noah relented. “And now I feel like things are just going to get… I don’t know, wrong or something. Like it’s not her I should be focusing on.”

“The memory with the kids and the dog?” Casey clarified. After Noah’s nod, Casey continued. “What’s so wrong about it? Why do you look like someone just told you Danny Boyle died?”

Noah couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t even joke about that,” he smirked before growing serious again. “Dr. Weston thinks, since my mother is in the memory, that I need to… to ‘resolve my feelings’ about her.” He grimaced, as though the phrase left a bad taste in his mouth.

Casey honestly didn’t know how to react. When he thought about Noah, Noah’s childhood and family, he really only thought about the Colonel. Most of the time he completely forgot about Cheri Love or Charlene or whoever the hell she was. “Is that so wrong?” he asked carefully. “I know he’s old and he’s dating Lucinda Walsh of all people, but you have to admit the Doc’s a pretty smart guy.”

Noah smiled faintly again. “Yeah, he is. But it’s not that simple. I don’t really have feelings about her. I didn’t know her. How am I supposed to-?”

“So talk to someone who did know her,” Casey shrugged.

Noah shook his head. “That’s not so simple either. I need… I need, like, an unbiased view of her. Her sister wouldn’t have that. Neither would Dusty, or Ali, or Lily… I don’t know how to fix this.” He was frowning again, staring down at his shoes. “Sorry, I don’t mean to dump my lame-ass problems on you. Forget it.”

Casey found himself frowning too. It was his job to keep the people he liked as happy and carefree as someone in Oakdale could be. One of the reasons he liked being Noah’s friend was that it was easy to make the guy happy. He’d never seen someone be so appreciative of simple, friendly gestures. But right now, his friend wasn’t happy. Casey wasn’t doing his job.

 _His job_ … And just like that, Casey had a thought. Maybe not a good one, but it was definitely a thought. And then it became a plan, one that was just crazy enough to work. And Casey always liked those plans. “Noah?”

“Yeah?” Noah was busy putting the photos back in his messenger bag.

Casey wondered if those were the childhood photos Luke had told him about. He made a mental note to try to steal the envelope later. For the time being, “I think I know someone you can talk to. And trust me, she won’t sugarcoat _anything_.”

Noah’s eyes narrowed, half in confusion and half in apprehension. “Who?”

************

“Luke-”

“No.”

“I just think-”

“No.”

“Luciano-”

“ _Don’t_ call me Luciano.”

Damian sighed, taking a moment to keep his cool. “Luke,” he corrected himself firmly. “This is a great opportunity, and I would really like for you to come on this trip to New York with me. It’s just for two days, and it would be a great way for you to see what an executive really does. It would be good for you. I just want to make sure you’re thinking everything through.”

He settled down in the chair across the desk from his son. Luke remained in his own chair, glaring back at Damian. The man had to admit, he felt more than a little pride seeing his son in a suit and tie, behind a desk with the Grimaldi Shipping emblem on it. This was the dream, it really was. His legacy.

“The only thing I’m interested in thinking through right now are this past month’s expense reports, Damian, so unless you’re here to talk about that…” Luke nodded his head towards the door of his office. Even Luke seemed a little surprised at how authoritative he was in that moment. He flushed for just a second before going back to the papers in front of him.

Damian managed not to sigh, but only just. It just wasn’t in Luke’s nature to do things the easy way, was it? “How are the reports?” He decided to go along with it for now.

“Well, now that you mention it…” Luke pulled out the two expense filings for December, laying them side-by-side in front of Damian. “There’s something weird going on here. There’s an extra account on the carbon copy of one file, but it’s not on the original.”

Damian frowned. “Another clerical error?”

Luke shook his head. “Maybe, but it doesn’t seem likely. It’s a lot of money, Damian. I would think we’d notice if that much profit was missing. But the end of the year expenses aren’t missing anything, I double-checked.” He sighed, blowing hair out of his face in frustration. “It’s like there’s an account that was left off the expo list or something. Do you have any idea what it could be?”

He shook his head. “No, but give me the papers. I’ll look into it.”

Luke handed over the papers, somewhat hesitant. “Are you sure? I can dig around some more. The answer has to be around here somewhere.”

“No, don’t worry about it. If it is a real problem, it should be my job to take care of it anyway. But it’s probably nothing. Someone in accounting made a mistake, most likely.”

Luke still looked doubtful, but let it drop. “If you say so.” He checked his watch, loosening his tie as he did so. “I have to meet up with some foundation people for lunch, make sure it looks like I’m still putting in the time over there. I’ll be back in an hour or so, okay?”

Damian fought off another sigh. “That’s fine, son. But Luke-”

“Damian,” Luke held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear a lecture.”

“Maybe you need to, Luke!” Damian burst out, surprising the both of them. “You can’t keep this a secret, it’s dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” Luke snorted. “How’s that?”

“Look, I know why you haven’t told anyone, I know you don’t want to upset them, and I understand that. But things like this have a way of getting out, and once they do…” he shook his head. “It’s not going to go well. Your mother and Holden, Lucinda, Noah…”

“Yeah, none of them trust you, some of them don’t like you, I know all this,” Luke was just this side of rolling his eyes. So much for the executive. Now he looked like a petulant teenager.

“It’s not that, Luke! Well,” Damian amended. “Not just that. No, all of them are going to be less upset that you’re working for me and more upset that you haven’t _told_ them. That you’ve been lying for months.”

Luke winced, saying nothing for a moment. But then he shook his head. “It’s my decision, Damian. Not yours. I’ll figure it out myself, I don’t need you telling me what to do. For God’s sake, I’m supposed to be an adult now, so why-”

“If you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to start acting like one,” Damian’s voice, very quiet, cut through Luke’s tirade. His son’s eyes widened with shock, but Damian gathered his courage and kept going. “A man takes responsibility for his own actions. Tell your family the truth, Luke. Before you get in over your head, before things get worse. Before someone gets hurt.”

************

“Why am I suddenly feeling really nervous?” Noah murmured to Casey as they entered the front office.

Casey put a firm hand on Noah’s shoulder. “Because we just walked into her lair. Be strong, dude. She can smell fear a mile away.”

Noah couldn’t help but shake his head. “Thanks, Case. So glad you’re here,” he deadpanned.

“Hey, whatever I can do to help,” he shrugged. Then he spun around so he was facing Noah. “Now, listen to me, there are a couple pointers I should give you before you meet her. One, be careful looking directly into her eyes. If they turn red, she may start sucking out your soul. Two, always know where the closest exit is. Three...” He frowned when Noah nodded to something over his shoulder. Turning, he came face to face with the woman in question, who was standing right behind him. Casey jumped about a foot into the air. “Jesus!”

“Yeah, not quite,” she smirked, obviously taking pleasure in scaring him. “What are you doing here, Casey? And who’s this?” She nodded towards Noah.

Casey sighed, gesturing as he made the introductions. “Noah Mayer, Emily Stewart. Emily, this is Noah.”

Emily leaned back against the door to her office, regarding them both silently. Noah met her gaze unflinchingly, though with a little bit of hesitation evident in his eyes. “So you’re the Noah that I keep hearing about,” she finally said, glancing over to the framed photo she had of Alison and Hunter. Noah nodded but said nothing. She smirked a little. “You’re taller than I pictured.” He didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, so Emily turned back to Casey. “And why exactly are you two here? Hunter has the day off, and Ali’s at the hospital, so-”

“We’re here to see you,” Casey admitted, fidgeting a little. Emily couldn’t help but note that as jittery as Casey was, he was standing firmly, almost protectively, in front of Noah. She brought her attention back to her former lover when he spoke again. “We need your help. What can you tell us about Cheri Love?”

************

Luke waved one last time to the members of the foundation committee before dropping heavily onto a bench. He was tired and tense, but he found he had to smile when he realized just what bench he was sitting on. His and Noah’s. This was the bench they had sat on when Noah returned from Italy, when Noah had been proud of him for telling off that bigoted guy at the foundation meeting, when Noah had managed to call him from the basement of that nightmarish cabin. In some weird way, sitting on this bench was like sitting on Noah. It made him feel comfortable, safe.

Which was something he desperately needed right now. Damian’s words back in the office were buzzing around his brain incessantly like persistent mosquitoes. _Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth…_

Luke knew he was being stupid. He knew he’d be in trouble when this secret inevitably came out because, let’s face it, it’s Oakdale. Secrets always have a way of coming out. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It had all started with the arguments about him not going back to school. Luke had tense discussion after tense discussion with his parents and grandmother, Holden and Lucinda especially trying to get him to go back.

And Luke had resisted, because it hadn’t felt like his choice. It was supposed to be _his_ life, and at that moment he hadn’t been ready to be a student again. Luke was secretly terrified that he would be forced to go back to college and just be doomed to repeat the same mistakes over again, and he couldn’t let that happen.

So he had managed to get his family off his back and work more on his foundation. The only problem was, the Luke Snyder Foundation was doing so well and he had hired so many competent people, they hadn’t really needed him to do much. And so Luke was growing antsy, aimless again.

Enter Damian.

They had been out at lunch (trying to bond, at Noah and Lily’s suggestion), and he had made the mistake of asking Damian how the shipping business was going. And suddenly a door opened that Luke had never realized existed. As Damian spoke, Luke realized he was interested in Damian’s business operations. After another lunch, he realized he _understood_ it, grasped the concepts necessary for running a business.

Though was that surprising? His family was made up of business-starters and CEOs. It really as in his blood. Another lunch, this time at Damian’s office, and Luke was looking over files and reports, asking questions that caused his biological father’s eyes to light up with unexpected pleasure. Two lunches later, and Luke had a job.

He had gone home that night excited to tell Noah, only to find Noah in the middle of a ‘nerd meltdown.’ And he didn’t want to make Noah feel trivialized about his school worries, so he had kept his mouth shut with the mental promise to tell Noah ‘tomorrow.’

But that night Luke’s own worries came back to haunt him, insecurities heightened in the darkness of the bedroom. Luke knew that Noah wished he was back in school with him and Casey. Would he disapprove of Luke working for Damian? Would he be hurt that Luke hadn’t told him anything about this before? Would this just lead to an argument that neither of them needed to have right now? And if that was how _Noah_ would react, Luke couldn’t even think about what _Holden_ would do.

And besides, maybe this job wouldn’t work out. Maybe he would hate working for Damian. Maybe Damian would be _Damian_ again, and not this decent guy who had taken up residence in the man’s body. (Part of Luke just couldn’t- wouldn’t- accept that Damian had changed. Whether it was self-preservation or cynicism or good instincts, Luke didn’t know. Yet.)

‘Tomorrow’ had become ‘wait-and-see.’ Then it became a week later, two weeks later, months later, and Luke found he liked his job. And he liked working for this version of Damian. And he was more and more scared that telling everyone the truth would take it all away. He was really good at his job, and he finished every day feeling accomplished, worthwhile. This was the best he had felt about himself and his future since before that election, was it so wrong that he wanted to make sure it stayed that way?

He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He didn’t want to upset anyone. His family was finally getting along with Damian and with each other. Damian was taking great strides to show he approved of Luke and Noah’s relationship. And Luke and Noah were as strong as they had ever been, this little secret not withstanding. God, Luke just didn’t want to rock the boat right now.

But he also hated lying. As the months had gone on, it weighed more and more heavily on him. He found himself wanting to skip out on Friday night dinners, but couldn’t because of the happy, content look in Noah’s eyes every time they got ready to go over to his parents’ house.

And he hated himself every time someone asked about the foundation, every time they asked how ‘work’ was going. Every time he had to lie about what he did every day… He hated seeing the look on his dad’s face, the pride, when Luke gave vague answers about working hard, doing some good in the world. He sounded like a Miss America contestant.

 _If you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to start acting like one._ Luke really didn’t like that he had Damian’s voice, of all people, stuck in his head. He also didn’t like how true the words were. Luke sighed, re-knotting his tie. Sometimes, being an adult sucked.

************

Emily sat back in her chair, studying the young man sitting across from her. “That’s all I know, kid. Despite our… business arrangement, Cheri and I didn’t get too personal. I knew she had a kid, and she mentioned one time how the hotels here were better than the ones in Augusta, whatever that means to you…” She shrugged. “But we weren’t that close. I don’t know what you were hoping I’d tell you.”

Noah didn’t answer at first, so Casey, who was standing near the door with his arms crossed, ready to fight or flee or something, spoke for him. “We just wanted the truth about who she was. That’s it.”

Emily waved her hands in the air briefly. “Well then, there you go. That’s who she was. Sorry, Noah, but she was a businesswoman through and through. Cold-hearted, detached, ruthless. She didn’t have any real friends, and she made sure to keep it that way. Trust me, I know bitches, and she was a great one.”

“Emily, shut up!” Casey stepped forward, and she watched as one hand instinctively moved to hover over Noah’s shoulder before he pulled it back to cross his arms again. “God, you don’t have to-”

“It’s okay, Case.” Noah turned to give Casey a slight smile before turning back to Emily. “That’s what I needed to hear. Thanks.” The smile stayed in place, the blue eyes locked with hers, and for a moment Emily lamented the fact that the kid was gay. _Such a waste_.

She shrugged again. “Sorry I couldn’t help you any more than that.” Her mind was already going back to work, plotting out the story she had started writing this morning. As far as she was concerned, they could show themselves out.

Noah stood and moved to follow Casey out the door, but he suddenly paused in the doorway. “Wait… you said Augusta?”

Emily looked up from her computer, frowning. “Yeah, so?”

Noah shook his head, taking a step closer, Casey frowning right behind him. “We didn’t live in Augusta, we lived on the base. Fort Gordon.”

Emily’s eyes narrowed. His voice sounded skeptical, and Emily never liked being questioned. “Again, yeah so?”

Noah, surprisingly, wasn’t put off by her tone. “Why would she have been in a hotel a half hour away? I was born at that base, I’ve seen the birth certificate. My d-dad said one time that he’d never been to Augusta, that none of us had…” he trailed off, talking more to himself than to anyone else in the room. “Sorry, it’s probably nothing. Thanks.”

“Hey, come on,” this time Casey did put his hand on Noah’s shoulder, steering him out of the office. “We should get back to campus. I think your head would explode if you skipped more than one class in a day.” Noah smiled at Casey, then smiled a goodbye to Emily, which she unconsciously returned before remembering herself. Just before Casey followed Noah out, he turned to Emily. “Much as it pains me to say… thank you. For at least trying to help.”

And then he was gone before Emily could say something appropriately witty in reply. She watched them go, eyes narrowing even more. Her reporter-sense was tingling. It usually told her when there was something worth investigating. Was there even more to Cheri Love than she had thought? Some secret that needed revealing?

God, she hoped so. Oakdale had been boring for the last couple weeks. Maybe there was finally something fun going on around here…

************

 _Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him…_ Luke put his toothbrush back in its holder next to Noah’s and hung up his towel, knowing if he left it on the floor Noah would just make him pick it up later anyway. He flipped off the light and went into the bedroom, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend curled up reading on one side of the bed. _Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him…_

He slid in under the covers, just as Noah set aside his book and took off his glasses. “You don’t have to stop reading,” he said, partly because he loved the sight of Noah wearing glasses and partly because it meant he would have to _talk to him, talk to him, talk to him…_

Noah shrugged. “I’m tired. I was just waiting for you anyway.”

“Oh yeah?” Luke smiled. “Waiting for what?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively, tugging on the thermal shirt Noah was wearing. _You’re supposed to talk to him, not have_ sex _with him!_

Noah flicked him on the ear. “Don’t flatter yourself,” he teased. “I just… I sleep better when you’re here.”

Luke rubbed at his ear, pretending to frown even as his insides turned to mush. “How is _that_ not flattering?” Today had been a therapy day, so instead of teasing Noah any further, he simply turned off the bedside lamp and drew him in even closer. “Good night, Noah.”

Noah sighed into Luke’s shoulder. “Night, Luke.”

They stayed that way for just a few minutes. It was silent except for the voice screaming in Luke’s head. _Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him!_ Finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He groaned out loud, turning back to flip the lamp back on. He sat up, leaning against the headboard, watching with a little bit of guilt as Noah blinked in the light, startled.

“Luke?” Noah questioned, rubbing his face, sitting up as well.

Luke fidgeted with the comforter covering them, clicking his teeth together nervously. “We- I need to talk to you.”

Noah’s eyes widened. “Is everything okay?”

“Um,” Luke laughed a little, nerves getting more and more frayed. This was it. “Not everything, no. We have to talk. I’m going to tell you something now, something I should have told you a long time ago. Please, let me get it all out and explain myself, and then you can yell at me, okay? And you can yell for as long as you want and loud as you want. I’ll sleep on the couch if you need me to. I’ll sleep in the laundry room. You’re going to have every right to be mad, and I want to say first that I’m really sorry I haven’t-”

“Luke.” Noah’s voice was quiet. Luke would never understand how he did that, how he was able to interrupt someone’s ranting without ever being loud. He turned his own apprehensive gaze to Noah, and was thrown by the calm, expectant look on his face. “Is this the part where you tell me you’ve been working for Damian for months without telling anyone?”

For a second Luke was sure his brain had just exploded. He couldn’t function for a few solid seconds. His lungs and heart were absolutely frozen. But then everything rushed back, and Luke had to gasp for air. “What?”

Noah was still so calm. Ridiculously calm, and not at all surprised. “You’re right. We do have to talk.”


	3. Twin High-Maintenance Machines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Luke tries to take some advice, a new addition to the dream scares Noah, Jack takes a trip to Statesville, Friday night dinner doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "This Year" by the Mountain Goats!

They were both silent for at least a full minute after that. A full minute was actually a long time when every second ticked by, one after another, no interruption. Both guys were sitting against the headboard, side by side. Both looking down at their hands. Luke could actually hear Noah’s watch ticking from where it sat on the bedside table.

Finally (of course) Luke broke the silence. “You knew?”

Noah nodded. “Yeah,” he said simply.

Luke wondered if his ears were bleeding, because he was pretty sure his brain had exploded sometime in the last five minutes. “H-how long have you…?”

His boyfriend shrugged. He seemed so calm, casual. It was freaking Luke out more than a little. “Since like right after Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving?!” Luke was looking at him now, eyes wide. Noah met his gaze straight on. Another thing to throw Luke off, as Noah still sometimes had a hard time maintaining eye contact, especially in tense situations. Though apparently that didn’t apply now. Of course, nothing Luke was experiencing right now was normal. “You’ve known for-”

“Two months. Yeah,” Noah answered. His eyes were shuttered, and Luke couldn’t tell just what he was thinking.

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?” Luke couldn’t help but ask.

Now Noah’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Really?” he asked, incredulous. “ _Really_?”

Luke flinched, suddenly realizing how stupid that sounded. “Sorry, I just…” he mumbled before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I really… I’m just so sorry. I don’t…” and he trailed off again. Wow, when was the last time Luke had this much trouble simply talking?

Noah nodded again. “Sorry that you lied? Or sorry I found out?”

Luke bit his lip to keep from saying something sarcastic. Now was probably not the time. Instead he chose to be very, determinedly, honest. “Both.” He pushed on when Noah grimaced. “But only because I did want to be the one to tell you. I wanted to be honest with you.”

“You wanted to be honest with me four months after the fact. That’s not exactly a winning argument,” Noah pointed out.

Luke was struck by how calm Noah was, how prepared he was. Like he had been planning this conversation for awhile. “You were waiting for me to tell you, weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Noah answered. “After I found out, at first… at first I thought it had just happened. You were maybe waiting to get Thanksgiving and family stuff over with, and you’d tell me when we were alone. But it didn’t happen. And I gave you time and gave you… I waited, I gave you every opportunity to talk to me. And you didn’t.”

He flinched again at the cold tone Noah ended with. Uh-oh. Noah was _pissed_. It didn’t happen that often, Noah tended to get more upset than angry usually. But every once in awhile, Noah didn’t turn those hurt feelings inward, and it was in those times that Luke saw just how much the Snyders had rubbed off on his boyfriend. Somewhere in the back of his brain, he might have felt a little proud of that. “Can I just… you believe me, that I’m sorry, right?”

“Yeah,” Noah said again, after a terrifying moment or two (for Luke) of thinking it over. “I know you’re sorry. I know you wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me or your family, but…” Noah’s voice faded into a sigh, and he shook his head- a quick, jerking motion.

“But?” Luke prompted, a little fearfully.

“But I can’t understand how you could think this wouldn’t hurt any of us.” His voice was quieter, but no less angry. “You lied. Every day. About where you were going, who you were with, what you were doing. You _lied_.” Noah’s fingers were unintentionally running along one of the tiny scars on his forearm. “You’ve never lied to me like this before. At least, I guess, not that I know of. I don’t know what to think.”

Now it was Luke’s turn to be quiet, gathering his thoughts. “I can’t explain it,” he finally replied. “I want to, I want to make you see why I- why I’ve been… I never wanted to hurt you. Anybody.”

“But you did,” Noah insisted. “You are, as long as you keep this from your parents. Luke, you have to tell them.”

“And I will!” Luke fired back, desperate to find some purchase again. “Just, when the time is right.”

“Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?” Noah glared at him. “Do you have any idea how they’re going to feel? You made this incredibly important decision- one that kinda affects them- without talking to them at all. And then you keep it a secret for four months. Four _months_ , Luke.”

“I didn’t want to upset them,” Luke said helplessly, aware that they weren’t just talking about his parents.

“So instead you didn’t trust them?” Noah’s voice was beginning to grow weary. Luke hated that, hated when Noah sounded like he was accepting his pain and accepting defeat. “Did you really think they wouldn’t still love and support you?”

He chewed on his bottom lip, trying to find the best way to explain everything. He had had four months to come up with the right words and couldn’t. Now he had about four seconds. “Noah, I…” he had no idea what to say.

“Please, Luke. Just help me understand,” now it was Noah’s turn to sound desperate. “I don’t want to be mad. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t!” Luke reacted instinctively, grabbing Noah by the face. “You _can’t_ lose me. Ever.”

“You kept something really important from me.” Noah shook his head but didn’t pull away from Luke’s grasp. “I don’t want you to think you have to, I want to be… I want to be the person you can talk to. About anything.”

Luke closed his eyes, leaning his head forward so it touched Noah’s. He forced himself to stay calm. Noah didn’t pull away, but he didn’t do much of anything else either. “I kept telling myself it was because I didn’t want anyone to get mad,” he said softly.

He sat back against the headboard again, bringing Noah’s hands into his lap, partly so he could play with Noah’s fingers and partly to hold on and make sure Noah didn’t leave. “I didn’t want my parents to get upset with me or Damian, not when everyone was finally getting along. I didn’t want you to get upset that I wasn’t going back to school with you.”

Noah unconsciously gripped Luke’s fingers tighter. “But-”

“But I think that was only part of it,” he continued. His mind finally starting piecing the puzzle together, the ‘maybes’ and ‘whys’ springing forward. “For the first time, in pretty much ever, I was making my own decisions. I didn’t have to be a Snyder, or a Walsh, or the token gay kid of Oakdale. All that pressure, all those expectations, they were gone. I’m my own person there, I’m treated like an individual. Nobody at Grimaldi Shipping thinks about my past or where I’ve come from. They don’t even treat me like _Damian’s_ son. They just see Luke. It’s…” he tried to come up with the right word. “It’s freeing. I have something of my own.”

Noah nodded a little, and the look of want and understanding that passed through his eyes encouraged Luke to continue. “I was afraid. I was afraid that… that if everyone found out, that freedom would be taken away. And I wouldn’t get to grow up as ‘Luke’ anymore. I know it’s selfish, and you can hate me if you want to, I understand. But I-”

And Noah cut him off with a kiss. Not a hard, searing one, the kisses he usually used to shut Luke up. No, this one was soft and almost unbearably sweet, as though Noah was just as scared. “You do realize you could’ve told me- us- this four months ago and everything would have been fine?” Noah murmured. “We love you and want you to be happy, why couldn’t you have that much faith in us?”

“No! No, it’s not that, it’s-” Luke could feel tears starting to well up. “I don’t know how to, to… Everything’s been going so well lately. My parents are getting along, my dad is tolerating Damian. Everyone- including you- is healthy and happy… I don’t want this to be another episode of ‘Luke screws everything up.’ I don’t know if I could take everyone being disappointed with a decision I made again. And I didn’t want to take away from where we’ve gotten to.”

“What do you mean?” Noah’s brows drew together in confusion.

“You, Noah, are… are so amazing.” He looked down at Noah’s hands, at the tiny little scars he could still see on and in Noah. “Everything that happened, and here you are back in school and doing so well, and you’re so much stronger and happier, and you and I are living together… I didn’t want things to change between us. And I don’t want you to worry about me or- or anything. Ever.”

Noah couldn’t help but laugh a little then. “Babe, I don’t think you have much choice in that.” He took a deep breath of his own. “And you don’t have much choice in controlling what I feel either. I know you still want to protect me from stuff, but this isn’t about that and it’s not about me.” Quieter, “And please don’t try to make me the reason you lie to Lily and Holden.”

Luke winced at the bluntness of that statement, but couldn’t argue against it. He sank down in the bed a little, leaning his head against Noah’s shoulder. “I kept telling myself,” he said quietly. “Every day, I promised I would come clean. And every day I chickened out. And then it just got easier to lock it away. Pretend it wasn’t happening.” When Noah just nodded and leaned his own head down on top of Luke’s, Luke couldn’t help but frown. “How come you’re not yelling? Don’t you hate me?”

“Never,” Noah said oh so simply. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. They won’t hate you either. They’re not going to be happy, duh, but they could never hate you.”

“You’re not even yelling at me,” Luke said again, unconvinced.

Somehow, without even looking, he could tell Noah was smiling. “Luke, everything you just said… I was the same way before I came out. Before I told anyone I was gay.”

He stilled, mouth falling open with shock. He had never though of that. And now he could see where Noah was going with this. “And when you finally did tell people…”

He felt a kiss on his forehead. “Everything in my life got better. I got you. I was free to be me completely. You said working there gave you the freedom to just be ‘Luke,’ but… but you won’t really be Luke if you’re hiding that part of you from the people who love you.”

Luke turned on his side just a little, leaning more into Noah even as Noah wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I don’t know if I can tell them now, Noah. My dad will… God, he’s going to flip.”

“Maybe,” Noah tried to say, before stopping himself. “Probably.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” he whispered again.

“Luke,” Noah sighed. “You’re hurting him now, only he doesn’t know it. Can you imagine if he found out from someone other than you? From Damian? That would be way worse.”

Luke nodded into Noah’s thermal shirt, not caring if the material left a waffle print on his cheek. “When did you get so smart?” he asked.

Noah’s arm around him tightened. “Well, I am the one in college, aren’t I?”

Luke snorted, trying to hold in his laughter. Then he thought of something. “How did you find out?”

This time he could hear the weariness in Noah’s voice mixed with a certain amount of teasing. “You hide the files under the couch. And I’m the only one who cleans this damn apartment, did you think I wouldn’t find them?”

Luke wanted to laugh at the teasing but couldn’t, picturing the moment Noah accidentally found his Grimaldi Shipping files and realized what they were. Realized that Luke had been hiding this. God, he had waited for two whole months for Luke to tell him… “I’m sorry, Noah.”

Another kiss. “I know. And it’s not like I don’t understand, okay? Just… you have to tell your mom and dad. You _have_ to.” There were some things Noah just couldn’t compromise on, and lying was one of them. Telling lies, keeping secrets… it had a way of biting back.

Luke fiddled with the bottom of Noah’s shirt, poking at a hole near the hem. He turned his face up to look at Noah, so they could look at each other. “I love you, you know that?”

Noah smiled tentatively, one hand going to the Luke’s cheek, bringing him closer for another quick kiss. “Of course I do. I’m the smart one, remember?”

************

“So that’s it, that’s where we are now,” Luke finished, unable to look up and gauge their reactions. He was too terrified. The silence was dragging on for far too long though, and he finally had to face the two people sitting in front of him.

“I can’t believe you… you…” she shook her head, eyes wide with disbelief.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I really am,” Luke insisted.

“You dumbass!” Casey burst out. “Since September?! Dude, that’s like… really? You’re really working for Damian?”

“Yeah. But it’s okay, Case. And I actually like working for him. I’m not going to quit,” Luke knew what his next words would have been.

Casey momentarily shut up, but Jade didn’t. “Noah’s right, Luke. You have to tell Lily and Holden. Like, now.”

And Casey found his voice again. “Like, four months ago.”

Luke semi-glared at both of them. “I know. And I will. You think Noah would let me sleep at the apartment otherwise?”

Jade smirked. “Where is Boyfriend?”

Luke sighed. “Working on his film project, I think. Looking through more family photos and stuff. I have to get home soon and make sure he eats something at some point today.”

Jade snorted as she stood from the table, picking up her purse. “Another nerd meltdown? You two are ridiculously dysfunctional,” she stated.

Casey let out his own bark of laughter. “Relative to who?” he said pointedly.

Jade was about to concede the point, and Casey’s eyes widened hopefully, but then she smirked again. “Luckily, there’s a difference between dysfunctional and perpetual screw-up. Which one are you, Hughes?” She blew a kiss to Luke. “I have to get to the hospital for work. Later!” And she was gone before Casey could come up with an appropriate comeback.

Casey muttered under his breath for a moment before turning back to his friend. “I hate it when she gets the last word.”

Luke shook his head. “You know you two are happiest when you’re fighting each other. You both just won’t… Maybe it would just be best if you two slept together again. Got it over with.” He waggled his eyebrows, but in reality he was only half joking.

Casey stared at him, gesturing to his breakfast with his fork. “Dude! Eating here! Why would you say something you know is guaranteed to make me vomit?” Luke laughed, finishing up his own food, and was surprised when Casey spoke up again. “Luke, speaking as someone who probably could’ve majored in pissing his parents off, trust me on this. They won’t hate you. They’re going to be mad, but just remember: they yell because they care.”

“Oh yeah, then they’re going to care _a lot_ when I tell them…” Luke grumbled into his scrambled eggs.

Casey snorted, but had to agree. “Speaking of, how’s Noah doing? He seemed kinda out of it at our last study session.”

Luke let out a quiet groan. “I want this project to be over with, just so he can go like a month without having to think of his messed-up parents.”

“For real,” Casey agreed. “I don’t understand why he doesn’t just lie for the assignment. Make something up, or pick a different memory. Something that won’t…” he paused for a second before continuing on, slightly embarrassed, “…won’t _hurt_ him. This one sucks.”

Luke laughed again. “Yeah. It does suck. But I think Noah wants to figure it all out, you know? I think maybe he needs to make sure it ends happy. He needs a happy memory. He needs to find something that, I don’t know, balances out everything else he dealt with as a kid.”

Casey thought about it for a second, then shrugged. “I guess that makes sense, Dr. Freud. So then why can you be so smart about your boyfriend, and stick your nose in my love life, but you can’t see what an idiot you’re being about your parents?”

“Casey, God, I said I would tell them!” He blew out a frustrated breath, shaking his head when it dislodged some hair into his face. “We’re having dinner at my mom’s house tomorrow night, okay? Can we go back to talking about your love life?”

“What love life?” Casey grumbled. Off of Luke’s raised eyebrows, he sighed. “Ali and I aren’t really… connecting right now. It’s nothing, it’ll pass. Just a phase.” Under his breath, “A really sucky, stupid phase.”

“What, is Casey Hughes, self-professed badass player, getting tired of his own game?” Luke teased.

And there it was, just for a second. Luke saw Casey’s mask drop, saw the kid he still pretended to be disappear behind the man he could become if he let himself. Luke never realized just how exhausting it must be sometimes to keep up that façade. “Doesn’t always feel like a game anymore,” Casey murmured, focusing on his food.

Luke studied him with wide eyes for a moment, before standing up and tossing enough money to cover the bill on the table. “I have to go back home and check on Noah. But Casey…” he waited until his friend looked up at him before continuing. “No matter what you end up doing, even if you’re worried about hurting someone?” He couldn’t help but smile, recalling Noah’s words from the night before. “We love you, and we just want you to be happy.”

Casey regarded him seriously, gratefully for a second. “Snyder,” he finally said, voice quiet and solemn. “That is so gay.”

************

 _After the two kids ran off, he was alone in the yard. He clapped his hands for the sheepdog to come back over to him. It bounded over, and Noah threw the ball as hard as his little arm could throw. The dog- Romo, its name was Romo- chased after it, and Noah laughed at its floppy-legged running._

 _Then it suddenly seemed to get much darker and colder outside, like the prelude to a storm. Noah looked around, but there was nobody outside and no blonde woman (his mother, was it really her? Why could he never see her face?) standing in the doorway. He was alone. Suddenly there was the sound of a car pulling up to the curb next to him, tires screeching._

 _Someone grabbed him hard by the shoulders, yanking him backwards. Noah turned to look and felt the terror begin to smother him. It was his father’s face staring down menacingly at him. No, no way, that couldn’t be real. Noah tried to struggle, break free, but the Colonel just held him tighter, squeezed the air out of him, pulling him to the waiting van and-_

“Noah!”

Noah gasped harshly, eyes bursting open. Someone was still holding him forcefully by the shoulders. Was it him? “No! No, don’t-” that was all he could get out. The room was spinning, his chest was too tight, his lungs were too small.

“Noah, hey, hey…” Luke was frantic. All he had wanted to do was wake Noah up from whatever nightmare he’d been having. Why was he- then Luke recognized the pattern of breathing, the tightly clenched fists. Noah was having a panic attack.

He immediately sprang into action, letting go of Noah’s shoulders so he could hold his hands instead. “Noah, listen to me, listen to me.” He spoke slowly, calmly, trying to bring Noah back to him. “Breathe, nice and slow, come on. Deep breaths, you can do it. Count with me, you can do it.”

Luke started counting, physically unfolding one of Noah’s fists so he could hold it up against his own chest. “Feel that? Feel my heartbeat? Just like me, baby. Deep breaths, deep breaths.” He held Noah’s hand there with one of his and then mirrored the action with his other hand, laying it against Noah’s chest. He could feel the heart beating rapidly. Way too rapidly.

Noah still wasn’t responding, eyes shut tight, and Luke could hear his own voice getting more desperate. “Come on, Noah, you can do this. You have to calm down. Breathe. Listen to me, listen to my voice, okay? Breathe just like me, just like me.” He waited a few more moments, and just when Luke was on the verge of his own panic attack, he felt the breathing pattern change and slow down a little. “Noah?” he searched Noah’s face.

His eyes were still closed, and he was way too pale, but he nodded just a little. A fraction of an inch, as though moving it any more would cause his head to fall off. Luke could relate to the feeling. He kept Noah’s hand pressed to his chest and used his other hand to comb through Noah’s slightly unruly and now sweat-soaked hair. “You with me, love?” he asked tentatively.

Noah gave another miniscule nod before collapsing forward into Luke’s arms, still gasping for air. Luke caught him, frowning with worry. He’d never seen Noah have an attack this bad before, and the fact that Noah was still shaking and trying to breathe steady convinced Luke that this might be beyond his help. He cradled Noah against his chest while fumbling for his cell phone at the same time.

He dialed the number he had written in for emergencies and sat back more comfortably on the couch, still holding Noah to him. Noah still wasn’t talking. Luke counted his breaths until the line was answered. “Dr. Weston? It’s Luke Snyder. Can you… can you come over to the apartment?” Noah stiffened in his arms but didn’t protest, didn’t pull away. Luke ran one hand gently up and down his back. “It’s- I think it’s an emergency.”

It seemed like Dr. Weston was knocking on the door before Luke had even hung up the phone. He reluctantly slid out from under Noah, putting a hand to his chest again briefly to check his breathing, and hurried to the door.

Marcus stood there with a worried frown, holding a small medical bag tightly in one hand. “Luke?”

“Panic attack,” was all Luke could say. “Bad one.”

Luckily Marcus didn’t ask for any more information, just quickly followed Luke back into the living room. Noah was curled up where Luke had left him, eyes still closed, breathing still too harsh for anyone’s liking. Marcus crouched down in front of the couch, eyeing his patient with a worried but critical eye. “Noah,” his voice was calm. “Sit up for me, please?”

Noah opened one eye, then the other. His arms wrapped tightly around himself, he managed to push himself up into a sitting position on the couch, his breaths still shuddering on the intake. Luke immediately slid in next to him, one hand rubbing gently on the back of his neck. Noah grabbed Luke’s other hand tightly, holding it close, watching nervously as Marcus picked up his medical bag.

“How did it start?” Marcus asked, looking back and forth between the two young men. “What triggered it?”

“He was having a nightmare,” Luke answered quietly, feeling slightly hesitant and guilty for answering for Noah.

Marcus nodded, focusing back on his patient. Somehow Noah had gotten into his Session Mode stance- folding in on himself, staring at his shoes. For a moment Marcus was reminded of the young man who had first shown up in his office nearly ten months ago. He seemed just that fragile again. “Was it the dream, Noah? The same dream?” Marcus reached out and gently pulled one of his arms away, checking his pulse. It was too fast, Marcus had to slow it down.

Noah nodded, his eyes shut tight again. Luke kept quiet, looking back and forth between them, both hands trying to reassure his boyfriend and himself that everything- everyone- was okay.

“Did something happen in it? Something new?” the doctor pressed forward with his questioning. Then the thought popped into his head. “The car- something with the car?” Another nod. “Was someone in the car?” Yet another nod, but Noah had yet to say a word.

Luke’s eyes narrowed with worry and confusion, reflecting Marcus’s own emotions. Noah’s breathing was getting unsteady again, not a good sign. “Who was in the car, Noah?” he asked, voice dropping down to almost a whisper. If it was who he feared-

“My dad,” Noah finally spoke, his own voice hoarse and drained. He leaned further into Luke just as Luke pulled him closer- an unconscious move whenever the Colonel was brought up in conversation. Marcus had to fight the urge to hug both of them.

Noah continued, his tone getting rapid with panic. “My dad grabbed me. On the shoulders. He was mad, and- and he pulled me to the van and tried to push me into it and-”

“Hey, hey,” Luke somehow pulled him even closer, wrapping both arms around him. Noah’s chest rose and fell raggedly, still reliving the dream. “It’s okay. We’re here. We’re here and he’s not.”

Marcus studied them for a moment more before reaching into his bag. Luke watched him curiously, but Noah didn’t react until he heard the rattle of a pill bottle. His eyes flew open, and Marcus held up a hand soothingly. “Noah-”

“No! No, I don’t want them,” trying to move away from Marcus just pushed him more into Luke, who held on for dear life. Noah shook his head frantically, eyes begging. “Please? Please, I don’t want them.”

Luke felt his own eyes begin welling up, and watched with something akin to awe as Marcus kept calm and insistent. “Noah. You trust me, don’t you? You trust that I know what I’m doing and want to help?” Noah’s answering nod was short and frightened. Marcus moved in a little closer, still holding the bottle. “You need some rest right now, to get your blood pressure back under control. I want you to take just one. A couple hours of sleep, no dreams. How does that sound?”

Noah looked back and forth between Marcus and Luke, unsure. Luke tightened his grip. “I’ll be right here, I promise,” he said into Noah’s ear. “I know you hate them, but nothing bad is going to happen. We won’t let anything happen.”

Two and half centuries later, Noah finally nodded, held out a shaky hand, and accepted one of the pills from Marcus. Marcus reached for a nearby bottle of water, but Luke preemptively shook his head, half-grimacing and half-smiling as Noah swallowed the pill dry. He moved his hand from the back of Noah’s neck up to his hair, running his fingers through it over and over until Noah’s eyes closed again and he sank down onto Luke’s shoulder, tense but asleep.

There was a beat of silence, of collectively taking a deep, drawn-out, desperate breath, and then Luke and Marcus looked at each other. For a second neither seemed to know what to do, but then the older man stood and nodded towards the kitchen.

Luke nodded in return and very, very carefully pulled away from Noah, easing his boyfriend’s upper body down until he was lying fully on the couch. A soft kiss to his forehead, and then Luke was following Marcus into the next room.

Another moment of silence, and then Luke couldn’t take it anymore. “What the hell is going on? Why is this happening now? I thought he was doing better!”

He hadn’t meant it as an accusation, and thankfully Marcus didn’t take it as one. “I know, Luke, and I think he _is_ doing a lot better. In a way, this is a good sign.” He held up a hand to stop Luke’s next rapid-fire line of questions. “We’ve got almost twenty years of memories to go through, son. Noah is finally confronting them, not locking them away. Honestly, it’s horrible to watch, but I’d rather him react like this then try to ignore them completely.”

Luke thought it over, conceding the point with a tip of his head. But he couldn’t shake the dark cloud hanging over his head. “What do you think this memory is, though- why’s it so important?”

Marcus gave it some thought. “It may not be the memory that’s important, it’s whatever comes after it. Whatever he’s blocking out…”

“Something with his dad, right?” Luke mused quietly.

Marcus nodded. “Logically, and in all likelihood, Noah has mixed whatever happened back then with everything that happened last spring. The Colonel dragging him by the shoulders, pushing him into a van- that’s how he was kidnapped in March, wasn’t it?”

Luke couldn’t help but flinch, reliving his own memory now. Getting pulled away from Noah, the pain of getting hit and kicked, his ribs cracking, looking up to see that Noah was no longer there… “Yeah,” he mumbled. “That’s how it happened.”

Marcus’s gaze softened from contemplative to understanding. “Are _you_ okay, Luke?” he asked. “This had to have been scary for you too.”

“Well,” he sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. Man, he needed a haircut. “I’m a little terrified at the moment, but it’ll pass, I’m sure.”

Marcus chuckled, and by unspoken agreement they sat at the kitchen table together. “It’s just another marker on the road to recovery,” he reminded Luke. “Every day, he gets a little bit better. And you deserve a lot of the credit for that,” Marcus smiled at Luke’s doubtful expression. “I’ve said it before, son, and I’ll keep saying it. Trust me, you make my job with him a lot easier.”

“Not all the time,” Luke grew quiet again, thinking of the night before. “I need him to help me a lot too.”

The doctor frowned in confusion for a moment before the proverbial light bulb lit up. “Ah. He told you he knows about your job.”

Luke stared, probably open-mouthed. “He told _you_?”

Marcus nodded, smiling slightly. “A little less than two months ago. For the record, I wanted him to talk to you much sooner, get it out in the open. But you know that’s not how he does things when he’s scared.”

Luke couldn’t help but chuckle then. “Yeah, I know. We talked last night, and I think we worked things out.” A sudden, terrifying thought. “You haven’t talked to my-”

Marcus shook his head quickly, face stern. “Luke, anything Noah and I discuss is confidential, you know that. Now, you may be a special case in regards to Noah’s well-being, but I would never break his trust- or yours- with other people.” He grimaced a little then. “No matter how much I’m going to get yelled at by a certain lady in the future.”

Luke mirrored his expression. “Sorry.” He couldn’t offer up any more condolences, knowing he would be getting the same treatment from Lucinda soon enough. Instead, he glanced back at Noah sleeping peacefully on the couch, and briefly closed his eyes. “Is there anything we can do? For Noah? This isn’t going to be one of those he-has-to-figure-things-out-on-his-own kinda situations, is it? ‘Cause I don’t do well with those.”

“Of course you don’t, you’re Lucinda’s grandson,” Marcus muttered. Luke grinned, but then raised his eyebrows when Marcus’s head tilted to the side, an idea obviously springing to mind. “Well… there may be one person who can help figure things out. And for once, I think sending a Snyder in to do the job might be the best idea…”

************

Jack flashed his badge yet again outside the interrogation room, fighting against gritting his teeth. He had had to relinquish his gun before entering this block of the prison, and while he understood the rules, he hated the feeling of having an empty holster at his shoulder. It was too light now. Wrong. And being in a prison, surrounded by these people, he almost felt naked without it.

But he couldn’t show that, especially not now. No weakness, not in front of this bastard. The guard outside nodded once and opened the door for him. Jack stepped inside and didn’t even notice the door shutting behind him. All he saw was the man sitting handcuffed to the table in front of him.

“Detective Snyder,” the man greeted, spitting out the last name like a curse. For him, it probably was.

“Colonel,” he replied amiably, not rising to the bait just yet. He took in the army man’s slightly more gaunt appearance, the bruise around his eye. “I see that prison life has been good. For us.”

Winston glared. “How’s my boy?”

Jack almost snapped then, almost slammed a fist down on the table, almost yelled that he didn’t have a right to call Noah _his_ anymore, but he held it together. “Better than ever,” he answered truthfully instead. “He’s going to graduate in a few months. He’s healthy, happy. He and Luke are still living together, I’m sure you’d want to know that. I was just over there for dinner a few nights ago. Noah’s been teaching Luke how to cook and-”

Winston interrupted with a nearly inhuman growl, straining momentarily against his cuffs. Jack didn’t even blink, eyeing the movements with some satisfaction. “What are you doing here, Snyder?” the man asked darkly after calming down again.

Jack had to admit, the voice gave him chills. It was completely devoid of light, humanity. He couldn’t exactly picture this voice reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears at bedtime, like he had seen Noah do for Ethan. Sometimes he really wished the Snyders had found the kid ten years earlier. He leveled his gaze at the monster now. “I want to talk about when you were stationed at Fort Gordon in Georgia.”

And just for the briefest fraction of a second, something flashed in the Colonel’s eyes. Jack’s detective instincts started to whisper at the back of his brain. _He knows something_. But Winston shook his head, glare still going strong. “What is there to talk about?”

He forced himself not to lean forward, seem needy. “You and your family lived on the base, right? You, Charlene, and Noah?”

The Colonel smiled a smile that was somehow empty and daring at the same time. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”

The whisper at the back of his brain grew louder. _He’s stalling. He knows something. He’s_ hiding _something_. “Did you ever spend time in Augusta?” Jack threw that in unexpectedly, going off a hunch, an offhand comment Noah had made the other day.

If he hadn’t been looking for it, Jack might have missed the slight, momentary glint of fear in Winston’s eyes. He leaned forward now, but the Colonel pulled away as much as he could. “No. I haven’t. And I don’t have to answer anything. This isn’t an interrogation, you haven’t read me my rights. You can’t-”

“You got something to hide, Mayer?” Jack cut in, eyebrows raised. Part of him didn’t want to press his luck, but another part of him- the part that remembered hearing the real worry in Luke’s voice when he had described Noah’s panic attack yesterday- couldn’t stop.

The Colonel grew very quiet then, but definitely not in fear. It was in conviction, and Jack was pretty sure the temperature of the room actually dropped a few degrees. He was idly surprised he couldn’t see his breath in the air. The Colonel’s stare was just as frigid. “Drop this now, Detective. You leave me and my family affairs alone. It is _none_ of your concern. There are things you can’t possibly understand, things you can’t…”

He continued speaking, but Jack tuned out what was sounding more and more like a madman’s ramblings. His instincts were screaming now, flashing back to the Colonel’s trial, to what he had said to Noah as he was led away. _“You don’t understand, there are things you don’t know! You need me!”_

Jack stood up abruptly, cutting the Colonel off. “First of all, if it concerns Noah, it concerns me, got it? Sorry Mayer, but he’s not that little kid for you to beat up on anymore. He’s got a whole crowd of people to back him up now, and if you try anything to hurt him or Luke again, you’ll wish the fires of Hell were punishment enough. You have no idea what this family is capable of doing to protect our own. If I find out you’ve done something to-”

“I’ve done nothing,” the Colonel said, calm once more. It unnerved Jack how easily the man slipped back and forth between emotions. “I’ve done nothing wrong. Noah is _my_ son, _my_ responsibility.” He said it like it was a mantra.

Jack thought back on those first few weeks of conversations he had with Noah at the pond this past summer. That poor, traumatized kid who had just needed a family so damn badly… He shook his head sadly. “He’s not, Colonel. You’ve lost him, and I’m going to make sure you never get him back.”

He turned and walked out, ignoring the loud, slightly frantic yelling of the Colonel still cuffed inside. Jack shook his head again. There never would be a way to truly ‘win’ against that man. He would always be that self-righteous and revolting. It had to be so frustrating for Noah and Luke.

As he left the prison, hopping back in his car with the weight of his gun comfortingly back in its holster, Jack thought back on the Colonel’s words, the look on his face. Something had happened in Georgia, he was sure of it. Jack just had to figure out what that was…

************

“I can’t believe you!” Luke hissed, jerking his arm free of Noah’s grip. They were standing toe-to-toe now, glaring at each other. And while Luke loved absolutely every single inch of his boyfriend, right now he also hated that he was so damn tall. It was like conceding the higher ground, which, if Luke remembered correctly from his medieval history classes, was like conceding defeat.

“Me?!” Noah’s voice was just as quiet and just as angry. “Luke, I swear to God, I am this close to… We are not leaving tonight until you talk to them.” They stood facing each other, almost chest to chest, breathing hard. It would have been kinda hot if they both weren’t so pissed off. “I knew you were going to do this, I knew you were going to find some excuse to avoid-”

“You want to talk about avoiding?” Luke pushed right back. “You’ve barely said a damn word since you woke up yesterday. And I know you haven’t slept since.” Noah didn’t deny it, but he didn’t give in either. “And my mom asks how you are, and all you say is ‘fine.’ Really? Really, you’re fine?”

“Oh, and how’s work at the foundation going, Luke?” Noah countered immediately. “Because according to you, it’s the same as always. Which, I guess, isn’t a lie, is it? It’s the same as it’s been for the past four months, they just don’t _know_ it!”

“God, I…” Luke took a step away, staring out at the driveway in front of him. Thank God they had managed to get away from the dining room before they started in on each other. He should have known. From the second Noah woke up yesterday, fighting off the effects of the sleeping pills, he had been tense and withdrawn.

And Luke, anticipating the big Grimaldi-shaped reveal to his parents, had been overly worried and antsy. It hadn’t exactly made for an ideal twenty-four hours. Or an ideal Friday night dinner. It was a wonder they hadn’t battled it out with silverware during dessert.

“Luke.” Uh-oh. Noah’s voice had that decisive, deceptively-mild tone to it. The one he got when he had made a decision that he thought had to be done, because it was the right thing to do. It was the tone he had used during the election last year, during the whole drug fiasco after that. Crap. “If you don’t tell them tonight, I will.”

And that was the last straw. He whirled back around to face Noah, could feel the heat radiating off of both of them. “No. No, it’s not your decision. You’re not going to take this away from me.”

“And you’re not going to put me in the middle of this!” Noah shot back.

“You put yourself in the middle!” Luke struggled to keep his voice down. “Which, by the way, no one asked you to!”

Noah’s blue eyes flashed brightly, and for a beat it looked like he was going to storm off. Instead he shook his head. “Why is it so hard? Why can’t you just…?” _Do the right thing?_ The rest of the question hung in the air, unspoken, between them. “You sit down with Lily and Holden and you tell them you’ve been working for Damian since September. You tell them you’ve been lying for months and you won’t do it anymore, you-”

“Noah, I really don’t need a lecture right now,” he snapped, turning away again, crossing his arms, trying to regain some control, at least of himself.

“No,” Noah said, turning back to the house. “What you need is a kick in the…” And then he trailed off, sounding like the air had leaked all out of his lungs.

“What?” Luke spun around again- he was going to get dizzy if he kept this up- and then froze himself. Because his parents were standing in the doorway, staring at them. Staring at him. “I…”

“Luke.” Holden’s voice was even quieter and deceptively calm than Noah’s had been. His dad took a step further into the driveway, eyes zeroed in on him and nothing else. Luke tried very hard not to swallow his own tongue. Holden kept walking, passing an equally startled Noah, and came to a stop in front of Luke, crossing his own arms. “Something you want to tell us, son?”


	4. Tell Me A Lie If It's True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Holden and Luke have it out, Emily and Noah both investigate, Casey and Jade freak out, Noah's world is turned upside down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Tell Me a Lie" by Griffin House.

Luke was vaguely aware that his mom and Noah were nearby, but all he could see were his dad’s eyes boring into his, the shock, anger, disappointment that was there. Luke got that sinking feeling in his chest, the kind you got when something really bad was about to happen, or maybe when you were trapped in quicksand. That’s how he felt now- the ground having swallowed his feet and was now inching up to his knees. He couldn’t move.

“Well, Luke?” Holden prompted, voice way too quiet. They stared each other down.

Luke struggled with his breath for a second before speaking. “I’ve been working at Grimaldi Shipping since September.” He heard Lily make a noise of surprise from somewhere off to the side, but he kept his focus on his dad. “I haven’t been trying to get back into school, and I haven’t been working at the foundation. I’ve been working for Damian.”

Holden flinched a little at the name. “How?” he asked, gritting his teeth. “How did he get you to do what he wanted? What did he promise you?”

“Nothing, Dad!” Luke burst out, voice rising. “He just offered. There was- _is_ \- no ulterior motive!”

“Damn it Luke!” Holden’s voice rose even louder than that. “He always has another motive! When are you going to learn?”

Movement out of the corner of his eye had Luke turning his head to the house. Noah had taken a step towards Luke, eyes wide and almost scared. He was breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth- Luke recognized the technique from his nightmares. “Noah…”

Holden frowned and turned as well, but immediately softened when he saw him. “Lily, Noah, can you excuse us for a few minutes, please?” He spoke much quieter, calmer, nodding to his wife.

Lily looked worried but nodded back, putting a hand on Noah’s arm. “Sure, we’ll be right inside,” she said quietly. She and Holden locked eyes, talking to each other silently.

Luke had no idea what they were saying, because he was too busy having his own eye-conversation with Noah. Noah looked at him both nervous and apologetic- _I didn’t mean for them to find out this way_!- and Luke tried to smile back reassuringly- _I know, it’s okay. I’ll be fine_. Noah nodded hesitantly and allowed Lily to pull him back into the house.

Which left Luke and Holden alone in the driveway. He whirled back to glare at his dad. “Did you have to yell like that? You know how Noah is about-”

“Luke. You know I love Noah, but don’t use him as a distraction right now. We need to talk about you. And Damian.” He grimaced as he said the name, as though it were a curse word, as though saying it three times would make the Devil himself appear. Or maybe Damian was like Beetlejuice…

Wow, his dad was right. Luke was now even trying to distract himself. “I’m not sorry about not going back to school,” he began, keeping his arms crossed protectively in front of him. “I wanted to tell you, but… but I was scared. I didn’t want you to hate me.” Luke was aware of how childish that sounded, but he didn’t care. He was going to follow Noah’s advice: complete honesty.

“What I hate,” Holden began, “is that you didn’t trust or respect me and your mother enough to tell us from the beginning. That’s the issue.”

“No, Dad, it isn’t. The issue is that you think I’ve chosen Damian over you,” Luke snapped.

“Oh, so you think I shouldn’t be upset that my son lied to me for four months?” Holden countered, his own voice growing tenser.

Luke could feel his hands starting to clench into fists. “I think that no matter what I say you’re just going to use it to justify your hate for Damian.”

“I don’t need anymore justification! The last twenty years have been justification enough.” Holden ran a hand along his jaw for a second. “People like Damian don’t change. You of all people should know that, Luke. I don’t understand why you’re letting him manipulate you now.”

“Give me a little bit of credit!” Luke almost laughed as he spoke. “I know what I’m doing! Don’t you trust me at all? Don’t you think I can handle myself?”

His dad held up a hand. “I really, _really_ don’t think you should talk to me about trust right now. Because you know what? I don’t know if I trust you at this moment. It wasn’t enough that you kept this big secret from me, your mother, your family, Noah. But you also lied about it. And you threw away your future to work with someone like _him_. So yeah, I might have some problems with your judgment right now.”

Luke shook his head, feeling the anger boiling up in him again. “Okay, some of that is valid. But it’s also not fair. You’re questioning my judgment just because I’m not making the decisions _you_ want me to make. It doesn’t make my decisions wrong!”

“It’s always going to be wrong if Damian is involved,” Holden insisted. “Look at the damage he’s already done- he’s got you lying to us. He’s got you acting like _him_. He’s already got you turning into _him_.”

Luke felt the words hit him in the face like a slap. He almost turned his head to the side to lessen the sting, but he knew it wouldn’t help. “You know,” he said after recovering from the hit, “in all of this, Damian is the only one who’s asked me what I want to do, asked me if I’m happy, asked me for my opinions on my own damn life. Kind of ironic, isn’t it?”

Holden’s eyes narrowed. “You think I don’t care about what happens to you? Do you think I don’t care about you at all?”

“I never said that!” he half-groaned in frustration, trying to calm down but unable. It was like his dad wasn’t listening to a word he was saying. He sort of hated that no matter what he did, his dad wouldn’t treat him like the adult he was currently getting yelled at for not being. It was a paradox that made his head hurt, which just made him more irritable. “What’s the point of this is you’re not going to listen to me? Your mind’s already made up that I’m wrong and Damian’s evil, isn’t it?”

“And your mind was made up four months ago, wasn’t it?” Holden countered. “When you chose to go to him instead of your family.”

And there it was- Luke knew it. Holden was just mad that Luke ‘chose’ Damian over him. He knew it. “Well you know what, sometimes it’s exhausting trying to be a part of this family! Sometimes, I get sick of it! Sometimes, I get sick of being a god damn Snyder!”

The silence that followed was louder than any yell Luke could have ever yelled.

************

Lily was fighting two very strong impulses right now. The first being to rush back out the front door and try to stop the raised voices she could hear out in the driveway. But she knew she wouldn’t be able to do much at this point- the image of trying to stop a full-blown avalanche came to mind- so she didn’t give in to the urge. Of course, her other impulse was to go into the kitchen, pour herself an entire bottle of wine and drink it down in one gulp. So that wasn’t exactly a great choice either…

“Lily?” a quiet, deep voice behind her shook her free of the mental debate between Cabernet and Merlot. Noah stood in the doorway of the living room, fidgeting a little. “I… I want to apologize.”

“For what?” she frowned in confusion, patting the cushion next to her on the couch.

Noah reluctantly sat beside her, trying to look her straight in the eye. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Luke’s job. It’s just, I didn’t know if it was my place or not. And Luke wasn’t telling me anything and I wanted him to-”

“Noah, sweetie,” she put her hand on his arm again, rubbing it gently. “It’s okay. It’s not up to you anyway; Luke had to be the one to tell us. This had to happen.”

He reached over and held her hand tentatively. “I don’t want you to think you can’t trust me, or that I would-”

Despite everything, Lily smiled. “Noah Mayer, you know I trust you with my life and the lives of everyone in this family.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek impulsively, more than a little proud of herself when he blushed. “I don’t know how long you’ve known about this-”

“Too long,” he mumbled.

“But,” she spoke over him. “It’s not your job to make sure Luke always does the right thing. It’s your job to love him regardless.”

Finally, he smiled. “I can do that.”

“I know you can,” she mirrored his smile before glancing back over her shoulder to the front door. “This was going to happen no matter when Luke told us, okay? Let the two of them get their anger out, and then we’ll settle all this just fine.” She sounded so confident, she almost believed herself.

Turning back around, she studied her son’s boyfriend. He had been quiet again tonight, picking at his food and just drinking juice. She had been around him enough now to know that he always had juice around to drink after coming off a panic attack- something about the sugar, she guessed. Had Noah had an attack recently? “Are you doing okay? Other than this?”

Noah looked at her, startled. “I’m fine. Just tired, school and everything.”

Now that she was really looking at him, she could see the beginnings of shadows under his eyes, and he hadn’t shaved in a day or two. She gripped his hand a little tighter, otherwise she might have reached up to feel his forehead. She stopped herself, because she knew Noah had gotten fed up with Snyder women checking him for a fever months ago (though he’d never say anything outright).

Instead she smiled lovingly. “You know, it’s a two-way street. I want you to trust me too. You can tell me anything, honey, and I’ll listen.”

He regarded her seriously for a moment, opened his mouth (getting her hopes up), but then just smiled and shook his head. “I’m okay.”

He went from ‘fine’ to ‘okay,’ she noticed. Maybe if she asked three or four more times he would admit something was wrong…

Jade appeared in the doorway then, glancing in the direction of the yelling with narrowed eyes for a second before looking back at Lily. Lily shook her head in warning, so Jade pursed her lips for a moment, thinking, then nodded decisively. “Hey Boyfriend,” she called out, smiling when Noah noticed her standing there. “Faith and Nat and I are setting up Rock Band and we need a fourth. You up for it?”

Noah looked back and forth between them before smiling that little smile that Lily knew would win him every argument with Luke if he ever thought to use it. “As long as you don’t make me sing.”

************

“So that’s it?” Holden asked, face a bit more pale than it had been before they started arguing. “You’re that sick of us? You want to give up on your family? For this job?”

The ‘for Damian?’ part of his question was unspoken, but they both heard it. Luke shook his head, suddenly exhausted. “I haven’t given up anything. The reason I didn’t say anything in the first place was because I didn’t want to lose you! But now… now it’s like you’re giving up on me. I can work for Damian and still be your son, Dad. It doesn’t have to be an ‘either/or’ situation.”

Holden looked just as tired, and suddenly a lot older than Luke had ever thought he could be. “You’ve been working for him for four months, and in that time you’ve already decided to lie to us, go against our wishes, disrespect us by being around him. I don’t know if I can come to terms with that Luke, with what you’re becoming.”

He let out another incredulous laugh, rolling his eyes up to the night sky. “If you can’t understand that, then you can’t understand me. And I won’t do that again, I won’t be afraid that my family doesn’t accept me for who I am. So if you can’t do that, then…”

“Then what? Luke, I’m just trying to keep you from making a big mistake!” Holden’s voice rose again.

Luke found he had to match the volume, whether he wanted to or not. “If you can’t accept me and my decisions, then I don’t want to be around you! At least _Damian_ lets me make up my own mind!”

This time Holden looked like he’d been slapped. They stood facing each other in the driveway, in darkness except for the light coming from the house, the street quiet and empty around them. To Luke, it felt like the world had frozen around them. It felt like the quicksand was up to his chest, constricting his breathing. Is this how it was for Noah when he had a panic attack?

“It sounds like you’ve already made a choice,” Holden finally said. “Please tell me it’s not what I think.”

“None of this is what you think!” Luke yelled. “Apparently _I’m_ not what you think! So… so until you can treat me like an adult, I’m not doing this. I’m going inside now, I’m getting Noah, and we’re leaving.” He took a step closer, his voice dropping low. If he could have been outside his body, Luke would have been freaked out at how Damian-like he actually sounded in that moment. “You let me know when you’ve come to your senses, you know where we live.”

And then he turned and left Holden to stand alone in the darkness of the driveway.

************

“Okay, then I’ll see you tonight, right?” Emily could hear Hunter’s slightly stuttery voice as she opened the door of her office.

“Eight o’clock sharp. See you then!” a faint, female voice answered.

 _What?_ Emily stepped quickly out of the office and looked to Hunter’s desk. He was there alone at his computer, looking up at her, confused at her sudden entrance. “Who were you talking to?” she asked, just as confused.

“Maddie,” he answered, as though it were the most obvious answer in the world.

“Maddie’s _here_?” she gasped, looking around with eyes already growing disdainful.

“No, she’s not here, she’s in Connecticut, we were talking on Skype, and why do you seem to hate every female that lives in Oakdale?” Hunter got all of that out in one breath.

She held up a finger. “Hey, most of them deserve it. And anyway,” waving her hand, “she’s dating my son. I’m allowed to hate her.”

“Don’t hate her,” Hunter said seriously, matter-of-fact. “She’s nice to me.”

Emily smirked. “How does it feel dating the ex of your mother’s ex?”

He groaned, head dropping into his hands. “Can we not have that kind of talk this early in the day?”

“It’s twelve-thirty,” she fired back. “I was about to send you to lunch.”

“It’s still too early to talk like that,” he grumbled as he gathered his things. “Have you been in there all morning? What are you working on?”

“Oh,” she shrugged casually. “Some leads for a possibly story. Nothing definite yet.”

“Okay…” Hunter eyed her for a second, as though he knew she was hiding something, but he let it go. “I’m meeting Alison for lunch so she can complain about Casey some more. I’ll tell her you say hi.” He paused, thinking. “Or should I ask her how it feels to date her mother/sister’s ex?”

“Get out before I fire you,” Emily smirked again as he left. “And what the hell is Skype?” she yelled at his back just as he shut the door. Wandering back into her own office, she opened the stack of files on her desk.

She had called in a few favors with some reporters she knew in Atlanta, and now in front of her sat every known public record of Charlene Wilson from the time of her marriage to the time of her death. It hadn’t been easy to track down. She had gone by Charlene Mayer after her marriage to the Colonel, but abruptly switched it back to Charlene Wilson about two years after her son was born.

What Emily couldn’t find was the reason for the switch. There were no suspicions of abuse (her first suspicion), there was no traumatic event, there didn’t even look like any indications of an affair. It was about six months after she went back to Charlene Wilson that the police reports about domestic disputes started (and a few reports of Mayer being brought in for alcohol violations- one time because Noah was in the car with him), and two months after that the Colonel was transferred and the entire family moved to Ft. Bragg in North Carolina.

Emily sighed as she pulled out the files she had gathered from after the move. There wasn’t as much to go on, and she hated losing a lead. Another domestic dispute, a spotty report from Child Services was left inconclusive, and then Charlene filed for a restraining order and soon disappeared. What Emily couldn’t figure out was why Charlene didn’t take her three-year-old son with her…

She shook her head. So what, this was an investigation. There wasn’t time for sentimentalities, not if she wanted to get a story out of this. The only problem was, she couldn’t find the hook, the ‘catch’ that her gut told her was hiding in all of this. The billing, the banner on the front page. The headline. She still needed to find it.

And there was still nothing about Augusta…

************

Noah stared hard at the computer screen until his eyes started to cross and blur. He had read the same sentence over and over again so many times he could probably recite it verbatim, but he had no idea what the words actually were. He couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t focus.

He couldn’t sleep.

Not that he had really tried since that damn panic attack. Marcus had left the pills for him with strict instructions to use one every night, but he just couldn’t do it. The pills left him fuzzy, disoriented. Every time he took one, he felt like he was back in the basement, sick and scared and unable to move, waiting for some monster to come out of the shadows and attack him. He _hated_ getting drugged. He couldn’t protect himself.

But Marcus had ordered it and Luke had heard him order it. He knew Luke had been keeping track of the bottle, so for the past two nights Noah had dropped a pill down the sink. He almost laughed at himself, aware of how hypocritical he was being. After all that, trying to convince Luke to come clean about his secret, he was the one keeping the secret now. But a bigger part of him was too tired to care. Instead, he got rid of the pill, washing it away down the drain.

‘Down the drain’ was a pretty appropriate phrase. Luke and Holden weren’t speaking to each other. And it sucked. He and Luke had gone home last night, and Luke had been too upset and exhausted to do anything more than give Noah the barest recount of their argument. Then he had promptly fallen asleep.

Noah had gone out to the living room, sat on the couch, and watched a movie. Then another. And another. All three _Godfathers_ (and he really would love Freud to analyze him there), until the sun was just coming up. Then he had hopped in the shower and started his day. Luke had wanted to be alone, he could tell, so Noah grabbed his stuff and went to the library to study.

And now, six hours later, he was pretty sure his brain had lost more than it had soaked in. His research paper about the evolution of B-movie monsters, something that should have taken him about five seconds to write, was still stuck on the opening paragraph. He needed a good title for it too, _From A to Z, From A-something to Zombieland? What was a good monster movie that started with A?_ The fact that he couldn’t answer that right away was a little disturbing.

His phone buzzed again. Noah didn’t even look at it now. Both Hunter and Casey had called or texted him to hang out today, but Noah just wasn’t up for it. And he couldn’t work up the energy to talk to either of them about why not. He didn’t have the patience today to translate Hunter’s nervous chatter or laugh at Casey’s joking way of expressing concern. Not today.

He rubbed at his face again, clicking out of his paper for the moment and logging onto the internet. The nagging at the back of his brain was begging for attention. He had found the website for the local paper at Fort Gordon a few days ago, but none of the articles from around the time he lived there had told him anything.

But now Noah was thinking differently. The key was Augusta, wasn’t it? It was the one thing that didn’t fit, in everything he knew about his parents (which wasn’t much, admittedly) and everything he knew about his past. There were a couple local papers in Augusta, Georgia. But only two had decent websites, and only one had articles archived back from the eighties and nineties. So that’s where Noah was going to begin his search…

************

Damian looked up in surprise when he heard a door open and slam with what seemed like a very satisfying thud nearby. It was Saturday; no one was supposed to be at the office today. He put down the expense reports Luke had given him- _how did that account end up on the report_?- and moved out into the main room. Everything was empty and dark… except for Luke’s office.

He knocked softly on the door as he entered. “Luciano?” he asked softly.

Luke didn’t look up. His head was in his hands, staring down at his desk. Damian stepped closer, following his gaze. There were a series of photographs framed at the head of Luke’s desk. The first was a shot of Luke, Noah, and their friends at one of their now infamous ‘Movie Nights.’

The second was a candid shot of Luke and Noah from Noah’s birthday party a few months ago. Both of them were wearing party hats and silly grins, Luke had an arm slung around Noah’s hips and was whispering something in Noah’s ear. Whatever it was had caused Noah to blush bright red.

And then the one that seemingly caught Luke’s eye. The Snyder family all gathered around outside the barn, in what was probably one of Lily’s attempts at a family portrait, like one of those pictures you see hanging up in a studio or a mall. Damian’s eyes picked out Luke right away, he was standing next to Holden, and they had their arms around each other.

“Luciano?” he tried again. “Luke?”

“They know, Damian.” Damian was confused, until Luke looked up at him. His overbright eyes filled Damian in on all the details. “They know.”

“You told them?” Damian asked, hiding his relief for the time being. He hated that Luke had been lying, especially to Lily. He didn’t want her blaming him for any of this…

“In a manner of speaking,” Luke’s laugh was almost painful. “Noah was okay about it- he’s actually known for awhile, can you believe that? And Mom didn’t really say anything. But Dad wasn’t… he didn’t… it didn’t go well.”

Damian frowned, taking a step or two closer. Finally, he dared to put his hand on Luke’s shoulder. He could feel every muscle and tendon buzz with tension. “I’m sorry, Luke. If there’s anything I can do, if you want me to go talk to Holden-”

“No!” Luke’s eyes went wide. “God, no. No, it won’t help. You can’t force Dad to change his mind, or make up his mind. He can only do that himself.”

“Just like you,” Damian said quietly.

Luke flinched at little, but didn’t comment. “The things we said to each other last night… he doesn’t want to see me for me anymore. He wants to see a junior version of himself. And I don’t want to be that right now. I can’t.”

Damian frowned, eyes narrowing. Something in Luke’s tone… “What are you saying?”

Luke stood up to his full height. He straightened his shirt, squared his shoulders, and looked Damian in the eye. “That promotion? If you’re still offering…”

“I am,” Damian said quietly, holding in his mix of confusion and anticipation.

Luke’s face was determined. “Then I’m taking it.”

************

Casey tapped his foot impatiently, resting his head back against the wall. “Come on, Noah, pick up!” He had checked Java, Al’s, and that bench in Old Towne that Luke and Noah thought nobody knew they favored. (Everybody knew.) But so far, no study buddy. And he wasn’t answering his phone.

Anyone else, and Casey might’ve let it go. But this was Noah, and there was a wiring in Casey’s brain that was programmed to worry about the guy. Maybe he should-

“Don’t bother,” a voice said from off his left shoulder.

Casey jumped about a foot in the air, turning to see Jade. _What is it with evil women and their stealth approaches?_ “Jesus, you scared the hell out of me. And don’t bother what?”

Jade didn’t even smirk or offer a biting comment. “Noah. I’d leave him alone today.” She leaned back against the wall next to him.

“What? What happened?” he asked immediately, not ready to let go of his phone just yet. And then he remembered what day it was. “Damn. Last night was Friday night dinner, wasn’t it?”

“Yep,” Jade said with a sigh. “Luke couldn’t get himself to tell. Noah and I spent the whole night on, like, pins and needles waiting for the moment to happen. And it didn’t. So then Noah-”

“Oh God, Noah didn’t tell them, did he?” Casey sputtered.

Jade smiled. “I kinda thought he was going to, too. But nope. He drags Luke outside and they start fighting. We could hear them. Lily and Holden go out to see what the trouble is, and open the door just in time to hear Noah lay everything out in the open.”

“Ouch,” Casey groaned. He leaned his head back against the wall again, imagining how that went over.

“Yep,” Jade said again. “Holden and Luke start yelling at each other then. It didn’t end pretty. Luke came in, grabbed Noah and left. Holden didn’t say a word, just went upstairs. Lily told me this morning that it sounds like he and Luke aren’t speaking to each other right now.”

“Well, crap.” Casey shoved his phone back in his pocket. “So either Noah’s laying low somewhere by himself right now, or he’s with Luke.”

“And either way, they’re going to need their space for awhile,” she finished for him. “Hopefully Luke will come to his senses and apologize by the end of the weekend.”

“Hey,” instinct had Casey leaping to defend his friend. “We don’t know what was said in that fight. Holden might need to apologize too.”

“Come on, Hughes. We all know how Luke can get. He’s kind of a shoot-first-ask-questions-later type of person. I love him, but you know he can say some hurtful stuff when he’s defensive.”

“And we all know Holden can get a little ahead of himself being judgmental too,” Casey was quick to point out, turning fully so he and Jade were facing each other. “Luke wouldn’t get defensive without good reason. As scared as he was to tell them in the first place-”

“What, you think I don’t know my own cousin?” Jade’s eyes were narrowing now.

“Now who’s getting defensive?” Casey shot back.

“Hey, you weren’t there, Casey. I don’t want to be in that house and watch the family split apart _again_ because of stupid male pride. Luke made a mistake, and yeah, I think he realizes it and never meant to hurt anyone. But he’s got to suck it up and own up to it now.” Jade took a step closer to him. “You should know all about paying for mistakes.”

“Wow, going for the ex-con burn yet again?” Casey didn’t back away. “You really need some new material, Jade. Especially stuff that doesn’t make you sound like a hypocrite.”

“God, I am so sick of you tearing me down just because I’m one of the only people in this town that won’t put up with your crap!” Jade threw her hands up in the air, coming dangerously close to shoving him.

Casey almost laughed, couldn’t help the incredulous smile. “I could say the exact same damn thing about you!” They were closer together now. When did they move closer together?

Her eyes flashed again, and she raised a hand to hit him. Casey blocked it out of instinct, catching her arm. He had no idea what to do next, but he knew he couldn’t let go. And when did they move closer together?

Neither of them had any idea who moved first, but suddenly they were as close as two bodies could physically get. And then they were kissing. And man, had Casey missed kissing like this. It was hard and rough and just this side of perfect, and it had that one thing he remembered saying he was missing lately. _Spark_.

But then he remembered who he was kissing, and Jade obviously did too. They sprung apart like the other person was an electric fence, and Casey decided to blame the spark he had felt on that. Because there was no way-

“I gotta go,” Jade looked beyond shocked, fingers absent-mindedly touching her lips before she glanced at Casey again.

“Yeah. Yeah, I have to… yeah, I… me too,” Casey needed someone to punch him in the face right now. Normally that person would be Jade, but now probably wasn’t a good time for her to touch him.

They looked at each other again and then simultaneously turned in opposite directions and hurried away. At the last second before he reached the end of the alley, Casey turned back to Jade. And she did the same. “Tell anyone about this and I’ll kill you!” she warned with a hiss.

“I’d kill myself before I told anyone!” he snapped back. He ran off, really wishing that his friends weren’t in the middle of an emotional crisis of their own. Damn, he really needed that punch in the face…

************

So far, the website was a bust. Noah realized it would be easier if he knew just what he was looking for, but that was impossible. He had no idea who the people in his dream were. His mother in the doorway, the two neighborhood kids he was playing with…

The dog’s name was Romo, he remembered that now, but who owned him? A neighbor? His mother? Had the Colonel allowed them to have a dog at the time? Maybe it wasn’t until later that he developed that hate for all living, breathing creatures…

Noah backtracked on another dead end link. This sucked. He had gotten his hopes up, that’s what it was. In the movies, a detective searches through old newspapers and files, maybe the microviews, and discovers that one important clue that nobody else noticed before. Bogart would have figured this out by now. Cagney would already know the street name-

 _Franklin._

Noah stared down at his hands. They were shaking a little. Franklin. He had lived on Franklin Street. He had learned to recite his address over and over, his mom had taught him. _Just in case, she said_. He willed his hands to stop shaking so he could type the street name into the newspaper’s search engine.

And… jackpot.

One of the first things that popped up was a picture of a family, parents and two kids. And Noah nearly choked on the library’s stuffy air, because the two kids were the kids from his dream. He was sure of it. Positive.

He searched the picture for any clue. There was a man with dark curly hair and a woman with flowing blonde hair. The two kids had dark blonde hair, a little darker than Luke’s. And they were the kids he had been playing with in his dream. Did they own the dog?

He clicked on the picture, but no link or article popped up. He gritted his teeth, not yet willing to give into frustration. There had to be something, some way to find out their names. Maybe this woman knew his mother. Maybe the man served with the Colonel.

He stared at their faces again. So the boy and girl were brother and sister, that was something. He leaned in closer, as though something new would appear if he changed the angle of his view. They looked only a little older than what he remembered in his dream. And they all looked so sad…

He went back to the search engine, and on a whim typed in ‘Franklin Street’ again, as well as the words ‘family,’ ‘child,’ ‘dog,’ and ‘Army.’ Something had to happen from this, he was so close. He could feel it. The answers were right here. Just one more try and he could put this whole friggin’ childhood mystery behind him.

But, as Luke was so fond of saying, the Universe was about to have its fun with him yet again. The next link that popped up had two pictures with it. One was the same photo of the family, and the second one nearly caused Noah to lose everything he had had for breakfast that morning.

It was the two kids again. And Romo. The kids were there with that big sheepdog, smiling for the camera. The girl was standing with one arm around the older boy’s shoulders, and her other arm around a toddler. He looked to be about two years old, and he had dark and messy hair. And blue eyes.

Noah was looking at a picture of himself. He was sure of it. If he had thought his hands were shaking before…

He wiped at his now sweaty forehead, before slowly and hesitantly moving the mouse to hover over the picture. And then clicked on the linked article. He stared at the headline for a full twenty seconds before realizing he had stopped breathing. He had to force himself to draw air into his lungs, and if he hadn’t been counting he probably would have forgotten to let the air back out again.

Part of him wanted to look around to see if he was causing a scene, if anyone noticed that the person in the far back cubicle by the card catalogue was having a mild breakdown, but he couldn’t turn his head away from the computer screen.

The headline stared back at him, screaming at him. He wanted to scream back, make it not real. Because he was terrified of what this meant.

 **LOCAL FAMILY GIVING UP HOPE OF FINDING MISSING CHILD**


	5. I've Got a New World in My View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Noah tries to deal, Lily tries to fix things, Casey tries to control himself, Emily tries to get her story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "New World In My View" by King Britt.

**_LOCAL FAMILY GIVING UP HOPE OF FINDING MISSING CHILD  
_ **   
_March 30, 1991- The Miller family is still holding out for any information on the location of the youngest member of their family, two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared from the front yard of their Augusta, GA home two weeks ago, and police and investigators have found no sign of him since._

There was more to the article, but Noah couldn’t read it. There was also another picture of two-year-old-him, but he couldn’t look at that either. He couldn’t do anything right now, his body and brain numb. He was outside of it all, looking in. Staring at himself, wanting to scream that this wasn’t true, this wasn’t real. But his body didn’t scream back. Everything was quiet.

On autopilot, he watched as his body calmly logged off the computer, shut it down, and gathered his stuff together. He picked up his schoolbag. He pulled it over his head so it hung across his shoulder, because his other shoulder- the one that had been dislocated months ago- still ached sometimes.

He pushed in the chair, straightened up everything at the cubicle. Everything in its place, neat and orderly. Just like he had been taught as a child. _Everything in its place and a place for everything, Noah! How many times do I have to tell you? How many times do I have to teach you a lesson?_

His hands weren’t shaking anymore. He was fine. He was fine. He was fine. Leaving the library, Noah passed a group of guys from one of his film classes. They called out a greeting to him, and Noah may have waved back but he wasn’t sure. He may have been breathing, but he wasn’t sure of that either. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s-

 _Two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared-_

No. No. It couldn’t be true. No. His life was screwed up enough. No. He was Noah Mayer. Noah Mayer existed. He had a birth certificate. He had a psychotic father in prison and an absentee mother in Oakdale’s cemetery. He had a boyfriend and a new family and friends who seemed to honest-to-God like him. There was no way he…

 _Two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared-_

No! He was just being paranoid. Or it was from lack of sleep. Or maybe he was finally going crazy. That was genetic, right? Because Winston Mayer was crazy, and Winston Mayer was his father.

 _Two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared-_

No. He was fine, he was fine, he was fine. Everything was fine. But Noah could feel his chest tightening, his vision blurring a little bit, his head heavy. His body was in a fog he couldn’t escape. This was how it felt when he had to take a sleeping pill. This was what he hated, and Noah knew he wasn’t fine.

Because he didn’t know who he was.

He thought about his dream from a few days ago. The blonde woman in the doorway- his mother- whose face he never saw. Had that even been Charlene? Or was it this other woman? And then his father- the Colonel? His father? Who?- grabbed him out of the yard. On Franklin Street. In Augusta, Georgia. Was he Andrew Miller? Had he always been? Had he ever been Noah Mayer? But then who-

He needed someone to talk to, someone to tell him he wasn’t crazy. That he was a real person. Noah looked up to see that his autopilot-body had taken him to the hospital. He almost sighed in relief. Dr. Weston. Yes, that was what he needed, who he needed. The Doc would be able to figure all of this out. He made his way inside, trying to shove thoughts of Andrew Miller out of his head for just a moment so he could get to Dr. Weston’s office without breaking down.

He nodded and maybe even smiled at the on-duty receptionist at the entrance to the psych department- it was Alice today, not Eileen. Alice was the one who always smelled like apple cider, Eileen was the one who usually had Debussy playing on her computer speakers.

Outside Dr. Weston’s office, Noah paused before he went to knock, trying to steady himself. He was shaking again, and if he walked in like this the Doc would take one look at him and probably try to put him back on some anti-anxiety medication. And no, Noah wasn’t about to get involved with that stuff. He hated being drugged, and he really hated that it seemed to be the go-to option whenever anyone wanted to help him.

 _Two-year-old Andrew. The toddler disappeared-_

He raised a hand to knock, but voices inside the office made him hesitate again. He didn’t think Dr. Weston had any other patients, so it couldn’t be an appointment. Who…?

“Marcus, don’t toy with me!”

Noah actually took a step back, even though Lucinda wasn’t yelling at him. She didn’t need to, her voice and tone always managed to carry on its own frequency. Like a dog whistle, but much, much scarier.

“I know you’re upset, but I also know you understand why I couldn’t say anything to you,” Marcus replied, his voice calm with only the tiniest hint of pleading in it. A rush of guilt flooded through Noah; Marcus was getting in trouble for keeping a secret Noah had told him. Luke working for Damian. He bit his lower lip, suddenly wanting to hide from the Walsh wrath. But he couldn’t; he couldn’t leave. He needed Dr. Weston.

“You knew. You knew Luke was carrying around this secret that would upset his family, and you didn’t tell m- didn’t tell anyone? I thought you cared about-”

“My priority there was Noah. My patient. My patient who confided in me, and after we worked so hard to get... I will not break Noah’s trust, Lucinda. Not for anything, and you should know that by now,” Marcus said sternly. Noah’s eyes couldn’t have been any wider. Partly because he had no idea Dr. Weston took him so seriously, and also because he had never _ever_ heard anyone be stern with Lucinda like that. (Anyone who wasn’t now unemployed or working in WorldWide’s Siberia branch.)

There was a pause. “I do,” and then there was a sigh. “I do know. And I don’t blame you or Noah at all, I truly don’t. It’s just… we’ve all been doing so well lately. And now this. Holden and Luke aren’t speaking to each other. Luke is working with Damian. Lily has some foolish notion that she can fix this with a lunch date, but I…” another heavy, dramatic sigh. “It’s been so nice, not having to deal with a new Oakdale catastrophe.”

Noah froze again. He had a feeling he was about to hear something he shouldn’t.

“I just don’t know anymore, Marcus. Every time something hits us, it’s worse than the one before. What happens if…? Can this family deal with another crisis? As bad as this is, it’s as though one more thing might break us all. It worries me,” Lucinda’s voice faded away at the end.

Noah flinched from the other side of the door as though he’d been struck. God, were they really that bad off? He found himself backing away from the office. His mind flashed through scenario after scenario of him telling the Snyders about this new fear. Of him dumping more drama on that poor, wonderful family that was going through enough already.

 _No one cares about your problems, boy. If you can’t handle them yourself, what kind of man are you?_

No, this was something he’d have to figure out on his own. He was an adult now, it was time to start acting like one. He had taken care of himself during worse than this, hadn’t he? Since the age of seven he had understood (keeping secrets, hiding bruises, learning not to make eye contact, _Honest, Mrs. Wright, I just slipped and fell down the stairs, I’m sorry_ ) that his troubles were his and his alone. There was no reason he had to shove them on other people now.

The voices inside were quieter now, gentle. Marcus said something that caused Lucinda to laugh sweetly, and Noah had to back away further. His hands might have been shaking again. It had been so long since he’d heard Lucinda sound that light-hearted. He couldn’t interrupt one of the few times the couple had together without some distraction- family, work, the Universe.

He couldn’t do this. Not now. Even if this thing with him was true (and it wasn’t, it couldn’t be, it wasn’t real), it didn’t matter. He couldn’t add any more drama. He couldn’t be the person responsible for breaking the Snyders, not when they had done so much for him. They had dropped everything to help him during the fiasco last spring, the least he could do was return the favor now.

Shaking his head, Noah turned away from the office and Dr. Weston, and stepped back into the hallway. Running a hand through his hair, he looked to the left and to the right. His feet were stuck in neutral, needing a direction to go in, but his brain couldn’t find one. He had no idea what to do.

And then, like it always did, his mind conjured up the perfect place, the only place, to go.  
 

************

Lily tapped her fingers nervously against her coffee cup. Her gaze shifted back and forth between the entrance to Lakeview Lounge, which her son should be coming through any minute, and the door to her office where her husband was making a phone call. _Oh Lord, I hope this works_.

She took another sip of coffee- decaf, out of necessity- and tried to settle her nerves. She had to be firm and in control for this lunch. Neither of them knew she had invited the other, and she really hoped they didn’t kill her, or each other, before the hour was through.

The problem with both Luke and Holden was that they did everything a hundred percent. Call it a strong ethic or call it pure stubbornness, call it that ‘cowboy’ part of their brains, but neither of them did anything halfway. They had big hearts, big mouths, and big egos. And of course that would occasionally cause them to butt heads, but she wasn’t about to let this go on longer than it had to. Life had been so good lately, she wasn’t going to let it be ruined because the two of them were unable to let go of harsh words and hurt feelings.

“Mom? Hello?” A hand waved in front of her face, causing her to jump slightly. Luke grinned a little warily at her.

“Hi sweetie,” she smiled, standing up to hug him. He returned it gratefully, sitting down across from her, picking up his own coffee cup and tapping on it the same way she had been. The sight made her smile widen. “Nervous, Luke?”

He mirrored the smile. “A little. You haven’t had your chance to yell at me yet.”

“I’m not going to yell,” she said quietly, smile slipping away. “I don’t think I have to. You know what you did was wrong.”

He nodded. “But I don’t want to go back to school, Mom. It doesn’t feel right,” Luke set his cup down, folding his hands into his lap. It seemed like such a practiced gesture, and Lily had to wonder if he had picked that up in a business meeting or something. Did he go to business meetings? Did he have his own office, his own parking space? Did he wear suits to work, did he have friends there? It did hurt her heart a bit to know he was having this whole other life without her.

She shook her head. “And you also know that’s not what I’m upset about. And Damian has nothing to do with it either,” she said quickly when he opened his mouth. “It’s that-”

“It’s that I lied,” Luke finished quietly.

“It’s that you lied,” she echoed in agreement. “You lied a lot. You have to understand how much that hurts, to think you’d even doubt how much we love you, to think we’d ever stop…” she shook her head again.

Luke was quiet for a second before offering a weak smile. “Wow, Mom, you really got that ‘I’m-not-mad-I’m-just-disappointed’ technique down perfect.”

Lily threw her balled-up napkin into his face. “You’d be surprised how many times I’ve heard it and used it.”

He tossed the napkin back at her. “A lot?”

“A lot,” she echoed again. Regarding him gravely, “Please don’t make me use it again for a long, long time. I don’t like it.”

He nodded seriously. “I don’t like it either. And I am sorry.”

“Then I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it up to me,” she stared him down for a bit before tilting her head to the side. “Anyway, how’s Noah? Did he give you the same speech I just did?” There had to be a way to check up on ‘Boyfriend’ without the person in question actually knowing. Otherwise all she’d ever get was an ‘I’m fine.’

There was a flash of something in Luke’s eyes- a little like worry, a little like helplessness, a lot like what she had felt the last time she talked to Noah- but before she could ask, her son’s focus shifted to something over her shoulder. Lily held her breath, readying herself, and turned to look. Holden had just left her office and was making his way back to the table. His own eyes were locked on Luke.

“So that’s why you invited me to lunch?” Luke’s voice, hardened, brought her attention back to the table.

She raised her chin defiantly. “Yes,” she answered, unapologetic. “You two need to talk like civilized adults in a civilized environment.” An environment where they couldn’t start throwing things at each other, she added mentally. She hoped.

By this time Holden had approached the table. “So this is why you invited me to lunch, Lily?” he asked, and Lily had to fight off a slightly hysterical laugh at the repeated question. Unfortunately, neither Luke nor Holden seemed to see the humor in the situation.

“Yes,” she said again, resolute, holding her ground. “You two are going to talk everything out and leave this lunch on good terms again. Or so help me God, Noah and I will both make sure you sleep on the couch until you do.”

“I have nothing to say to him,” Luke continued talking to Lily as though Holden wasn’t there. She had to think he was doing it on purpose just to upset his father even more. “I’ve said enough. When he apologizes to me, then we can figure things out.”

“I have to apologize for being upset my son lied to me?” Holden asked, sitting down next to Lily.

“No, you have to apologize for what you said _because_ you were upset,” Luke fired back.

“Could say the same to you,” Holden replied calmly. Luke glared at him, and Lily took a sip of her coffee, suddenly wishing it was something stronger than decaf.

She took another deep breath, reminding herself that she had to be in control here. “Look, Luke. Holden. Both of you need to…” And then she was wishing she had forgone the coffee and just headed straight for the bourbon, because Damian was walking into the Lounge.

************

  
 _Nothing happened, nothing happened_. Casey brought his hands together, jittery, then pulled them apart to tap at the table. Then he ran a hand through his hair. Then he went back to tapping on the table, absentmindedly playing the drum solo from a Rush song he had heard on the radio that morning. Why was he twitching like a dude on a crack binge? It wasn’t like anything had happened.

It wasn’t like he and Jade had…

No. There was no ‘he and Jade.’ Nothing had happened. He was with Alison. Because he and Alison were good together. She was good for him. She was nice, calm, easygoing. She didn’t push him, it wasn’t a challenge being with Ali. …Wasn’t that what he wanted? Sure it wasn’t always the most exciting relationship in the world, but it was safe. Comfortable. With all the crap and trouble that seemed to pop up in Oakdale, shouldn’t Casey want something that made him feel-

“…Bored…?”

“What?” Casey nearly dropped his mug of coffee into his lap. _Whoa, that would’ve been bad_. He juggled with the cup for a second before setting it upright on the table again, then looked up wide-eyed into Alison’s bemused face.

“I asked if you were bored waiting for me,” she repeated, frowning a little as she sat down across from him. “You okay?”

He smiled wide. “Yeah. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” He probably would have sounded more convincing if his voice would stop rising in pitch with each sentence.

She eyed him a little suspiciously. “Okay,” she drew out the word slowly. “You sure?”

“I just said I was, didn’t I?” Casey snapped, then instantly regretted it. Where had that come from?

Ali looked just as surprised. “Look,” she sighed, “I’ve only got twenty minutes before I have to be back at the hospital. Do we have to spend it with you acting like this?”

“Like what?” Casey really thought he kept any tension out of his voice, but judging by Ali’s expression he wasn’t that successful. Why did she always have to look at him like that? It made him feel like he had just killed a puppy or something. Or an orphan. An orphaned puppy.

“Like being with me is a chore,” she replied, somewhere between confused and resigned.

“At least I’m trying,” he mumbled back, unable to stop himself. _What is wrong with you?_ one side of his brain screamed at the other.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 _Don’t answer that_ , he tried to warn himself. _It’s a trap. Just say ‘nothing. I love you.’ That’s what she wants to hear_. “It means, we haven’t spent any time alone with each other in, like, weeks. You’re always in class or at the hospital or with your family or…” _Man, you’re an idiot_.

“And yet when I’m around you can’t wait to get rid of me, I guess,” Ali responded softly, once again adopting the you-killed-my-orphaned-puppy look.

 _Apologize, dumbass_. “That’s not true,” he mumbled. _And that’s not an apology, Hughes_.

“Yeah? Then what do you call the way you’re acting now?” she challenged. “God, Casey, it’s like you’re not happy unless you’re unhappy with me. Why are you looking for trouble when there is none? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Casey sat back, crossing his arms defensively. Except, sometimes, everything. “Why do you have to assume if I’m in a bad mood that it has something to do with you?”

She rolled her eyes upwards for a second. “Because I don’t see you acting this way with Luke or Noah.” Fixing her stare back on him, “Or Jade.”

He almost froze. “Is that was this is about?” _Yes_. “Jade has nothing to do with us.” _Hey Pinnochio, your nose is growing again_.

“I never said she did,” Ali responded quietly.

It was that tone that grated on Casey’s nerves, the one that seemed designed to make him feel like crap about himself, like everything was his fault. “Damn it, Ali, what do you want from me?”

She stood up abruptly, the chair scraping awkwardly against the floor, the sound reverberating through the coffee shop and through Casey’s head. “I just want you,” she snapped. “Give me a call when you feel the same.”

She stormed out of Java, shoving open the door and nearly knocking her brother to the ground on the way out. “Hey Ali, are you… walking out of the door very angrily without saying hi to me?” Hunter trailed off as she disappeared around the corner. “See you later then!” he called out, confused. The confused expression remained on his face until he spotted Casey still sitting at the table. “Oh.”

Casey folded his arms on the table and rested his forehead down on them. “Dude? Not now,” his voice came out muffled.

Hunter nodded, going to the counter and ordering two coffees to go. After collecting the carry-out carton (how was it every server at Java seemed to know he couldn’t carry two cups without dropping them? Noah probably warned them), he turned back to the guy he was finally comfortable calling a friend. “You okay?”

“Oh yeah, just great,” Casey didn’t move, didn’t look up.

 _I’m fairly certain that’s sarcasm_ , Hunter almost said out loud. Instead he tentatively took a seat across from Casey. “Casey?”

“I’m serious, Hunter. Not now. I actually like you, and I don’t want to take this out on you.” Casey finally raised his head, and Hunter was surprised more by the level of confusion in Casey’s eyes than any other emotion that was present.

He decided to choose his next words carefully. He and Noah and Luke had talked about this once before, and the guys had warned him against getting too involved in Casey-Ali drama. (Even though they all agreed that it was a ship just waiting to sink.) “Well,” he finally said. “I have to get back to work. So I’m just going to ask this, in all fairness to both of you…” he swallowed, gathering his courage. “Is this, this relationship with Alison, is it maybe more work than it’s actually worth?”

And Casey found he couldn’t really answer. Even after Hunter had waved goodbye and left, almost dropping his carry-out carton twice on the way out, even after finishing his coffee, even after sitting there alone for what seemed like an hour… Casey still didn’t have an answer.  
 

************

He hated that it was winter. He didn’t mind the cold really, and he loved snow, and Christmas had recently become his favorite holiday, but right now he hated the winter season. Because it made the pond look empty. The water was an unidentifiably drab color, reflecting the gray of the sky. The surrounding trees were thin and skeletal without their leaves. It looked empty, and it made him feel empty. He felt sick and drained. And, most embarrassing of all, Noah missed his ducks.

He had no idea when they had become _his_ ducks, but they had. He had names for all fourteen of them, though Luke was the only person on earth who knew that. Those birds had helped to save him in a way that he couldn’t really describe. (But he was willing to bet an entire Java paycheck that Dr. Weston could.)

And right now, thanks to winter season, the ducks had left him. Okay, they hadn’t purposefully left him, it was just migration. Laws of nature and all that crap. Noah still hated it. He missed the ducks.

 _Andrew Miller._

The name flashed through his brain like a slap, and Noah physically cringed. He had come here to _not_ think about that. When he was at the pond he was usually able to forget about the real world, it was why he had always come here after a session when he first started therapy. But now he couldn’t stop his brain from working overtime.

If he was Andrew Miller, then he wasn’t Noah Mayer. But then who was Noah Mayer? It was impossible, he couldn’t be both. His head was starting to hurt but he ignored it. Think, Noah, think. If he looked at this logically… Logically, it meant something bad had happened to Andrew or to Noah. Probably both of them. Something bad had happened to _him_.

He sighed heavily, drawing his legs up close to his chest and wrapping his arms around them tightly. It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. He knew this, had always known this, and yet the universe continued to drive the point home. Why couldn’t it leave him alone, just for a little while?

Noah felt tears start to well up in his eyes, but he forced them away. No, no crying. If he cried, it meant he was acknowledging that something was wrong. No, he just had to think this through. The way he saw it, he was one of two people, and neither seemed worth being. He was either Noah Mayer, the son of a psychotic, abusive father. Abandoned by his mother. A recovering trauma victim.

Or he was this Andrew Miller, lost for almost twenty years. (Still a victim.) Who already had a family out there somewhere that thought he was dead. Maybe he belonged to this Miller family. And if them, then not the Snyders. Because if he was Andrew Miller, then he wasn’t a Snyder.

What the hell was he supposed to do? Was he Noah? He was Noah, he had to be. If he was Andrew then there was an… an obligation to find this family and give them peace of mind, right? The only thing he was capable of right now was breathing deeply, counting slowly, and staring out at the empty pond. Trying not to completely break down.

He just wanted to stay in a fog.

“Hey, kid.” Noah jumped a little at the voice but didn’t turn. He shouldn’t have been surprised.

Jack stared down at the young man, eyes narrowing in concern. He had seen Noah’s truck parked by the barn and took the chance that he was out at the pond. And Jack was glad he did. Noah looked fragile, lost. He looked so much like the Noah that first started coming to the pond last spring that Jack couldn’t help but worry. Something was wrong.

If it had been Parker or JJ here, or Luke or Aaron, then Jack would’ve started demanding answers. But this was Noah, and Jack had developed a different technique for dealing with him. Silently, he sat down next to his young friend (really though, Jack had started thinking of Noah as just another Snyder cousin a long time ago) and stared out at the pond. He wasn’t looking at Noah. And Noah wasn’t looking at him, staring down at his hands.

Jack frowned, mentally running through any possible catastrophes. He always made sure to check police reports regularly- the Colonel, Alan, and the other two were still in prison with no hope of parole. And so far Jack’s investigations into Fort Gordon and Augusta had gotten nowhere (though Noah didn’t know about this). No one had been admitted to the hospital recently, everyone he could think of was happy and healthy. Well, healthy, he amended. But he didn’t think Luke and Holden’s current fight would cause this kind of reaction in Noah.

“What’s wrong, Noah?” he asked quietly. Noah shuddered but said nothing, still looking at his hands. Jack’s frown deepened. Something had happened that caused Noah to retreat to this place, and Jack wanted to know what.

Unfortunately, he knew from experience that he couldn’t force anything out of the kid. So instead he inched his way closer until they were sitting side by side on the ground, shoulders almost touching. “Okay,” was all he said. If Noah didn’t want to talk, Jack wouldn’t make him.

They stayed that way for awhile, facing out towards the pond. No words were exchanged. Finally, Jack dared to look at the young man, and he was shocked to see tears trailing down his face. In all the time he’d known him, he’d seen Noah cry maybe twice. And both of those times had been when they talked about Alan. Damn it, what was going on? “Noah…?”

Noah shook his head shortly, still not looking up, still not saying a word. He wasn’t going to talk. It was becoming pretty obvious to Jack that he _couldn’t_ talk. So Jack did the only thing he could. He reached out, slinging an arm around Noah’s shoulders, and pulled him a little closer, the nearest thing to a hug the two of them had ever shared.

Noah leaned into the embrace, and they both sat there, not saying a word. Noah made one attempt to wipe at his face, but gave up as the tears kept falling.

Jack looked out at the pond, and couldn’t help but notice how empty and gray it all seemed. Sitting there with his arm wrapped around trembling shoulders, he really hoped that sight wasn’t a sign of things to come.

************ 

Luke was the next person to spot Damian, and he immediately turned his glare back to Lily. “In what universe do you live in that you thought it’d be a good idea to invite him too?”

Lily bit back a reprimand. “I didn’t invite him!” she hissed, sensing the moment Holden saw who they were talking about. The tension rose at the table at least eight notches.

“Oh, this has got to be some sort of joke,” her husband muttered through gritted teeth.

Lily closed her eyes and wondered if she tried hard enough, maybe she could turn back time and undo this lunch idea. “Please, just stay calm. Please don’t get me kicked out of my own hotel,” she prayed under her breath.

Luke rolled his eyes, while Holden held up his hands, forced smile on his lips. “I’m calm. I’m perfectly calm.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes, and Lily found she was holding her breath.

And at that moment, Damian spotted them. He took in the scene and then, possibly because he was glutton for punishment or Holden was right when he said Damian was Satan’s true spawn, he decided to come over. He approached in that smooth, oily way she knew Holden hated and for that, Lily kind of hated Damian too.

“Hello, good to see you all,” he greeted, looking somewhat cautious. She had to give him credit for that. She smiled cordially at him, Holden putting up a lot of effort to do the same.

“Hey, Damian, I thought you had a meeting today. What are you doing here?” Luke turned in his seat to face the man. Lily was struck mute for a moment at the ease with which her son spoke to Damian, how comfortable he seemed around him. When had that happened? She could remember a time when that wasn’t the case, when Damian had first arrived. Luke had been the first to try to send him out of town…

 _Lily kept her shaking hands clasped in her lap, watching as Holden paced back and forth from the sink to the kitchen table and back. She almost jumped when Luke stormed back into the room, fire nearly shooting out of his eyes._

 _He came to a stop at the edge of the table, gripping its edges tight enough almost to crack the wood. “Okay, what’s the quickest way to get him gone?”_

 _“Where’s Noah?” Lily asked, only partly because she wanted to put off this conversation. Noah’s pneumonia had resurfaced just days ago, and the whole family was going a little overboard with his care. Much to Noah’s consternation, Lily assumed with an inward smile._

 _Luke’s expression softened involuntarily. “I got him to fall asleep on the couch in there. After he asked about eighteen hundred times if I was okay.” He shook his head. “Of course, with the amount of drugs in him, he may not remember any of this when he wakes up.”_

 _“Kinda wish we all could do that,” Holden muttered. She had to agree._

 _“Like I said, how do we get him gone?” Luke cut in, eyes blazing again._

 _“Honey, that’s really what you want?” Lily couldn’t help but ask._

 _He glared at her. “I don’t want him in my life. I don’t want him near Ethan or the girls. I don’t want him near Noah. I don’t want him near you guys or anyone else, and I definitely don’t want him near me.”_

 _Lily took a deep breath. “Luke, maybe this time-”_

 _Holden quickly cut her off. “Lily, if he doesn’t want Damian around, then he doesn’t. I for one am perfectly fine with the decision.” Luke went to stand next to his dad, nodding firmly._

 _She tried to smile peaceably. “I’m sure you are. But he really wants to make amends this time…”_

 _Luke blew out an exasperated breath. “Mom, do you really believe that? It’s_ Damian _, remember? The Dark Lord himself. There’s no way he’s here just to make amends.”_

 _“But-”_

 _“Mom, no! No, okay? He has hurt this family enough. I won’t let him come back here, worm his way in, and hurt us again. Whatever his agenda is, it’s not going to happen this time.” Luke crossed his arms defiantly across his chest. “I won’t let it.”_

Lily shook herself back into the present, realizing she missed Damian’s answer. He and Luke were discussing some paperwork problem, while Holden was silently seething next to her. She snuck a hand over, squeezing his knee. He looked over at her, about to snap, but she shook her head slightly. ‘Calm,’ she mouthed. He glared for just a second- looking so much like Luke it almost hurt- but then relaxed reluctantly.

Damian looked over at them just then. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to interrupt your lunch.” He looked down at Luke with a smile. “I’ll speak to you later, son.”

The collective wince at the table was so loud Lily was sure the front desk could hear it. She wouldn’t be surprised if her mother, wherever she was, could hear it. If that was the case, Lily was sure to get a giant ‘I-told-you-so’ lecture tonight.

Luke and Damian were both looking worriedly at Holden. The man in question quietly folded his napkin, placed it on the table, and stood. “I’m suddenly not hungry anymore. Excuse me.”

Lily tried to grab for his arm as he moved away. “Holden-”

Holden turned to look at her. His jaw was clenched tight, but the look in his eyes- anger and a lot of hurt- was what shut her up. “I can’t, Lily. I can’t sit here and hear him call Luke ‘son’ and pretend everything’s okay.”

“Dad…” Luke was standing up now too, looking somewhat timid.

Holden gave a quick shake of his head. “Luke, I can’t.”

Luke’s eyes turned sad. “I’m not quitting this job, Dad. It’s my choice, no one else’s.”

“Yeah, Luke,” Holden replied. Lily looked back and forth between them helplessly. “It looks like you have made your choice.” He turned to leave.

“Dad, don’t walk out on me like this,” Luke snapped, getting angry now.

Holden was angry now too. “I’m not, I’m walking out on-”

“Walking out on Damian is walking out on me,” Luke interrupted.

Holden paused in the doorway to the Lounge, looking back at Luke, immeasurably pained. “The fact that you think that? Just proves my point.” And with that he was gone.

Lily stared, shocked, at the spot where Holden had been standing. When had this all unraveled out of her control? Looking back at her son, she had no idea what to say. She didn’t really even know who she agreed with at this point. “Luke…”

He shook his head, looking at anything but her. “It’s okay, Mom. You can go.”

She came closer, a hand on his arm. “Honey, I don’t want-”

Luke smiled weakly. “I’m fine. Go. I think he’s your ride.”

She smiled in turn. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay? Say hi to Noah for me.” Lily looked over him one more time, squeezed his arm gently and left.

Luke stood very still, breathing deeply. Wow, the universe really didn’t want him and his dad to get along right now, did it? He continued staring out into the lobby until Damian came up to stand next to him. He sighed quietly. “Well, that went well.”

“I’m sorry, Luke,” Damian said softly. “I didn’t mean to cause-”

“You didn’t,” Luke cut him off. “This is totally between me and him.”

“Nonetheless, I am sorry.” Damian seemed to hesitate for a second, eyeing him seriously. Luke could feel himself gearing up for whatever the man was about to say. He had a feeling it would give him a tension headache, whatever it was. “Luke, I don’t mean to pressure you about this New York trip, but I need an answer soon.”

Yep, there was the headache. Luke rubbed his forehead for a moment, stalling. Part of him wanted to tell Damian no, he couldn’t go to New York. Things were tense enough with his dad, this would only make it a hundred times worse. Plus, he really wasn’t sure Damian was offering the trip for the right reasons. What if he was just taking advantage of this mess?

And yet. The other part of Luke _really_ wanted to say yes. To prove to his parents, to himself, that he was an important part of this company and not just Damian’s son, not just some poster boy for Grimaldi Shipping. He wanted to show Holden that he couldn’t force Luke to do anything either, that Luke wouldn’t be manipulated by anyone.

Or, maybe it should all just come down to what Luke wanted, not Holden or Damian at all. Luke looked back up at Damian, squaring his shoulders, resolute. “Damian… I’m not saying no, I don’t want to say no.”

“That’s great,” Damian smiled, pleased. Luke could already see his brain turning gears, making plans.

“But,” he jumped in quickly. “I can’t make a definite decision yet. Not until I talk to Noah.” He definitely wasn’t going to make that mistake again. No more secrets.

Damian’s face twitched for half a second, but Luke held his ground. Finally the man nodded. “Of course, of course. Talk it over with Noah, and then I’ll see you on Monday.” And with a nod Damian was heading to his room.

Luke was still standing in that same position, somewhere between numb and furious. “God, this sucks,” he whispered to himself. He needed a release, an escape for a bit. Unfortunately his favorite escape- Noah- was busy until tonight. Maybe a walk in the park or a trip to the bookstore? Luke pulled out his car keys, sighing again. How much more drama could life create at this point?

************

Hunter nearly dropped his two coffee cups when he entered the Intruder office. “Noah?” That was a surprise, to say the least. “What are you doing here?”

“Um,” Noah cleared his throat, voice sounding rough around the edges. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.” He was fidgeting, not really looking up. His posture and stuttering reminded Hunter of, well, himself. Which was weird.

He knew Noah was shy, but he wasn’t necessarily awkward. And definitely not around Hunter, as the two of them usually sunk into what Casey referred to as ‘dork discussions’ or ‘nerd networking’ (Casey was really into alliteration) about movies or computers or such when they were together.

He took another long look at his friend, this time noticing the redness in his eyes, the way his hands were clasped together tightly. Hunter’s own eyes narrowed a bit, but he said nothing. Personally, he hated it when people tried to ask him what was wrong when he obviously didn’t want to talk; he was pretty sure Noah was the same way. “Sure, what do you need?”

“Well,” Noah followed Hunter over to his desk but didn’t sit down, preferring to shift his weight back and forth on his feet, hands now shoved into his pockets. “I’m working on a new film project, and I need help with the research. I haven’t been able to find much on the Internet myself.”

“Yeah, definitely, no problem,” Hunter smiled, excited by the prospect of a new challenge. “Oh, hold on a second?” he stood quickly, taking the second cup of coffee over to Emily’s office. He did the usual routine- knocked twice, entered, and set the cup in front of her as she typed furiously on her computer. He didn’t try to talk to her. When she was in Investigator-mode, hardly anything could interrupt.

His mind already focused on the prospect of new research, he forgot to close Emily’s door behind him as he went back to his desk. “Sorry, Noah, what do you need?”

Noah was still fidgety. “I’m, I’m working on a short film based on a real news story. I found an article online, but it’s from 1991, so…”

“So the newspaper probably didn’t archive everything from that time onto the site. Probably still in the process of uploading all of that from their hard copy files now. Maybe only the most recent article was put up,” Hunter rambled on, thinking out loud. “But I bet public records from the town or county would have more…”

Noah nodded, his eyes clouded over a little more. Hunter frowned but let him talk. “I figured you’d know what to do. If you could just- if you get a chance?- look into this story and get back to me I’d really, really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, of course,” Hunter’s voice softened. “Anything for you.” And he meant that. Noah was the first one to encourage him not to be scared to talk to Maddie. (And had probably put in a few good words for him on her end too.) “What’s the article about? Where’s it from?”

“It’s in Augusta, Georgia. A missing kid named…” he swallowed hard. “A-Andrew Miller. I need to find out if there’s any info on how he disappeared, if the case was ever closed, that sort of thing.” He looked down, scuffing one foot along the floor.

“Okay, no problem.” He booted up his laptop, his brain already sliding his focus onto the project. “Give me a couple hours and I’ll email you anything I find.” He started typing quickly, fingers flying across the keyboard as though it was a piano and he was Mozart.

“Great. Thanks, Hunter.” Noah’s voice sounded so small as he turned and headed for the door.

“Wait, Noah, is everything-?” The door was open and shut before Hunter could get the question out. He frowned at the empty room, then turned back to his computer screen. Distracted by his concern, and his new research project, he didn’t even notice the woman standing at the door of her office, staring off in the direction Noah had gone in, her eyes suspicious and excited.

************

By the time Luke got home, he was beyond exhausted. Or, what was the stage after exhaustion? A mind-numbing weariness, maybe? That sounded about right. His feet were dragging as though his Sketchers were made of cement. He just wanted to fall into bed and sleep for, like, five years. Things had to be calmer by then, right?

…Yeah, probably not.

He entered the apartment somewhat cautiously, unsure of what he might have missed in other drama today. “Noah?”

“Yeah,” his voice, extra-deep, echoed from the bedroom.

When Luke walked in, he tried not to react visibly to what he saw. Noah was curled up in bed, already in his pajamas, flipping aimlessly through the channels on the TV. His face was pale, drawn, and completely expressionless. It was a sight Luke had been hoping he’d never ever see again; he had a slight flashback to running up to the hospital roof, seeing Noah sitting there, eyes closed and face blank. “Hey,” he said quietly, sitting down next to him. He reached a hand out, rubbing his back through the comforter.

“How was lunch?” Noah asked, still flipping through the channels. When _Casablanca_ appeared on screen and he didn’t stop, Luke realized Noah had no idea what was on the television screen. And that caused him to worry just a little bit more. Noah’s eyes weren’t focusing.

“Oh, you know,” he tried to sound airy and casual. “Exactly like I thought it would be.”

“That bad?” Noah turned the TV off and twisted around so he was on his back, looking up at Luke. His expression went from blank to concerned, and a part of Luke couldn’t help but be relieved by the appearance of _something_ on his face. But studying more closely, Luke could see just how unfocused Noah’s eyes were.

Fighting back a growing fear, he settled down so they were sharing the same pillow, heads just barely resting against each other’s. “Pretty bad, yeah. Could’ve probably done without Damian randomly showing up too.”

Noah winced. “Ouch. Guessing Holden wasn’t happy ’bout that.”

His words were slurring just a little. Just enough for Luke to notice. He had another sudden flash, a memory of himself from years ago. He lifted his head, eyes narrowing. “Are you… have you been drinking, Noah?”

Noah was more comfortable drinking around Luke lately, since Luke had proven he could handle being around alcohol without joining in. Even if Luke had wanted to, the combined powers of Fake-Noah in his head (his very own Jiminy Cricket, but less creepy. And much cuter) and Real-Noah next to him were always enough to stop him. And now that Noah trusted that, he was allowing Casey and the others to draw him out of his shell a little more, enjoying a night out a Yo’s or Metro without totally worrying about Luke.

And yet, Luke didn’t want him to be drinking now. It didn’t make sense, Noah didn’t drink alone. He didn’t drown his sorrows- Luke was pretty sure he hadn’t done that since Luke had been paralyzed. So if he was doing it now… Luke felt that fear in him grow, coiling around in his stomach.

Noah’s eyes widened, his gaze focusing for just a second, before he shook his head. Luke frowned, watching as Noah lifted an arm that seemed to weigh a hundred pounds, reaching over to the table next to the bed. Luke spotted the pill bottle just as Noah’s hand fumbled around, grasped the bottle, and pulled it forward. “Took a sleeping pill,” he explained needlessly, rattling the plastic container a little for emphasis.

“You did?” Luke would have been less surprised if Noah _had_ been drunk. Willingly taking a sleeping pill? Without Luke bugging him? Without Emma or Lily (or Marcus. Or Holden. Or Jack. Or Faith) calling to make sure he took one? “Are you… did something happen? Are you okay?”

The blue eyes were hazy again, and it seemed to take Noah a few seconds to realize Luke was talking to him. “I need another one. To fall asleep. No dreams,” he tried to explain.

The fear was rising into his chest, squeezing his lungs a little. “Did you have another nightmare?” he asked, unconsciously reaching his hand forward to hold Noah’s empty hand, trying to ground him. Noah just as unconsciously gripped his hand in return, needing to be grounded. He nodded reluctantly, even as he tried to open the bottle again.

Luke smiled faintly, leaning closer and gently pulling it out of Noah’s hand. “You sure you want another pill?” he had to ask. The normal dosage was two, but it was usually a battle just to get Noah to take one.

Noah nodded, rubbing at his eyes. “Don’t want to dream tonight,” he answered simply and firmly, as though he had given it a lot of thought.

Luke had to bite his lip to stop an interrogation from escaping his mouth. Pushing Noah for answers would just cause him to retreat even further. Noah obviously didn’t want to talk right now, and Luke had to trust him enough to wait. He nodded, taking one sleeping pill out of the bottle and handing it over. He busied himself getting up and throwing on a shirt and sweatpants so he wouldn’t have to watch Noah swallow the pill without water ( _gross_!).

When Luke got back into bed, they both scooted down to face each other. Noah moved in even closer, blinking heavily and slowly. Luke smiled at him, trying to put the both of them at ease, not sure if he could, not sure what was really going on.

Noah tried to return the smile, but just couldn’t get himself to do it. He closed his eyes with a slight frown, and Luke couldn’t help but sigh out his worry. “Baby?” _Please tell me what’s wrong_.

“Hmm?” Noah gave a hum of response, turning in even more, instinctively throwing an arm around Luke’s middle and pulling him close. Despite everything, Luke smiled into the warmth their bodies generated together. It wasn’t like a _heat_ warmth, it was a something-else warmth. Safe and promising and all-encompassing.

And it made keeping quiet right now all the more difficult. Noah was hurting, and Luke couldn’t do anything. He really wanted to gather Noah up into his arms, but he knew better than that. When Noah was under the influence of sleeping pills, he had to be the one in control of touching. Neither of them wanted to risk a flashback.

“Damian wants me to go on a trip to New York with him next week,” Luke whispered suddenly. He always found it easiest to confess things at night, in the dark, safely tucked away in bed, one of them spooned up against the other. Noah did too; both of them could say things in this place that they were afraid to say any other time. “And I think I want to go.”

Noah exhaled through his mouth, eyes slowly focusing on Luke. “Then you go,” he mumbled, words drawn out and stuttered. “Do what makes you happy, that’s what I want. All I want. ’Kay?”

Luke’s smile was wider now, and genuine. He snuggled in even closer, waiting until he was positive Noah could see his hand before placing it on the side of Noah’s face. “Okay,” he replied, thoughts of Damian and Holden warring with thoughts of his boyfriend. Maybe it would be better for both of them to get a good night’s sleep and deal with their crap in the morning. He let his thumb rub along the stubble line of Noah’s jaw. “I swear, Noah, tomorrow we’re going to talk about whatever’s got you so upset.”

Noah’s eyes had already started to close again, this time for good, but he still managed to wince. “Not Noah,” he mumbled so softly Luke almost wasn’t sure he heard correctly.

He reached down to pull the comforter up over both of them. “What’s not Noah?” he asked, frowning in confusion. There was no answer. “What…?” He looked up. Noah was asleep. And though he was still worried, Luke couldn’t help but give in to his own exhaustion from the day’s craziness.

He turned so his back was pressed against Noah’s chest. Noah’s arm, still wrapped around him, tightened even in his sleep and kept him close. Luke couldn’t help but smile again. He loved Noah, and Noah loved him. Whatever was going on, they could deal with it. They could handle it.

Couldn’t they?

************

She couldn’t believe it. She really couldn’t believe it. This wasn’t just a great news story. This was a god damn national headline, if she could get it right. This could get her space on every paper, get her time on every news channel. And it was all hers.

Noah Mayer wasn’t really Noah Mayer.

She wasn’t sure if he knew it yet, but he definitely seemed to be on that track, if his ‘project’ for Hunter was any indication. Not that it mattered, because Emily now knew almost everything.

March 1991. Andrew Miller had been playing with his older brother and sister and a dog in their front yard. The mother had come to the front door to say dinner was ready, and the two older kids had run around to the backyard where their father and the barbeque were. The mother turned her back for just a few seconds, heard the screech of car tires, and by the time she looked out again Andrew was gone. No witnesses, no Amber Alert system to help, no ransom note- the kid just disappeared without a trace.

At this very same time, Charlene Mayer switched her name back to Wilson. And not long after this was the start of the riff between Charlene and the Colonel. It was all too much of a coincidence. Plus Cheri’s confusing words about Augusta, and the Colonel’s proven penchant for kidnapping kids… it was all adding up to some serious _Dateline_ -level drama. The only thing Emily couldn’t figure out was how Noah had an authentic birth certificate, but there would be time to figure that out later. Right now, there was too much to do.

A kidnapping. Sometimes Emily couldn’t believe her own good luck. An unsolved kidnapping case from almost twenty years ago, and the unknowing victim serves Emily coffee every morning. This was the best story she had been involved with in years.

There was no doubt in her mind that Noah was Andrew Miller, the pictures she found of the two-year-old online were enough to convince her of that. (It was that same pair of blue eyes.) And she was the only person in the world who had all this information at her fingertips.

God, sometimes a good headline like this was better than sex. Sometimes.

She added a few more touches to her story proposal, then excitedly grabbed her phone. There was only one person she needed to talk to before she could get this thing in motion. Luckily, that person picked up almost right away. “What is it, Emily? Now’s not the best time,” the voice was always imperious and had the ability to intimidate even her.

But not now. “Then you better make time, Lucinda,” Emily happily fired back. “I’ve got the story to end all stories, and I want it in the Intruder’s next edition. How soon can you meet me to talk about it?”


	6. Crashing Down, Down, Down on Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Noah's secret unravels. And so do several people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Waiting For My Real Life To Begin" by Colin Hay! Beautiful song!

Hunter had never been in a situation like this before. Ever. A friend may be in trouble, and he just didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Mostly because he’d never really had friends to worry about before. All of this was way out of his area of expertise. Computers? Yes. History, science? Sure. Even cooking, fine (as long as he didn’t break any eggs). But having to tell your friend that he may have been kidnapped as a two-year-old? There was no manual for that.

He stared again at the pictures he had printed out of Andrew Miller and slowly held them up next to the picture on his desk of the ‘Movie Night gang,’ as he called them. It was probably his favorite picture he’d ever owned, definitely his favorite picture that he himself was in.

He was standing behind the couch next to Casey, who had an arm around Hunter’s shoulders while his other was outstretched, making bunny ears behind Alison’s head. She was sitting on the couch next to Noah, Jade on his other side leaning her head down on his shoulder. Noah was grinning wide, his arms wrapped tightly around Luke who had just plopped himself down in Noah’s lap.

Hunter sighed and looked back and forth between Andrew and Noah. This was. Just. Insane. And definitely a conundrum.

Though he didn’t know what he _should_ do, he knew what he shouldn’t. There was no way he was going to talk to Emily about this. Hunter was pretty sure he had some sort of feeling of affection towards his biological mother, but he wasn’t _that_ dense. Emily would make a mess of this situation, would use it for her own good. And while Hunter was new to the whole ‘friend’ thing, he knew better than to subject Noah to that.

But then what now? Man, life was so much easier when he only had himself to worry about. Now here he was worried about Noah’s feelings, how Noah would react, how this would affect Noah and Luke and their family… He didn’t want anything to happen to them. But what could he do?

Hunter ran a hand through his hair haphazardly. This was way out of his league! He was Research and Technology Guy, not Protective and Comforting Guy-

…Wait. Wait. That was it!

Hunter gathered all the papers and photos he had printed out, shoving them into a messy pile even as he reached for his phone with his other hand. He hit a speed dial (number four) and anxiously waited for an answer, picking up the pile of papers and stumbling towards the door. When the line picked up, he didn’t even wait for the other person to answer. “Hi, it’s me. Hunter. It’s Hunter. Something might be, uh, happening. Something bad. And I think you need to help.”

************

The annoying trill of a cell phone was definitely not the first sound Luke wanted to hear upon waking up. He grumbled, keeping one arm wrapped around the body next to him as the other arm flailed around for the offending object. He cracked one eye open to confirm that it was too damn early- _7:22 am. Too damn early_ \- and then flipped open the phone. “It’s Sunday morning,” he said in way of greeting.

“I know, Luke, God I’m so sorry,” the voice on the other end replied somewhat timidly. “But you told me to call if-”

“Stacey?” Luke sat up with a yawn, the arm wrapped around Noah sliding up to rest on his boyfriend’s shoulder, rubbing it absentmindedly.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry,” his Grimaldi Shipping assistant said again.

Luke shook his head a little to clear it, letting out another yawn. “No, it’s okay, what’s wrong?” There’s no way she would call unless it was important. Even if it was too damn early.

“You told me to call you if I ran into any more discrepancies in expense reports?” she somehow made that into a question. “And I did. Find more discrepancies, I mean.”

“The same as last time?” Luke frowned, the time now forgotten, twisting to sit on the edge of the bed. He tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could use both hands to change out of sweatpants and into jeans.

“The same. Same amount, same place on the reports, everything. But there’s no money missing from any account that I can find… it’s just weird, Luke.” Stacey cleared her throat. “Also, I came across some paperwork that _someone_ forgot to fill out again…”

Luke groaned. “Oh crap, the Agathon merger. I completely forgot. When do those contracts need to be faxed out?”

He could hear the smile in her voice. “By noon today. I’m sorry to drag you in here on a Sunday, but-”

“No, no, I’ll be there in a bit. Give me a couple minutes to get the 7:30am out of my system and I’ll be on my way,” he rubbed at his eyes again.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon. Sorry about the early call again, and apologize to Noah for me if I woke him up,” Stacey said, again with an obvious smile, before hanging up.

Luke couldn’t help but smile a little bit too, pulling a shirt on over his head before turning and leaning back towards the center of the bed, where Noah was still sleeping soundly. “Noah?” he dropped a kiss onto Noah’s shoulder, but his boyfriend didn’t stir.

And then Luke felt like smacking himself in the face. Of course Noah wasn’t waking up. He was drugged out on two prescription-grade sleeping pills. All the worry from last night rushed back into him, and Luke had to take a second to gather himself. Noah would probably be out for a couple more hours, Luke knew he’d have enough time to run to work and back, but… a huge, ginormous, elephant-sized part of Luke was hating himself for even thinking of leaving Noah at all before he got to the bottom of all this.

With a sigh, he reached out and gently pulled on Noah’s shoulder, turning him onto his back. Noah mumbled softly, face now pointed in Luke’s direction. Luke let his hand run gently up from shoulder to face to the top of his head, resting his fingers in Noah’s hair. He had to run into work, but he wasn’t about to just leave Noah either.

He leaned in close again. “Noah? Noah, baby, I need you to wake up for a minute, come on.” His boyfriend mumbled again, shaking his head. Luke couldn’t help but smile, scratch his scalp gently. “Come on, just for a minute, please?”

Slowly, slowly, those blue eyes dragged themselves halfway open. “Hmmm?” Noah turned himself this time, oh so slowly, until his whole body was facing Luke.

Luke knew that was the best he was going to get under the circumstances. “I have to run into work right now, okay? But I’ll be right back, and I want to make sure you don’t go anywhere until then.”

Noah’s eyes dropped closed again, and he rubbed his face into the pillow with a groan. “Don’t go anywhere,” he repeated, his voice muffled.

“I mean it, Noah,” Luke insisted, jostling his shoulder gently. “You and I need to talk. Really talk. As soon as possible. Will you be here when I get back?”

“Yeah,” he answered, drawing the word out slowly and tiredly. “…Be here.”

Luke wasn’t satisfied, shaking Noah’s shoulder again. “You promise?” Noah groaned a little and didn’t answer. Instead he clumsily held up one hand, pinky extended. Luke smiled again and linked his pinky around Noah’s. “Okay. I’ll be back before lunch.” He was about to get up, but last night’s fear got to him one more time. He pressed a kiss to the side of Noah’s face, the only part not mashed into the pillow. “I love you.”

As he stood up, the soft murmur from the bed that sounded a lot like “same here” was enough to keep him smiling all the way to the office.

************

Holden was more than a little surprised to see someone waiting for him in the kitchen when he got done with the morning chores. “Hey, didn’t think you got up this early on your days off.”

Jack grunted into his coffee cup. “Not by choice. Though what I wouldn’t kill for a day off that was actually relaxing and drama-free.”

Holden poured himself his own cup, sitting down across from his cousin. “Amen to that.”

Jack eyed him knowingly, the frown on his face from more than the early hour. “So you and Luke are still-”

“Not speaking and not seeing eye to eye on pretty much everything?” Holden finished for him. “Yeah, sounds about right.”

Jack shook his head. “On ‘pretty much everything’ or just Damian?” he prompted.

Holden found himself grimacing at the mention of that man, his hand unconsciously molding into a fist. God, he hated Damian. “It started with Damian, Jack, but now it’s Luke’s life. His future.” His voice got quieter. “He told me he was tired of being a Snyder, Jack.”

Jack’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, but that was his only outward reaction. “Ouch,” he finally responded. Then his eyes narrowed again. “Let me guess, was this said during the heat of battle?”

“What?” Holden glared at the slightly amused tone to Jack’s voice.

Jack held up his hands peaceably. “Did he say that in the middle of an argument?” he clarified. “Because I know him, Holden. I know both of you. He was upset, you know he says stuff he doesn’t mean when he’s upset.” The added _You both do_ was left unspoken, but it was there.

Holden wanted to agree, he really did, but then he thought of Luke’s words from yesterday. _Walking out on Damian is walking out on me._ While Holden thought he could handle Luke not going back to school, getting a job, keeping a secret from him… he just couldn’t handle Luke giving Damian that type of consideration, of making it seem like Holden had to choose either Luke with Damian or he couldn’t have Luke at all. After everything that man had done to them… “He was thinking clearly, Jack.”

His cousin shrugged. “Doesn’t mean he meant what he said. Both of you just need to calm down a bit, maybe work on, I don’t know, compromising?”

Holden’s anger intensified again. “I won’t compromise on Damian.” And just like that, all the anger rushed out of him, replaced by his real underlying emotion. Fear. “Every time. Every time that man has come to town, people have been hurt. Luke has been hurt. Luke’s nearly been _killed_ because of him, and I don’t know if…” he sighed. “Jack, if he’s working with Damian now, it’s going to be that much harder to protect him when things get bad.”

Jack almost seemed to flinch at that, piquing Holden’s curiosity. “Between you and Lucinda- and Noah- I doubt Luke will be in as much danger as you think.”

Holden studied Jack a little closer even as he responded. “I just wish Luke was in on that.”

Jack tried to smile comfortingly. “Luke’s never going to give you up. Don’t give up on him either.” The smile faltered a little bit. “This family always sticks together when things get bad, you-”

“What’s going on?” Holden cut in, leaning forward just a little. Something was up, he could tell. “I know you too, Jack. What’s wrong?”

Jack sighed, staring down into his coffee. “I don’t-”

“Jack,” he persisted. “You’re up early on your day off. You’re offering me sage and rational advice. And you look like you’ve got an apocalypse weighing down on your shoulders. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t know,” Jack answered, clenching his jaw. “I mean, I know _something’s_ wrong, but I don’t know what it is. And considering who’s involved, it could be bad.”

“How bad?” Holden was frowning, wondering what family member was in trouble now. Who had Brad maybe pissed off now, or was it Parker's turn? Hell, maybe Ethan had joined a biker gang without him knowing...

Jack glanced up at Holden but couldn’t seem to hold his gaze. “Winston-Mayer-bad.”

Holden instantly had to swallow back the bitter taste in his mouth he always got when that name was mentioned. “Is Noah okay? Is he in trouble?”

His heartbeat stuttered when Jack couldn’t answer right away. “I don’t know,” he finally said again. “You know he’s been having panic attacks again, nightmares and stuff, right?” At Holden’s nod, “And there was something weird about Mayer when I went to visit him last week. I hadn’t been able to find anything out, so I called one of my old friends from the FBI to look into it.”

Holden felt his frown deepen. “Does Noah know you’ve been investigating him like this?”

“No,” Jack admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck. “And don’t think that’s not eating at me. But see, my buddy calls me back and says he had trouble finding paperwork on Mayer during the time in question. There was something ‘missing’ or ‘off’ about their files.”

“That sounds reassuring,” Holden’s mug was empty, and part of him wanted to refill it with liquor. And it was only 9am.

His cousin didn’t look much better. “Exactly my thoughts. And then yesterday…” he paused, clearing his throat. “Yesterday, Noah was at the pond. He looked completely wrecked, Holden. He didn’t say a word the whole time. I don’t think he could’ve if he wanted to.”

Holden sat back in his chair, puzzling it over. “Whatever it was, it must’ve just happened or Luke would have said something at lunch. Do you think Noah found out whatever this mystery with the Colonel is?”

Jack gave an incredulous, almost angry laugh. “Maybe. Or it could be something else entirely. Hell, Mayer could’ve tried to contact him, threaten him, or-” he shook his head, focusing back on Holden. “Fix things with Luke. You love him, he loves you. Things really can be that simple sometimes.”

He got up to rinse out his coffee mug, and Holden watched him silently. He wished he could agree with Jack, but nothing was ever simple when Damian was involved. Damian was toxic and dangerous, and with the way things were going Holden was afraid that he was about to lose Luke for good.

************

Sometimes a cappuccino really was the best medicine. Marcus took another sip of drink, reveling in the taste and the calmness it brought with it. The last twenty-four hours had been… dramatic, to say the least. Well, life was always dramatic when you were dating Lucinda Walsh, he had to guess.

He had honestly been a little afraid for his life when she had stormed into his office yesterday afternoon, even thought she hadn’t even been angry at him (yet). But he had reacted too calmly to the revelation that Luke had been lying and working for his biological father, and Lucinda was too shrewd not to pick up on that. But, luckily, her love for Noah (and hopefully her love for _him_ ) was enough to take the thunder out of her stormcloud and see reason.

Marcus couldn’t help but marvel at that family’s ability to _not_ stay out of trouble. As he took another sip, eyes closing to really enjoy the taste, the voice of the young man (Jeff, wasn’t it? Noah’s friend) behind the counter caught his attention. “Hey Noah!”

He turned quickly in his chair to see his patient enter Java, his whole body radiating what could only be described as pure weariness. “Jeff. One coffee, one caramel latte to go?”

Jeff didn’t seem to hear him, giving him a concerned look over. “You okay, man?”

The side of Noah’s mouth lifted upwards, but it was in no way a smile. “Yeah, just one of those days. One coffee, one caramel latte, please?”

“Coming right up.” The kid obviously believed Noah just about as much as Marcus did, but he kept his mouth shut and went to work on his order.

Marcus couldn’t keep quiet any longer. “Noah,” he called softly. He watched as Noah jumped slightly and turned to look at him, a nervous and… was that guilty?... expression flashing across his face. Marcus ignored it, smiling and waving the young man over.

Noah approached cautiously. “Dr. Weston. I-I’m sorry, I can’t sit. I’m just here to get coffee for Luke, and I have to be back at the apartment before he gets back, and I can’t-”

Marcus waved away the nervous rambling. _And since when does Noah ramble?_ “It’s okay, I just wanted to say hi. Alice said you stopped by the office yesterday-” there was that flash of guilt again- “so I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“Oh,” Noah’s voice took on that slightly higher-pitched tone he got when he was trying to be casual and failing miserably. “It’s fine. I’m- it’s okay. I was, I just needed to…” He paused, took another steadying breath. “I was going to ask you something, but it’s no big deal. It can wait till Thursday.”

“Are you sure?” Marcus knew things weren’t okay. He was more surprised that Noah would think he couldn’t see through this façade. “You can tell me anything.”

“No. It’s fine,” he responded quietly, gritting his teeth a little, trying to keep control.

Marcus should have stopped right there. If he’s learned anything in the months he’s counseled Noah, it’s that he doesn’t respond well to being pushed. But maybe Marcus was still reeling from yesterday’s conversation, or maybe he was thrown by Noah’s haggard appearance now. Either way, he couldn’t stop himself from pressing the issue. “Why don’t you sit down for a bit…”

Noah stiffened, taking a small step back. “I told you, I can’t. I promised Luke I’d be there when he got home.”

Marcus sat forward, cappuccino completely forgotten. “Noah-”

He reached up, rubbing the back of his neck. “It can wait until Thursday, it’s okay,” he insisted.

Shaking his head, Marcus kept at it, voice growing stern. “No, no, I don’t believe you. Something’s up. Noah, I want you to-”

“No!” Noah snapped, his voice intense but quiet. It nearly rocked Marcus back in his chair. “No, I said everything was fine. We’re not in a session, you can’t tell me what to do!”

“Noah…” Marcus wasn’t sure who was more surprised by the outburst- him, Noah, or poor Jeff who was trying to interrupt, two carryout cups in his hands. “Your order’s up, man.”

Marcus stood up, suddenly a little desperate. A little afraid to let Noah out of his sight. “Noah.” His heart dropped down below the floor when Noah flinched away from him. _Is he scared of me?_ Noah was looking back and forth between Marcus and Jeff, unsure what to do. Finally he grabbed the cups out of Jeff’s hands with a muttered thanks and rushed out the door.

“Dr. Weston?” Jeff was still staring out after Noah, brow furrowed.

Marcus turned to the young man. For the first time in a long time, a very long time, he had no idea what to do. Though he was pretty sure he was going to spend most of the day and night replaying this in his head and kicking himself repeatedly. Why did he have to push? “Yes?”

Jeff finally turned to look at him, eyes serious. “I think maybe you better call Luke.”

************

Emily positioned herself back at her desk, trying to impose as much grandness in her posture as the woman in front of her so effortlessly exuded. “Here it is.”

Lucinda eyed the stack of papers and photos in front of her. “Here _what_ is?”

Emily smirked. “Your next and greatest headline. You’re welcome.”

Huffing out a short laugh, Lucinda picked up the papers and slid her glasses on. “You’ll forgive me if I don’t thank you so quickly, Emily. Now hold on, let me…” she read through the articles and files, glancing at the photos. Emily gave her a few minutes, biting her tongue. Finally Lucinda looked up at her over the rim of her glasses. “And how is this, this Andrew Miller, my greatest headline?” she asked, tone doubtful.

Emily’s smirk widened into a self-satisfied smile. “Because he was never found.”

Lucinda sighed, knowing she was being lead on. “And?”

“And I found him,” Emily made sure to shrug oh-so-casually. “Here. In Oakdale.”

Lucinda couldn’t stop her eyes from widening in shock and, she had to admit, interest. “Alright. I’m listening.”

“The man who kidnapped him raised Andrew as his own. He grew up, graduated high school, got into college. He had no idea his whole life was a lie.”

Lucinda laughed again. “If this is true, then Andrew is now…” she glanced down at the papers again, checking dates. “What, twenty-one years old? He would still be in college.”

Emily nodded, her smile widening even further into a grin. “Yes, he is. Set to graduate from OU this May.”

“Oh, so you know this young man?” Lucinda asked, eyes narrowing. “Please tell me he isn’t another of your dalliances with the twenty-something sect of this town.”

Irritation swept through Emily. Really, you sleep with one (consenting!) younger man, and you never live it down. “No, I haven’t slept with him. Not sure I’m really his type, if you get my drift.”

Lucinda looked startled for a moment before understanding flashed across her face. “But you know who he is, obviously.”

And the grin was back. “Yes, I do. He’s dating your grandson.”

There was barely a hesitation, and then Lucinda’s laugh was much more incredulous this time. “My dear, I have no idea what your game is but-”

This time Emily didn’t smile. “Lucinda. This isn’t a game.” She slid over the picture she had made, a photo of Andrew Miller and a photo of Noah Mayer side by side. “This is honest-to-God real.”

“Noah?” Lucinda’s voice was so quiet, so shocked, Emily wasn’t sure if she had imagined it completely. She pretended not to see when Lucinda sadly traced Noah’s photo with her finger. Lucinda snatched her hand back from the picture as though it had burned her. “No. No, no, no. This isn’t… No, Emily. Noah is Noah.”

“Lucinda, do you think I would just make this up?” Emily asked. Off Lucinda’s look, “Yeah, okay, fair enough. But I’m _not_ this time. I’ve traced it all through and the timeline makes sense, even the Mayer family being in Georgia when the kidnapping happened. And then yesterday when Noah was here, I-”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Lucinda was now inadvertently clutching the papers close to her. “Noah was _here_? He knows about all of this?”

Emily huffed. “Yeah, he was talking to Hunter about it. It was thanks to him that I discovered his real name.” Okay, so she wasn’t sure if Noah knew everything, but what did that really matter?

She was shocked when Lucinda rose quickly to her feet. “His real name is _Noah_ ,” she snapped.

Emily shook her head calmly. “No, Lucinda, it’s not. And why he’d want to keep that a secret, you’d have to ask him. I just think-”

“So I assume you have proof for all this? A confession from Colonel Mayer? A DNA test?” Lucinda was in stormcloud mode again.

And for the first time, Emily didn’t feel in control. “No. No, not yet. But if I run the story, don’t you think that will get the ball rolling?”

Lucinda glared. “‘Get the ball rolling?’” she quoted huffily. “You want to subject my family to the insanity that will definitely ensue, just to _get the ball rolling_?” Another laugh that wasn’t a laugh. “Oh no, Ms. Stewart. I will not let you ruffle a feather or hurt that boy in any way until there is some solid proof.” She started moving towards the door, still holding the Andrew Miller papers.

Emily let her go. “Lucinda. You can delay this all you want, but the story’s still true. Your Noah Mayer isn’t who he says he is. And the truth will come out, one way or another.”

Lucinda left her with one final, admittedly intimidating, glare. “And until I say otherwise, that truth will not be coming out of you or the Intruder. Deal with it.” And then she was gone.

Emily wasn’t too upset. She was only missing out on her national headline for a little while. She knew Lucinda Walsh, and she knew this wasn’t something Lucinda Walsh was going to let go of. She’d be getting her proof, one way or another. Mission accomplished.

************

The fog was slowly melting away. Noah was trying to cling to it with everything he had, but it kept slipping through his fingers. Pretty soon, he was going to have to come out of his protective shell. Pretty soon… he was going to have to admit the truth.

It was already starting, he was already panicking. God, he had pitched a fit in Java. In public. He didn’t know if he could ever face Marcus again, let alone go to a session on Thursday. He wasn’t even really sure if he could show his face in Java again.

He racked his brain trying to come up with some way to tell all this to Luke. How do you put this into words? How do you tell someone you’re… you’re not the person he thought he was in love with.

For a second Noah thought he was going to be sick, but a few deep breaths kept him in place. His head was pounding and his hands were shaking, and it wasn’t just from the aftereffects of the sleeping pills. No, he was just barely holding it together. He was just barely not falling apart.

He was sitting on the couch with the two Java cups on the coffee table in front of him, pretending to watch a rerun of _The Daily Show_ , when he suddenly sensed a presence sitting down next to him. He flinched a little when a hand rested against his forehead. He hadn’t even heard him come home.

“Noah?” Luke’s voice was quiet, soothing. And for a second, it helped keep Noah’s panic at bay, pouring water on the fire. Unfortunately the issues in his brain were a giant forest fire at this point, and there wasn’t enough water in the world.

Noah turned to look at his boyfriend, pulling a little more strength from the look of loving concern in his eyes. It wasn’t enough for Noah to tell Luke everything, but it was enough strength to get him to say something. “I got you a latte,” he whispered.

Luke smiled a little, looking mock stern. “I thought you pinky-swore to stay here.”

His hand was still against Noah’s forehead. Noah felt himself closing his eyes and leaning into the touch, afraid it would be taken away at any second. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey, Noah. It’s okay, I’m just teasing,” Luke’s voice got even softer. He moved in closer. “Please, will you tell me what’s wrong? Whatever it is, we can handle it.”

And Noah couldn’t handle that. How could Luke possibly think this was something they could deal with? “I can’t… whoa.” He tried to stand up and start pacing, but he only got as far as standing before he started to shake again.

“Noah!” Luke was next to him in an instant, hands going to his arms like he was going to try to hold him upright. But it didn’t seem to work, because Noah’s strength was already giving out, and he sunk to the floor in front of the couch, bringing his legs up by habit, wrapping his arms around them. He rested his forehead on his knees, trying to hide. Luke dropped down to kneel in front of him, hands still on his arms. “Noah, please. What’s going on?”

“I yelled at Dr. Weston,” he mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut tight to ward off any tears. He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready to tell yet.

Scared as he was, Luke couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “I don’t think it was actually _yelling_ , but…” Noah looked up timidly, confused, so Luke smiled, reaching out to wipe at the moisture next to his eyes. “Dr. Weston called me like twenty minutes ago. He told me what happened.” When Noah ducked his head back down, face flushing, Luke pulled him back up. “He was really worried, babe. He’s not upset with you.”

Noah stared at him, searching Luke’s face for any hint of coddling, but there was none. “He’s not mad?”

“No, no, of course he isn’t,” Luke rubbed one hand up and down his arm soothingly. “And neither am I. Just tell me what’s going on, please!” His tone was getting desperate, and Noah hated hearing him that way.

“Luke…” his voice broke on the one word, and he had to clear his throat to speak again. “Luke. My dream wasn’t a dream.”

“What?” Luke’s brow furrowed, and he settled down more comfortably on his knees, one hand on Noah’s leg. He realized he was unable to break contact completely (or at all). “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know why I never figured it out before,” he was about to start rambling, he knew it. “All those times he punished me for not being the son he wanted, all those expectations I could never live up to, the reason Charlene left without me, why he never let me have friends, it all makes sense now, doesn’t it?”

“Um,” Luke tried to keep his voice light, even as his face grew more and more concerned. “I think I missed something, because this all seems to be making a sense that’s… not. Noah, can you tell me what’s hurting you?”

“I…” his voice dropped down to a whisper. Maybe Luke and the world wouldn’t hear him this way. Maybe he wouldn’t hear it. “I don’t think Noah is my real name. I don’t think I’m really Winston Mayer’s son.”

There were a few seconds of silence while Luke tried to figure out what all that meant. In that time Noah looked everywhere but at him, halfway hoping Luke hadn’t heard him. But he was pretty sure Luke did, because now he was letting go of Noah’s shoulders, pulling back. Noah hid his face again, not wanting Luke to see the cringe or fear he was feeling.

But then there were hands holding his elbows as though he was about to pull Noah’s arms away. Luke finally opened his mouth to say something, and would have said something, but right at that moment the front door burst open.

************

Casey was pretty much a one man mission at this point. He felt like that guy in the scene from _Airplane!_ (the movie they watched at the last Movie Night) who walked in a straight line, punching anyone who got in his way, never breaking stride. Casey definitely felt like doing that now.

A hundred thoughts and worries were crashing through his brain, and the only thing he could get himself to do was head straight to Luke and Noah’s apartment.

He didn’t even realize he was there until he found himself at their front door. Knocking didn’t occur to him, so instead he used the spare key they gave him months ago, shoving it into the lock with his free hand and barging in like he owned the place. And then he stopped short.

Noah was sitting on the floor, his back to the sofa, forehead resting on his drawn-up knees. Luke was kneeling in front of him, hands grasping Noah’s elbows. He looked up, startled at Casey’s entrance. “Case?” Luke looked about as dazed as a person could look. Noah didn’t even look up at all.

Casey stepped closer, suddenly hesitant. All that time he had spent pacing in Old Town, all the time it had taken to get over here, he hadn’t thought to come up with what he was going to say. “Um, Hunter. Hunter called me, completely freaked. He… Noah?” He waited until Noah finally looked up at him, eyes wary and exhausted. “Noah, he figured it all out. Didn’t know what to do, so he told me everything. He thought I should know.” He came even closer, standing next to them now. “He thought I could help or something.”

“Should know what?” Luke spoke up, not letting go of Noah. “Figured what out? What does everyone seem to know except me?”

Casey opened his mouth, but Noah’s quiet voice spoke up first. “My dream wasn’t a dream. It was a memory.”

“You and those kids and your mother?” Luke asked. Even as Noah nodded, Luke’s eyes widened. “And the Colonel? In your dre- your memory, he grabbed you, pulled you into a car…” He sat back a little, confused. “I don’t understand. He kidnapped you as a kid? He took you away from Charlene?”

“No,” Noah’s voice was pained and heavy, like he was weighed down by the entire world. Casey took a seat on the floor next to him, close but not touching. “No, Luke. The woman in that memory wasn’t Charlene. It was my real mother. Those kids were my brother and sister.” He tried to breathe deeply, and mostly succeeded. “I was someone else, and the Colonel took me away from them.”

“What?” Luke was either not understanding, or not letting himself understand. Silently, Casey handed over what he’d been holding the whole time. It was all the articles and research Hunter had done on Andrew Miller.

Luke took them, handling the pile like it was a bomb about to go off. While he read through everything, Casey gingerly reached out and rested an arm around Noah’s shoulders. Noah bowed his head again, breathing heavily against his knees.

“That’s everything,” Casey confirmed quietly when Luke was done, looking up like the floor had just dropped out from under him. “I came over as soon as I could.”

Luke looked down at a photo of Andrew Miller, then back up at his boyfriend. Who had yet to move or make eye contact with anyone. Luke let out a breath sharply and then nearly threw himself forward, arms going tight around Noah. “Oh God, Noah. Oh God, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” He tightened his grip when Noah made no move to return the embrace. Casey kept his arm where it was too. Luke, of course, kept talking. “I mean it though, love. We’ll figure this out. It’s going to be okay, okay? We’ll figure all this out.”

“Of course we will,” Casey chimed in, getting worried when Noah still didn’t acknowledge them. Of course, he wasn’t sure what he expected Noah to do. It’s not like there was a normal way to react in this situation. This was crazy. When Hunter had explained everything to him, Casey had been sure it was an elaborate prank. Payback for when he had put Lifesavers in Hunter’s showerhead that one time. But when the truth had finally sunk in… it was the first time in a long time that Casey had been rendered speechless.

He looked over at Luke helplessly, but Luke was busy studying Noah. And then, suddenly, a flash of understanding lit up his eyes. “Noah,” Luke said quieter. “This changes things, I know, but it doesn’t change _you_ , got it? It doesn’t change who you are or how we feel about you.”

Noah shuddered under the weight of their arms, leaning more into Luke. “I just…” he began hoarsely. “I just don’t want it to be real.”

Luke kissed his forehead. “I know you don’t. And there’s a chance it isn’t real. But no matter what, you’re not dealing with this alone, you understand me?”

There was something resembling a laugh. “I’m good and stuck with you?” Noah quoted the oft-repeated phrase Luke always used to convince Noah that he was a part of the family.

Luke’s laugh was just as forced. “You know it, babe.” He had almost said ‘Mayer’ instead of ‘babe,’ but changed his mind at the last second. He probably shouldn’t use Noah’s last name right now. _Is that even his last name now?_ He really felt like bawling till there were no tears left in his body, but he couldn’t do that until he was sure Noah was okay. (And how was Noah not bawling till there were no tears left in his body?) “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“Really worried and a little freaked out,” Casey answered automatically. When Luke turned to stare at him, he widened his eyes. “Oh, you weren’t talking to me?”

Luke was about to snap at him when Noah let out a weak, but genuine, laugh. Luke softened and caught Casey’s wink before turning back to his boyfriend, kissing his forehead again and running a hand through his hair. The basics of Noah Comforting 101. “Come on, Noah. What are you feeling right now?”

Noah finally raised his head to look at both of them, and both of them tightened their grips on him because of it. He looked lost, younger than he was, and so scared. “I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. Yesterday I found out my… my entire life might be a lie. And I’ve been walking around in this fog, wanting to deny it all.”

“I don’t think you can do that anymore, dude,” Casey said quietly. “I’m sorry, really sorry, but I think you’re past that point now.”

“I know,” Noah replied softly. He leaned his head forward until it rested against Luke’s. “But I don’t want to be. I need to… to sort through it all in my head. Figure out what I feel and what I want to do.”

Luke and Casey exchanged glances again before Luke turned back to Noah. “Sure, babe, whatever you need to do. Except for, you know, the whole ‘all in my head’ part. Because that’s not going to happen.”

Noah looked up again, hurt. “What?”

Luke rushed to explain. “It can’t stay in your head. You’ve got me, you’ve got Casey, and you’ve got a bunch of other people who love you and will want to help. I don’t think you’ll be able to fight us all off. We’re kinda relentless like that.”

Noah shuddered again, but it might have been part chuckle this time. “I know, and I love you for that, but just for right now, can’t we…?”

Casey jumped in without meaning to; he just couldn’t stop himself. “Yeah, it’s fine, man. This is a crazy thing to get dumped on your head. We can keep this quiet for a little while, just till you get your bearings.”

Luke nodded, his fingers still trailing gently through Noah’s hair. “Of course, of course. It’s up to you, what you want to do. And hey, I’m a Snyder. I totally understand wanting to keep away from fuss for as long as possible.” And then, just like that, even as Casey was mentally kicking Luke in the face for possibly jinxing them with those words, the front door was flung wide open.

************

Luke wanted to kick himself in the face. He totally jinxed them, didn’t he? Because he’d barely finished those words when the door burst open. Again. And this time it wasn’t someone awesome like Casey. It was someone terrifying. _Someones_ , actually, like his parents and grandmother. Instinctively, Luke rose to his feet, keeping a hand on Noah’s shoulder. Casey jumped up so he was now sitting on the couch, but made sure he was still sitting between Noah and everyone else.

“Mom? Dad? Grandmother, what are you…?” Luke looked back and forth between their faces, and knew something was up. He glanced back down at Noah, who looked just as startled and confused as he did. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to-”

“We know, Luke.” Lily’s voice cut in, brittle and barely controlled. “We know everything. When were you planning on telling us?” The question wasn’t, surprisingly, directed at Luke. She was looking at Noah.

Once again he and Casey exchanged glances, this time much more frantic. _Oh crap_. “Mom, why don’t we all sit down and-”

“No, darling, I think we’re fine right here. Why don’t you explain to us why, yet again, you’re keeping secrets from us,” Lucinda raised an eyebrow, studying the three of them.

Luke kept his hand firmly on Noah’s shoulder and felt him flinch at Lucinda’s tone which, almost against his will, caused Luke to grow defensive. He glared right back at his parents. “We’re not keeping secrets! What the hell is going on?”

“Hey, watch the attitude,” Holden warned, more out of instinct than anything else.

And all of the anger he was feeling at his father came rushing to the front of Luke’s brain. “Excuse me, you’re the ones who barged in here and started accusing us! You can’t just-”

“Luke, stop! Just stop!” Lily cut in again, her voice still wavering. She walked over to them, coming to a stop right in front of Noah. She crouched down in front of him, pulling his arms away so she could look him in the eyes. “Noah.” She put a hand to his cheek, holding his face up steady. “Why didn’t you tell us, sweetie? I thought…” she took a second to collect herself. “You told me I could trust you. And that you could trust me. Did you mean that?”

Noah’s completely crestfallen face, and his inability to talk, spurred Luke forward again. “Mom, back off a little bit! We’re not keeping secrets, we just found out about all of this.”

“Really? You ‘just’ found out?” Lucinda’s hands flailed in the air. “Noah? Did you ‘just’ find out about this today?”

Ever truthful, Noah shook his head. Before Luke could jump in to explain, before Lucinda could pounce on his answer, Holden spoke up again. “Why don’t we all take a step back for a second?” His voice was soft, but it carried throughout the room. All of them relaxed a bit, and for that Luke almost could have kissed his dad. Lily stood up and moved to stand next to him, and Noah shakily got off the floor to join Casey on the couch, Luke following. “Noah, when did you find out?”

Luke crept closer, letting go of Noah’s shoulder so he could grab his hand instead. He knew Noah was hating this- there were too many people in the room, too many people focused on him. Part of Luke may have been holding on tightly to make sure Noah didn’t bolt. Noah breathed in and out a few times before he could speak. “Yesterday.” His voice was still too unsteady for Luke’s liking.

That pretty much took the wind out of everyone’s sails. “Yesterday?” Lucinda repeated. “But…”

“What’s going on, how did you guys find out?” Luke still couldn’t wrap his head around this. “Why do you think it’s this big giant secret we’ve been keeping?” Holden didn’t say anything, but the twitch of his brow almost, _almost_ , started Luke in on another tantrum. But instead he kept a firm grip on Noah’s hand and focused on his grandmother.

Lucinda was shaking her head. “Emily Stewart said-”

“Oh, God I should have known she’d find a way to ruin this,” Casey groaned, burying his head in his hands. He pulled it back up just long enough to say “No offense, Ms. Walsh,” before his head dropped back down.

It was the first time in a very long time (maybe ever) that Luke could remember seeing Lucinda Walsh blush. “Oh good Lord,” she muttered before looking back at the three boys. “Darlings, I’m so sorry. I should have never listened to that… that…” she calmed herself back down. “Noah, truly, I am sorry.”

Noah nodded, his head down again. Luke really wanted to get everyone else out of this room and talk to Noah alone. Noah needed some peace and quiet right now, not a Snyder Smotherfest. But he didn’t stop Lily from stepping forward again and resting her hand on Noah’s knee. Noah looked up slowly to meet her gaze. After a moment Noah offered her a small, forgiving smile and Lily nodded and smiled back before going back to Holden.

But Luke had to ask. “All it took was Emily Stewart and you were ready to-”

“It wasn’t just that,” Holden said, sounding much more gentle now that he could see how upset Noah was. “Jack’s been looking into it for awhile, trying to find records or files or something, and he said he saw you at the pond yesterday, Noah, and-”

“Jack was researching me?” Noah asked, his voice small and disbelieving. Luke winced. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Holden wince too. “He didn’t tell me.”

“I don’t think he knew he was doing anything until yesterday, son,” Holden rushed to explain. Noah didn’t respond, and Luke was trying to figure out a way to sneak the two of them out of this room without anyone noticing when his dad spoke again. “Now, we need to figure out what the next step is from here.”

Casey’s eyes widened comically, and Luke would have laughed if he wasn’t just as surprised and, frankly, incredibly furious again. “The next step is you guys go home. Noah needs some time to deal with all of this, don’t you think? Give him some breathing room, maybe?”

Lily clearly didn’t want that to be the next step. “Will you two,” she glanced at Casey, “or three, be okay? Noah, do you want us to stay?”

Noah swallowed hard, seeming to shrink under all their gazes. “I think I need some time first,” he said more to his shoes than anyone in the room.

Lily nodded even though Noah couldn’t see her. “Honey, have you thought about whether or not you want to contact this family?”

“Mom!” Luke snapped. He couldn’t believe she couldn’t wait another day for this.

“Lily.” Holden’s admonishment was quieter but no less serious. “Now’s not the time.”

Noah still had a death grip on Luke’s hand. He turned to him, ignoring his parents for the moment. “Hey, it’s okay,” he spoke quietly, putting his other hand on top of their clasped ones. “Don’t even think that far ahead yet. Don’t think about anyone else. Think about yourself.”

“I’m not even sure if I can tie my shoes right now,” Noah murmured.

Luke laughed, somewhat in relief. That was the most spark he’d seen out of Noah all day. “Well, whatever you do, don’t even pretend you’re going to do any of this without me. I mean it, babe. I’ll call Damian tomorrow, I’m not going to New York.”

Noah looked at him, eyes sad. “But you wanted to go.”

“And I want to be with you even more,” Luke shot back.

He shook his head. “I can’t ask you to-”

“What’s in New York?” Holden was standing next to them. When had Holden gotten so close?

“What?” Luke asked dumbly. Oh, there’s no way this was going to end well…

“New York?” Holden prompted, staying on just this side of control.

Luke closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then reopened them. “Damian asked me to go on a business trip with him to New York and I was going to say yes but now I’m saying no so I can stay with Noah.” _Oh yeah, all in one breath_.

“And when were you going to tell us, on your way to the airport?” Holden wasn’t as impressed with the whole ‘all in one breath.’

And there went his hackles rising once again. “Really don’t think that’s what’s important right now!” he tried to remain civil, but somehow found himself standing face to face with his dad.

“Luke, I know, I’m sorry, it’s just… why do you think we assumed this had been kept a secret? When are you going to start trusting us?”

“Holden,” and now it was Lily’s turn to try to admonish her husband.

“When are _you_ going to stop assuming that everything I do is a personal insult against you?” Luke couldn’t stop. Somewhere in the corner of his mind he noticed Noah and Casey getting off the couch, Noah backing up until he was against the far wall, out of the way.

Lucinda turned to him. “Noah, I’m going to get my private investigators to look into this, maybe-”

Noah shook his head, arms wrapped around himself. “Please, I- I can’t-”

“Luke, calm down,” Lily tried to soothe before turning to Lucinda. “Mother, maybe they can check out the family, make sure…”

“Um, hey…” Casey tried to cut in, but it was no use.

“You can’t do this,” Luke protested, anger still directed at his dad. “You can’t come into _our_ home and demand all these things and then accuse me, us, of… of… You have no right!”

“No right? You’re our son! Not his!” Holden’s voice was starting to rise now.

“Okay,” Casey was starting to bounce on his toes a little. “Maybe we should-”

“And of course, it comes right back to the Big Bad Evil that is Damian, right? Because that’s what this is all about!” Luke threw his hands in the air in pure frustration.

“Did he want you to keep this New York thing from us?” Holden kept with it.

“God, Dad, maybe it had nothing to do with you, did you ever think about that?” Okay, Luke may have been shouting now.

“Alright, that’s it!” Casey was definitely shouting. “You know what, it has nothing to do with either of you! Not right now, not tonight!” He got in between Luke and Holden and shoved Luke back gently. Luke was about to snap at him, but Casey’s glare stopped him. “Tonight? I think it would be best if we all calmed down and focused on how we can help Noah. Don’t you agree?”

Luke deflated in about two milliseconds and felt like kicking himself in the face again. He turned to where Noah was standing. “Noah…” Well, where Noah _was_ standing. Because Noah wasn’t standing there anymore. Noah wasn’t in the living room.

“Noah?” Lily called out, looking around frantically, and then Luke knew. He just knew. Noah wasn’t in the apartment.

“Oh, damn it!” Luke threw himself out of the living room and down the short hallway to the front door. He made it outside, his family and Casey right behind him, in just enough time to see Noah’s truck pull out of the parking lot and disappear down the street. Noah was gone.


	7. Pay No Mind, My Sorrow is Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Casey yells, Luke worries, Lily scolds, Noah reacts (badly).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Let Your Troubles Roll By" by Carbon Leaf!

“You really are an insensitive bitch, aren’t you?”

Emily looked up at the voice, surprised considering she hadn’t heard anyone enter the Intruder office. But Casey was standing in the doorway, glaring at her with more anger than she’d seen in him in pretty much ever. “Excuse me?”

He didn’t even seem a little intimidated. Wow, he must really be pissed. “Don’t play dumb, Emily,” he snapped.

She refrained from replying with some witty comeback about playing dumb. Instead, she narrowed her eyes. “I’m not. What’s got you all ’roided up?”

He slammed a hand back against the wall and Emily almost jumped. Almost. “You honestly have no idea? God, this is worse than I thought. You are so self-involved, no, self- _obsessed_ that you have no problem ruining someone else’s life just to satisfy your own-”

“Oh, is this about Noah?” Emily saw Casey close his eyes as though to calm himself, and yet for some reason she kept talking. “Look, Casey, it’s my job to-”

“No, Emily, it’s not your job. What you did? Letting Lucinda think that Noah had been purposefully keeping this a secret? Spilling all that before Noah had a chance to deal? That’s not your job,” his voice was getting tighter, louder.

She sighed. “So what, he’s locked himself in his room crying because I spilled the beans on his little secret?”

She couldn’t be sure, but it was possible that his eyes were glowing red now. “No. He’s not. We don’t know where he is. He took off, thanks to you.”

Emily held her hands up. “Hey, you can’t blame me for that. Whatever his deal is-”

“God, Emily!” Casey shouted. “His deal is you got Lucinda Walsh and the Snyders to ambush him when a bomb had already been dropped on his head! Do you have any ounce of consideration in your body for anyone other than yourself? It’s no wonder you’re alone!”

That made her freeze. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Casey near-growled. “It’s no wonder. Who would want to be with someone like you? Who would ever want to get close to someone who could betray them, sell them out at a moment’s notice? You’re here at work on a Sunday, you don’t have any friends, you’ve barely got any family. I don’t blame them.” He threw his hands in the air, clenching and unclenching his fists. “I have to go. I can’t stand to look at you anymore.”

“What-?” Emily tried to get more words out, but nothing would come.

And Casey wouldn’t let her. “Shut up. Just… shut up. I have to go try to find my friend and make sure he’s okay. God, if he’s even my friend anymore. It’s my fault, really. I never should have brought him here. I never should have included you. You’re like poison.”

“Hey, I-” Emily would have put up a fight there, but Casey had already turned and left. Emily looked around her office, searching for something she could throw. The only thing not work related on her desk was a framed picture of Alison and Hunter.

She looked at their faces and Casey’s voice rang in her head again- _Do you have any ounce of consideration in your body for anyone other than yourself_?- and, unfortunately, she was hit with a flash of humanity. What if this had happened to one of them? She’d be as pissed off as Casey, wouldn’t she? “Oh crap,” she sighed out loud. She hated when feelings got involved.

************

“Luke?”

Luke looked up from his coffee mug, his heart hoping even as his brain recognized that the voice wasn’t Noah’s.

It was Marcus. He stood in the entryway to the kitchen, studying Luke with concern, slightly out of breath. He moved closer almost cautiously. “Your grandmother called me, told me what happened. Is there anything I can… Has anyone found…?”

Luke smiled painfully. “He’s okay. I don’t know where he is, but he’s okay.”

Marcus let out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. He sat down across from Luke at the kitchen table. “He is?”

Luke waved his cell phone absentmindedly. “He called me like twenty minutes after he disappeared. Didn’t want me to worry, said he’d be home later. He just needed some time.”

“Thank God,” Marcus sighed softly before studying him again. “That’s good. That he called you. That he knew he _could_ or _should_ call you. He’s learning.”

“Yeah,” Luke put his phone back on the table, making sure it was nearby, just in case it rang again. He ran a hand through his hair, reminding himself yet again that he needed a haircut.

“Was that all he said?” Marcus asked knowingly. There had to have been something else.

Luke let out a shaky laugh. “Well, it was hard to have a real conversation, considering both of us couldn’t stop apologizing.” He looked up at Marcus, eyes tired. “My crazy, meddling family ran him off, Doc. My dad and I started fighting, and I lost track of him, and then he was gone.”

“I doubt he’s angry with you, Luke. Are you mad at him for running away?” Marcus asked curiously.

Luke thought about his answer. “I think I was a little bit, at first. But he called me like right away, you know? He wanted me to know he was okay and he wasn’t running from me and he’d be back soon. And I can’t blame him for getting out of here, I really can’t. We were all yelling at each other, and forgot it was Noah’s life we were yelling about.”

“You’re not going to go look for him?”

He shook his head. “Casey wanted to, but I won’t. He needs some time to breathe, I can understand that. And I know he’ll come back home as soon as he’s got himself under control.” He fiddled with his coffee mug again, twisting it around in his hands. “God, I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe something like this is even possible.”

Marcus’s laugh was just as painful as Luke’s had been. “Unfortunately, things like this are very possible. It just seems less real because Noah’s gone through so much already.”

“It’s not fair,” Luke agreed. After another silence, Luke had to ask. “What do you think Noah should do?”

Marcus raised his eyebrows. “About the family?” he guessed. After Luke nodded, he heaved a sigh. “I honestly don’t know. I might need some time too.” They both chuckled, and Marcus turned serious. “I think, knowing Noah as I do, that at some point he’s going to want to meet this family. If or when we get solid proof that he was once Andrew Miller… he’s going to want to help them. Give them closure, give them the truth.”

“Will that be good for _him_ though?” Luke asked, leaning forward. “Because, no offense to this family, but I care about him more than them. What if they’re bad people, what if they don’t deserve him? They could be, like, drug runners or… Tea Party supporters, or…” he swallowed hard. “What if they’re this nice southern family who does barbeques and sweet tea, and he meets them and likes them, and then they find out he’s gay and…” he looked up when Marcus started to laugh. Luke softened. “I’m panicking, aren’t I?”

“A little,” Marcus said gently. “Those are all valid fears, Luke. And you’re allowed to have them. But just remember that we have to support Noah through this. It truly is his decision.”

“I know,” Luke replied. “I know. And I hate it.”

Marcus laughed again. “You said you and your father were fighting. Was it about your job again?”

Luke nodded. “Damian wants me to go on a business trip to New York this week. I had my mind all made up to go until this happened. Now I don’t think I can leave Noah. And my dad found out and we started arguing, etcetera etcetera,” he waved a hand, sighing.

Marcus nodded for a moment, thinking. “How does Noah feel about the trip?”

Luke frowned. “He told me he wanted me to go, even after I found out about this crap. But I can’t leave him now, can I?”

“I don’t think he would see it as you leaving him if you went on this trip, Luke. Now, I’m not telling you to go or not go. I just want you to make the decision you won’t regret later. Noah would hate it if you ended up regretting not going to New York, especially if it was to stay with him.”

“Wow, thanks for that guilt trip,” Luke muttered.

Marcus laughed again. “Well, I’m a part of the Greatest Generation. It’s what we’re good at it.” After Luke let out a laugh of his own, Marcus grew serious again. “Honestly, I’m not trying to influence your decision. I just want you to really think about it, be happy with what ever you end up doing. There’s enough trouble going on right now, why add more to it?”

Luke nodded, smiling wanly. “I’m not going to have to pay you for this session, am I?”

The older man laughed again. “I’ll add it to the tab.”

Luke dipped his head graciously. “Thanks, Doc.” He swallowed heavily. “And seriously. Thank you, for being here and not letting me go crazy. For… I don’t know, being another person who cares about Noah.”

Marcus smiled. “I think there’s more of those people than he really realizes, but you’re welcome. And I’m glad to share that burden, trust me. Especially after…” He looked away.

Luke was quick to jump in. “No, no way. He was more scared that you were mad at him than anything else. What happened at Java, you couldn’t have known what was really going on. Take all that advice you just gave me, okay? Noah’s not upset with you, not at all.”

Now it was Marcus’s turn to smile painfully. “I’ll try to. I’d never forgive myself if Noah felt he couldn’t talk to me anymore. Unfortunately, it looks like he’s still going to need our sessions.” Slightly more embarrassed, “And I want to be someone he can count on.”

“He does count on you,” Luke assured. He let out a breath, more and more grateful as he mulled over the conversation they’d just had. He really was going to have to think about this New York thing. And then something else Marcus said stood out in his brain. _There’s enough going on right now, why add more to it?_ “Doc…”

“Yes?” Marcus had stood, gathering his coat. He stopped and turned back Luke.

“Everything that’s happened, everything that’s happening now…” he looked up, eyes sad again. “How much more do you think Noah can take?”

************

Emily sighed as she got out of her car. She had no idea what she was about to say. She wondered if she could just fake this conversation, but something told her the kid would see right through it. She entered the cemetery somewhat cautiously, making her way over to the small granite bench where a tall, lanky figure was sitting.

She stopped a few feet away, crossing her arms. Noah’s shoulders tensed ever so slightly, so she knew she wasn’t sneaking up on him. “This is where you ran off to? To her?” she asked, narrowing her eyes when she realized her voice wasn’t as biting as usual.

Those shoulders shrugged a little. “Didn’t want anyone to find me. I figured no one would check to see if I was visiting my dead-fake-mother’s grave.”

Emily let out a snort of laughter, daring to take a few steps closer. They both fell silent, and it stayed that way for a few more minutes until Emily couldn’t take it anymore. “So how come you’re not screaming at me?”

“Because honestly?” Noah still didn’t look at her. “I’ve got a lot on my mind right now, and you’re not rating very high on the list. And I’m not going to yell at you now to help you with your guilt or whatever. No offense.”

“None taken,” she answered automatically. She studied him again before taking yet another step closer. “Besides, Casey already took care of that for you. The screaming part, I mean.” She paused at the surprised but fond smile that briefly lit up Noah’s face, then continued. “And what’s worse, it actually worked. I feel guilty.”

“My condolences,” he murmured, almost without meaning to.

“Thanks,” she shot back. “Anyway, I know Ali and Hunter are going to be mad at me too, and I thought that if there was a way I could make it up to you, maybe I wouldn’t feel even guiltier when _they_ scream at me.”

“Wow, that was beautiful,” Noah said, again under his breath. Then he finally turned to look at her. “How are you planning on making this up to me?”

She moved to stand in front of him. “I know I can’t. And believe it or not, I really am sorry about that. So, um, here.” She held out a folder of papers towards him.

He hesitated for a moment before taking it. “What is it?” he asked, not daring to open it until he knew.

“I didn’t just research you,” she told him. “That’s everything I could find on the Miller family. What they’ve been up to since… Andrew… disappeared, what they’re all doing now.” Noah’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move to open the folder. She kept talking. “The parent’s names are-”

He held up a hand. “I’m not ready for that yet, thanks.”

“Okay,” she said, quieter. After another pause, “For what it’s worth, I actually am sorry.”

Noah was now staring down at his hands, fidgeting. Years of interviewing people told Emily to shut up and wait- whatever would be said next would be important. She wasn’t wrong. “Ali told me you’re trying to have a baby.” Emily was so shocked she couldn’t respond right away, so Noah kept talking. “I, uh, I hope… good luck.”

He sounded so sincere. How the hell could he still be nice to her? She was still in enough shock that all she could say was, “Thank you.” She ended up sitting down next to him on the bench.

“Though why you’d want to bring a kid into this screwed up world with screwed up people…” he mumbled, not thinking she could hear.

Emily would never know why she replied, maybe still some sense of guilt, but she did. “Well, maybe so this kid and people like you can make things better.”

He shook his head. “Maybe your kid.” Even quieter, “I think it’s too late for me.” And Emily wanted to deny that, though she couldn’t help but think it was too late for her, too.

************

Noah shuffled in through the front door, ducking his head and blushing even before he saw Luke. He still couldn’t believe he had acted like such a drama queen earlier and actually ran out of his own home. He had all his apologies and begging for forgiveness all planned out, but the words died in his throat when he reached the living room.

Luke was fast asleep on the couch, blanket half-kicked off of him. The lights were off, so the shadows cast from the TV left a strange glow on his face. Noah took another step into the room, and then that feeling hit him square in the chest. The feeling he always got at the most random of times, _God, he is so beautiful_. Really, why did Luke put up with him?

He walked over to the couch and wrestled between waking Luke up and letting him get some rest. Getting some rest sounded pretty damn good right now, he had to admit. Somehow he ended up sitting on the floor in front of the couch, settling down by where Luke was resting his head. He stared at the TV, no idea what was actually playing on screen. The people looked happy, and he had to turn away.

He couldn’t help but jump, startled, when a pair of arms dropped down to wrap around him, a chin resting right at where his neck and shoulder met. “Did you just get home?” Luke asked in a sleep-roughened voice.

Noah nodded, not trusting his own voice at the moment. He covered Luke’s hands with his own. He sat there, rubbing them gently, until he felt he could speak. “I’m so sorry, Luke.”

He felt the deep sigh more than heard it. “Noah…”

“I am Luke, I am. I shouldn’t have run out on you. Left you when you and your dad were… I shouldn’t have run.” He cleared his throat when it got scratchy again. “And I should have told you everything when I found out, I know I should have. It’s just-”

“Noah, shut up,” Luke’s voice had a smile to it, and he let himself be turned around until he was facing his boyfriend. Luke studied him for a few seconds and then leaned forward enough to kiss him on the nose. Noah was pretty sure he was blushing again. “Like I said on the phone, I don’t blame you for getting out of here. I’m sorry you had to.”

Noah frowned determinedly. “It’s not your fault.”

Luke laughed softly, then scooted himself back as far as he could and patted the now empty space alongside him. “Get up here, dumbass.”

Noah shook his head as he slid onto the couch so he was lying next to Luke. “You know, I really love all my nicknames.”

Grinning, Luke wrapped his arms tightly around him, pulling him even closer. “I love _you_ ,” he whispered fiercely. Noah tucked his face into the crook of Luke’s neck, inhaling his scent and then letting out a shaky breath. “And no matter what, this doesn’t change you or anything I love about you. Can you remember that?”

Noah didn’t answer, but he tightened his own grip on Luke, dropping a kiss onto the skin that showed just above his shirt collar. Luke smiled, one hand inevitably finding its way into Noah’s hair. After another few minutes of silence, “Well, this explains one thing,” Noah mumbled into Luke’s shirt.

“What’s that?” Luke asked, trailing fingers lazily up and down his back.

“Why Charlene didn’t take me with her when she left the Colonel. I always wondered, you know? Why she left me behind?”

“Noah…” Luke couldn’t help but tighten his grip.

“No, Luke, it’s okay. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything. I’m not even that sad about it. It makes sense now. Why she could leave her son with that monster. Because I wasn’t really her son, was I?” Of course, Noah found it so much easier to say this when his face was still hidden in Luke’s neck.

Luke was silent for a moment. He knew Noah wasn’t expecting an answer, but he obviously wanted to say something anyway. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Because you are really my boyfriend, and I wouldn’t leave you if you paid me to.”

After a very lengthy, emotional pause, “Not even a dollar?”

Luke smirked. “Really? That’s all our relationship is worth to you? A dollar?” He poked Noah in the ribs.

He squirmed away with a huff of laughter. “Well you are kinda messy. You never put away dishes after they’ve been-”

“Oh, that’s it!” Luke twisted and pounced, going for Noah’s ribs again. They play-fought for a few minutes, until both were too out of breath to continue. Luke flopped down half on top of Noah, grinning as though he had won something. He wrapped one arm around Noah, pulling their bodies together as close as possible.

Noah smiled at the feeling, pulling one of Luke’s hands into both of his, playing with his fingers one by one. “Luke?”

“Yeah?” Luke rested his head on Noah’s chest, relaxing once he heard the steady heartbeat.

Noah’s voice turned cautious, and Luke steeled himself. This was the tone Noah always used when he was about to say something adorably heart-breaking, and Luke was determined not to cry this time. He was going to be tagged as a crybaby if he wasn’t careful. “You don’t… you don’t have to apologize for your family.”

“I don’t?” He had no idea where this was going.

Noah shook his head, Luke could feel the movement from where he lay. He purposefully didn’t look up at him, keeping his ear pressed to warm shirt and skin, the heartbeat underneath. It almost made him miss the words Noah spoke. “No. It’s okay. I mean, it was crazy… but it’s kinda nice too, you know?”

Luke smiled, glad he had readied himself. “To have a family that cares about you?”

Noah’s breathing was slow and soft. “Yeah.” His voice even softer, “Thank you for that.”

Luke lifted his head and kissed where his ear had been, right over the heart. “You falling asleep, babe?” It wasn’t that late, but it had been an admittedly long day.

“Yeah,” Noah’s voice was deeper and drawn-out now. “Let’s go to sleep, okay?” He was still holding Luke’s hand, now against his own cheek, holding it tight like Luke was his stuffed animal.

Luke liked the feeling, and almost hated himself for pulling away, sitting up on the couch next to Noah. “Okay, then wait just a bit,” he had to say, knowing Noah would be feeling it in the morning if he slept here. They had purposefully picked out a couch that wasn’t completely comfortable when they had gone furniture shopping for the apartment. The justification was that neither of them would want to go to bed angry or sleep apart if the couch caused a sore back by morning. And so far, it had worked out perfectly. “Why don’t we get you to bed first?”

Noah frowned slightly, and Luke prepared himself for a protest of some kind. But then Noah just smirked sleepily. “You flirting with me, Snyder?”

He forced out a chuckle. Noah’s smile wasn’t reaching his eyes, and Luke was still worried. Noah was putting on an act, he was still freaked. “Always, lover. Now come on, I have to get my man into bed for the night.” He pulled Noah up off the couch, and for the first time noticed the folder sticking out from under where Noah had dropped his jacket. “What’s that?”

Noah followed his gaze. “Oh.” He picked up the folder and placed it on the coffee table, but didn’t open it. “Emily Stewart gave it to me. It’s, um, information on the f-family.”

Luke stared at the folder, then back at Noah. “Okay.” He looked at the folder again, “Well, we’re definitely going to pretend _that_ doesn’t exist for tonight.” Noah didn’t say anything, but Luke could have felt his relief from across the room.

He continued to pull Noah out of the living room, not stopping when Noah spoke up. “Luke?”

“Yeah?” he guided Noah into the bedroom, pushing him lightly towards the bed before turning to shut the door and flip off the lights. They both shed clothes as they moved towards their designated spots in bed, Noah pausing to take off his watch and put it on his bedside table.

He waited until Luke was settled and then curled around him, wrapping both arms tight and burying his face in Luke’s hair. Then he remembered that he was supposed to speak. “Tomorrow, we’re going to figure out the New York thing, ’kay?”

Even though Noah couldn’t see him, Luke smiled. He pulled up the hand he had his fingers linked with and kissed it noisily a couple times, and even though he couldn’t see Noah, he knew he was smiling too. “Okay.”

************

When Holden finally made it to the bedroom, Lily was sitting in bed, going over Lakeview paperwork. He slid in next to her, sighing heavily as he rested his head on the pillow. “That went well.”

“I think that pretty much sums up the entire day, don’t you?” Lily said without looking up. She had been staring at the same paragraph for the last twenty minutes, and she still had no idea what it said.

“Yeah, but you weren’t just on the phone with Mama and Jack.”

“You told them?” she finally put the paperwork away, turning towards him.

He sighed again. “Yeah. I figured they should know, since we do. And I didn’t think Noah would know how to tell them, so…” He frowned. “Should I not have?”

She smiled sadly. “No, I think that was probably the only good thing any of us have done today.”

He grunted. “Can’t argue there.” Quieter, almost tentative, “Have you heard from Luke?”

She was quiet for a moment, preparing her answer. “Yes. Noah’s okay. He called Luke not long after…” _After Luke threw us out of the apartment. After Casey Hughes of all people reminded us of what was important. After Noah felt he had to run away from us._ “They’re both fine.”

“Relatively speaking,” Holden mumbled, rubbing both hands over his face. He still couldn’t really believe all this crap with Noah and this family in Georgia. God, that poor kid couldn’t catch a break.

He just wanted to bundle both Luke and Noah up, take them to Emma and the farm, and leave them there for eternity. Keep them somewhere safe, away from the damage of Noah’s past, away from whatever (whoever) could threaten them now…

“You’re doing it again,” Lily commented, turning off her bedside lamp.

“Doing what?” He turned his off too, and they both turned so they were lying facing each other.

“Your head was about to go to Damian. Whatever you were thinking, you were about to blame Damian for.” She was frowning at him now, eyes weary as though they were about to have the same fight all over again. “Please, just for now? Let it go.”

And maybe they were. “I can’t… I can’t help it, Lily. Someone has to keep an eye on him. Someone has to… to stay on alert.”

Lily closed her eyes for a few moments, then reopened them. “And I understand that honey, but… you’re letting your anger get the better of you. And that’s not helping either boy right now.” Her voice grew a little desperate. “Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that you arguing with Luke helped drive Noah away?”

“That’s not-” Holden tried to protest.

“I know we all share the blame in that,” Lily understood. “But, see, we can’t control what’s happening to Noah. You can control this fight with Luke.” Her voice cracked slightly. “They’re going to need us, Holden. They’re going to need their parents, and if Luke and you can’t be…” she shook her head.

“I’m trying to protect them from Damian,” he said quietly. Someone had to, right?

Lily sighed wearily again, and Holden was really starting to hate that sound. Hate that he was the cause of it. She pursed her lips a little before speaking. “I know you remember the things Damian has done, I know you do. And I know you remember the things that the Colonel has done.”

He frowned again, no idea where she was going with this. “Of course I do.”

Lily had tears in her eyes now. “And everything going on with Noah now… Holden, out of two boys and four possible fathers... maybe you could be the man to actually be there for them?”

************

Wednesday was the least fun day of the week, Luke decided absentmindedly as he finished typing up a memo and emailing it to Stacey. It had been a monster-bitch of a weekend, to the point of where the last two days had been positively boring by comparison. On Monday, by Luke’s request, both he and Noah took the day off from life, staying in the apartment, eating whatever was already in the fridge, laying on the couch and watching TV. The folder Emily had given Noah remained unopened.

Tuesday, this time by Noah’s request, they both went back to their normal schedule, classes and work. Noah wanted another day to _not_ deal with that folder, and the mind-numbing routine of school and Java would do that for him. Luke went back to Grimaldi Shipping with little fuss.

He had given Damian a bare-bones version of what was going on, and the man was surprisingly understanding and concerned. It actually shocked Luke more than he thought it would. Seeing Damian care about his son’s boyfriend was a far cry from the man he had known at sixteen.

“Hello, son.” Speak of the devil.

“Hi Damian.” Luke pushed himself back away from his computer and desk as Damian entered his office.

“Stacey’s out there printing out your memo. I take it this means you won’t be attending the budget meeting later?” Damian asked serenely.

Luke shook his head. “Noah gets out of class at five, I’m trying to get home before he does. I want to spend as much time with him as possible, especially since I won’t be seeing him for two days.”

“Are you sure he’s okay with you going to New York with me?” Damian took a seat across from him.

Luke couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “Yeah, I think he’s more okay with it than I am. He doesn’t want me to miss out on something important because of him. We talked about it a lot on Monday. It’s just for two days, I can call him any time to check on him. And each day he’s doing a little better, so I ‘have to trust that he can actually be alone every once in awhile’ or something like that.”

Damian laughed. “It sounds like he’s given you a lecture on it.”

“Or two,” Luke agreed, laughing too. “But seriously, Damian, if I’m leaving tomorrow, I want to spend as much time with him tonight as I can. For my own peace of mind, because I know as together as he is, he’s still more upset about everything than he’s been letting on.”

“No, no, I understand Luciano. And again, if there’s anything I can do to help…” Damian stood up again, preparing to leave.

Luke nodded. “Thanks. And actually,” he spun back towards his desk, picking up a stack of papers. “That weird thing with the expense reports? The missing money that’s not missing because we can’t find it?” He waved the papers around. “It turned up again, in the files for January.”

Damian frowned. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “It’s the weirdest thing, because money is being moved around, but from where and to where, I have no idea. Did you ever find anything when you looked into the end of the year stuff?”

Damian took the paperwork that Luke was holding out, looking it over. “Nothing at all, so I just assumed it was a clerical error of some kind. But if it’s showing up on paperwork again, that’s unacceptable.”

“I know,” Luke shoved hair out of his eyes. “Do you have any idea what it could be? I mean, if I didn’t know any better I’d say someone _within_ the company was-”

“Money laundering,” Damian murmured, grimacing. “It’s possible, though I’d hate to think that someone in my employment would do such a thing.” He shook his head, looking back up at Luke. “Either way, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle this.” Luke was about to protest- Damian said that last time!- but Damian then nodded towards the clock. “You might want to hurry if you want to beat Noah back to your apartment, son.”

Luke checked the clock. It was 4:30. “Oh crap!” He stood, grabbing his suit jacket and throwing it on. There was still one stop he had to make before he could go home, he’d have to hurry if he wanted to get there on time. Damn, sometimes he wished Oakdale had a teleporter, life would be so much easier.

************

Lily smiled happily (and maybe a little relieved) when Luke walked into her office, slightly out of breath and harried. “Hi honey.”

“Hi Mom, I have a huge favor to ask you, and I know things are a little weird right now but-” Luke shrugged off his coat and dropped into the chair across from her.

She cut him off with a slight laugh. “Luke, there is no favor too ‘huge’ that I won’t do it, short of robbing a bank. And really, even that would depend on what you needed the money for.” She was more than a little relieved when he laughed; Luke was looking tired and stressed and she hated seeing her usually bright, high-spirited son this way. “So what is this favor?”

He took a deep breath, as though preparing to give a speech. “I’m going to New York tomorrow. And I’ll be back on Saturday, but with everything going on… Can you just, just keep an eye on Noah? Check in on him, invite him to dinner, something? I don’t want him sitting in the apartment the whole time I’m gone thinking about everything.”

Lily’s smile widened. Wow, she was actually being given permission to mother Noah for two whole days straight? It was like an early birthday present. She kept that to herself, nodding instead. “Of course! Of course I will, you didn’t even need to ask. And anyway, there’s no way he’s getting out of my Friday Night Dinner.”

Luke’s smile was more genuine then too, and comforted. “Good. And just…” he hesitated before continuing. “Just don’t let him find out I asked you, please? Make it seem like your overbearing love doing this, not mine.”

She laughed outright. “I really think I can manage that, sweetie. Noah won’t know what hit him.” It looked like a weight was lifted off Luke’s shoulders, and for some reason she felt like now was the time to ask what had been on her mind for the last two days. “Luke. You are going to New York for the right reasons, aren’t you?”

For a second it looked like he was going to get angry, but then he looked at her again, calm and resolute. “Yes. I am. I really am.”

Lily nodded. “Okay. That’s all I needed to hear.” Luke smiled and got up to leave, but stopped when Lily came around her desk to hug him. “Have a good trip, Luke.”

He sighed into her shoulder, hugging her back tightly. “Thanks Mom.”

“And remember,” she pulled back to look him in the face. “We’re your parents and we love you, no matter what you do. And we’ll support you, no matter what you do. No matter who you work for.” She gave him a little shove towards the door.

He grinned. “Even if I rob a bank?”

She sighed, going back to her desk and that never ending pile of paperwork. “Depends on what you need the money for, darling.”

************

Jack had to admit he was nervous. His heart had stuttered when he got home from his shift and saw Noah’s truck parked behind the barn. He hadn’t thought he’d get a chance to see Noah for awhile, though he had been thinking of crashing Friday Night Dinner so they’d have a chance to talk.

He walked the path cautiously, spotting Noah instantly. He was sitting in his usual spot, long legs stretched out in front of him, staring out at the gray pond water. Jack had to wonder, not for the first time, if Noah was hoping for those ducks to appear and pester him for bread crumbs. He would _not_ admit that he missed those damn birds too. And anyway, even if he did, it was for Noah’s sake.

“Hey,” he called out quietly, coming closer. He hated seeing Noah tense up, but forced himself to keep moving, sitting down next to him. “Didn’t know you’d be here today.”

Noah took a couple slow breaths, visibly relaxing. “My last class got canceled. But I think Luke wanted to get home before me today, so I’m, um, waiting here.”

Jack couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Ah, the sacrifices we make for love.” The laugh quickly died when Noah didn’t even try to smile back. Jack sighed, moving in a little closer. “Noah. I’m sorry kid, really, for looking into your family without you knowing. It wasn’t meant to be a secret. And it wasn’t because I didn’t trust you or how you’d react.”

Noah didn’t say anything, but his face turned just a little bit closer towards Jack. It was his way of showing he was listening.

Jack kept going. “I just, I knew something was off with your- with the Colonel. And I wasn’t sure what it could be, and I…” he said the rest in a rush. “I wanted to find out what it was before it got to you, before it did anything to you.”

Noah gave a half-hearted smirk. “That pretty much failed, huh?”

Jack laughed again, patting Noah briefly on the back, taking a moment to squeeze his shoulder before pulling back. “Yeah, sorry about that too.”

Noah’s smile, which had involuntarily appeared when Jack touched his shoulder, stayed in place at that, though it definitely looked more forced. “I’m starting to get sick of people saying sorry to me. I don’t like being that kind of person,” he confessed quietly.

“It doesn’t mean they feel sorry for you,” Jack defended. “It just means they care about you. That’s a good thing, remember?”

Noah’s laugh was almost half-sigh. “Yeah.” He grew quiet again, pulling up strands of grass and dropping them at his feet. Jack stayed silent, waiting for whatever it was Noah was trying to say. “You know everything, right? Holden probably told you?”

Jack fought the urge to give him another hug. “Yeah. He told me.”

Noah nodded, looking out at the water again. “It’s like… it’s like I found an alternate reality, where I’m supposed to be this whole other person. And the person I am now is a mistake. I don’t know how to deal with it.” He shrugged, and it looked like it took all of his energy to do it. “I don’t even know my real name,” it came out as a little bit of a laugh, like he couldn’t believe what he was saying.

For a moment, Jack struggled for the right words. “Noah, I don’t care if your name turned out to be Abraham Lincoln. It wouldn’t matter. You’ll always be a Snyder, kid.” Noah finally turned to face him fully, and Jack made sure to hold his gaze. “And Snyders don’t butt out of family business. So we’re going to be bugging the crap out of you for a long time, and you’re just going to have to suck it up and get used to it.”

Noah’s eyes grew almost too wide, and he ducked his head to try to hide the small surprised smile that he couldn’t fight off. Jack’s grin grew too, and he slung his arm around Noah again, prodding him to his feet. “Come on, it’s cold out. Why don’t you wait out Luke in the house- Emma’s been baking nonstop, and I know she has some cookies for you.”

************

Luke set his suitcase back on the ground, zipping it up as he sat on the edge of the bed. He stared at it, suddenly willing it to unpack itself and disappear. He leaned forward until his elbows rested on his knees, burying his head in his hands. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, maybe now wasn’t the best time to-

He felt a leg kick him lightly. “Hey.” Noah’s voice was fuzzy and soft.

“Yeah?” Luke couldn’t turn around and look at him. If he did, he knew he’d want to stay. Crawl back in bed with his naked boyfriend and never let go.

Noah’s sleep-heavy voice wasn’t helping. “You remembered to pack an extra shirt, right? ’Cause no offense babe, but you’re a messy eater and if-”

“I’m not going,” Luke burst out, head still in his hands. “I can’t. I can’t go.”

There was a beat of silence, and then movement behind him. Soon a pair of legs settled down on either side of him, and arms wrapped around him loosely. Noah leaned forward into Luke’s back, resting his head close to Luke’s. “Yes you are,” he said softly.

Luke still couldn’t look at him. “I can’t just leave you here.”

“You’re not,” Noah insisted. “I’ll be fine, Luke. I promise. I have an appointment with Dr. Weston today, and a Movie Night. And classes and work and Friday Night Dinner tomorrow.” His voice dropped lower. “And I’m pretty sure you’ve convinced at least three Snyders to keep an eye on me, even though you’re only going to be gone two days.”

Luke let out a little laugh, dropping his hands onto Noah’s, holding them tight. Anchoring them both to the bed. “I just…” he didn’t know how to finish.

“Stop freaking out,” Noah scolded, jostling Luke gently in his arms, both of them moving side to side like a dance. “You’re going to be fine too.”

Luke felt stupid tears burn his eyes and had to blink them away, wondering whether he was that transparent or whether Noah just knew him that well. “You’re going to call me tonight, right? You promise?”

He felt a quick kiss on his cheek. “Promise.”

He took a deep breath and stood, turning to watch unabashedly as Noah pulled on a pair of sweatpants. Noah half-glared and blushed as he did, but it didn’t stop Luke from coming in close for a kiss. “Good morning.”

Noah hummed into the kiss, eyes closed and smiling. “Morning.” He picked up Luke’s suitcase for him and led him out to the living room. “What time is the car picking you up?”

Luke may have been pouting as he followed. “Ten minutes.”

Noah turned and looked at him, mocking the pout before smiling. “Come here.”

Luke didn’t hesitate in moving forward, and the two of them wrapped their arms around each other. “You sure you’re going to be alright? Because I know you’re not okay, Noah. You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I’m not pretending, Luke. Promise. I’m just not… comprehending it all right now, you know?” He hugged Luke impossibly tighter. “But I promise not to let it sink in until you’re with me.”

Luke pulled back, reaching up to try to smooth down the crazy-cute bedhead Noah was sporting. “Sounds like an incredibly emotionally-healthy plan.”

Noah pursed his lips like he was fighting off a grin. “Coming from you? That means-”

He was about to be a smartass again, so Luke shut him up. He would have said he had no idea how long they stood there in that kiss and that embrace, but it was obviously about ten minutes. Too soon, he heard a car horn honk outside. They pulled back reluctantly, and somehow Noah’s hair was all messy again. Luke smiled, smoothing it down yet again. “I don’t want to go.”

Noah’s smile was a little pained, but very loving too. “And yet you do. And you should.” He kissed Luke softly. “It’ll be okay. And I’m going to call you tonight, remember?”

Luke kissed him this time, very slowly moving towards his suitcase and the door. “Not ever going to forget. Don’t think I won’t throw a giant temper tantrum if you don’t.”

Noah reached past him to open the front door. Luke stepped outside into the early morning air, then turned back to look at him. Noah gave him that crooked half-smile, leaning in the doorway. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Luke pretended to be wounded, clutching his chest. “Really? That’s the last thing you’re going to say to me before I go off to the big city?”

Noah smirked, then surprised him by reaching out and pulling him back by his tie. A quick, hard kiss, and then Noah was pushing him back again lightly. “Knock ’em dead, Snyder.”

When Luke finally caught his breath, he felt like cursing his boyfriend for doing that to him, especially since it did nothing to convince him to leave. Instead, he said the next best thing. “I love you.”

Noah’s smile was softer now. “Love you too. Now go.”

Luke didn’t remember walking away, but all of a sudden he was in the company car, headed for the airport. And his apartment door was shut, with Noah on the other side of it. That sucked. He took a deep breath, picked up his phone, and hit a speed dial.

“Dude,” Casey started talking as soon as he picked up and didn’t stop for Luke to get a word in. “I know I said call me anytime you need me, but it’s, like, _dawn_ outside. It’s early. Your roosters haven’t even crowed yet, Farmboy.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Noah and I don’t have roosters. And anyway, you somehow sound wide awake. What, did I interrupt you and Alison or something?”

There was a pause, then “Nope,” was all Casey said. Before Luke could think about that, Casey was talking again. “Doesn’t matter. What’s up?”

Luke frowned, listening to the background noise over the phone. “Are you in your car?”

Another pause. “Maybe.”

It was too early for Luke to play twenty questions, so he went back to his reason for calling. “Look, I know you’ve got classes today, but do you think at some point you could check up on Noah? You don’t-”

“Luke, why do you think I’m in my car? I’m going to pick up some beer and DVDs, and then I’m on my way to the apartment. Don’t freak out.” Casey’s voice was way too smug.

“Beer?” Luke echoed, refusing to give Casey any satisfaction. “It’s seven in the morning, what are you doing getting beer this early?”

“Whatever, Mr. CEO. Beer for breakfast is a time-honored tradition for college boys. And you asked for my help, don’t question my comfort methods,” Casey shot back airily. “Go have fun in New York, your boyfriend’s going to be well taken care of.”

Luke let out a breath, more relieved than he thought he would be. “Thanks Case.” He snapped his phone shut and leaned back against the leather seat, closing his eyes. Two days. He could handle being away for two days. He’d be fine.

And then his eyes popped open. Two days. Who was he kidding? Saturday couldn’t get here soon enough.

************

He was suddenly very, very alone. And somehow, the apartment seemed a lot bigger and emptier. Noah couldn’t get himself to fall back asleep, there was something wrong with the bed now, so he went through the normal morning routine. He took a shower, got dressed, made some coffee. But Noah still felt uncomfortable, which was stupid. This was his home, what was wrong with him?

It was too quiet, that was the problem. There wasn’t enough noise. Noah went into the living room, turning the TV on. It helped, but he still couldn’t relax. He flexed his fingers, staring at his hand when it went a little numb. It hadn’t done that in months. He and Dr. Weston had worked through his body’s reactions to stress and trauma, this wasn’t supposed to happen anymore. For a second Noah really really wanted to call Luke.

His hand was reaching for his phone before he realized it. “No,” he said out loud, telling himself he was being ridiculous. He’d been alone for half an hour and he was already chickening out? No. He just needed a distraction.

And again, before he realized it, his hand was moving. Against his will. His hand was evil, that must be it. Because before he knew it, the Folder of Doom was on his lap, and it was open.

Noah’s eyes were squeezed shut tightly, at least at first. But then they were opening, and he was looking down. It was like the kid who can’t help but stare into the eclipse, even when warned not to. He had to look. Even if his eyes got burned, he had to read.

Looking back on it later, Noah couldn’t say when it was that his brain stopped working. It was sometime around then, definitely, because the next thing he knew he was walking out of the apartment with his overnight bag, getting into his truck, and heading towards the train station. It was like he was on autopilot again, and he couldn’t break himself free enough to realize that this was crazy. And very stupid. But then he was buying a ticket. And then he was getting on a train. _Man, Luke’s going to be_ pissed.

But Noah couldn’t get himself to stop. The attendant was calling all aboard. He couldn’t get himself to turn around, go back to his apartment, and call Dr. Weston. The train was pulling away from the station. Call Lily or Jack or Casey or-

Somebody plopped down into the seat next to him, and he couldn’t help but flinch. He didn’t want someone sitting next to him. He either wanted to be alone, or with Luke. Nothing else was okay. Noah sat still, his hands still flexing open and closed. He shouldn’t be doing this, he should… should…

The person next to him cleared his throat pointedly. Noah steeled himself and looked up. And almost started choking on the air he wasn’t breathing.

Casey grinned at him cheerfully. “So. Where are we going?”


	8. It's So Easy to Forget That I'm Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Damian thinks he's helping, Marcus and Lucinda worry, Casey calls for backup, Noah ends up in another cliffhanger!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Suspended" by Matt Nathanson. It's absolutely one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists. The sweetest low-self-esteem love song ever.

Casey continued to look at him, eyebrows raised, waiting for his answer. “Well? Where we going?”

Noah could only stare, shaking his head. Maybe shaking his whole body, he wasn’t sure. Things were unraveling very very fast. His hands felt numb.

Casey continued, oblivious. “I saw your truck go screaming out of the apartment complex and had this crazy hunch that I should follow you. Turns out I was right, because man I love road trips! Again, where are we going?”

Noah finally closed his mouth, swallowed hard, and tried to speak. To get his brain to form words and sentences. “I… but you can’t… you… what?” Well, so much for the sentences.

It was then that Casey realized how out of it Noah was. His face softened, and he put a hand firmly on Noah’s arm, like an anchor. Almost as good as Luke, but not quite. _Oh God, Luke’s going to be so mad_. “Breathe, dude. Slow, deep breaths.”

Noah tried, counting slowly in his head, replaying the breathing exercises Dr. Weston had taught him back in their very first session. They were easy, simple. Something he could do. Probably one of the few things he could do right now.

Once Casey was sure Noah was back with him, he spoke again. “Noah. Whatever’s going on, wherever you’re going, I’m not letting you go by yourself. If anyone’s going to do something stupid, I have to be involved. It’s like Oakdale Law.” Somehow he grew sad and stern at the same time. “And you have _got_ to start remembering that you don’t get to do stuff alone anymore.”

Noah was silent for a few minutes, acutely aware that they were getting farther and farther away from Oakdale. “I bought a ticket to Augusta.”

Casey closed his eyes. “I kinda figured.” He reopened them, studying Noah seriously. “What’s going on, man? What’s with the sudden urge to ride the rails?”

Noah pulled out the folder, handing it over. “I don’t know. Luke wasn’t there and the folder was. And then I was reading it and then I was… here. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing, Casey, at all. But I need to go there. To see this place, the house. I’m not going to meet the people, I just…” he ran out of air.

Casey looked a little shocked by the tirade, but covered it well, looking at everything in the folder. “Okay, that’s cool. If this is something you feel like you need to do, then fine. But you’re not doing it alone. I’m coming along for the ride.”

Noah stammered again. “But, but what about your classes? And Alison, and your parents and-”

Shrugging, Casey turned it right back on him. “I can handle all that. And what about you?”

He nodded, already knowing what was coming. “I have to call Luke.”

“For a start!” Casey scolded. “What about the Doc? And the Snyders? They’re going to be worried sick about you.”

Against his will, Noah’s head was ducking down. He was probably blushing too. He knew he was supposed to be better at this. He and Dr. Weston had worked on getting him to accept help, accept love, from other people. But it was still hard to remember sometimes. Especially now, with this new impending disaster and this new family that wasn’t his family. They weren’t. They couldn’t be. Really, weren’t the odds more likely that he wasn’t Andrew Miller? If he looked at it logically…

Casey was talking again. “And it doesn’t matter whether I should be home or not. You need someone here to keep you from going completely straight-jacket.” Quieter, “And it should be me. I- I need to make up for bringing Emily into this. Noah, I’m sorry-”

Noah didn’t know he had it in him, but suddenly he was laughing darkly. “Seriously, if one more person apologizes to me, I’m going to throw up.”

“Wow, you’ve really gotten so much better at letting people in,” Casey teased, punching him lightly on the arm.

“Shut up,” Noah grumbled, hoping he wasn’t smiling.

Judging by Casey’s grin, he wasn’t successful. Casey nodded anyway. “Alright, I get it. Let’s take a break from the serious talk. It’s early, and it’s a long ride to Georgia. We can figure this out later.”

They both settled back more comfortably in their seats. After a minute or two of silence, Noah spoke up quietly. “Thanks, Case.”

Casey grinned again, purposefully not looking over at him. “No problem.” After another minute of quiet, “I love you, man.”

“Shut up.”

************

Luke was sure that if it weren’t for the little distractions, he’d be enjoying a ride on a private jet to New York City. If it weren’t for the fact that he’d just left his boyfriend alone for two days. His boyfriend, who just found out that he may have been kidnapped as a child and was supposed to be someone else. And instead had lived his life with no mother and an abusive father. You know, little distractions.

He sighed, shifting yet again in what was probably a very comfortable leather seat. He tried not to fidget more when Damian took the seat next to him, eyeing him knowingly. “Don’t,” Luke held up a hand preemptively. “You’ll have to accept that I’m going to be worried about Noah the whole time I’m here.”

Damian smiled. “I am accepting that. And I’m worried about him too. But son,” he grew serious. “We have a job to do here. When you agreed to come, you were giving me your word that you could handle this responsibility.”

Luke almost snapped at him, but at the last second he conjured Fake-Noah in his head to calm him down. He reminded himself that he was supposed to be an adult now, and throwing a tempter tantrum probably wasn’t an option anymore. “I know, Damian. And I can handle this. I want you to know that I do take this seriously, and I’ll do a good job in New York.”

Damian smiled, patting Luke on the shoulder. “Do the best you can. That’s all a boss, and a father, can ask for.”

Luke grunted at that, thinking of his last talk (okay, fight) with Holden. He wished it were that simple with his dad. But Holden wanted more from Luke, wanted him to feel the same as him, think the same as him. He expected more from Luke, wouldn’t just let him be… him.

 _“Um, excuse me!”_ Fake-Noah waved a hand in his face. _“Holden has only ever expected for you to be happy and safe. Need I remind you of when you came out? He accepted you! Loved you!_ Loves _you, Luke. Don’t forget that.”_

Lake mentally rolled his eyes. _I know, Fake-Noah. I can’t forget that. That’s why this is so hard. He loves me, but I don’t think he trusts me. At least Damian is letting me find my own way with all of this._

Fake-Noah was about to come up with another really good argument when Luke’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Damian raised his eyebrows, looking almost expectant. “Is that Noah?”

Luke blinked at the strange tone to Damian’s voice, but shook his head, his attention going back to his phone. “Nope. A text from Jade. I’m going to give her a quick call, check in. That’s okay to do on this type of plane, right?”

Damian smiled wide. “It’s a private jet, son. We can do whatever we want.”

Luke smiled and shook his head, sometimes he still couldn’t believe his life had led him to places like this. He was busy imagining what he and Noah could do on a private jet together (and how he could ever persuade Noah to join the Mile-High Club), and almost missed Jade answering her phone. “Hey.”

“Hey!” she sounded surprised. “You didn’t have to call me back right away, you know.”

“Yeah, but I’ve got the time now, and I haven’t seen you in almost a week. What’s up?” he settled back a little more comfortably now.

“Nothing much, really. Just, between hanging out with Lily and spending time with your sisters, I feel like I haven’t talked to anyone my own age in, like, eons. So please, converse. Speak words. Make me feel normal,” she sighed dramatically.

He laughed. “I don’t think there are enough words in the world to do that.” He furrowed his eyebrows as she grumbled at him. “Hey, wait. It’s Movie Night tonight, aren’t you going?”

“No,” she answered quickly. Too quickly.

His frown stayed. “Why not? I mean, you get along fine with Alison now, there’s no reason to-”

“It’s not Alison I’m worried about, Luke.” And there was that patented Jade-is-hiding-something tone. Luke knew it all too well.

“So something happened with Casey,” Luke’s frown changed to a smirk.

She sputtered for a few seconds. “Wh- how- why do you… What makes you think it’s Casey I’m talking about?”

He stretched out a little more. “Because you and I don’t have a problem, I don’t see you and Noah having a problem, and Hunter’s still terrified of you.” He laughed a little before putting as much sincerity in his voice as possible, not wanting to piss her off. “Come on, Jade. What’s going on?”

She was quiet for a second. “I’m not doing this again, Luke. I’m… for the first time I’m a part of a group of friends where we all don’t hate each other.” He could pretty much hear her shrug over the phone. “I don’t want this to be like Will all over again.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he rushed to reassure her. “It won’t be, as long as you’re honest about what you want. No tactics, no lies, no games. And honestly, that’s not you anymore and you know it. Cutting yourself off from the group won’t help any. Just make it worse.”

Another pause. “You can’t tell, but I’m trying really really hard not to sigh dramatically right now. I hate you when you’re all ‘right’ and stuff.”

He laughed. “Well, we both know it doesn’t happen that often. Just, please Jade, go to Movie Night. Please? I mean, the more the merrier, right? You should go.”

“Okay, okay, twist my arm why don’t you?” she grumbled a little again, before going quiet for a moment. “Wait. You kinda are twisting my arm. Why’s it such a big deal for me to go? Is everything okay?”

 _No. I want you to go so Noah has one more person to cheer him up and not let him freak out. But I can’t tell you because it’s not my story to tell. Everything is not okay._ “Everything’s fine.”

************

Casey kept his carefree, goofy smile on his face until the moment Noah disappeared from sight, off to find a private place to call Luke. As soon as he was sure Noah couldn’t see him, he sagged down in his seat, blowing out a breath. He was worried. Really, really worried. Noah was being about as un-Noah as a Noah could be. A big part of Casey was sure his friend still wasn’t all there, that he was pretty much running on desperate, freaked-out fumes more than anything else. And at some point, he was going to fall apart.

 _Speaking of which_. He pulled out his phone, having to make a ‘Guess what I did?’ call of his own. He hadn’t actually talked to Ali since their fight in Java, but now was as good a time as any, right?

“Hey,” she picked up on the third ring, voice cautious.

“Um, hi.” He cleared his throat. “Listen, I kinda really need you to do me a favor. Or, if this helps, a favor for Noah.”

“Okay…” she drew the word out, obviously debating. After a moment, “Okay. What’s up?”

He glanced over to where Noah had gone, making sure he wasn’t back yet. “Can you call Hunter and Jade, spread the word that Movie Night is off for tonight? And, well, maybe call my dad and tell him I’m staying over at Noah’s for the night and I won’t be home?” He wouldn’t dare ask her to call Margo. Because that would _not_ go well.

There was nothing but silence on the other end, and just when Casey was about to make sure the call hadn’t been disconnected she burst out with, “Okay, what the hell is going on?”

“What?” he almost held an arm up to shield him from a smack before remembering Ali wasn’t actually in front of him.

She softened her voice. “Sorry, I’ll make the calls. But, for real, what the hell is going on? Because Hunter has been weird- weirder than usual, I mean. And I suggested us having lunch with Noah the other day and he got all scared and said Noah was probably busy and now you’re calling and saying all this… Hunter won’t tell me. But I know something’s going on.”

He turned his eyes heavenward, but there was no help from on high. “I won’t lie, Ali. There is something going on. But it’s Noah’s deal, not mine. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that-”

“Does Jade know?”

Wait, what? “What?”

“Does Jade know,” Ali repeated, sounding wary.

The mention of her name twisted Casey’s gut, and he had no idea why. No idea. “If she does, I don’t know and I didn’t tell her. And I’m sorry Ali, but I won’t tell you either. I’m just here to help Noah. I’m sorry, okay?”

She sighed. “I’m sorry too. You really are a wonderful friend, Casey. You’re always there to support them and back them up. They’re lucky to have you.”

He frowned, feeling the beginnings of a headache. “Why does that sound like a bad thing?”

She laughed painfully. “Because, and I’m being selfish here, I know I am, but I see all the effort you put into your relationships with your friends, and I can’t help but wonder why you can’t put the same effort into your relationship with me.”

And if that wasn’t a nice little metaphorical punch in the gut, Casey didn’t know what was.

************

The hotel lobby was beautiful, but Damian couldn’t care less at the moment. He frowned into his cell phone. “That wasn’t what we agreed upon, Mr. Thrace. The fee doesn’t gather interest. This is _not_ negotiable.”

 _“Hey, the law isn’t supposed to be negotiable either, but look where we are. Regulations are getting a lot harder to get around. I have to up my price or it just might not be worth it.”_

He shook his head, his mouth opening to rattle off a list of curses in Italian, when he noticed Luke sitting down next to him, a confused look on his face. “I have to call you back. We’re not finished talking about this, Thrace.” He hung up before the man could reply.

“Everything okay?” Luke asked with a frown, eyeing Damian’s phone. He had his own cell in his hands, rotating it around, checking the display.

“Of course,” Damian smiled, sliding his phone back into his suit pocket. “Just some last minute changes to a deal.”

“What deal?” Luke set his phone down so he could look through his paperwork, trying to figure out what Damian could already be working on. They hadn’t even met with the business partners yet…

“Oh,” Damian waved a hand, keeping it light. “A possible venture for the international branch of Grimaldi Shipping. Nothing for you to worry about.” Luke opened his mouth to reply with something, so Damian pressed on. “Your first meeting is coming up, correct? With the Agathon Corporation?”

“Um, yeah,” Luke shook himself, looking down at his paperwork with more purpose now.

“The important thing with Karl is to remember that he likes confidence, he’s more likely to make deals if he thinks you have the power and the answers,” he counseled his son.

Luke nodded along. “Power and answers. Right. Things I’m normally so full of, huh?” he grinned. “Well, I’m off then. I’ll meet you back here afterwards?”

Damian smiled warmly. “Of course. Good luck, son.”

It wasn’t until after Luke had walked away that Damian spotted the cell phone. Luke had set it down to look over paperwork and must have forgotten it. And just as Damian picked it up, it started to vibrate, a name flashing across the screen. Noah.

Damian went still. He had been expecting Noah to call much sooner, the way things had been going. He also had expected Luke to call _him_ several times. To be perfectly honest, he had half-expected Luke to cancel on the trip this morning. He hoped this was a sign of maturation that Luke was choosing his obligations over personal matters. The constant buzz of the phone stopped, and was then followed by one short one. Noah had left a voicemail.

He continued staring at it. He wasn’t exactly sure of everything that was going on, he just knew Noah had discovered some new family secret, yet another treachery of his father’s. It was horrible, he was sure, and Damian didn’t like what it was doing to Noah.

But he also didn’t like what it was doing to Luke. Instead of focusing on his future, the opportunities he had right in front of him, Luke was constantly distracted. Holden and Lily were one thing, Damian didn’t like it but he could understand Luke’s ties to them. But a significant other?

And what if this family secret of Noah’s ended up being something tragic, devastating? He didn’t want to see Luke dragged down by it too. Not if he could do something to protect his son.

The alerts on Luke’s phone flashed for a missed call and a voicemail and, before he could talk himself out of it, Damian deleted both of them. In the long run, this would be for the best. Whatever he had to do to keep Luke focused and safe from being hurt, he would do. Feeling better, Damian pocketed the phone and headed off to his own meeting.

************

Noah sat back down heavily, his arms and legs folding in close. Casey looked him over, concerned. “Did Luke yell at you?”

Noah shook his head. “He didn’t answer, so I left a voicemail. I think. It probably wasn’t my most coherent message ever.” A shrug. “He’s probably already in meetings for the day. I left a message for Dr. Weston too. Did you call your parents?”

It was Casey’s turn to shake his head. “Alison.”

And finally, finally there was a hint of a smile. “How did that go?”

“Oh, just great,” he said with an exaggerated grin. “We totally didn’t fight at all about where our relationship is going.”

“Case,” Noah’s voice went quiet, gentle. As though Casey was the guy in trouble. “Why are you with Alison?”

He opened his mouth to give the explanations he always gave when someone brought this up, but when Noah raised an eyebrow in a decent ‘cut-the-crap’ expression, he changed his mind. He blew out a frustrated breath. “Because I should be.”

Noah shook his head, doubtful. “Are you sure?”

“No, yeah, yeah. This is good for me, it’s right. I mean, look at it this way- since we’ve been together I’ve gotten back into school, I’ve held down a job, I haven’t gotten arrested, I’ve got a good group of friends…”

Noah smiled warmly. “Casey, I guess I can’t speak for anyone else, but as for me? I love Ali, but I’m not friends with you because you’re with her. Did you ever think maybe you got your life together because of who _you_ are, not who you’re with?”

That pretty much shut Casey up. He bit the inside of his cheek, thinking it over. “But I…” Nothing else came out. He had no idea what to say. Was Noah right?

“Nobody can make you change but you,” Noah spoke into the silence. “I mean, you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, Case. You care about people and stick by them through anything, you make them laugh when they feel like the world is caving in, you take on their fights like they’re your own.” He smiled, waving a hand around them. “You get on a damn train to make sure they don’t go crazy.” Casey smiled at that, even as Noah grew serious again. “I don’t think you do those things because Alison is your girlfriend. I think you do them because you’re you.”

Casey stared at his friend for a full minute, shocked. “Wow,” he finally murmured. “Score one for the wise gay guy.” Noah started to laugh, until the ringing of a cell phone interrupted them. Noah quickly fumbled for it, pulling it out and looking almost desperately at the screen. Casey leaned forward. “Is it Luke?”

Noah seemed to deflate and sit up straighter at the same time. “No.” He looked up at Casey with wide, little-boy-pleading eyes. “Since, um, you are such a good friend, do you mind answering this call for me?”

Casey’s eyes narrowed. “Who is it?”

************

Lucinda looked with a surprised and concerned frown when Marcus was buzzed into her office. “Darling, what’s wrong?” she asked as the door opened. The expression on his face stole her breath.

Marcus’s eyes were cast down, forlorn and worried. “You haven’t heard from Noah today, have you?”

It’s not possible to widen and narrow one’s eyes at the same time, but Lucinda tried. “Noah? No, today’s Thursday. He has a class in the morning, and then…” Now her eyes did widen. “He didn’t come to his appointment?”

Marcus shook his head, sinking down into the leather sofa near her desk. “It would have been our first session since this madness started. I understand if he’s still upset with me after what happened that day in Java, but I still thought he would know better than to…” Another shake of his head. “With his state of mind right now, I’m worried. He’s normally very level-headed, but something like this could cause him to act out, do something rash. I should have-”

Lucinda got up and quietly sat down next to him. “I wish you wouldn’t castigate yourself so much about that.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Have you stopped feeling guilty about what happened that night in their apartment?” In the time it took for her to not answer, he gave a sad smile. “That’s what I thought.”

She smiled back. “No, what happened in Java was nothing compared to what we did to him that night. However… we all pushed him too far, sure, but Noah knows we did it out of love.”

Marcus stiffened a little. “He’s my patient, dear. I can’t be-”

“Well then you did what you did out of professional interest or what have you,” she waved away his weak and oft-repeated argument. Marcus still seemed to think that he had to keep a strict doctor-patient relationship with Noah. They all knew he cared about Noah and Luke like they were family, even if he wouldn’t admit it. _Men_. “Either way, Noah’s just not used to that type of pushing as a good thing. He hasn’t been a Snyder for long enough to understand that.”

He forced out a chuckle. “Very astute.”

She glared lovingly. “You spend all your time with a therapist, something’s bound to rub off.”

His laugh was more genuine, but still quiet. “Well, if Noah isn’t avoiding me, where is he?”

“Is it possible he went with Luke to New York?” she threw the idea out there.

He cocked his head to the side, considering. “Possible, but unlikely. Last time we talked, he was very set on giving Luke independence when it came to work.”

“Novel idea,” she muttered.

It was his turn to look stern. “You’re going to have to let Luke grow up sometime. It seems to me that he already has to a large degree.”

“Into a fine young man, I know,” Lucinda glared at everything in her office. “I just don’t want him tied down to that greasy-haired, _ciao_ -spouting villain!”

He laughed, putting his arm around her, squeezing gently. “Wow, tell me how you really feel,” he teased.

She kept up the glare so he wouldn’t know she was dancing on the inside at getting him cheered up. “I was genuinely hurt, Marcus, when I found out about that job. Everything Luke is doing there are things we do at WorldWide. Why wouldn’t he want to work with me?”

Marcus drew her closer. “Because he’s doing things his own way. Do you truly believe he’s choosing his biological father over the rest of his family? That doesn’t sound like the Luke I’ve come to know.”

She snorted inelegantly. “Of course I don’t believe that, I’m not Holden. I know that boy loves us more than… But Holden is right about some things. Damian is dangerous. Mixing with him is never a smart thing even if his intentions are good, which they hardly ever are. The one positive thing that man has produced is Luke. If anything were to happen…” She pulled out her handkerchief but kept it in her lap, clutching it close.

“What’s wrong?” he prodded softly. “Really.”

She sighed, looking down at her hands, the skin that seemed to get more wrinkled every day. “I’m getting older, Marcus,” she confessed. “You and I, Emma, Bob Hughes… We’re not going to be around forever. Who’s going to take care of my family then?”

“Dearest-” Marcus tried to get her to look at him, but she kept talking.

“Every checkup I go to, every pill I take morning and night, every test I go through, I am reminded that I could very well leave this earth soon. Leave my children and their children, the people I love. And what I’m most afraid of is that those people won’t have me- anyone- to look out for them. They won’t know how much I need to take care of them.”

He brushed a soft kiss to her temple. “They know you love them.”

She shook her head. “What if I get sick again, darling? What if all this trouble keeps up? I don’t want to die when my boys are so unhappy. I can’t leave my family when some members don’t even realize they _are_ -”

“Lucinda, love,” he spoke insistently. “I can think of no other family on this planet that makes their love known like yours does. Noah and Luke love you, and they know you love them. Do you think half of this drama would be going on if you people didn’t care so much about each other?” He kissed her again, and she wasn’t ashamed to lean into the touch. “Besides,” he continued, “I firmly believe that you will outlive us all.”

“Oh, you,” she lightly slapped the arm that was wrapped around her. “I’m good but I’m not _that_ good. And speaking of Noah, did you even try calling him to see where he was today?”

He shook his head. “There is such a thing as doctor-patient boundaries, dear. I can’t just-”

“Oh for Heaven’s sake, Marcus!” she pulled out her cell phone with a huff. “Must I do everything around here?” she dialed Noah’s number.

“Well, you are the boss,” he murmured, not at all upset.

“I’m glad you can finally admit that. Most men’s egos are-” the line picked up. “Noah, darling, I need to speak with you for a moment.”

“Um, hi, Ms. Walsh.” It wasn’t Noah who answered.

“Well, hello Mr. Hughes,” Lucinda’s tone, which somehow managed to be so gentle when talking to Marcus, immediately went back to the usual powerful Lucinda Walsh manner. Marcus frowned, confused, as she continued. “Could you possibly tell me where that wayward grandson of mine is?”

There was a pause. “I think Luke’s in New York,” Casey said slowly, sounding even more confused than Marcus looked.

She laughed. “And the other one? The tall, blue-eyed one?”

Casey laughed. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Um, Noah’s hanging out with me. He was feeling kinda down since Luke left, so I took him on a little road trip. Trying to cheer him up and keep his mind off things. You know, stuff like that.”

“I see,” Lucinda frowned. There was something a little off in Casey’s tone, but she let it go. “And is Noah aware that he missed an appointment today?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Casey still sounded nervous. “He actually just called the Doc’s office to apologize, but the Doc wasn’t there. Noah feels really bad about it, but don’t worry, Ms. Walsh. I’m taking good care of the kid.”

“I’ll bet you are, dear. Give Noah my love, I’m sure I’ll be hearing from one or both of you soon,” she decided to let the poor guy off the hook. As soon as Casey hung up, she turned back to Marcus. “I never thought I’d be glad Casey Hughes is involved.”

He chuckled. “Like I said, you have to let them grow up sometime. Some people do get better with age, you know.”

“Oh,” she glanced back to her desk, to the framed photo there of two young kids in love almost fifty years ago. “That, I do understand.”

************

The sky was fading into night as Noah slipped back into the motel room. “Got some pizza,” he explained needlessly, holding up the two boxes.

“Sweet,” Casey hung up his phone and tossed it away, sitting on the floor in front of his bed. “You wouldn’t happen to also have a plan for tomorrow, would you?”

He blushed, feeling like such an idiot for doing this in the first place. He never should have opened The Folder. “I… I just want to see that house. They don’t even live there anymore, it’s not like anyone will recognize me or anything. I just want to see it, make sure it’s the one that’s been in my head.”

Casey studied him, nodding lightly. “Sounds good to me. We’ll hit up this Franklin Street, get back to the station, and I’ll have you walking into Lily’s Friday Night Dinner with no one the wiser.”

“Yeah.” Noah dropped to the floor in front of his own bed, placing the pizza boxes between them. He eyed the laptop sitting open and facing away on Casey’s bed, but decided not to ask. Maybe he really didn’t want to know what Casey did on the internet. Instead he pulled out his cell again and sat it down next to him within easy reach.

Casey looked at him, half a slice already stuffed in his mouth. “Luke hasn’t called you back yet?”

Noah shook his head. “I left another message. You don’t, um…” he cleared his throat. “You don’t think he’s pissed, do you? And that’s why he hasn’t called back?”

Casey couldn’t answer any faster if he tried. “No. No way. He just hasn’t gotten the messages yet. As soon as he does, he’s going to be _hounding_ you with calls. The second you’re both home he won’t be letting you out of his sight for at least eight months. Don’t worry about that.” He finished off his pizza, reaching for another slice. “And don’t worry about this little trip. Everyone’s allowed to be impulsive and crazy every once in awhile.”

He was pretty sure the blush hadn’t left his face yet. “This is a little past impulsive and crazy, Hughes.”

Casey wouldn’t let up. “Maybe, but it’s not worth getting worked up and freaked out about.” And then that devilish Casey Hughes grin appeared. “Besides, you’re going to be too busy tonight to be freaked out.”

Noah groaned. “Please don’t tell me you’ve got some bar picked out to go to. I’m way too out of it to do anything. Can’t we just stay here, eat the pizza? Maybe watch a movie?”

The grin wasn’t going away. “That’s exactly what we’re going to do. Don’t you remember what day it is?” Off Noah’s confused look, “Thursday is Movie Night, duh! And while I love you, man, I’m not sure I’m quite enough to get you through this right now.” He reached back, pulling the laptop off the bed and onto the floor between them. “So I called in some backup.”

Noah stared open-mouthed at the computer screen. There, through the wonders of Skype, were Jade, Alison, and Hunter. Judging by the looks on the girls’ faces he could tell that Hunter must have just told them what was going on. But the three of them were grinning and waving now. Noah shook himself. “What…?”

Jade shrugged with a smile, the movement a little choppy and delayed from the connection. “Well Boyfriend, we’ve got nothing better to do tonight.”

“And anyway, we’ve all gotten so used to having you critique every movie we watch!” Alison chimed in.

Noah shook his head. “I’m not sure I really have the mental powers to critique a movie right now. Not even sure I could pick _out_ a movie right now.”

“Also not a problem!” Casey jumped in. “Thanks to my awesomeness- and Hunter’s geekery- I’m bringing in even more help.” He clicked on the laptop and another Skype window popped up. Noah’s eyes widened.

“Hellooo August, Georgia!” Maddie called out like a rockstar. “Don’t worry sweetie, I got the DVD all picked out and ready. Just sit back and enjoy.”

Noah turned back to Casey. “How?”

Casey pulled the same DVD out from behind him, and he saw Hunter holding up the same one. “There’s a video store down the block,” Casey explained. “And Maddie knew this was one of your what-do-you-call-it, um…”

“Chicken Soup movies!” Maddie’s voice piped up over the computer speakers.

“Chicken Soup movies,” Casey repeated with a nod. “So tonight we’re all going to relax and watch _Blazing Saddles_ together. Deal with it.”

Noah looked back and forth between Casey and the computer screen, the faces of all his friends looking at him expectantly, and finally smiled timidly. “I guess we better get this started before we keep Hunter out past his bedtime.”

Everyone else laughed as they settled in to watch the movie, linked across three different towns. As the others began chatting during the opening credits, Noah turned back to Casey one more time. “Did you call Luke?”

Casey hesitated before answering. “Yeah. He didn’t pick up, so I left him a message too. I wouldn’t worry, Noah. Like you said, he’s in meetings all day. He’ll call soon, I promise.”

Noah nodded, but in his head he was telling himself he shouldn’t have run off like this. It was his insistence that got Luke to go to New York, and it was his messed-up head that put him on a train to Augusta. It was-

“Noah, tell us why we’re watching this movie?” Jade’s voice cut into his thoughts.

“It’s a classic!” Maddie argued.

“So? Some people think _Showgirls_ is a classic,” Jade fired back.

Casey sat up straighter. “Does that mean we can watch _Showgirls_ next week?”

“No!” four voices yelled out immediately. Noah just laughed. That feeling- that feeling in the pit of his stomach that had taken hold since those dreams started- was receding a little bit, replaced by something better. Something like family.

************

Yet another buzz of Luke’s cell phone alerted Damian as he finished up his last meeting of the day. Forcing back the beginnings of a headache, he checked the screen. It wasn’t Noah for once, but the fact that it was Casey Hughes meant pretty much the same thing.

The young man had appointed himself as Noah’s guard dog right around the time Damian arrived in Oakdale, and Damian also never quite approved of his antics and the way he seemed to bring out the thirteen-year-old in Luke. Luke wanted to be more of an adult, isn’t that what he said?

Damian flipped through the phone and deleted Casey’s missed call, just as he had with the two missed calls from Noah. He felt a little guilty for doing it, knowing that Noah was going through something rough right now, but he had to. Luke couldn’t magically fix whatever problems Noah was having, and it shouldn’t be his job to. He had already chosen a job.

He had just gotten through deleting the alert for the voicemail when Luke entered the conference room, hands full of folders and contracts. “Hey, Damian.”

He quickly dropped the phone into his open briefcase, out of sight. “Hello son. How did the meeting go with Karl?”

Luke grinned triumphantly. “Better than good. You were right about that whole confidence thing. I got them to agree to a couple more stipulations in the deal. As soon as we get these contracts finalized, Grimaldi Shipping is going to save tons on transaction fees and interest.”

Damian felt himself mirroring the smile. “That’s fantastic news! I’m very proud of you, son. I knew you could do this, you just needed the chance.” He moved around the table to stand next to him, squeezing his shoulder happily. “You just needed to get away from distraction for a bit, to-” and then Damian stopped himself from saying something stupid.

Luke looked confused, eyes trying to search Damian’s for answers. “Distraction? What were you going to say?”

Damian shook his head. There’s no way he’d reveal he was going to say that Luke just needed to get away from Oakdale, Holden, and Noah for a bit. He wasn’t that foolish. “You just needed to prove to yourself that you could do it,” he covered diplomatically. “You have one more meeting today, yes?”

Luke never noticed the slip. “Yeah, one more quick one, then I’m done for the night…” as he spoke he absentmindedly patted down his pockets. Now frowning, he rooted through his satchel.

“What’s wrong?” Damian wondered if he had lost some paperwork or-

“My cell phone. I can’t find…” he shook his head. “Did I leave it in the meeting? I can’t remember the last time I even had it! If Noah calls me…”

Damian kept his face and voice neutral. “I’m sure it’ll turn up. In fact, if you head on to your meeting, I’ll swing back by your last room, see if you left it there.”

Luke shot him a grateful look, one that almost had Damian feeling guilty again. “Thanks, Damian, that would be great. If there are any missed calls from Noah, can you bring it to me?

“Absolutely, I’ll check. And either way, I’ll see you back at the hotel tonight.” Damian kept up his smile until Luke was out of the room. Letting out a little bit of a sigh, he closed his briefcase with a decisive snap. This was for Luke’s own good, right? Yes, it had to be. He repeated the phrase that got him through many decisions in his life- _The ends justify the means_ …

************

Whatever dream it was that pulled Noah out of sleep, he couldn’t remember. But it was enough to keep him from laying back down. A quick check of his phone told him two things- it was just after six am, and Luke still hadn’t called. _Damn it_.

He was trying to keep from freaking out, he really was. It was just that… there’s no way Luke could still be in meetings now, could he? Though maybe they had run late and he’d gone straight to sleep. Maybe he’d call back first thing in the morning.

But when exactly was ‘first thing in the morning,’ anyway?

He was still shaking a bit from the dream, and maybe that was it. Maybe because the weak and shaky feeling he’d been fighting off since Luke went to New York had come back with a vengeance, maybe that was why he was looking over at The Folder again where it lay next to his duffel bag. There was no reason to open it again, Noah knew everything that was inside it now.

The Miller family. Father Eric, mother Autumn. He was a college professor and high school football coach. She was a painter. Son Justin, daughter Krista. Justin was now thirty-one years old, Krista was twenty-nine. Noah almost could’ve laughed. His old parents were a psycho and a whore, his new parents were…

No. No no no no no no no no. Noah sucked in a breath so harshly he was surprised that it didn’t wake Casey up. No. These people were not his parents. They weren’t his family. This wasn’t possible. This wasn’t real. He shoved any more of those thoughts to the very far back of his brain, because the walls were starting to close in on him.

He just needed some air, that was it. That was all he needed. He quietly slipped out of his bed, pulling some clean clothes on. He checked on Casey, still passed out on his own bed, and decided to be smart for once and leave a note.

 _Getting coffee, back in a bit. It’s six am, so I’ll be back with coffee, throw away the note, drink both cups, take a shower, and watch another movie before you wake up. –Noah_

He got out of the motel room with the small smirk still on his face. Zipping up his red hoodie, he headed down the block to the coffee shop he’d noticed the night before. He doubted it could be anywhere as good as his Java brew, but at this point caffeine was more necessary than taste.

Thank God the place at least shared Java’s hours. 6:30am and the place was already busy. It probably took fifteen minutes for him to get his order and grab a seat near the door. Another three (okay, five) checks of his cell phone, but Luke still hadn’t called. Maybe he really was mad? Maybe he was teaching Noah a lesson?

Great, now Noah’s brain was doing its impression of his father. Damn it. The Colonel. His father? The Colonel? What the hell?

And then the walls were closing in again, and what the hell was he thinking ordering coffee when the air around him was so hot? Noah stumbled to his feet, took a moment to calm himself and not accidentally cause a scene, and headed for the door. He was just congratulating himself on a job well done there when he accidentally bumped into someone coming in just as he tried to open the door.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the woman he had almost run into smiled, looked up at him apologetically.

Looked up at him with bright blue eyes.

No. Way. Was there anyway for the Universe to _not_ screw with him? Because the two people in front of him were the two people he probably didn’t ever want to meet. Ever. Eric and Autumn Miller. There’s no way this was a coincidence. He really must have pissed somebody off in his previous life.

“You alright, honey?” she asked, eyeing him both concerned and maybe a little wary.

Well. So much for not causing a scene.


	9. If This Will Make You Happier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Noah accepts the truth, Jack interrogates, Jade takes a stand, Luke discovers a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Happier" by Guster!

Noah had never been more grateful for his therapy sessions than he was in this moment. Because counting silently and breathing slowly were the only things keeping him from losing his head right now. He managed a very shaky nod to the woman who had just asked if he was okay. “F-fine. Sorry, I’m sorry.”

She smiled, probably glad that the strange guy she had run into wasn’t a completely moronic weirdo. “No, no, it’s my fault. I can always be counted on to run into things before I get my caffeine in the morning!”

The man next to her, Noah knew his name was Eric and wished he didn’t, was also looking him up and down. “You sure you’re okay, son?”

And just before _that_ could send Noah into the tailspin he could feel coming on, the door to the coffee shop opened again. And in walked a bleary-eyed Casey. “Noah! Dude, there you are. Listen, maybe I shouldn’t have, but I just talked to-” Then he took in Noah’s pale face and the two strangers standing between them. He immediately, and probably instinctively, moved to stand next to his friend. “Hey, you okay?” And then he got a good look at the people who had obviously freaked Noah out, and nearly freaked out himself. “Whoa.”

“Casey,” Noah tried to grab his arm casually but was probably failing epically. “Hey.” His mouth said ‘hey’ but his eyes were saying ‘Get me the hell out here!’

And fortunately, Casey was fluent in Noah-lish. “Sorry to barge on in here man, but we’ve actually gotta go. You know, places to go, people to see, trains to catch, all that stuff.” As he spoke he gently guided Noah to the door and outside before Mr. and Mrs. Miller could say or do anything more. Once they were out on the sidewalk, Casey turned to him, eyes searching and concerned. “Noah?”

He could only shake his head. “Can’t.” He needed to get as far away as possible. Idly he wondered if Vancouver was nice this time of year. _One, two, three. Four, five, six._

Casey was still leading him back to the motel. “I cannot friggin’ believe that just happened,” he muttered. Louder, “Hey, everything’s okay, understand me? We’re going to go back to the room, pack our stuff, and get the hell out of Augusta. Just keep breathing, man. It’s okay.” He kept up a litany of words, and Noah tried to focus on them instead of the panic that was slowly starting to build in the back of his brain.

Before he knew it they were at their room door, Casey still talking a mile a minute about absolutely nothing. Casey opened it and took a step in, and then stopped dead. Noah, still not completely aware, almost ran into the back of him. “What…?” And then he followed Casey’s gaze into the middle of their motel room.

“Hey,” Luke offered a worried smile, hands clasped behind his back.

“Oh dude, thank God!” Casey ran quickly into the room, grabbed Luke in a relieved hug, and then picked up his jacket. “Call me when you guys are ready to go home!” And then he was gone.

Noah just stared at Luke, not really sure he was seeing things correctly. “You’re here?” it came out as a whisper. He kept his back against the door.

“Yeah,” Luke stayed quiet too, looking more worried by the second.

He was probably wondering why Noah was still stuck standing in one spot. At least he didn’t seem mad at Noah for running away. That was one fear Noah could put to rest (one down, seven hundred billion more to go).

Luke’s eyes widened in that particular way they did whenever he was about to start babbling. “I couldn’t find my phone yesterday, and then something was wrong with it, I didn’t even know I had any messages, but it looked like you hadn’t called which was weird, so I called into my voicemail so I wouldn’t have to throw that temper tantrum, and then I heard your messages, and Casey’s, and I got on the first flight down here, and, uh, usually you cut off my rambling by now…” Luke finally took a breath, finally took a good look at his boyfriend. “How’s today going for you?” he asked, his voice more gentle as he took in Noah’s appearance.

Noah tried to laugh but it didn’t work. “It pretty much sucks.” His hands were starting to shake. Luke took a few steps closer, and that gave Noah the strength to continue. “We just went to get coffee. They were there.”

“Who was there?” Luke asked quietly, confused. He was standing in front of him now.

“The Millers. The parents. I saw them. Ran into them at the door. They looked at me. Spoke to me,” Noah had no idea why it was so much easier to talk in chopped sentences, but it was.

Luke was holding both of his hands in his. “God, Noah. Do… do you want to talk about it? Or do you want me to just shut up?”

He smiled a little at that, his head down. Sometimes he wished Luke would ask that question more often, but not right now. “Do you remember me promising not to let any of this sink in until you were with me?”

A hand was on his face, trying to guide it upwards to look at Luke, but Noah couldn’t do that yet. “I remember,” Luke answered softly.

“It’s sinking in,” he said simply. More than just his hands were shaking now. He forced himself to look up. “Luke? They look like me.” It felt like rocks were settling in his lungs, weighing him down. “They look like me.”

The next few seconds were a blur, and somehow Noah found himself collapsed to the floor. Luke was right there with him with his arms wrapped around him tightly. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered over and over.

He bowed his head down until it rested on Luke’s shoulder. And yet again, for the second time in a week, tears started running traitorously down his face. It was real. It was all real. Noah had a family, had parents and siblings he’d never known about. The Colonel had screwed him over yet again. “It’s not fair,” he murmured.

Luke’s hold got impossibly tighter. “I know. It’s not.” He dropped his chin on top of Noah’s head, resting it there. “I’m so sorry, Noah.”

“He stole me,” Noah kept talking softly. “He stole me from my life. From a family. From growing up without the fear of… of him. Of everything.” He tried to will himself to stop crying, but it just seemed to make things worse.

“I know, baby, I know.” Luke managed to tip Noah’s head up to look at him. He smiled a little, wiping away some of Noah’s tears. “But you know what else I know? You, my incredibly brave and strong boyfriend, are going to be okay. We’ll figure all of this out. And you won’t have to do any of this alone.” He brushed a light kiss across Noah’s forehead. “In fact, I’m going to have to insist on that.”

Noah gave a watery laugh, resting forward against him. They stayed that way for awhile, Luke rubbing his back until the tears finally stopped. “I’m not strong,” he spoke up after a few minutes.

“What?” Luke shifted back a little so he could see Noah’s face again.

“I’m not strong,” he repeated. “You said I was brave, a-and strong? But I’m not. Look at me, Luke.” He gestured at himself with a still shaking hand. “I’m not.”

“Hey.” Luke pulled away long enough to grab Noah’s head in both hands, holding him steady. “First of all, I said you’re _incredibly_ brave and strong. Second of all, I _am_ looking at you and that’s what I see.”

“I ran away,” Noah protested, twisting around so they were sitting side by side. Luke let him, but threw his arm around Noah’s shoulders and let his hand sift through his hair over and over. “I’m sorry.”

Luke just shook his head. “I wouldn’t exactly consider this running away from your problems. In fact, in a way, you were confronting them head on, weren’t you?” He continued before Noah could think about answering. “And really, Noah, I promise I understand.”

Noah moved in a little bit closer, curling into Luke’s side. “I panicked. I didn’t mean to, and I couldn’t control…” he ran out of excuses, ducking his head again.

“That’s the definition of panic, I think,” Luke whispered. He poked Noah in the ribs, garnering a smile. “But if freaking out like this bothers you so much, maybe it’d be worth talking to Dr. Weston about at some point? You know, when you bother to show up for a session?”

Noah managed to wince and chuckle at the same time. “Hey Luke?”

“Yeah?” he relaxed a bit when Noah picked up his free hand and kissed it.

Noah looked him in the eyes, slightly pleading. “Is it okay if you’re the one who has a crisis next? I’m kinda sick of being ‘poor Noah’.”

“I’ll do my best,” Luke answered solemnly. He tilted his head to the side so it rested against Noah’s. “And if it makes you feel any better, you’re not ‘poor Noah.’ You’re _my_ Noah.”

Noah leaned in for a kiss, hoping that Luke understood that yes, it did make him feel a little better.

************

 _Back into the belly of the beast_ , Jack grumbled to himself as he once again surrendered his gun at the check-in desk. He really wished there was some other way to get this information, but if there was he hadn’t thought of it yet.

He nodded to the guards outside the interrogation room, just like last time, and just like last time he had to gather himself before going in. “You know, I hate being here, but there’s something really satisfying about seeing you behind bars,” he commented as he sat down across from Winston Mayer.

The man obviously didn’t agree with him. “What do you want now?”

Jack opened up one of the folders he had brought in with him. He flipped it around so Mayer could see what was inside and slid it forward, his own eyes never leaving the man. He then pulled out a voice recorder, turning it on and placing it between them. “In accordance with all regulations and that crap, I’m informing you that this conversation will be recorded. Now. Andrew Miller. I want to know why.”

Mayer’s eyes widened and then, to Jack’s complete shock and annoyance, he started to laugh. “What, are you here to arrest me, Detective Snyder?”

Jack kept calm, shook his head. “Just want to know the truth. How did Andrew become Noah? _Why_ did he become Noah?” The former Colonel was quiet for a long time, and Jack waited. He wasn’t leaving until he got the whole story.

Maybe Mayer realized this, or maybe he actually wanted to tell the truth after twenty years of lying. Or maybe he really was that crazy. Whatever the case, the man’s eyes took on a distant, faraway look as he began to speak. “There was an incident. An, an accident, really. Noah was two years old when he died.”

Jack swallowed hard. He wished he had prepared himself better for this, hearing a sentence like that was just so surreal. So that’s why Noah had an authentic birth certificate. “How did he die?”

Mayer looked at him sharply. “I am a good father.”

“How did he die?” Jack asked again, calm and as neutral as possible. He needed to know the story. Noah needed to know.

Mayer was shaking his head. “We weren’t… she wasn’t paying attention. If we- if she hadn’t been-”

“Colonel Mayer,” Jack kept his voice firm. Incarceration really was doing a number on this guy. “What happened to Noah?”

“He died,” the man answered, his eyes faraway again. “We couldn’t tell anyone, they would have… It was an accident!” he insisted. “But they wouldn’t have believed us. I was about to be made a Colonel, this would have ruined everything.”

“You covered up your son’s death?” Jack prompted. Half of brain was trying to add this story up logically, and the other half was wondering how the hell he was going to repeat it to Noah and Luke.

“I needed a son,” Mayer continued, halfway ignoring Jack. “No one could know this happened. Charlene, she wasn’t as… but I needed a son.”

Jack took another slow breath. “How did Andrew come into the picture?”

“We were in Augusta. At a park. Saw the family, Charlene saw him. He looked _so much_ like Noah. So much like him. I couldn’t look away.” Mayer shook his head. “You don’t understand what it’s like, to lose your child. I’m not someone who- I don’t lose my son. He was there in that park, it was Noah.”

“It was Andrew Miller,” Jack corrected quietly, clasping his hands tightly under the table so he didn’t use them to do something else. “And you kidnapped him.”

“I needed a son,” the man repeated, his voice almost a growl. “I needed Noah. So I waited. I watched them, and I waited for the perfect moment to take him. I brought him back home, to our home.”

“How was Charlene involved?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

Mayer scoffed loudly. “Charlene was never the same after what happened to Noah. She tried to blame it on ‘depression’ or what have you, but there wasn’t a need for that. I brought the boy to her, I _gave_ her Noah again.”

“And she went along with it?”

“For awhile,” Mayer answered. “She just stopped caring, about everything. It took the boy awhile too, he was so quiet and upset at first, crying all the time, but I taught him.” Sounding almost proud, “He learned his place soon enough.”

Jack turned his head, biting the inside of his cheek. He didn’t want to think too hard about how that little boy had learned his place. Good God, there was just no limit to the amount of disillusion, of iniquity, in this guy. After he regained his composure, he turned back. “And no one figured it out, no one suspected?”

Mayer still looked proud. “I had us transferred right after. I have friends in higher places than you, Detective, so I had the paperwork rushed, the appropriate forms in the right hands… there was no reason for anyone to question.”

And that explained the files his FBI friend had found confusing. And yet Jack felt no satisfaction in finally getting the answers. It was quite possible that the only satisfaction he’d get would be in planting his fist in the Colonel’s face. “So why did you keep up the lie, even now? Why did you keep trying to make Noah your son, even when he-”

He slammed his cuffed hands down on the table. “Noah is my son!”

Jack leaned forward, meeting his anger head on. “Noah _was_ your son. Andrew Miller never was.”

Mayer flinched. “No, no. Noah is my son. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this, Noah wasn’t supposed to be this way. If he had just… He was supposed to be what I wanted, what I-”

He couldn’t help himself this time, he had to move before he actually committed a crime inside a prison. Jack got to his feet, pacing a little. Anything to keep him from reaching across the table and strangling this man.

“You can’t do anything,” the Colonel rambled on. “You can’t change what I did, you can’t fix it. You can’t change him. Noah is who he is- he’s my son. He belongs to me.”

Okay, no. That was it. Jack snatched the voice recorder off the table, stopping the tape as he did. “He doesn’t belong to you. He never did. I always knew that, I just didn’t realize it was biologically true until now.” He gathered up the files he’d brought in, glaring at him. “Noah’s always been way too good of a person to have come from you or Charlene. He’s not a Mayer, thank God.” He nodded. “Stick around, Colonel, you’ll be hearing from the courts soon.”

Mayer tried to stand up as Jack stormed over to the exit. “Does he know? Did he find out?” Jack just looked at him, then turned and opened the door. “Does Noah know?!” the man kept shouting even as Jack closed the heavy, concrete door behind him. Slamming that shut was the only satisfying thing to come out of this entire damn visit. He ignored the questioning looks from the guards as he dropped off his ID badge and reholstered his gun at the check-in.

It wasn’t until he was back outside, moving through the parking lot, that he started to feel like himself again. Rubbing at the tense muscles in the back of his neck, he shook his head at Holden, who stood leaning against the hood of his car with a cup of coffee.

“Well?” his cousin asked quietly, handing Jack his own cup.

Jack stared down at the coffee. “Well,” he echoed, voice rough. “I’ve got bad news, and I’ve got bad news.”

“Damn it,” Holden breathed out quietly. “It’s true? It’s all true?”

Jack looked up, locking eyes with Holden. “We need to talk to Noah.”

************

Luke settled back in his seat, looking out the window. Man, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually been on a train. He felt something heavy land on his shoulder, and turned back around with a smile, kissing the top of Noah’s head. “Love you,” he whispered.

“Same here,” Noah whispered back. He made himself comfortable leaning into him, pulling one of Luke’s hands into his lap and tapping on his fingers. “Was Damian okay with you leaving New York early? He didn’t get mad?”

Luke smiled, resting his head on top of Noah’s. “No, he fine with it. I told him you needed me.” In truth Damian had acted a little weird about it, but Luke couldn’t exactly describe how, and Damian had quickly agreed that Luke should go. It was amazing how understanding he was about all of this.

“At least you got a day’s worth in. I don’t feel as bad about you missing the trip,” Noah commented. “Everything went okay, right?”

“Yeah,” he answered, choosing not to get into Noah’s ever-present problems with guilt. “Got through my meetings, and I might’ve even- crazy as this sounds- helped the company some.”

“Really?” Noah lifted his head to look at Luke with a smile. “That’s great.” He kissed Luke’s cheek softly. “Proud of you, Luke.”

Luke couldn’t help it, he had to wrap an arm around him, pull him close and kiss him back. God, the things Noah did to him, even without meaning to. He shook his head, flustered. “I didn’t do all that much. I mean, Damian runs that whole company. I don’t know how he does it every day, it’s insane. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it.”

Noah grinned a little again, looking more at ease than Luke had seen him in days. “It does?”

“Oh God yeah. I mean, looking at everything the company handles, I don’t know how he makes as much profit as he does considering the fees for importing and exporting internationally. The conversion rates alone…” he trailed off when he realized that Noah’s grin had widened. A lot. “What?”

Noah tried to put on his innocent face. “Nothing. Just, check you out, Mr. CEO. I never knew you were such a nerd.”

Whatever expression was on Luke’s face must have caused Noah to start grinning again. “Shut up.”

Noah held up a hand, trying to school his face back into seriousness. “No, Luke, come on. Tell me more about these conversion rates.”

He mock-pouted, sitting so he was facing forward again. “Shut up.”

Noah nudged his shoulder with his own. “This explains that weird thing you have about me wearing glasses.”

Luke nudged him right back. “A: shut up. B: it’s not a weird thing. You look hot in glasses. And C: You usually wear them in bed. Somehow, for _some_ reason, anything you wear in bed is hot.”

“You guys realize I’m sitting here too, right? That I can hear everything you’re saying?” Casey groaned from the seat in front of them. “I am not spending this entire train ride as Third-Wheel-Casey.”

Luke’s grin was matching his boyfriend’s now. He pulled Noah close to him again even as he kept his voice loud enough for Casey to hear. “Baby, I think you woke Casey up too early this morning. You know how he gets when he hasn’t had his beauty sleep.”

“Be nice to Casey,” Noah said, his head back down on Luke’s shoulder. “He had another fight with Alison yesterday.”

They ignored his exasperated groan. “Really? You know, Jade didn’t want to go to Movie Night because of him,” Luke mentioned to Noah, not at all off-handedly. “Do you think something happen between them?” he kicked at the seat in front of him.

“It’s none of your business,” they could both hear their friend grumble.

“Do you think that’s ever stopped me before?” Luke had to point out.

Another groan, but this one was much more resigned. “We kissed, okay? We were yelling, and then we kissed. Last week.”

Noah glanced over at Luke before he spoke up. “How do you feel about that?”

They could see Casey shake his head. “It was… it was a kiss. A good kiss, but that doesn’t make it right. I’m dating Alison. No matter how great the kiss was, I really can’t see myself _dating_ Jade. Awesomely kissing her, maybe. Dating, no. Honestly, how could I possibly…”

Luke lifted his arm a little as Noah leaned forward towards their friend. “You can’t help how you feel, Case,” he said quietly. “Trust me, nothing good comes from fighting feelings just because you think someone else thinks you should.” Noah blushed a little, sitting back with Luke again. “Did that make sense?”

Luke kissed him quickly, reassuring. “Made sense to me.”

“That’s great. Thanks Obi-Wan and Yoda, but I still don’t know what to do,” Casey waved a hand back at them.

Noah shrugged. “You could always ask Luke for advice,” he suggested slowly, eyes twinkling. “He dated Jade.”

Luke’s jaw dropped, and he barely heard Casey’s muffled laughter in front of him. He smacked Noah on the shoulder, mock-pouting again. “Jerk.” Though he’d gladly put up with being teased all day long if it kept Noah smiling.

“Technically, I’m the only one here who hasn’t kissed Jade,” Noah kept at it.

Luke snorted. “Well, I’m the only one here who hasn’t kissed Maddie,” he shot back.

Finally, Casey’s head popped up over the back of his seat and he fixed both guys with a Margo-esque glare. “Okay, first of all, thank you _so much_ for your help and support. Second, any stranger listening to this conversation would think we’re all freaks.” Then he rolled his eyes, grinning his grin. “And judging by this conversation, you two are the worst gay boys ever, and I feel like a slut. So thanks.”

“Anytime,” Luke and Noah chorused together. Casey turned back around, and Luke pulled Noah back to him as they settled down for the rest of the ride back to Oakdale.

************

Tom shook his head, staring at each of them in turn. “This is real? It’s not some, I don’t know, January Fools joke?”

“Unfortunately, it’s all true,” Holden confirmed somberly.

Jack leaned back against the kitchen island. “I’ve got everything that Hunter and Noah found out online. Everything Emily Stewart discovered… however she discovers things. And everything my friends in the FBI found, and Lucinda’s private investigator-”

“The best in the business,” Lucinda cut in from where she sat next to Marcus.

Jack continued with a nod. “And…” he pointed to the voice recorder he had just played for everyone. “We’ve got a confession.”

Lily sniffed, still trying to hold back the tears that came from listening to the Colonel’s recording. Emma patted her arm softly, her face just as stricken. Holden looked at both of them, then turned back to Tom. “We’re still trying to process all of this too, Tom. We just figured it couldn’t hurt to have some legal perspective while we’re at it,” he explained.

“So you’re wondering what the next step should be?” Tom guessed.

Jack sighed heavily. “Technically, because of my job, I’m pretty much legally bound to inform the family about Noah. It’s my ‘duty’ to close the case.” He shrugged. “I’m just not sure that I can. Or how to do it.”

“Well you could go directly to the family,” Tom mused. “But it might be better to contact the local or state police there. Or talk to your contacts at the FBI, a missing person/kidnapping case from that long ago may have reached mid-level investigation there.”

“Won’t doing that just bring more attention to this, though?” Lily pointed out. “Then we’d have more than Emily to worry about. This would be a media frenzy. Honestly, if this was some random stranger we didn’t know, I admit I’d probably be getting Kim to cover this for WOAK. Shouldn’t we keep this a secret as long as possible?”

“If I may?” Marcus raised his hand, speaking up for the first time since hearing the recording. “I know we’re all here because we care about Noah, I don’t mean to insinuate otherwise, but it is my job to consider his welfare.” He looked at all of them seriously. “I think our next step should be up to him.”

Lucinda turned with a smile, and to the shock of all them, planted a kiss on him. “I do believe I agree,” she proclaimed proudly.

Tom fought back a smile. “Well, in the meantime, I can get an injunction to stop Emily from pursuing the story any further, at least for the time being. Until a DNA test is done, we can call it all speculation and hearsay. She has nothing to report.”

“You can do that?” Holden asked.

He smirked sardonically. “Getting to use ‘Emily Stewart’ and ‘gag order’ in the same sentence? I’d do it every day if I could.” Lucinda snorted inelegantly, and everyone else chuckled.

Everyone but Emma. “Where is Noah?” she asked, lifting her head from the mug of tea in front of her. “No one’s heard from him in a day or so, shouldn’t we be worried?”

Holden shook his head, gesturing to his wife to speak. Lily took a deep breath. “Noah and Casey went to Augusta yesterday, they should be back sometime soon,” she admitted reluctantly.

“What?” Lucinda and Marcus spoke at almost the same time, in almost the same tone.

“Casey?” Tom’s eyes narrowed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the incoming headache. “Casey’s in Georgia?”

Lily smiled, trying to put them all at ease. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. Noah decided he wanted to see the house, the one he remembered, and Casey went with him. Casey called us this morning, he said they’d be back before dinner. They’re probably close to home by now.”

“Noah went to Augusta,” Marcus repeated, as though trying to convince himself that it was true. He turned to Lucinda. “That’s why he missed yesterday’s session.”

“And I’m more than guessing that that’s the ‘road trip’ that Casey referred to,” she replied.

“Regardless,” Jack waved to get everyone’s attention. “We’re all in agreement then, right? That it’s Noah’s call?”

“What’s my call?”

They all turned as one to look at the door. Noah stood there with his hand clasped tightly in Luke’s, looking like he was walking into a surprise inquisition. Luke’s free hand was planted on his hip as he took in the scene with a glare.

************

Luke tried to keep his glare to a minimum as he looked around the kitchen. When Faith had said Mom and Dad were at the farm, he hadn’t expected that it was for a damn ‘committee’ meeting. There were far too many people in here who were far too good at meddling. He gripped Noah’s hand tighter. “If you want to run, I’m right behind you,” he murmured out of the side of his mouth.

“Too late, I think we’ve been spotted,” Noah mumbled back, trying to keep up the teasing. The light, playful mood they’d tried to keep up on the train was evaporating quickly.

“Luke!” Lily stood, moving towards them. “What are you doing here?”

“Casey and Noah called me, I went to Augusta this morning to keep them out of trouble,” he explained, returning his mother’s hug. He couldn’t help but smile when Lily hugged Noah next, and Noah hugged her tightly back. The disapproving frown returned though, as soon as she stepped back. “What’s going on?”

“We were just discussing everything,” Lucinda answered, her voice gentle, eyeing Noah.

“Everything about me?” Noah asked weakly. He probably hadn’t meant it as an accusation, but a few faces blanched with guilt anyway.

“Noah.” Jack stepped forward, his hand going to Noah’s shoulder. He looked him in the eyes, calm and steady. “I promised I wouldn’t keep anything from you, didn’t I?” At Noah’s nod, Jack continued. “I just got back from Statesville.”

Both Luke and Noah took a step back and closer together. “What?!” Luke looked at everyone, eyes wide.

“You did?” Noah asked at the same time, voice nearly emotionless. Except for fear, Luke could hear the fear there. He fought the urge to stand protectively in front of his boyfriend, knowing it wouldn’t help.

Jack nodded, apologetic. “I did. I spoke to your f- to the Colonel.” Noah didn’t even register the slip, so Luke stopped himself from interrupting and reprimanding his cousin. “He confirmed everything. It’s all true, Noah. I’m sorry.”

“I know it’s true,” Noah replied, quiet but steady.

Luke bit his lip, thinking of Eric and Autumn Miller and the coffeehouse encounter. He noticed that Dr. Weston, the only other person there who could read Noah’s expressions as well as he could, narrowed his eyes at Noah’s reaction. Luke caught his eye and shook his head slightly. _Not now_ , he silently begged. Marcus frowned, but nodded his acceptance.

In the meantime, Emma was up and encouraging Noah to come sit down at the table. And since Noah could never say no to her, he dragged Luke over. There were two empty chairs left, and Noah (probably deliberately) sat in the one next to Lucinda, leaving the chair next to Holden open for Luke.

Luke glanced at the chair, glanced at his dad (who was wearing an impressively bland expression of his own), and then turned away. “I’m thirsty. Do you want a drink, Noah?” He headed for the fridge instead, but not before missing the epic eye-rolling of both Noah and Lily.

Jack gave a little eye-roll of his own, then faced Noah again. “So we have all the information, kid. From here, there are a couple different places we could go with it, but we aren’t going to make that decision for you.” He gestured around the room.

Holden reached across and briefly patted Noah’s shoulder. “All of us here, we’re going to be there for you and go with whatever you want to do. No judgment.”

Noah looked around at all of them, the open and encouraging looks from everyone, the overwhelming support. “I…” he looked down, gathering his thoughts. Even with his head down, Luke could see him swallow hard, chew on his lower lip.

Luke couldn’t stand it then, he had to sit in the empty chair and take his hand again. “No judgment,” he repeated his dad’s words in a whisper. “No pressure.”

Noah nodded. Head still down, he twisted his and Luke’s clasped hands back and forth in his lap. Luke was pretty sure he’d never heard this kitchen be so quiet, especially considering the people who were currently in it. Finally, Noah spoke. “I think, I think I should talk to them. The family.”

Luke and Marcus exchanged a look again, remembering their conversation from last week. _I think, knowing Noah as I do, that at some point he’s going to want to meet this family… Give them closure, give them the truth._

“Are you sure?” Lucinda asked quietly, looking like she was afraid of spooking him.

He nodded, and Luke moved his free hand to Noah’s arm, keeping him steady. “They’re real people. They’re real people who think that their child is dead. I have the power to fix that, to help them. I mean, I have to do something, right?”

He hadn’t lifted his head yet, but Luke could see his face flushing. He was embarrassed, afraid of how everyone would react to his decision. Luke moved his hand from Noah’s arm to his back, rubbing gently. Before he could open his mouth to reassure him, Lily got up from the table and walked around to them. She stood behind Noah’s chair, put her hands on his shoulders, and kissed the top of his head. “Sounds like a plan,” she said simply.

“This may be jumping ahead a little bit,” Emma spoke up, “but they can come here.” When everyone (except Noah) turned to stare at her, she grew a little flustered and focused on Noah. “If you ever want to meet them, sweetie- and I’m not saying that has to happen!- but if you do, I think it should be here, at the farm. With all of us, or as many of us as you need.”

Noah was still looking down at his and Luke’s hands, but he nodded. “I’ll think about it,” he stammered.

“Okay,” Tom got moving, obviously sensing that Noah needed some space now. “Well then I think the best way is to contact local authorities in Augusta, or whoever handled the case back then.”

“I’ll do that,” Jack jumped in. “If that’s okay with you, Noah?”

Noah nodded. “Yeah,” he answered, sounding relieved. Both Tom and Jack headed to the door, when Noah finally looked up. “Mr. Hughes?”

Tom stopped in the doorway. “Yes?”

He looked at Tom head-on. “Please don’t be mad at Casey. It wasn’t his idea to go to Georgia, he just didn’t want me to go alone. He doesn’t deserve to get in trouble, he was just looking out for me.”

Luke fought back a proud smile and settled for squeezing his hand affectionately. He watched as Tom smiled as well. “Thanks, Noah. I promise I’ll go easy on him.” He nodded to everyone else and left.

Lucinda and Marcus were the next to stand and come closer. “And I swear to you darling, Emily won’t be causing any more trouble. I won’t let her,” she vowed seriously.

Noah smiled his thanks, and then shifted nervously when Marcus approached. They looked at each other for a moment, conversing in that way Luke was still getting used to them doing, before both nodded, looking a little lighter than they had before. “I’ll be in my office every day this week, if you want to talk before Thursday,” Marcus said with a small smile. And then they were gone.

Emma busied herself collecting mugs and plates. “Would you all like to have your Friday Night dinner here tonight? I’ve made plenty of food,” she offered. Still carefully looking at the sink, “Please?”

Lily and Holden shared a look, and then looked at Luke questioningly. He nodded slightly, and Holden smiled back at his mother. “That’d be great, Mama. I’ll just go by the house, pick up the girls and Ethan.”

Jack held up his keys from where he still stood by the door. “I’ll give you a ride. I need to stop by the station.”

Lily stood and helped Emma with the dishes and as they started up a casual chatter, Holden moved out to the porch, waiting for Jack. Jack, meanwhile, took a deep breath and stepped forward to the table, picking up a voice recorder that was sitting there. Luke eyed it curiously, as Jack held it out to Noah. “I think you should have this,” he said quietly, looking at both of them.

“What is it?” Noah asked, taking the recorder gingerly.

Jack’s smile was sad, apologetic. “No secrets, right? I, uh, I recorded the conversation with Winston. His confession.”

The hand holding the recorder shook just a little, and Luke tightened his own grip on Noah. “Oh. Okay,” Noah shoved the recorder in the pocket of his sweatshirt.

Jack grimaced and tried to hide it. “Can you promise me something, Noah?”

“Maybe?” Noah looked up at him, uncertain.

Jack’s gaze shifted back forth between them. “Just, wait to listen to it until Marcus is with you. Take it to a session or something. Don’t deal with this by yourself.” He straightened up, giving them both one last smile before heading out after Holden.

With Emma and Lily talking at the sink, this was the first moment Luke felt like he had a chance to breathe since walking into the kitchen. He exhaled very slowly, trailing his hand up Noah’s back. Noah glanced over at him, looking overwhelmed and exhausted. “You’ve been very quiet,” he commented, attempting a smile.

Luke smiled back, smoothing down his hair. “I’m exercising self control. Aren’t you proud of me?”

He huffed a laugh. “Always.” He leaned his head to the side, and Luke met it with his own. “What do you think? About all this?”

Luke took his time with his answer, knowing how important it was. “I think? That you’re very very brave and noble for wanting to contact the Millers. And I think that they will be very very lucky to get to know you.”

Noah cleared his throat, keeping a lid on everything as much as he could. “Okay.” He unconsciously tapped at the voice recorder in his pocket.

Luke reached out and touched the hand. “And I think I’m coming with you to your next session, so we can listen to that recording together.” He tilted Noah’s face towards his so they could share a brief kiss.

Noah offered up a more genuine smile. “And I think I love you.”

Giving his puppy-dog face, Luke leaned in close. “You _think_?”

Another kiss. “I know,” he responded softly. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Luke’s again.

“You sure you’re up for Friday Night dinner?” Luke had to be certain. “Natalie and Ethan running around, and Mom and Grandma being all mothering, and Faith’ll know that something is going on, and Dad and I aren’t exactly getting along…”

“Well when you put it like that,” Noah smirked.

Luke grinned. “I’m serious, babe. If you want to go back to the apartment, eat some leftover pizza and then have lots of crazy, brain-frying sex for awhile, it’s okay. I understand.”

Noah stared at him wide-eyed. “I can’t believe you would say something like that in Emma’s kitchen. Especially with _Emma and your mother_ standing right over there!”

“They didn’t hear me,” he laughed softly at Noah’s scandalized expression. Sometimes it was so easy. “And I’m kinda serious. We don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. It’s two options for you, crazy family dinner or crazy, brain-frying sex. Take your pick.”

“Luke…” Noah sighed, and Luke schooled his face to seriousness. Which was why he was shocked when Noah smiled again. “Is there any way we have time for both?”

Apparently, sometimes it was so easy for Noah too.

************

“This whole thing is so unbelievable,” Alison shook her head. “I mean, for Colonel Mayer I guess it isn’t totally out of character, the guy has kidnapping down to an art form, but for Noah…”

“Yeah,” Casey sat down next to her, passing over a cup of coffee. “It pretty much changes his entire life. Everything he ever went through just because that asshole was his father-”

“Was all for nothing,” she finished. “Was all a lie.”

“Yeah,” Casey said again.

Ali wipes at her eyes quickly, glancing around at all the people walking through Old Town. “When Hunter told us- Jade and me- he said that Emily gave Noah information about the family.”

Casey nodded. “That’s part of what sent him off to Augusta. Though I think, for once, Emily didn’t mean any harm by it.”

“I’m sorry, by the way,” she said abruptly. “I’m sorry I accused you of telling Jade and not me.” She offered a smile. “It was pretty selfish of me, considering everything that’s going on.”

“Hey, it’s not like I’ve been the best boyfriend in the world lately,” Casey protested. “And I’m sorry too, for that.”

She kissed him lightly, and both tried to ignore the lack of feelings it produced. “So how’s Noah doing now?”

“No idea,” he replied. “It’s not going to be easy. Now he’s got to figure out whether or not he wants to officially meet these people, tell them what he knows.”

“Wait,” Ali sat up a little straighter. “He might not?”

Casey shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s up to him.” Narrowing his eyes a little, “Isn’t it?”

“Of course it is,” she was quick to say, “But of course he’s going to meet them, he has to. They’re his family.”

“Well, they’re Andrew Miller’s family. We’re not quite sure if they’re okay to be _Noah’s_ family. It’s not that simple,” Casey argued.

Her eyes narrowed. “But these are parents who’ve been without their son for almost twenty years! Those poor people…”

“What about Noah? What about what he’s been through?”

Ali’s expression turned exasperated. “Hey, I didn’t mean anything like that! And this could be good for Noah too, it’s about time he had a real family of his own.”

Casey shook his head. “He has the Snyders, doesn’t he? At least we know _they_ love him and care about him unconditionally. What if these new people aren’t good enough?”

“Casey…” Ali looked at him, somewhere between frustrated and thoughtful. “The Snyders are wonderful, yeah, but it’d be nice for Noah to have something of his own too. A real mom and dad, a real history to be connected to, instead of Cheri and the Colonel. I really think he should meet these people.”

“No,” he insisted stubbornly. “I know Noah. If he meets this family, if they do anything to let him down, he’ll never get over it. You don’t know Noah like I do.”

“Whoa, hey,” Alison held up a hand. “Don’t get mad at me for this. We both want Noah to be happy, don’t we? I just think this could be good for him.”

“Hey!” Jade was suddenly heading their way, just stepping out of Fashions. “What’s up?”

They both calmed down, wanting to hide the fact that they’d been arguing (especially in front of Jade). “Hey,” Casey said, running a hand haphazardly through his hair. “Not much at the moment, for once.”

“Thank God,” she muttered, smiling a little. “I’m about to head over to the farm for dinner, Noah and Luke are there. Apparently, Noah’s decided to tell the family the truth. Jack and your dad are going to work on it.”

“Wow,” Casey murmured. And now his dad was involved.

“It’s a good thing,” Alison tried to maintain. “Anything’s got to be better than having the Colonel as your only living family, right?”

“I guess,” Jade responded before Casey could. “But what if these people do something to, I don’t know, hurt Noah? Even accidentally? God, that would just kill him. He’d never get over it.”

Casey winced, and Alison looked back and forth between them for a moment before standing up stiffly. “Okay, um, I have to go. I can’t-”

“Ali…” Casey reached for her, but she was just out of reach and moving fast.

“I have to go. Sorry, I just…” she jerked her head to the side, her face flushing with embarrassment. “I’ll see you later.” And then she disappeared around the corner. Casey groaned, dropping his head into his hands.

“Okay,” Jade drew the word out. “Was it something I said?”

“Unfortunately, yeah,” Casey didn’t look up. “But it’s not your fault.”

He felt Jade sit down on the bench next to him. “Want to hear something that’ll probably cheer you up?”

He shrugged, still cradling his head. “Shoot.”

“Your dad found out that you went to Augusta with Noah.”

“What?” Casey’s head shot up. “My dad knows? How is that supposed to cheer me up?”

Jade’s smile was softer than he had seen in a long, long time. Certainly the nicest he’d ever seen directed at him. “Because Noah told him that it had been all his idea to go to Georgia and you only went because you’re a good friend and wanted to help him.” She bumped his shoulder with her own. “Thanks to him, your parents won’t be pissed.”

“Really?” Casey was smiling a little now too, pleased. It always felt a little strange when people randomly did nice things for him, for no reason at all.

Jade nodded, then opened her mouth hesitantly. “He’s right, you know. About you being a good friend.” She continued, sounding rushed, when he stared at her. “It’s one of your few redeeming qualities, I’ll admit.” When he kept staring, she rolled her eyes. “Shut up. I said ‘few’.”

He smirked. “Good. For a second there I thought you were being nice to me.”

“As if!” she looked sickened.

Casey held up a hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t make that mistake again.”

They grinned at each other, and the moment lasted a little longer than it should have. Casey didn’t even realize he was leaning in closer to her until she pushed him back a little. “Wait!” she sat back farther in the bench, away from him, her eyes wide.

Casey’s eyes were just as big. “Oh crap. Oh crap, I didn’t-”

“No, it’s not that I-” she stood up quickly.

“I wasn’t even-” he stood up as well.

“Casey!” Jade snapped her fingers in his face, startling him into silence. “Please God, shut up for once.” Taking a breath, “It’s not that I don’t want to, okay? It’s because I do.”

Casey stared at her for a full minute. “I don’t get it. Women are too confusing. Maybe I really should give up and try my luck at being gay for awhile. Maybe Luke and Noah would like another roommate…”

“I’d by tickets to that show,” she fired back before she could stop herself. When he chuckled, she relaxed a little too. “No, Casey, it’s just that… I don’t want to be a mistress.”

“What?”

She grimaced. “I just… We’re supposed to be, like, the town screw-ups, right? And I don’t want to be, not anymore. Not with something like this.” Her face grew more determined even as Casey grew more dumbstruck. “You want to kiss me? Great, I’m ready and willing. But not while you have a girlfriend. I don’t want to be that girl anymore, and I don’t want to be _with_ that guy anymore. And you don’t either.”

“No, I guess I don’t,” Casey replied numbly.

She nodded decisively. “So I’m sorry Casey, but you’re going to have to make a choice. Alison or me. No more both or in between.”

************

 _Say what you want about how much drama taking this job has caused_ , Luke thought. _But at least it’s a good way to distract me from everything else_. Why else would he go into the office on a Saturday? Anything to keep him from stressing about Noah, who was with Dr. Weston right now.

They had gone together and listened to Winston’s confession, but then Luke had left the hospital right after. For one thing, he wanted Noah to be able to talk to the Doc alone, and for another… he needed a chance to vent his own anger at the Colonel without Noah seeing. And smashing that coffee mug against the wall in his office had been the perfect way to vent. (Man, at this point he might as well just put a picture of the man up on a dart board and keep it around for the next time he decided to go all Darth Vader on them.)

Though he wasn’t sure he’d ever get over the feeling that had settled in his chest when he had heard the Colonel admit that ‘Noah’ was dead. If it weren’t for the fact that his Noah had been sitting right next to him as the tape was playing… God, it was a horrifying feeling.

Sometimes he forgot how lucky they both were that Noah had gotten through his childhood as well as he had. Luke kept getting a retroactive fear about it; anything could have happened to him before he arrived in Oakdale three years ago.

No. He couldn’t agonize over it anymore. And now, going through files and contracts seemed like the perfect way to keep his brain busy. He even managed to get through all of his paperwork from the previous week and finalize the write-ups from his New York meetings.

Luke stood up and stretched, gathering the papers from his desk. He could drop these off on Damian’s desk, get some milkshakes from Al’s, and be back at the apartment before Noah got home from his session if all went according to plan.

“And how often does that happen?” he asked himself quietly as he stepped into Damian’s office. He didn’t expect the answer to come so soon- just as he placed his paperwork on top of the desk, something caught his eye. It was the layout of the pages that got his attention initially. He had been staring at those expense summaries for two months now; he could see them in his sleep.

Luke took a step closer, frowning slightly. He wasn’t sure right off the bat why he sensed something strange about the pages. Of course Damian would have them on his desk, he was investigating the possible money-laundering. But these were different somehow…

It wasn’t until he picked them up that he figured it out. He had given Damian the original printer-paper versions of the reports. But these were carbon copies, pages that only came with the original files. Damian had had the original summaries all along!

Luke quickly scanned them, wondering why Damian hadn’t mentioned anything about this on the New York trip. Maybe he hadn’t figured out the culprit yet? Or maybe he didn’t want to burden Luke with any more drama? Luke wasn’t sure.

There! There it was. There was one name on the carbon copy that hadn’t been on the reports Luke had been using. _D Thrace_. Where had Luke heard that name before? His frown deepened as he studied the pages more in depth. Based on his slightly untrained eye, it looked like someone was paying this Thrace guy a sizeable amount of money each month, and wiping the name off the records when time came for the reports to be filed.

Luke put the papers back where he had found them and shuffled back to his own office. He knew that name from somewhere…

 _We’re not finished talking about this, Thrace._

Damian had been talking to him on the phone in New York. Who the hell was this guy? Did Damian know that he was the possible money-launderer?

He felt that old familiar feeling creeping up in his gut. The one Casey liked to refer to as ‘Crime-Fighter-Luke.’ The one that pushed him during that whole drug dealer fiasco from last year, and had helped him find Noah in that cabin. The one that wouldn’t let him give up on something until he knew the truth.

He sat back down at his desk, bringing up the Grimaldi Shipping database on his computer. If this guy was anyone important, his name should come up in a few searches… There it was. Thrace, Daniel. He worked for Port Authority, a Director of Fees and Shipping Regulation. And his direct contact to Grimaldi Shipping was-

Damian.

Luke sat back in his seat with a quick rush of air. “Damn it.” This couldn’t be true, could it? Damian wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t risk his company. He wouldn’t risk all his work, Luke’s work, by getting into trouble like this.

 _Of course he would_ , Fake-Noah shook his head sadly. _Don’t live in denial about this, Snyder. You’ll just get yourself into more trouble._

Luke shook his head, waving his Jiminy Cricket away. It was true, of course. Hadn’t he just said that to Noah the day before? How he couldn’t understand how Damian made so much profit considering fees for imports and exports? Well, now he knew.

Damian was bribing Port Authority officials.

…Now what the hell was Luke supposed to do?

************

When the phone rang, her hands were half-submerged in soapy dishwater and it took her a few seconds to find a towel and dry them, as well as get an embarrassing amount of water on her shirt. By the time she answered the phone she was glaring at her shirt, and the sink, and the mountain of dishes she still had left. “Hello?”

“Mrs. Miller? It’s Detective Beckett.”

She went still, the dishes forgotten. She hadn’t heard from Detective Beckett in years. He used to check in every few months, even after the case had been closed, but after awhile even that got to be too depressing for everyone. They had all tried to move on. A part of her really had. A part of her never would.

“Mrs. Miller?” he asked again.

“Yes, sorry. Sorry, Detective, I’m here. What…” her voice caught in her throat, and she cleared it nervously. “What is it?”

“I just got a call from a detective in Illinois.” His voice grew softer, gentler. “It’s about Andrew."


	10. Where Have You Been, My Blue-Eyed Son?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  The Snyders meet the Millers, Noah talks to Marcus, Luke talks to Maddie, CLIFFHANGER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall" by Bob Dylan (though Jason Mraz does a surprisingly awesome cover too)

Luke entered the barn, smiling instinctively at the smell and sounds of the place. Noah may love the pond, Natalie and Ethan had the backyard with its tree house, but for Luke there was nothing more special than the barn. For him it was like stepping into Narnia or Shangri-La.

Unfortunately, even the magical healing powers of the barn couldn’t calm his nerves today. He headed over to the third stall on the right, smiling again a few seconds later when Eastwood finally poked his head over the wooden slats. He rubbed a hand gently along the horse’s nose. “Are you going to stay in there forever?” he asked quietly, only slightly teasing.

There was a tiny shifting sound from inside the stall. “Yes.” Noah’s voice was also quiet, and just this side of petulant.

Luke chuckled softly and eased his way into the stall. Noah was sitting with his back against the wood, legs pulled up to his chest. Luke settled down next to him, resting their shoulders against each other. “The Millers are going to be here any minute,” he whispered, as Eastwood snorted and went to investigate the pile of hay on the other side of the enclosure.

Noah nodded, but kept picking at an imaginary hole in his jeans. After another minute of silence he spoke up with, “I’m not ready.”

Luke reached out, skimmed his hand across the back of Noah’s head, playing with his hair. “I hate to break it to you,” he pointed out gently, “but you may never be ready.” Noah bowed his head, but Luke kept his hand where it was. “It won’t be that bad, love. I’ll be with you the whole time, and Mom and Dad are here too, and Emma…”

“Yeah,” he was still so quiet.

“And Jack and Lucinda are just a phone call away. They’re on standby if for some reason this needs bouncers or bodyguards,” he bumped Noah’s shoulder playfully.

Noah rewarded him with a smile and a shake of his head, wrapping his arm around Luke and pulling him in as close as possible. “I know. It’s just… I’m, I’m nervous. In that, um, terrified sort of way? None of us know what we’re getting into here.”

Luke rubbed Noah’s leg, feeling how tense he was. “Hey, it’s not like anyone’s completely in the dark, right? I mean, you talked to them on the phone, and that went okay.”

Noah laughed a little, remembering _that_ awkwardness. They had coordinated it through Jack and the detectives in Augusta, which helped, but really… there’s no way to prepare for a _Hi-I’m-your-long-lost-son-who-was-kidnapped-nineteen-years-ago-and-by-the-way-I’m-gay-so-how-are-you?-_ phone call. Considering all that, it had gone surprisingly well. “Yeah, I guess it did. And they didn’t freak out when I suggested meeting at my boyfriend’s family’s farm. But then, Mrs. Miller was crying so much she would’ve agreed to anything.”

He stopped suddenly, and Luke leaned in even more, poking him. “What is it?”

He turned to Luke, eyes a little wide, blushing. “What am I supposed to call them? How do I refer to them? Mr. and Mrs. Miller? That’s too, like, formal, isn’t it? Wouldn’t that upset them? But I can’t call them…” he shook his head again. “And what if…”

“What if what?” Luke prompted, knowing it always took Noah a little while to get to the heart of the matter, what he was really afraid of.

Noah didn’t answer for a moment. “Have you figured out any more about Damian and the bribes?”

Luke gave him a stern look, knowing it was a distraction. But he went with it anyway. “Nothing new.” He’d spent the whole week since discovering the bribery trying to get together some real proof. “I’ve gone through every record I can think of, but all I’ve got is a giant pile of circumstantial evidence. Damian’s really good at covering his tracks, for the most part.”

Noah shrugged. “You found out, though. So he hasn’t covered everything.”

“Yeah, but I can’t do anything without solid proof or a confession from one of them,” Luke griped.

“Confession?” Noah echoed, frowning. “Luke, you don’t get the confession, the cops do. You’re not going to get yourself into trouble, are you?”

“Damian would never hurt me,” Luke reassured him.

Noah gave him an ‘oh, come on!’ look. “Maybe. But he can get a little misguided, you can’t deny that. And somehow I doubt the Port Authority guy really loves you like Damian does.” His grip on Luke tightened. “Just… be careful, please? Go to the cops before you try to solve this case on your own, Hutch.”

He smacked Noah’s arm with a grin. “Shut up.”

Noah’s voice grew tentative. “You could, um, you could always talk to your parents about this. Holden, maybe?”

Luke just gave him a look. “Yeah, that would go _so_ well.” He shook his head before Noah could argue. “I can’t yet. I’m not going to take the ‘I told you so’ lecture until I have proof I deserve it.”

Noah scrunched up one side of his face uncertainly. Luke could tell how badly Noah wanted to say something- anything- about him and Holden. But he didn’t. “Okay. I guess.”

They sat quietly for a second, watching Eastwood snack in the other corner. Luke tapped on Noah’s knee. “You ready to talk to me now? Tell me what’s really bothering you?”

Noah drew his legs up even closer to his chest, folding inwards a little bit. “What if… what if they don’t like me?”

“What?” Luke really hadn’t expected this.

“What if they decide I’m not what they want?” Noah spoke into his knees. “They’re going to find out everything about me. Not just that I’m gay, but everything. How I grew up, how I ended up coming out, everything that happened last year with the Colonel and Alan…” he only stumbled over the name a little. “And oh yeah, I’m in therapy, I have panic attacks, I don’t deal well with hospital rooms, all my issues… Luke, what if they decide I’m more trouble than I’m worth?”

Luke winced, at both the self-loathing in Noah’s voice and at the phrase he used. The Colonel had once used that same phrase to describe Noah, and Luke had hated it ever since. “No,” he said adamantly, moving in front of him, forcing him to meet his eyes. “That won’t happen. These people aren’t here to take you out on a test drive and then decide if they want to keep you. They’re here because you’re their family, and they’ve missed you for nineteen years.”

Noah just looked at him for a bit, face almost blank except for his eyes, which were raging with what seemed like a thousand different emotions. Too many for Luke to track. But luckily he didn’t need to, because a second later Noah was leaning forward, pressing his lips lightly to Luke’s. “And no matter what, I’ve got you, right?”

Luke mock-glared. “Like you even have to ask.” They both stood and, at the same time, started to brush hay of each other’s shirts. Noah’s hands lingered on Luke’s back, holding him close again. Luke smiled into Noah’s shoulder. “You’re worth a lot,” he said quietly. He felt Noah nod against him, so he stood back a little, straightening the collar of Noah’s shirt. “Come on,” he said, “It’s time to go meet your family.”

************

The sound of a car pulling up the gravel driveway caused Lily to look up quickly, her book dropping from suddenly nerveless fingers. This was it. She stood up from her seat on the porch, watching as the car came to a stop, parked behind her own. Standing at the screen door, she had to hold tightly to the wooden frame as the family emerged.

They all looked exactly like she had pictured and not at all. The first thing she noticed was that she could see Noah in each of them. Both men, Eric and Justin (she memorized their names), had that similar build- a swimmer’s build, she had always called it- and dark, slightly curly hair.

The daughter Krista had Noah’s face and his inquisitive, take-everything-in air to her. And Autumn, the poor mother… even with her blonde hair, she had those blue eyes Noah was Oakdale-famous for, and she also seemed to have that hesitancy at being in a new situation. She was even biting her lower lip. It was all so ‘Noah’ that Lily thought she might cry.

She stepped out from the porch into the driveway, plastering a welcoming and not at all awkward smile on her face. “Hi,” she came forward with a wave. “Welcome to Oakdale.” She held out her hand to the nearest person, which happened to be Mr. Miller. “Lily Snyder, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Hello,” Eric’s smile was nervous but excited too. Lily couldn’t blame him. “Eric Miller. And I really can’t tell you how nice it is to meet you too.”

She laughed a little. “We’re glad to have you.” She smiled at the other three, who looked slightly more hesitant than he did. “And you must be Krista, Justin, and Autumn. It really is wonderful to have you all here.” She gestured to the house. “If you’d like to come in, my mother-in-law is just about to make some lunch for everyone.”

She noticed all four of them looking around, searching for something, even as they followed her towards the porch. Autumn finally cleared her throat. “Um, is…?”

Lily smiled gently. “Noah’s out in the barn right now. He’ll be here in a minute, he’s just…” she trailed off, unsure of what to say. Should they know how terrified Noah was right now?

Fortunately, the daughter- Krista- offered up another smile of her own. “Yeah, I think we’re all ‘just,’ too.”

Lily laughed again, relieved. “He’ll be here in a minute,” she repeated.

Holden appeared in the doorway to the house then, smiling and acting about as _aw-shucks!-_ farmboy as he possibly could. Lily would have teased him if she didn’t know he was trying to put the family even more at ease, for Noah’s sake.

She caught Autumn glancing back towards the barn, lingering on the porch as the others followed Holden into the kitchen. “Would you like to wait out here with me?” she asked the woman quietly.

Autumn turned (Noah’s) blue eyes towards her, blushing at having been caught. “That would be… Is that, is that okay if I do? It won’t upset him, will it?”

Lily smiled wider. “I think it’ll be fine.” She sat back in her original seat, patting the cushion next to her. When Autumn was next to her, she took a deep, readying breath. “Before you see him, there’s something I think I need to tell you. Because when you see Noah, you might react because of it, and he’ll probably misinterpret that-”

“Because of what?” Autumn asked warily.

“You’ve already seen him,” Lily admitted in a rush, trying to get it all out as quickly as possible. “Noah was in Augusta last week, and he accidentally ran into you and your husband. At a coffee shop, I think? He wasn’t-”

“That was him?” Autumn gasped. “Tall, dark hair?” At Lily’s nod, tears started to fill her eyes. “That, that beautiful boy? That’s my Andrew?” Lily nodded again, putting a hand comfortingly on the woman’s arm, squeezing gently. “And the blond boy who was with him, was that your son?”

“No,” Lily laughed a little bit. “That was their friend Casey.” Growing serious again, “I just want you to know, Noah didn’t have an agenda when he went to Augusta. Running into you was an accident. He had just found out everything, he panicked, I think he wanted to see the house- your old house? He just wanted to see it.” Her voice grew insistent. “He wasn’t spying or withholding information from you, not on purpose. Noah usually processes things in stages, very much in his own head. He-”

“He knew?” she whispered, hand coming close to covering her mouth but not quite. “When he, we, when we saw him? That’s why he was so-?”

Lily felt herself growing defensive. “He wasn’t trying to keep a secret or anything, he just wasn’t processing things at that point. He would never do anything like that. Don’t think that he’s…” and she trailed off, realizing how she sounded. She took another deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just that, Noah’s about the sweetest kid I’ve ever met, and I get a little overprotective sometimes. He’s been through so much, more than you know. I don’t want to see him upset or hurt, I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” Autumn grabbed her hand. “I didn’t mean to imply anything like that, not at all. I should be thanking you, for taking care of him, for giving him a home and a family, for keeping him safe for us.”

Lily was about to deny that- the Millers didn’t know everything that had happened last year- but before she could say anything Autumn’s breath had caught in her throat, her eyes focused on something beyond Lily’s shoulder. Lily turned, already knowing what it was.

Luke and Noah appeared just outside the barn, walking together closely and holding hands tightly. It took about two seconds for Noah to spot them, and it immediately brought him to a standstill. If it weren’t for Luke there beside him, Lily was pretty sure Noah would have either stayed there forever or made a run for it. She watched her son put his hand on Noah’s lower back and give him a push forward.

Lily had to give Autumn Miller a lot of credit; by the time Noah and Luke made it onto the porch, she had pulled herself together, eyes dry and face calm. A small smile on her face.

There was a moment or two of silence once the boys made it onto the porch, until (of course) Luke couldn’t stand it and took one more step forward, holding out his hand and flashing that _you-can’t-help-but-love-me_ -smile. “Hi, Mrs. Miller. I’m Luke.”

Autumn looked a little startled, but again she recovered remarkably well, smiling warmly at him. “Hello Luke, it’s wonderful to meet you.” She shook his hand, though her eyes strayed quickly back to Noah.

Lily smiled proudly at Luke and then pulled him over to the side, out of the way. This moment wasn’t really about them. They both watched as Autumn approached Noah, looking him over, taking everything in. For his part, Noah looked absolutely petrified, but he was breathing slowly and standing still, and Lily was more than a little proud of him too.

But even she was surprised when Noah made the next move, offering up a small smile. “H-hi,” he stammered out. He looked like he wanted to say more, but had no idea what that should be.

Maybe Autumn sensed that too, because her expression softened as she once again extended her hand. “Hi Noah. I’m Autumn.”

Noah stared down at her hand for a second before taking it in his. His smile melted into something more genuine, and Autumn couldn’t seem to hold it back any longer. She threw her arms around Noah and pulled him into a hug. Panic flashed across his face for a moment- a moment in which Lily had to hold Luke back from interrupting- but then he pushed it away and returned the embrace. Both Lily and Luke relaxed then, stepping forward again.

When the hug was over, Luke and Noah unconsciously came back together, reaching for each other’s hands. Autumn kept her hand on Noah’s other arm, unable to break contact completely, and Noah didn’t pull away. Lily let the hope from that build in her, opening the door to the kitchen and motioning for them to go inside.

Of course, Noah’s feet stopped working again the second he was inside, confronted with the rest of the family. _His_ family, Lily reminded herself. And of course, Luke again was the one to push him forward, Autumn right next to him. Lily realized then that they had probably done the smartest thing by having Autumn meet him first, breaking the ice so to speak.

By unspoken agreement or some sort of Snyder-mindmeld, Holden and Emma joined her and Luke by the refrigerator, allowing Autumn to keep her hold on Noah’s arm and bring him over to the others. Allowing the Millers to have a quasi-private moment with him. (Because only having four onlookers was definitely considered a private moment in the Snyder household.)

“How’s he doing?” Holden asked quietly as introductions were once again made, this time for Noah himself.

Lily turned to her husband. “Okay, I think. Considering. What do you think?” she turned to Luke.

Luke didn’t dare take his eyes off Noah. “I have no idea,” he admitted. “He’s scared they’re going to reject him,” he kept his voice at a whisper.

Lily closed her eyes and shook her head, even as Emma let out a whispered, “What? How on earth…?”

Luke shrugged. “You know him, Grandma. He’s still scared that _we’re_ going to reject him sometimes.” He offered up a smile. “But at least he actually told me he was scared. And he managed to get out of the barn and into the kitchen without freaking out. So I think he’s going to be okay.”

 _Hope so_ , they all unknowingly thought together. Emma shook herself free of those thoughts and opened the fridge, pulling out the fixings for sandwiches. “Well, I might as well get lunch started. Everyone must be hungry.” Lily caught Holden’s eye and they both smiled. Emma would never let go of the food-heals-all-wounds concept.

“Actually…” the four Snyders jumped, startled, when Eric came forward, having heard Emma’s last comment. He smiled apologetically at them. “Would it be alright if my wife and I, well,” he glanced back at Noah. “We were hoping Andr- Noah, we were hoping Noah would like to go for a walk with us. Just the three of us.”

Lily immediately looked to Noah for his reaction. His eyes widened and he hesitated before answering, though she could see he wasn’t actually against the idea. Noah looked at all of them, his face growing the most uncertain when he looked at his siblings. His older brother and sister. _This is going to take some getting used to_ , Lily thought to herself yet again.

Krista Miller smiled at Noah, like she was trying to encourage him, and then turned to Emma. “Do you need help getting lunch together, Mrs. Snyder? Justin and I can help you,” she lightly elbowed her brother.

Justin, who Lily hadn’t yet heard speak, cleared his throat awkwardly. “Yeah. Yeah, we can help.” Lily almost laughed because, just like Noah, Justin’s voice seemed to get more high-pitched the more uncomfortable he was.

Emma positively beamed at the offer of help, and Lily wondered if Krista knew how many brownie points she had just scored. Possibly, if she had Noah’s DNA. Noah always seemed to know what gesture to make.

Except, apparently, right now. He approached Lily and Luke, with the Millers right behind him, still so hesitant. “Is it okay?” he asked the Snyders. “If, if I go?”

Lily was about to smile, reassure him, but Luke had other ideas. He loudly rolled his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. He opened his mouth to say something-

“Shut up,” Noah cut in before Luke could say anything snarky.

“You shut up,” Luke nudged his shoulder. From behind Noah, Eric stifled a quiet laugh, and it seemed like everyone relaxed a little more.

Lily touched Noah’s hand, getting his attention. “We’ll have lunch ready by the time you get back,” she promised.

Holden reappeared next to her. “Why don’t you show them the pond? It’s a nice day out for walk around there.”

Noah looked at all of them gratefully, gave a short nod. “Okay, yeah. Thanks.” He turned back to Autumn and Eric, fidgeting just a little. “I guess, um, let’s go?” He started to lead them out, opening the door for them, but then turned back to Luke. “Luke…”

He didn’t need to say anything else. Luke came forward, wrapped his arms around Noah. “Hey,” he said quietly at first, before whispering something in Noah’s ear that Lily couldn’t make out. Noah nodded against Luke’s shoulder, kissed him very very quickly, and then disappeared out onto the porch.

************

Luke let the screen door bang shut behind him so the man standing near the corral had plenty of warning that he was approaching. He came to a stop near the wooden fence, keeping one eye on the path to the pond and one eye on Justin. The guy really hadn’t said much since arriving at the farm, and even less since meeting Noah. To say Luke was a little bit concerned was a little bit of an understatement.

“Hey,” he said cautiously. “Lunch is ready, if you’re hungry.” Justin looked over at him and nodded, but made no move to go back inside. Luke fought back a sigh, trying again. “My grandma makes the best food probably in the world, and she takes her hosting duties very seriously. I think you might want to eat even if you’re not hungry!” he joked. Still nothing. “Look, um, Justin-”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Justin laid his hands on the top of the fence, bracing himself. “I’m just not very good at small talk, especially when I’m not comfortable. And no offense, but nothing about this situation is comfortable.”

“No, I get that,” Luke dared to take a step closer, telling himself he had to do this, he had to get all of them to love Noah like he and his family did. “It’s weird for us too. But you have nothing to worry about with Noah, he’s…”

Justin shook his head. “That’s great, but how do I know that? How do I know I, we, can trust him or you or anyone in this town?”

Luke couldn’t help but bristle at the question. “Hey, it’s the same for us! If Noah’s finally going to get a family, he deserves the best. We’re taking a chance here too.”

The other man fixed him with a slight glare. He took a second before responding. “When my parents first started offering a reward for information on Andrew, people would come forward all the time. For the money. They took advantage of the situation, of us, just to…” He turned away. “And every single time, we’d get our hopes up for nothing.”

He was rocked back a little by this, never really imagining what that must’ve been like. “I-”

Justin wouldn’t let him finish. “Do you know how horrible it is, to see your parents just break down and cry, lose hope? For _years_? So you’ll excuse me if I’m not ready to call him my brother just yet.”

“That must have been awful,” he said softly. “But Noah… for what it’s worth, I promise you Noah isn’t taking advantage of anything. He doesn’t know how. Can’t you see how scared he is about all of this? He’s not just some stranger with an agenda. He’s your family, whether you accept it or not.”

“Look, I don’t…” Justin sighed, leaning heavier against the fence. “I can’t call him ‘Noah’ and pretend he’s just any kid, but I can’t call him ‘Andrew’ and pretend he’s my little brother.”

“I don’t think Noah would want you to,” Luke said quietly. “Pretend, I mean. He’d know if you were.”

“I can’t treat him like he’s part of the family. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I have no idea who he is.” Justin stared out at the pastures.

Luke looked at him for a moment, and he was talking before he realized it. “He likes Motown music.” Justin’s eyes turned towards him, so he kept at it. “He likes ketchup, but hates tomatoes. He’d never admit it, but clowns freak him out. Um…” he smiled softly. “He makes this face that gets my five year old brother to laugh when no one else can. My sister used to get upset that she wasn’t the oldest or the youngest, felt left out, you know? So Noah invented an ice cream dish and named it after her. The Natalie Special. Even my parents call it that now. And when I’m sick, he always sits with me and watches _Dr. Phil_ , even though I know he hates it.”

Justin was openly looking at him now. “Yeah?” he asked with no inflection in his voice.

Luke couldn’t help but glare a little. This was the love of his life they were talking about. “Yeah. He’s unintentionally charmed everyone in my family from my baby cousin to both of my grandmothers. He’s one of the most genuine, considerate people I’ve ever met. And if you don’t want to get to know him and have him be a part of your family, then I’m not sure I want to get to know you.”

Justin raised his eyebrows, studying Luke. Finally, he sighed, repeating his earlier words. “It’s just… I’m not ready to call him my little brother.”

Luke shrugged. “He’s not ready either. Just don’t… he’s kinda worried you’re all going to hate him. And if you do, somehow, at the end of this day hate him… then you’re a bunch of freaks who better be on the next plane back to Georgia.”

Justin may have chuckled at that, it was hard to tell. “He thinks we’ll hate him?”

Luke couldn’t help but grin. “All the things I love about Noah, one thing I hate is his self-esteem. Or lack thereof.” He started back towards the house, more than a little relieved when Justin followed him. Glancing at him again, he noticed the weird look on the man’s (he was having a hard time thinking of him as Noah’s brother too, apparently) face. “What?”

Now it was Justin’s turn to shrug. “I don’t know, it’s just weird.”

“That I love Noah?” Luke willed himself not to get upset. Yet. There was no reason for him to assume that once again he’d have to fight to prove his relationship to Noah’s family. Yet.

“Yeah. Sorry,” Justin sounded so casual about it, and for some reason that made Luke even more irritated. “I mean, I’m not trying to be homophobic, but it’s _weird_. Different. And my parents are religious. Like, really religious. I’m just a little surprised they’re so okay with him being gay.”

It took a lot more willpower, willpower Luke didn’t even know he had, not to snap at Justin, but Luke managed it successfully. “That’s how you describe your feelings on Noah being gay? It’s weird?”

Still casual, Justin nodded. “If all this turns out to be real, I guess it’s going to be something I’ll have to get used to.” He headed inside, leaving Luke on the porch.

Luke wasn’t sure if he should be angry, offended, or scared. And he realized he was all three. And worried. All that convincing he’d had to do with Noah, was it all for nothing? Was it a mistake? What if these people were just pretending to be nice to Noah, what if they try to hurt him? Thoughts of camps and names like ‘Krieger’ flew through his head.

Or maybe he was just being paranoid, maybe these people were just sheltered, and once they got to know Noah they’d be joining PFLAG and wearing rainbow stickers. Maybe…

Luke pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting off a headache. Sometimes he wished his brain would go take a nap. He had no reason (yet) to distrust these people, so he couldn’t assume the worse.

But suddenly, assuming the opposite made him just as scared. What was going to happen when the Millers went back to Georgia? Were they going to ask Noah to go with them? What if Noah got what he needed from them… and no longer needed the family he already has?

************

Noah dropped into his usual chair with a heavy, tired sigh. Marcus’s expression walked the line between smirking and caring. “Busy day?”

Noah gave him the best _give-me-a-break_ glare he could muster. “Busy everything,” he shot back. He leaned back even further into the leather, tilting his head to stare up at the ceiling. “It’s like…” he broke up with a much quieter sigh.

“Like what?” Marcus prompted lightly.

Noah shook his head. “I don’t want to complain.”

Marcus laughed quietly. “That’s partly what I’m here for. Complain away. Please, I insist.”

His patient glared good-naturedly. “Well, to start, there’s this ridiculously annoying old man I have to talk to every week.”

He laughed again. “Oh, so now I’m annoying _and_ old?”

“I never said it was you,” Noah rested his head back again. “I think you’re projecting or something.”

“Thanks, Doc.” Marcus was secretly happy that he and Noah were back to this kind of back and forth, that Noah was back to being comfortable around him. Their first session after the trip to Georgia (and their ‘incident’ at Java) hadn’t been easy at first, but they had both fought through it and were back on steady ground again. Steady, sarcastic ground. “Now what are you scared to complain about?”

“I’ll sound ungrateful,” he murmured.

Marcus kept his face impassive; he had a hunch where this was going. “Hey, don’t forget where you are. There’s no judgment here, no matter what you say.”

Noah nodded, slowly sitting back up straight. “The thing is, it feels like I haven’t had a moment to myself since getting back from Georgia.” He fidgeted with the rubber band around his wrist. “The Millers got here almost two weeks ago, right? And every day since then, it’s like all my time is scheduled with someone or something, I don’t have a moment to breathe!” He looked down at his shoes. “It’s pretty lame, isn’t it? I finally have people who want to be around me, and it turns out I hate it.”

“Noah, is that really what’s going on?” He still kept his voice light. “Or is it that you’re just not used to it? Or you want to keep yourself at a distance so they don’t get to know the real you?” He was fairly sure Noah had yet to tell the Millers that he was in therapy or, subsequently, the reasons why he was in therapy.

“Yeah,” Noah exhaled tiredly, rubbing at his eyes. “It’s probably all those things.”

“It’s all a bit overwhelming, isn’t it?” he prompted, quieter. Noah nodded. “Well, let’s start small then. Tell me a little about them, do you like them?”

He watched as Noah physically fought not to shrug at the question. “They seem like really nice, normal people. Every time we meet it’s a little easier, and the Millers are all… they ask questions about school, and they laugh at my stupid jokes, and they share stuff about themselves… It’s nice.” He offered up an embarrassed smile. “And the- my, um, well Krista? Is pretty cool. We’ve hung out by ourselves a couple times.”

“That’s great,” Marcus smiled, then thought back on what Noah had said and decided to go from there. “You’re still calling them the Millers.”

Noah looked at him, confused. “That’s how they asked me to call them. By their first names, I mean.”

“What do you call them in your head?” he pressed a little deeper.

Noah’s eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”

He held up a hand peaceably. “How do you think of them, all of them. How do you…” he almost used the word ‘relate,’ but thought that was too on the nose. “Refer to them in your head- by their names or by what they are to you?”

He watched Noah deflate, more than just physically. “I don’t know what they are to me,” he whispered.

“They’re your family, Noah,” Marcus responded gently. Sure, the results from yesterday’s DNA tests wouldn’t come back for a few more days, but everyone was pretty damn sure. Except, maybe, for Noah.

The boy in question shrugged. “They don’t feel like it.”

“They don’t what?”

“They don’t feel like my family,” Noah was staring down at his shoes again. Ashamed. “Just because I’m starting to like hanging out with them, doesn’t mean… I don’t feel _it_ , the whatever-it-is I feel when I’m with the Snyders. When the Snyders are with me.” He swallowed hard. “And every lunch or dinner or walk I go on with the Millers, I feel guilty that I don’t feel what I’m supposed to.”

“There is no ‘supposed to’ in this situation,” he reminded. “You feel what you feel, don’t try to force something. The Snyders have been there for you through a lot, accepted you. They encourage you and love you, and they were the first people to ever do that. Of course you feel ‘it’ when you’re with them.”

“Then why can’t I feel that for my real family?” Noah winced as he asked it.

“You have to give it some time, give them a chance,” Marcus grew a little stern. “And you have to get over that fear.”

“What fear?” Noah had that look on his face again, the one where he was dreading whatever Marcus was about to say because he knew it would be the truth.

“You’re afraid that the Millers are going to be like the Mayers,” he stated simply. Noah bit his lip and looked away, and Marcus knew it was true. “You’re afraid they’ll let you down or hurt you like the Colonel did. Or leave you like Charlene did.”

Noah was quiet for awhile, and Marcus waited, letting him process his thoughts. “Isn’t it possible?” he asked, tentative.

He held still, fighting the urge to either nod or shake his head, knowing Noah would interpret that how he wanted. “Of course it’s possible, Noah. Doesn’t mean it’s true though.” He sat forward some, keeping Noah’s focus on him. “You’ve been burned pretty badly in the past by so-called ‘family.’ It’s okay to feel scared by all of this. It’s smart to be cautious.”

“Somehow I feel like there’s a really important ‘however’ coming in your speech,” Noah mumbled sullenly.

Marcus smiled again. “ _However_ \- and this is something we’ve always had to work on, isn’t it?- you shouldn’t act or feel a certain way because you think other people want you to. I know your concept of family is a little… skewed, but in reality? Family accepts you no matter what. Luke’s family has proven that to you, haven’t they?”

Noah nodded, but Marcus caught the flash of _something_ in his eyes, something he couldn’t immediately decipher. “Yeah, they have.”

“And what are you thinking right now?” Marcus leaned forward just a little bit more.

Noah was back to looking away, eyes wandering over the framed photos in the office. The old picture of Marcus and Lucinda was now sitting next to one taken of them just a few weeks ago at the Lakeview. Another new picture, of Sarah and her family, was there too. Noah just stared at the pictures.

“Noah?” Marcus prompted.

“Yeah,” he exhaled. “If, um, if I become a part of this new family, aren’t I being ungrateful all over again?”

Now Marcus was really confused. “Ungrateful to whom?”

“To the Snyders,” he shrugged, as though the answer was obvious.

“Noah, no,” Marcus insisted. “No, having a family of your own doesn’t make you ungrateful. You’re not abandoning the Snyders, no one would think that.”

“Are you sure?” He looked so doubtful.

“Where’s this coming from?” he asked, leaning back again, giving Noah some space.

Noah tilted his head to the side, really not wanting to continue this conversation. But Marcus had no intention of stopping, and he was pretty sure Noah knew that. “Luke,” he finally admitted.

“Luke said something to you?” Marcus couldn’t really believe that.

And sure enough, Noah shook his head. “No. But I know him. And he acts, like, standoffish whenever I mention them, or when I make plans to hang out with them.” He grimaced slightly. “He gets this weird look on his face, and he doesn’t ever really want to talk about them. And this is _Luke_. He always wants to talk. About everything.”

“Maybe he’s just being cautious, like you are. Maybe he’s just scared,” Marcus suggested.

“Maybe,” Noah relented a little. “But I’m not sure. If that was the case, I think he’d talk to me. This is something else, like he disapproves of it. Like I’m ditching him and everyone else for the shiny new family. And if Luke feels this way, then maybe…” he trailed off.

“Have you tried to talk to him about it?” he asked quietly.

Noah nodded slowly. “Yeah. He just shrugs it off, says everything’s fine. But I know something’s up. I know it.”

“And you’re assuming it’s something you did wrong?” Marcus pointed out, eyeing the clock. They didn’t have much time left, unfortunately.

Noah wasn’t responding much anymore. No shrug, no movement of his head, nothing. After a minute he spoke, voice small. “I can’t do something wrong right now. I can’t make a mistake. I’m, I’m scared I’ll do the wrong thing and lose them.”

“Lose who?”

Noah glanced at the clock too, and then reached for his coat. “Any of them. All of them. I don’t know.”

“Noah…” Marcus stood up when his patient did. No, he couldn’t leave now, this was something they needed to discuss, this was-

Noah pointed to the clock. “Time’s up.” He pulled his coat on. “I have to go, I’m supposed to be at Java in fifteen minutes.” He half-smiled. “Having coffee with the family.”

Marcus sighed, opening his office door for him. “Noah,” he said again when Noah stepped into the hall. He waited until they made eye contact, then he smiled encouragingly. “Everything’s going to be fine. Sometimes it’s okay to believe that.”

************

Luke smiled giddily when two arms wrapped around his waist from behind. He let Noah pull him down to their bench, twisting a little so he could look up at him. “We’re supposed to be shopping for dinner,” he reminded his boyfriend teasingly.

“No, your parents are supposed to be shopping for dinner,” Noah shot back, bringing Luke right up against him. “ _We’re_ supposed to be helping.”

Luke smirked, leaning over for a quick kiss. “And how exactly is this helping?”

Noah’s eyes stayed wide, innocent. “I’m keeping you out of their way, duh.”

“You jerk,” Luke smacked him lightly, smiling into another kiss. And another one. And another one.

And there would have been one more, if a voice hadn’t interrupted them. “Noah, is that- oh…”

They pulled apart, sharing that familiar smile that came with getting interrupted (a lot), before turning to see who it was this time that had interrupted them. And ‘oh’ was right. It was Mr. and Mrs. Miller. _Noah’s parents_ , Luke had to tell himself yet again. He’d get used to it at some point.

“Hi,” Noah scrambled to his feet, smiling bashfully at the couple. He kept a hold on Luke’s hand, forcing Luke to stand up next to him. Luke smiled as well, but couldn’t help but notice a look that passed between Eric and Autumn. Like they were uncomfortable seeing him and Noah kiss. Luke tensed, eyes narrowing, but had to force himself to dial it back. Noah was talking to them, and Luke didn’t want to upset him. Not when he looked so cautiously happy.

“So would you like to?” Autumn was asking.

Luke realized he’d missed everything they’d been saying. “What?”

Noah was already hesitating. “I’m not sure, we kind of already have plans…” He looked over at Luke, now uncertain.

Luke was wondering just how he was going to cover the fact that he hadn’t been listening, when thankfully his parents came to the rescue. “Oh hello!” Lily greeted them warmly, happily. Luke wished he had that ability. Wished he could be that at ease with all of this. “What brings you out to Old Town?”

“Actually,” Eric glanced sideways at his wife before continuing. “We were just asking Noah if he’d like to join us for dinner at the Lakeview.”

Ah, now Luke understood why Noah was hesitating before. It was Friday night, and there was no way Noah couldn’t go to Friday Night Dinner at the Snyder/Walsh house. It was one of those traditions he couldn’t let go of, almost a rule. Some people went to Mass on Easter Sunday, Noah went to Lily’s dining room on Friday nights.

Which was why Noah was looking at Eric and Autumn with a slightly mournful, guilty expression. “I wish I could, I’m sorry,” he began, “but tonight-”

“Noah, sweetie,” Lily put her hand on his back, cutting him off. “Go have dinner with them.”

Both Luke and Noah turned wide eyes towards her. “What?”

She smiled gently. “It’s okay to go, you’re not hurting our feelings,” she teased.

Noah didn’t seem to believe her. “But it’s Friday night. I can’t.”

Holden was there too, also smiling. “Yes you can. We don’t have you bound by contract or anything, there will be plenty of other dinners for Lily to spoil you.”

Noah looked back and forth between them, not quite giving in to the teasing. “You’re sure?” he asked, searching for any indication that they were lying. When he found nothing but encouragement, he smiled a little and turned back to his parents. “Okay, then. Dinner.”

Luke for most of this time had been watching the Millers, and he caught the confused, almost disgruntled look they exchanged when it took Lily and Holden’s convincing to get Noah to accept. Luke squashed down his anger yet again. Didn’t they get that maybe Noah had prior commitments before they came to Oakdale? He already had a life when they showed up, it wasn’t fair to expect Noah to-

Noah tugged on Luke’s hand, pulling him off to the side a little bit. “You want to come with me?” he asked, eyes hopeful he’d say yes.

Luke deflated. If he had dinner with Noah’s family, he’d just be looking for more problems and probably ruin the night for Noah. “No, you go ahead. I promised Faith I’d help her with a book report tonight.”

And now Noah had that look on his face- the one Luke had seen a few times in the last two weeks. The one that said ‘I really wish you’d tell me what’s going on with you.’ And Luke wished he could tell him, he really did. “Luke…”

Luke leaned in and kissed his nose. “Babe. You’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for. And in most cases, parents get to know their son _before_ they get to know their son’s boyfriend.”

That did the trick. Noah grinned at him. “When have we ever been ‘most cases,’ Snyder?”

Luke shrugged, matching the grin. “Well, I figure we gotta start sometime, right?”

Noah leaned in and kissed him this time, slow and soft. If Luke’s tongue hadn’t been currently busy, he would have stuck it out at the Millers. _Gay people kiss, deal with it._ Noah finally pulled back, still smiling. “I kinda like being a special case,” he whispered.

 _You are special_ , he wanted to say, but they had taken a lot of time already. So instead he slung his arm around Noah’s hips and led him back to the adults, who were patiently (and not at all awkwardly) waiting for them. Noah got a quick hug and kiss from Lily, and then they were gone.

Luke turned to his parents the second they were around the corner. “Did you see that? What they did?” he hissed.

Both Holden and Lily stared at him, thrown. “See what?” his mom finally asked.

“That look!” Luke insisted. “When Noah didn’t want to have dinner with them, when he asked you if it was okay first. Like they don’t want him to have-”

“Luke,” Holden cut in, voice striving for calm.

Luke just glared back. “And what were they thinking, springing that dinner on him like that? Noah doesn’t like surprises. If they knew him at _all_ , they’d know-”

“Luke!” this time Lily interrupted, less calm. “What’s going on with you?”

He looked at both of them, and by the expressions on their faces it seemed like he had just sprouted blue furry horns or something. “Something’s not right about them, I can feel it.”

“Are you sure you’re not just being overprotective?” Holden asked him.

It took everything in him not to implode at that. “Really? _You’re_ going to talk to _me_ about being overprotective?” Luke glowered pointedly at him.

Holden’s own frown deepened, but before he could respond Lily literally jumped between them. “Hey. Is it really the time or place for this?”

Luke turned and took a step away, taking a deep breath. Once he had himself back under control, he turned around again, looking at both of them seriously. “I’m just trying to look out for Noah, okay? These people aren’t being completely honest with him.”

“How do you know that?” Lily asked.

“Justin, the brother. He told me they’re all religious, that the parents are really religious, and he’s surprised they’re so cool with Noah being gay.” He kept steady. “That’s a pretty big thing. Why haven’t they talked to Noah about it? What else have they maybe not told him?”

“Have you talked to Noah about any of this?” Holden managed to ask civilly.

Luke shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t. He’s doing so well, he’s actually putting himself out there, willingly. This would kill him.”

His mom smiled at him, somehow both loving and stern, as only a mom can smile. “Honey, you know we all love Noah and want to protect him, and I know history hasn’t always been kind to us. But you can’t just wait around for the moment the Millers turn evil.” He tried to protest, but she cut him off with a look. “They’re his family. It’s something we all have to accept if we want to be there for him.”

Holden must have realized just how seriously Luke was taking all of this, because he went into full-on reassuring mode too. “Luke, if you trust me at all, trust me on this. Noah’s a part of our family too, and we’re not just giving him up. Not for anything.”

************

Noah let go of Ethan’s hand the second they got to the playground, allowing him and Natalie to run on ahead to the swingsets. “And they’re off,” he announced quietly. Krista laughed, and headed for a nearby bench to watch them. Noah waited for her to take her seat before joining her, earning a small smile from Krista. “What?” he asked, confused.

Krista shook her head, still smiling. “Waiting for the lady to sit down first? You sure you weren’t raised in the south?”

She was teasing, but Noah couldn’t help but flinch a little. “Military etiquette,” he explained shortly, looking down at his hands. It didn’t hurt to talk about as much as it used to, but Noah didn’t think he’d ever really be okay with it.

Krista was surprisingly quiet for a minute. “I have a confession, Noah.” He looked over at her warily as she continued. “When I found out the name of the man who took you from us, I, um, Googled him. I found out why he got arrested a couple years ago, that he killed his ex-wife, and he almost killed Luke and another man.”

And Noah couldn’t look at her anymore. “Yeah. He did. And last year…”

“I read a little about that too,” her voice was gentle. “Not a lot, just that he kidnapped you. Again. And you were hurt pretty badly.”

“Yeah,” he said again. Thank God there had never been anything specific about how he’d been hurt. It was bad enough that so many people in Oakdale knew about all that, he’d hate it if the entire story was on the Internet for anyone and everyone to read.

“And that’s the man who pretended to be your father. Who raised you,” she continued. This time he just nodded, keeping his eyes on Ethan and Natalie on the playground. “Was it bad?” she asked, quieter.

Eyes still forward. “Was what bad?”

“Growing up with him,” she clarified. He glanced at her for just a second, nodded, and then went back to watching the kids. “You can… you can tell us stuff, you know.”

“What?” he had to look at her now, confused.

She shrugged, keeping her eyes on his. “You can tell us bad stuff. I know you don’t want to, but it’s okay. I mean, we have the best news to counterbalance anything you tell us- we got you back.”

He felt himself smile, more out of shock than anything else. “Okay.” It wouldn’t happen today, but maybe someday soon he’d be able to open up to them like they wanted.

She smiled wider. “Okay.” Then she laughed a little. “You know, for so many years I had it in my head that if you were alive and grownup somewhere, you were off living this awesome life. You were, like, a pirate or something.”

“A pirate?” he repeated, giving her a strange look.

“But a nice one!” she was quick to say. “Like the guy in _The Princess Bride_.”

He found himself smiling again. “So you thought I got kidnapped and then turned into the Dread Pirate Roberts?”

“No,” she elbowed him. “No, you were definitely Westley.”

And now he was laughing too. “That would mean Luke is Buttercup. Oh, he’d hate that.” And that made him laugh a little harder. Looking back at the playground, he called out, “Ethan, stay in the sandbox, buddy!” Ethan waved at him and scampered back into the play area.

Krista watched the kids fondly, then looked back at Noah. “So you like _The Princess Bride_ then? The book or the movie?”

“Both,” he answered. “Luke made me read the book after I made him watch the movie. It’s one of my movies I call, well,” and he was about to reveal another dorky facet to his personality. “I call them Chicken Soup movies. Ones that are kinda guaranteed to-”

“To put a smile on your face no matter what,” she finished for him. At his shocked expression, she ducked her head a little. “I call them my Happy Place movies. There’s like ten movies on the list. You?”

“Fourteen,” he answered, feeling something flutter in his chest. Like relief and affection, and hope. It was a lot like that feeling he’d gotten his first day in Oakdale, when he and Maddie had first started talking about Claude Rains and ‘friends you can take with you.’ The feeling of _hey, maybe things won’t be as bad as you thought._

Before he could do or say anything embarrassing, thankfully, Natalie ran up to them. “Look, Noah!” she nearly shoved a handful of wildflowers and dandelions right into his face. “I made a bouquet!”

“They’re beautiful, NatBug,” he answered with a smile. “Do you want me to hold onto them so you can keep playing?”

“Yes please,” she said, handing them over, nearly twirling around with happiness and sugar highs. Then she grew serious, if only for a moment. “You can keep them and give them to Luke if you want.”

“Aw, thanks Nat,” he responded solemnly. “I bet he’ll love them.” She grinned happily and then ran off again. He caught Krista’s raised eyebrow and grin, and couldn’t help but blush. “He loves anything from them,” he rushed to explain.

“Oh, I’m sure,” she responded innocently.

“Shut up,” he couldn’t help but mumble, still blushing.

She laughed at him, elbowing him again. “You know, my boyfriend and I met two years ago, and we’ve pretty much been serious since day one, but…” Her smile got softer. “Seeing you and Luke, and knowing how much you’ve been through together, it makes me wish Tyler and I had met when we were both eighteen.” She shrugged at his questioning look. “It would’ve been nice to do all that growing up together.”

Noah’s expression softened too. He couldn’t even imagine the mess he’d be right now if he hadn’t had Luke with him to help him ‘grow up.’ “I don’t know where I’d be without him,” he confessed quietly. Krista shifted a little next to him, and Noah suddenly remembered that they hadn’t ever really discussed his relationship with Luke all that much. “Sorry.”

“God, Noah, for what?” she shook her head, inched a little closer. “You two love each other, anyone can see that!” Getting in even closer, putting her hand on his knee, “I’ll admit, hon, it wasn’t something I was expecting when we first got word that you were alive and all. But I see how much you mean to each other, and it’s no different from how Tyler and I feel.”

“I don’t mean to doubt you,” he protested quietly.

“I know,” she promised. “Besides, you’d be gay even if you’d been with us this whole time, just like you’d be a film student and big ol’ dork too,” she laughed at the face he made at her. “First and foremost, you’re my little brother. That’s what matters to me.”

“And everyone else?” he forced himself to ask around a suddenly scratchy throat.

She paused for a second. “I think they feel the same,” she answered. “Don’t worry about Justin. I know he hasn’t been quite as… embracing about all of this, but it hasn’t been easy for him. He took it really hard when you were taken. He thought it was his fault because he was the oldest and he should have been looking out for his little brother when it happened.”

“Really?” Noah had a hard time picturing the intimidatingly quiet man as this protective, caring older brother.

“Yeah,” Krista turned sad. “As we got older, and it was more and more apparent that you weren’t coming back… he got angry. Rebelled a lot, got into the kind of trouble he was lucky to get out of, you know? He’s only recently gotten it together, but he’s been working really hard to get his life on track. Just give him some time.”

“No, it’s okay,” Noah wanted to comfort her. “I understand, trust me. And honestly, just now getting his life together? I can relate to that.”

Krista looked like she wanted him to expand on that a little bit, but once again a Snyder felt the need to interrupt. “Noahhhh,” Ethan whined just a little bit, climbing up into his lap without an invitation.

Noah smiled, pulling Ethan back against him to keep him steady. “Tired, buddy?” Ethan nodded, turning to put his arms around Noah’s neck, the international sign for ‘Carry Me.’ “Okay, let’s head on home then.” He stood up, shifting Ethan to one side so he could hold onto Natalie’s flowers with the other hand. “NatBug! Time to go!” he called out.

Instead of protesting, like he expected her to, Natalie came back over to them almost immediately, ready to go. Then he noticed another carefully made bouquet of flowers in her hand. “Are those for your mom?” he asked with a smile.

She shook her head. “Nope! They’re for her,” she turned and offered the bouquet to Krista.

Krista stood almost frozen for a second, eyes bright. “For me?”

Natalie bobble-headed her yes. “Yep!”

“Why?” Krista couldn’t help but ask. Noah stood by, just as dumbfounded, Ethan resting against his shoulder.

“Because your Noah’s sister,” Natalie answered, as though the answer were obvious. She looked up to Noah for confirmation. “Right?”

Noah looked down at the little girl, then back up at Krista. He smiled at all of them. “Right,” he answered. “She is.”

************

Luke scrambled for his phone, diving through comforters and discarded clothes to find it. “Hello?” he answered without checking the screen, out of breath and quiet.

“Oh crap. I didn’t call you in the middle of sex, did I?”

Luke groaned softly, climbing out of bed and slipping out of the room so Noah wouldn’t wake up. “Jesus, Maddie, do you think I would have _answered_ in the middle of sex?”

She laughed. “Touché, Snyder. You busy right now?”

“It’s almost midnight, Coleman, I was asleep,” he dropped onto the couch, getting comfortable. “Why aren’t you?”

“I’m a college student! We keep all kinds of crazy hours,” she sighed dramatically. “Well, most of us, anyway. That do-gooder boyfriend of yours? That’s a horse of a different color.”

Luke frowned, rubbing his eyes. “You called me to quote _The Wizard of Oz_?”

She got serious. “Actually, I called to ask about that do-gooder boyfriend. And the newfound family.”

“What about them?” Luke grew a little wary.

“What are they like? Do we like them? Are they nice, evil, Cylons, what? Come on, I just had two Red Bulls. Give me the scoop.” He could picture Maddie bouncing around with her cell phone.

“Your boyfriend just met them a few days ago, why don’t you ask him?” he stalled.

There was a pause. A very, very long pause. “Actually, Hunter and I are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“What?” Luke sat up straight, remembering at the last second to keep his voice down.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “It wasn’t a bad breakup or anything, there wasn’t even a fight-”

“What happened?” he asked, worried. “When?”

“Luke, I promise, this was a good thing. We came to a mutual decision. The long distance and everything. And we’re just… we’ve known for awhile now that we’re better of as friends. Good friends, great even. But it was never going to be ‘love’ for either of us,” she shrugged, Luke could hear it over the phone.

He thought over her words, listening for any hint of a lie. But there was none. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Totally, I swear,” she responded confidently. “Now quit asking about my ex-boyfriend and let’s talk about your real one.”

Luke sighed. “I’m really not the best person to give an unbiased opinion.”

“Why? What’s wrong? What did they do?” Maddie nearly jumped through the connection.

“Nothing, Maddie, they haven’t done anything wrong,” he had to rush to mollify. “It’s just this feeling I have. I’m worried that the Millers are, I don’t know, hiding something. Or maybe they’re good people, but just so happy to have Noah back that they’re ignoring how they really feel? It’s…” he trailed off with a sigh. He really was going crazy, wasn’t he?

“Hon, just to play devil’s advocate here,” Maddie ventured. “Is it maybe slightly possible you just don’t want to share Noah with other people? You’ve had him pretty exclusively for a couple years.”

“It’s not sharing I’m worried about, Madds. It’s losing him.” He sat up again, fighting against falling asleep on the couch. “And he’s trying so hard to make this all work. I feel like crap because I’m encouraging him to put himself out there, and bond with these people, while I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Are you sure there even is another shoe?” Maddie pointed out.

“No,” he admitted. “But I’d rather be prepared just in case.” He sensed her open her mouth to tease him, all the way from Connecticut. “And don’t make any jokes about Boy Scouts.”

“Damn,” she muttered. “You ruined my closer.”

“Good night Maddie,” he got up, heading back to the bedroom.

“Night Luke. Tell that other Boy Scout in your apartment I’ll call him soon, okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” Luke hung up, dropped his phone on his bedside table, and crawled back into bed. Noah cracked one eye open, hummed sleepily, and then lifted an arm so Luke could scoot in close to him. He was already back asleep by the time Luke settled back against his chest. Luke took that arm and wrapped it around himself, kissing his hand, smiling when Noah unconsciously folded in even closer.

This was what it was about, Luke had to remind himself. Sometimes he got a little carried away looking for trouble when there was none. He’d learn his lesson one of these days, right?

************

  
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell us they broke up!” Jade exclaimed, indignant. She held the door open for both Luke and Noah, their arms full of Al’s takeout, then headed for her car.

Luke shrugged as best he could with his arms loaded down. Friday Night Dinner had become Monday Night dinner this week, and getting enough burgers and fries for eight people was a slightly daunting task. “I think it just happened, maybe Hunter wasn’t ready.”

“Or maybe he thought we wouldn’t be friends with him anymore if he wasn’t Maddie’s boyfriend,” Noah suggested, following behind them.

“Is there anything we can do to show him that’s not true?” Luke turned to look over his shoulder at his boyfriend.

Noah grinned at him triumphantly. “Already taken care of. I sent Casey over to Hunter’s apartment an hour ago with pizza and beer.”

Luke laughed even as he glanced over at his cousin to see her reaction. Jade caught his look, held up a hand. “I do not- repeat: _do not_ \- want to talk about what is or isn’t happening between me and Casey. Got it?”

“Got it,” Luke would have held up a hand too, if his weren’t full of food. “Change of subject?”

“Please,” she nodded.

He grimaced. “Well, I still haven’t found any proof on Damian. I’ve spent the past two weeks keeping quiet and out of trouble, but unless I can find a way to talk to the Port Authority guys or get into their offices-”

“No way,” both Noah and Jade cut in. Noah continued, “You are not putting yourself in the line of fire with this. Best thing you can do is get out of it all together.”

“He’s right, Luke,” Jade chimed in. “It’s not worth it to get pulled down into Damian’s mess.”

Luke grumbled. “But if he’s doing something wrong, I want him to get caught. And if he’s not doing something wrong, I need to know that too.”

“Statistical probability says he’s doing something wrong,” Jade replied. “It’s not your job to see him brought to justice, Luke. All you’ll end up doing is get yourself into trouble. I know he’s your bio-dad and all, but he’s not worth it.” She unlocked her car, helping the guys load the food in. “Speaking of family,” she turned to Noah, “what’s the latest on yours?” A pointed look at Luke. “That was me, changing the subject again.”

“Nice,” he snarked back, running for the passenger seat. “Shotgun!”

Noah sighed wearily. “Man, I barely fit in the backseat!”

Luke grinned as he took the winner’s seat. “You should have thought of that earlier. Standard shotgun rules, I called it first.”

Noah did the only thing he could do- stuck out his tongue at Luke- and tried to make himself comfortable in the backseat as Jade started the car. “The family’s fine,” he went back to Jade’s question.

“How long are they staying in Oakdale?” she asked curiously. Luke forced himself not to spin around and look to Noah for the answer. It was a question he had been wondering too.

“They’re not sure,” Noah replied. “Eric is a teacher and he took the whole semester off, just in case. It’s pretty open-ended, I think.” He shrugged. “They know I’m in school and don’t want to mess up my schedule and all that.”

“And when the semester’s over?” Jade kept questioning.

Another shrug. “No idea yet. Last time we had dinner they mentioned maybe me coming with them to Augusta sometime in the summer, just to visit.”

“What?” Luke did look over his shoulder this time. “When did this happen?”

Noah looked back at him, confused. “Nothing’s happened. Saturday was the first time they even thought of it.”

“And when were you going to tell me?” Luke persisted.

Noah was still looking at him like he was crazy. “There’s nothing to tell. And if it had become an actual idea, you know you’d be the first person I tell. Come on Luke, what’s going on?”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times. “I… I’m worried. About them.”

“About the Millers?” Noah stumbled a little on the question.

Luke winced. “Yeah. I just… I’m sorry, I just don’t know if I trust them yet. And how they react to you being-”

“They know I’m gay, Luke. They’re okay with it. They’re okay with _me_ ,” Noah’s voice turned pleading. “What’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t think they’re as great as they seem,” he insisted. “Something doesn’t feel right.”

Noah turned to look out the window, at the town as they drove through, obviously centering himself. “I… I finally might have a family. That treats me like I deserve to be a part of it. Why are you trying to make it worse than it is?”

Luke felt himself get a little defensive at that, he couldn’t help it. _You already have a family that treats you that way!_ But knowing that wouldn’t help, and knowing Jade wouldn’t help either (she had her eyes fixed determinedly on the road in front of her), he tried another tactic. “It’s not that I’m trying to make it worse, I’m just going by history here.”

Oh. _So not_ the right thing to say, Snyder.

“You’re going by history?” Noah repeated. “ _My_ history, is that what you’re saying?”

“Noah…”

“No, Luke, that’s what you mean, isn’t it?” Noah’s voice had hardened, getting defensive on his own. “Anyone who’s related to me must be evil, right? That’s what history has shown. No one in their right mind would ever really want to be tied down to me. Right?”

“No,” Luke said firmly, willing himself to stay calm, look Noah in the eyes. “No, Noah, that’s not right.” He held Noah’s gaze, waiting for Noah to relax, before continuing. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean it that way. I shouldn’t have… You’re going to have to suffer through me being a little overly worried for awhile, okay?” Quieter. “You know I want you to be happy more than anything, that’s why I act so crazy.”

Noah calmed down finally, leaning forward a little to rest his head in his hands. “I know. I’m sorry Luke, I didn’t mean to…” he shook his head without looking up. “Sometimes, it’s just not fair that-”

It came out of nowhere.

Luke wasn’t really sure what had happened, but everything suddenly jolted like he was on a bumper car. Instinctively he turned back around to face front but couldn’t recognize anything out the window, things were moving too fast and too hectic, like the car was driving in all directions at the same time. And the world was spinning and Jade was yelling something and glass seemed to be flying everywhere, and it was all so chaotic that the darkness taking over was almost a relief.

It only took less than a minute. When it was over, there was nothing left but a small, mangled car on its back. No movement except for one scorched tire spinning aimlessly in the air.


	11. Grieve for Me, Not History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Sarah is put to work, two families are put at odds, Casey and Ali finally talk, someone is forced to leave Oakdale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "The Shining" by Badly Drawn Boy.

Sarah stared out through the windshield of the ambulance, wanting to do nothing more than go home and take a week-long bubble bath. She hated being nice. Offering to cover someone’s shift right after finishing your own, who does that? Stupid people, she told herself. Stupid people who are stupid for being nice. (Great, now she sounds like her daughter.)

The last nineteen hours had been so quiet, and now this- a nasty car accident. She tried to gather the last bit of inner strength left in her body as she jumped out and followed her partner to the scene. “What’ve we got, Sam?” she called out to one of the paramedics already working.

He was crouched down next to the flipped-over car, beginning to pull the driver out. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he spoke quietly to the victim before looking back up at Sarah and Patrick. “Three victims, driver seems okay, maybe a concussion. Check on the passengers? They’re on the side that got hit.”

Sarah was already nodding and moving to the other side of the car before Sam had even pulled the driver free. Patrick got there first, peeking in through the window of the passenger side, the glass already shattered and missing. “Okay, male, early 20’s maybe. Unconscious…” he reached in, examining whoever it was. “No apparent neck or head injury.”

“Is he okay? Please! Is he, are they okay?” A girl’s voice, frantic and wobbly, broke through from the other side of the car.

Sarah had just crouched down to check the backseat when she heard the voice. She knew that voice from somewhere. Springing to her feet, she looked over the car (and what was supposed to be the bottom of the car) towards the driver. “…Jade?”

Jade froze, staring at her for a moment, the blanket that had been draped around her shoulders dropping to the ground. “Sarah! Sarah, you have to help them. They have to be okay! I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t see…” she trailed off with a wince as Sam pressed a cloth to the side of her head, where a large gash had started bleeding.

Her exhaustion completely forgotten, Sarah dropped back down to the car without answering Jade. No, oh no, please… Patrick and another medic were already pulling the passenger from the front seat out, and she got a glimpse of blond hair before she managed to get her upper body into the backseat. “No…”

Noah was sprawled across what was once the backseat, even still barely hooked into his seatbelt. He wasn’t moving, the side of his face nearest to Sarah coated in red. He didn’t react at all when she reached out to check for a pulse. Her fingers slipped in blood for a second before she could keep them steady on his neck. “Please,” she found herself whispering. And there it was- weak and thready, but it was a pulse. “Noah?” she tried again for a response, but none came.

“Sarah, what’ve you got?” Patrick’s voice called her back to the situation.

Her words got stuck in her throat for a second. “I- I need a backboard! Now!” As two more medics rushed over to help her, she went back to her examination, calling out as she did. “Male, early 20’s, no neck injury but he’s got a head wound. Found a pulse but it’s weak…” The other paramedics pushed her out of the way. Sarah glared irrationally and tried to get back into the car again, but her partner held her back.

“Sarah, let them do it,” he said quietly in her ear.

She whirled around, turning her glare onto him. “Patrick, that boy in there is-”

“I know who it is, Sarah. And I really think it’s best if you take a step back from this.” Patrick was always maddeningly calm in any situation, and normally Sarah appreciated it. Envied it, even. But this wasn’t just any situation, and she wanted everyone to be as worried as she was.

By this time the other medics had gotten Noah secured on the backboard and were pulling him free of the car. “Oh, God,” she murmured. He looked even worse now that she could really see him. The head wound looked way too serious to calm Sarah’s nerves, and one medic was already wrapping an emergency brace around his leg. “How…?”

“Not good,” her friend and co-worker Anthony said as he and his partner carried the backboard towards their ambulance. “Knee injury, and I can’t say for sure but it’s at least a nasty concussion.”

“Oh, God,” she said again, unconsciously following. Turning to Patrick as he walked next to her, “What about Luke? And Jade?”

Patrick squeezed her shoulder. “I’m not sure. They’re already on their way to the hospital.”

She might have nodded, but she was too busy watching Anthony get Noah settled in. “I should… I need to call the Snyders. And, and the Millers.”

Patrick shook his head, pushing her towards Anthony and Noah. “Go ride with him. I’ll call your father, he’ll take care of it. Go.”

She shot him the most grateful of looks. “Patrick…”

He rolled his eyes, smiling a little. “Go.”

She climbed into the back of the bus without another word, having to fight not to get in Anthony’s way and examine Noah for herself. Instead she sat back across from the stretcher, taking one of his hands and squeezing it gently. “Okay, Noah. Enough of this nonsense,” she murmured. “Wake up now.”

“I don’t know if it’ll work, but if you can get him to even out his heart rate that would help me a lot too,” Anthony spoke up, his voice kind even as his eyes never left Noah, hands still working to stabilize him.

Sarah tried to laugh, but couldn’t force it out. She thought back to the last time she’d been in an ambulance with this kid. It had been easier; she hadn’t known him then. He had just been another patient. Now she knew his birthday, his favorite movies, his taste in clothes. He wasn’t just a patient anymore.

When they finally reached the hospital, she saw her father waiting anxiously at the ER doors. His face was already devastated, even before he got a look at Noah. “Sarah,” he spoke breathlessly as Anthony and Sam moved past them with the stretcher. Sarah let them go on inside, stopping by her dad. “Is he…?”

She grabbed her father’s arm, intending to reassure him but not coming even a little close. “Dad. Dad, he’s hurt.” She blinked hard, knowing this had to be killing him. “I don’t know how bad.” Suddenly, she felt like she had gone from age thirty-seven to seven.

Marcus pulled himself together, putting his arm around her and leading her into the ER. “I called Holden. And Eric Miller. Everyone’s on their way here.”

“Did you see Jade?” Sarah persisted, glancing around the lobby. “And Luke? Are they doing okay?”

“Jade’s going to be fine, as far as I know. She was a little hysterical when they brought her in, but okay. But, honey…” he sat her down in the waiting room. “They had to take Luke into emergency surgery.” He suddenly seemed so very old. “Bob looked worried.”

“Oh God,” Sarah whispered. It was all she was capable of.

“Sarah,” he kept his arm around her. “What happened out there?”

************

Holden wasn’t sure he could pace any harder if he tried. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if his feet had left imprints in the floor. Back and forth across the waiting room. He hated this damn room. Every inch. Every tile. And he hated every second of waiting.

And he wasn’t the only one. Marcus and Lucinda were sitting somewhere behind him, not talking. And for _them_ to be not talking… Lily sat in front of him, holding her cell phone in her hands, just staring at it. Damian was actually on his phone, leaning against the far wall and making call after call. Holden didn’t know or care what they were about.

And in the corner, near Lily, sat Noah’s family. Eric leaning forward in his seat, head in his hands. Autumn next to him, one hand on his shoulder, staring straight ahead. Justin and Krista were sitting behind them, talking quietly.

Holden turned to pace some more.

“Hey.”

He spun around again to see Jack make his way into the room. His cousin offered a pained smile to everyone there, squeezing Lily’s shoulder gently as he passed her, and came to a stop next to Holden.

“What do you know?” Holden asked quietly, almost urgently. “Anything?” He was so focused, he didn’t even care that Damian hung up his cell phone and joined them.

Jack grimaced. “There was another car involved.”

“What do you mean?” Damian kept his voice low, but it was no less intense than Holden’s. “Jade hit someone?”

Jack hesitated, looking at both of them, and slowly they began to understand. “No. Someone hit Jade. There were traces of black paint in the dent in her car. My crime scene guy said it was a head on, direct hit. T-boned the car on the right side.” The side Luke and Noah had been sitting on.

“A hit and run?” Holden asked, disbelieving.

Jack nodded regretfully. “Looks that way.” He gave Holden and Damian a moment for that to sink in. “Any news on the kids?”

And as though he had been waiting for the cue, Bob appeared in the doorway. “Holden, Lily.” The doctor looked momentarily overwhelmed when ten people stood and surrounded him. He stared quizzically at the four he didn’t recognize. “I’m sorry, who…?”

“They’re Noah’s family,” Lily smiled, though the smile was fearful and strained.

Bob’s eyebrows shot up as he silently contemplated the Millers. “This is one of those ‘It’s a long story’ stories, isn’t it?”

“Bob.” Marcus had kept quiet for so long, he couldn’t now. And if he didn’t say something, he was pretty sure Lucinda would. “How are they?”

His expression softened. “Well, Jade is going to be just fine. She has a broken wrist and a fairly nasty concussion. But she should be okay to go home as early as tomorrow, as long as she takes it easy.”

“Luke?” Holden couldn’t help but ask. He had to know. Luke had been taken into the OR.

Bob held back a sigh, looking back and forth between him and Lily. And (much to Holden’s annoyance) Damian. “We had to take him into emergency surgery. There was some internal bleeding from the impact. His spleen was damaged badly, and his-”

“His kidney?!” Lily burst out, clutching Holden’s hand. Her perfectly manicured nails dug crescents into Holden’s hand, but he welcomed it. Maybe if he felt enough pain, he could take away Luke’s.

Bob nodded. “There was some bruising there, though not as bad as we originally thought. But it all left his body incredibly weak, and there is a chance that his body could start to reject the kidney because of the trauma. The next few days are going to be crucial.”

“But he got through the surgery, correct?” Lucinda butted in.

He tried to smile. “Things look okay right now. He’s not out of the woods just yet, by any means, and he’s got a host of bumps and bruises. We’re going to try to give his body the rest it needs and see how things look in a day or two.”

“And Noah, is he… how is he?” Eric stepped forward slightly, his voice brittle.

He looked at all of them again before answering. “Noah suffered a pretty serious head injury in the crash. At first it looked like a possible subdural hematoma-” he elaborated at the confused looks, “-a bleed in his brain. But,” he rushed on, “that wasn’t the case. So far there doesn’t seem to be any indication of one.”

“Why does that sound like the good news?” Autumn stammered quietly.

“Because we did discover a fracture,” he answered, offering a calm, sad smile. “In his skull. Not the worst I’ve ever seen, but not good. And because of the location and the swelling, there’s not much we can do at the moment.”

“So what _will_ you be doing?” Marcus was just this side of demanding.

“Right now we’ve got him in a chemically-induced coma. It’s for the best,” Bob assured them. “We’ll let him rest and give him time for the swelling to go down.” He shook his head. “He also has a dislocated left knee, but that should heal up just fine.”

“What does… with a ‘chemically-induced coma,’ what does that mean? When will he wake up?” Holden was surprised to hear Justin speak up

Bob looked like he wanted to put his hand on Justin’s shoulder but then thought the better of it. “We’re going to keep him unconscious for a few days. Once he does wake up- and I’m sure he will- we’ll do some more tests to assess the damage.”

“Damage?” Jack questioned. “Like, like _brain_ damage? Is that a possibility?”

“Anything is a possibility,” Bob gently reminded. “But right now let’s hope for the best, okay? With both boys.” He looked more directly at the Miller family. “Now that I have you here, is it possible I could speak with one of you about your family’s medical history? We’ve never had a complete write-up for Noah, and it would be best to have one, just in case.”

Autumn looked at her husband and then stepped forward. “I-I’ll do it,” she nodded, trying to look much more steady than she sounded. A backwards glance at her family, and then she followed Bob and a nurse out of the waiting room. Eric spoke quickly, softly with his children for a minute, and then hurried out as well, towards the exit.

Holden wasn’t sure what compelled him to follow Eric, but he did. He found the man huddled down on a bench outside the ER ambulance bay, rolling a cigarette in his hand. He looked up when Holden approached, smiled a wan smile. “I think I’ve quit about seventeen times in my life. It never sticks.”

Holden tried to smile back. “Well, if ever there was a time to start…”

“Yeah.” Eric tossed the cigarette into a nearby trash can and stared out into the parking lot. He spoke again just as Holden sat down next to him. “I can still remember the first time Andrew ever got hurt. He was chasing after Krista and this dog we used to have. Fell and skinned his knee on the driveway.” His hands unknowingly reached for another cigarette before he realized what he was doing and stopped himself.

“How old was he?” Holden couldn’t help but ask, part of him aching to see that Noah, to imagine what he had looked like and been like before his life had become hijacked.

“Two,” Eric answered. “It wasn’t that long before he… disappeared.” A quick shake of his head, not wanting to remember _that_ moment. “I’ll never forget it, how terrified I was when he fell. I mean, this was my third kid, you’d think I’d be used to it. And he wasn’t exactly the most cautious little boy ever-”

“He wasn’t?” Holden couldn’t stop himself. “ _Noah_? Really?” The kid who epitomized look-both-ways-before-you-cross-the-street?

Eric smiled. “Not when I knew him.” They both realized what that meant and sobered up pretty quickly. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, it shouldn’t have surprised me, is my point. He was always getting himself into trouble. But that first time, and hearing him cry…” Eric stopped himself for a second.

“It’s never easy,” Holden offered quietly.

The other man nodded. “I know. I just can’t help but… I was terrified back then, when he scraped his knee. And it never went away. I never had the chance to let go of that feeling.” He glanced over at Holden self-consciously, shrugging. “I just need him to be okay. I need to be able to protect him again, if he’ll let me.”

“He’ll let you,” Holden responded. “It just takes Noah awhile to trust things like this.” _It’s because of how he was raised_ , he wanted to say. But couldn’t.

Eric somehow heard it anyway. “I just want him to be my son again. Andrew, Noah, I don’t care.”

Holden hesitated for a moment, but he had to ask. He had to know. “So you really don’t have, well, misgivings about him being gay?”

If Eric’s head had snapped up any quicker he might have broken his neck. “What? No! He’s my _son_ , Holden. No.”

Holden held up a hand, placating. “I’m sorry, I had to ask. Luke’s harboring some- maybe we all are- some leftover worries from the Colonel. Please, you have to understand we just want to look out for Noah.”

Eric shook his head. “I don’t care that he’s gay. I wouldn’t care if he was an amateur taxidermist who wore yellow clown shoes and cheered for the Dallas Cowboys. He’s my son. Even if he’s Noah now, and not Andrew… I loved him the moment he was born. _That_ feeling didn’t go away either. I’ve already missed too much.”

“Hey, I understand,” Holden reassured, smiling again. “I do. And not just because of Luke. I care a lot about Noah, all of us do. He’s a really great kid; we’d do anything for him.”

They were both silent again, until Eric reached into his pocket and pulled out the rest of his pack of cigarettes, throwing them away. Then he turned seriously to Holden. “What was that doctor talking about? When he asked about our family history, the way he said it sounded like Noah had been in the hospital before.”

Holden’s insides went a little cold at that. The Miller still didn’t know about Noah’s ordeal from last year. And he wished, he _really_ wished, he could tell them, but it was Noah’s decision and no one else’s. “Yeah.”

Eric studied him. “Was it serious? The way you all were acting, and how upset Mr. Weston was…”

For a second he didn’t know how to answer. They also didn’t know ‘Mr. Weston,’ the man Lucinda was dating, was Noah’s therapist as well. “It wasn’t good. Last spring, Noah… went through a rough time. It had to do with the Colonel and…” he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Noah should tell you this. When he’s ready. And I’m sure he will.”

“If he-”

“He will,” Holden spoke firmly. He and Luke were going to be fine, there was no alternative. _Two or three days_ , he told himself. In two or three days, the worst of this will be over and his boys will be going home.

************

It felt like he was floating. Not in the air or in water, though. That would’ve been a nice, light feeling. This was more like floating in molasses or honey, something heavy and dragging. He reached up a hand to wipe at his stuck-closed eyelids.

Or tried to.

His arm wouldn’t move. He concentrated as hard as he could, but it wouldn’t move. The best he could do was get his fingers to twitch on the blanket. Blanket? It didn’t feel like his comforter. This didn’t feel like his bed. Most annoying of all, there was no warm body lying next to him. What the hell?

Finally, finally, he was able to open his eyes. They cracked open slowly, and for a second he had to get himself adjusted to the light burning his retinas. A hospital. Of course. He really shouldn’t have been surprised.

There was a shadow of someone next to him, a doctor or a nurse probably. He tried to call out to them, but all that managed to produce was a dusty, faint croak from somewhere in his throat.

But it worked. The shadow turned and moved closer to the bed. “Luke? You awake over there, buddy?”

He wouldn’t even think of answering until he could get some water. And luckily the shadow was also apparently psychic, because a glass and straw appeared in front of him, held up to his lips. After a few sips of blessed water, he sighed softly, smiling at the doctor. “Thanks Lucy.” And then he did a double take. “Lucy?!”

She smiled back, face almost glowing. “Hey cousin. It’s nice to have you back.”

“Have _me_ back?” Luke shook his head. “I’ve been here! _You’re_ the one who’s back!” He looked around for a second. “Wait, we are in Oakdale, right?”

Lucy laughed. “Yeah, we are. Yesterday was my first day back at Memorial. It was supposed to be a surprise and all, but you kinda showed me up in that department.” She pulled out a penlight, shining it in his eyes as she spoke. “So how are you feeling?”

“Confused,” Luke tried and tried, and managed to sit up a little bit on his third attempt. “What happened? Why am I here?”

“What’s the last thing you can remember?” she frowned, pulling out his chart.

Luke narrowed his eyes, thinking hard. He had been at Al’s, right? And then walking through Old Town… and then a car… “I was in a car accident?”

She nodded. “Yeah, a pretty bad one. Some guy plowed right into the side of your car. You’re all lucky he-”

“Jade’s car!” Luke burst out, trying to sit up higher and failing. “Jade was driving. And Noah was with us! Where are they, are they okay? Noah would be here with me if he was okay!” Frantically, he tried to get out of bed, and was shocked that Lucy was able to push him back down with one hand. “Lucy…”

“Luke, if you don’t calm down I’ll have to get your doctor to sedate you, got that?” she said gently but sternly. “Your body just went through a really bad trauma, and we can’t risk you getting yourself all Luke-Snyder-worked-up until you’ve gotten some strength back.”

“But-” all that mattered was getting to Noah and Jade.

“No buts. Calm down a little first,” she ordered.

He took a few deep breaths, stopped the room from spinning, and then glared at her. “I don’t remember you being this bossy.”

“I matured,” she shot back. “And funny, I _do_ remember you being this stubborn.”

“Lucy, please. Are they okay?” his voice got smaller.

She softened her smile. “They’re going to be fine. Jade was actually in here a little while ago, but your parents took her home to get some rest. They should be back any minute. She’s been here every day since the accident, and-”

“How long?” Luke pestered. “What day is it?” _And where’s Noah?_

“It’s Thursday. You’ve been unconscious since Monday night,” she admitted. “We were worried for awhile, Luke. You had some damage to your kidney, and the surgeon had to remove your spleen.”

“Do I…” Luke took a deep breath. “Do I need that? My spleen?”

Lucy smiled again. “It’s not life-threatening. I mean, it’s not ideal, especially considering your medical history, but given enough time and rest, you’ll be fine.”

Luke took a moment to wrap his head around all that, and then got back to more pressing concerns. “Where’s Noah?”

At that moment the door to his room opened and Luke looked up, expecting to see his boyfriend walk in. He had to push aside a growing fear when it wasn’t Noah but his parents who entered. “Oh, Luke!” Lily nearly threw herself at him, hugging and kissing him fervently.

“Mom, Mom!” Luke finally had to hold his hands out and ward her off, wishing he had enough strength to stand up and get out of the line of Mom-fire. “I’m okay.”

Lily nodded, wiped at her tears, and thankfully took a step back. But only enough for Holden to come forward. For a second Luke tensed, this was really the closest the two of them had been near each other in weeks, but he almost sighed in relief when Holden pulled him in for another hug. “Don’t scare me like that, kiddo,” he whispered.

And now Luke was blinking back his own tears. “Sorry,” he said just as quietly, genuinely, sorry for so many things.

His attention was drawn away from Holden when Lucy stepped back to the door. “Well, my break’s over,” she announced. “I’m going to head back to my patient, I’ll stop in and see you again later, ’kay Luke?”

“Wait, you’re not my doctor?” he frowned.

Her expression dropped a little. “No,” she spoke hesitatingly, glancing at his parents. “I’m one of Noah’s.” And then she was gone.

Luke grabbed the nearest hand, not completely sure if it was his mom’s or his dad’s. “What happened to Noah? What’s wrong?”

“Honey…” Lily sat on the edge of his bed, looking down at him seriously. “The doctors have kept Noah unconscious since the accident. He had a skull fracture-” That was all Luke needed to hear; he pushed aside his blankets and would have tried to sit up all the way if his parents hadn’t pushed him back. “What are you doing?” Lily’s eyes were wide.

“I have to see him. I have to go,” Luke fought with everything he had, but he didn’t have much. Lily and Holden were able to keep him in bed way too easily. “No! I have to.”

“Luke, you can’t right now,” Holden tried to reason.

“I _have_ to,” Luke insisted. “What if he wakes up without me there? You know how he is about hospital rooms! I should be there, I need to be.”

Holden shook his head, regretful. “But you can’t right now, okay? Luke, you almost died two days ago. You can’t just jump out of bed and go where you please. You’ll hurt yourself.”

“But Noah,” he protested.

Lily squeezed his hand. “He’s not alone, sweetie, not at any time. We’ve got it covered.”

“And he’s going to be okay, right?” Luke knew next to nothing about skull fractures, but they didn’t sound like fun.

This time Holden answered. “They think he is, as long as he gets enough rest and follows doctor’s orders.” He raised an eyebrow pointedly at Luke.

Luke didn’t take the bait. “But he hasn’t woken up yet.”

“He will,” Holden replied firmly.

“How are the Millers doing?” he asked shakily. He was pretty sure his hands would be shaking too, if it weren’t for the fact that he couldn’t work up enough energy to move them.

“They’re doing about as well as we are,” Lily forced out a smile. “Hanging in there.” More seriously, “They’ve been great, Luke. At least one of them has been with Noah at all times, and they’ve been involved in his care, and-”

“Are they with him now?” Luke cut in.

She shook her head. “Damian took Eric and Autumn to lunch, but I think Justin and Krista are with him now. And Casey is too.”

“And when can I?” he was hoping if he asked enough times they’d get annoyed and give in.

“Maybe tomorrow, sweetheart. But not right now, okay?” Lily said in her most pacifying voice. “Bob isn’t ready to let you out of bed just yet.”

Luke glared, willing himself to move with everything he had. “But Noah _needs_ me!” His limbs felt like they were made of concrete.

Lily opened her mouth to argue or soothe yet again, but Holden spoke up first. “You’re right, Luke. He does.” Luke started, turning hopeful eyes towards his dad. “And he’s going to hate it when he wakes up and finds out you worked yourself into a coma because of him.”

That stopped Luke pretty quickly. If Noah had woken up first, would Luke want him fighting doctor’s orders to get to his room? Maybe a little, but not enough to risk his health. Damn parents and all their parental logic. “I want to see him,” he had to say one more time, just so they understood. Because even though he would gladly march out of this room right now, the bed was suddenly feeling very very comfortable. He fought to keep his eyes open, but they kept closing without his permission.

“You will,” Lily promised, his hand still clasped in both of hers. “We promise, Luke. We’ll get you two back together as soon as possible.”

As he was pulled back into sleep, Luke couldn’t help but think that that wouldn’t be soon enough.

************

“Hey.”

Casey looked up as Alison took a seat next to him. She looked about as exhausted as he felt, but there was a lightness in her eyes he hadn’t seen in days. That could only mean… “Luke?”

She smiled. “He woke up. And your grandfather thinks he’ll make a full recovery.”

Casey stood quickly, the relief bringing an inadvertent smile to his face. “Are you sure? Is he awake now, can I see him? He’ll want to know about Noah, and I-”

She reached up and pulled him back down onto the bench. “He’s sleeping again. And I _know_ he’s going to be okay, because he’s already demanded to go see Noah like eight times.”

Casey couldn’t help but laugh at that, trying to get himself to relax a little bit more. Everything was going to be fine. Luke was fine. Noah was going to be fine. Jade was f- maybe Casey shouldn’t be thinking about Jade.

“What’s the latest on Noah?” his girlfriend- he reminded himself pointedly- asked.

He shrugged slightly. “Hopefully good news. He’s moving around a little bit more, and he opened his eyes once or twice. Lucy says his pupils are reacting, or whatever, he’s just not fully aware yet. I just left his room- the Millers looked like they wanted to have some serious family meeting or something so I ducked out.”

Ali nodded. “And what’s the latest on Jade?”

Casey just barely managed to stop himself from reacting too much. “What?”

Ali looked at him knowingly. “How’s Jade doing?”

“Oh,” he kept his voice light. Casual. Indifferent. “I think she’s okay. Holden told me her concussion-thing’s all healed up, and I don’t think she likes wearing a sling, but other than that I don’t know much.”

“Casey.” Her voice was calm, resigned. “We need to stop doing this.”

“Doing what?” Still light.

She rolled her eyes a little. “Dancing around this… this _thing_ between you and Jade. Whatever it is you two share, it’s something we don’t.” Casey flinched at the reality of that, but let her keep talking. “The only reason we’re still together right now is because neither of us think we can handle being alone.”

“That’s not true,” Casey protested weakly. “Ali, I really do care about you.”

“I care about you too,” she replied sadly. “But that’s not enough, is it? Not anymore. We’re not in high school. Just saying we ‘love’ each other doesn’t make it work.” She took a deep, regretful breath. “And I don’t think I want to try to make this work. Do you?”

He was silent for a minute. Not because he didn’t know what to say, but because he was afraid of saying it. “No. I don’t.” She nodded, sitting back a little further in her seat. He dared to reach out and take her hand, but didn’t look over at her. “I have feelings for Jade. I don’t know what they are, and you don’t need to hear about them, but I do.”

She squeezed his hand before gently pulling away. “Then it looks like this decision has already been made.”

“I’m really sorry, Ali,” he mumbled.

“I know. And hey, me too. I wasn’t trying very hard to be your girlfriend, you know? I knew you were slipping away from me, and it’s not like I fought all that hard to keep you,” she shrugged, offering a small smile.

Casey grunted out a laugh, running his hands through his hair and wishing he could get someone to hook him up with an IV full of Red Bull. “I don’t mean for this to sound like the lame brush-off it usually is, but… we can still be friends, can’t we?”

Alison paused, fidgeting with her hands for a second. “I hope so. I think so. I mean, it can’t be any more awkward than this is right now, right?”

He laughed again. “Good point.” They sat side by side, looking out down the hallway past both Luke’s and Noah’s rooms. “So, um, maybe things will work out okay…” He trailed off, not because he should’ve never said such jinx-worthy words, but because at that moment Lucy burst out of Noah’s room.

Alison stood up quickly. “Lucy?” Casey was right behind her.

Lucy shook her head, eyes wide, panicked. “Casey, where’s your grandfather? I need to talk to him. Like, _now_.”

“Why?” Casey demanded, even as Ali ran off to page him. “What’s wrong? Is Noah-?”

She shook her head again. “It’s not Noah. It’s his family.”

Casey frowned. “What?”

“They want to transfer Noah out of our care. Out of _here_.” Lucy was close to tears.

He still didn’t get it. “What does that mean?”

Lucy took a deep breath. “I need to talk to your grandfather. The Millers want to take Noah back to Georgia.”

************

“No! No, no way.” Luke was close to growling. Lily was almost afraid to touch him, knowing it would risk him directing all his anger at her.

“Luke, I’m very sorry,” Autumn spoke softly. “But we need to do this.”

Lily studied the two people in front of her carefully. They looked exhausted, frayed, and terrified. They looked like parents who had a child in critical condition. It was the only thing keeping her from being as livid as Luke.

“No you don’t,” Luke insisted. “What Noah needs is to stay here. _Here_. With us.” If he still weren’t so incredibly weak, Lily was sure he’d be launching into a pretty impressive Walsh-esque tirade right now.

“Is it even safe to transport him right now?” Holden spoke up from the other side of Luke’s bed. He sounded so calm. If his hands weren’t white-knuckling the jacket in his lap, Lily would have been able to believe it.

Eric nodded. “He’s getting a little more responsive. He’s woken up twice, but he’s still very heavily drugged and out of it. Everyone we’ve talked to says there’s no danger in moving him.”

“Bob?” Holden looked over to the man standing by the door for confirmation.

Bob sighed. “Unfortunately, it’s true,” he relented, obviously unhappy with the idea altogether.

“But if he’s getting better, then why do you need to go?” Lily tried to keep her voice from sounding as strained as she felt. She was pretty sure she didn’t succeed.

“We know a neuro-specialist. In Atlanta,” Eric answered. “We just want Noah to get the best care possible, and that’s with us in Georgia.”

“No, it’s not!” Luke protested desperately. “You don’t understand, Noah hates hospitals, and he hates being stuck in hospital rooms. When he wakes up in one without me there, in a strange place, he’s going to freak out. I have to be with him!”

“Luke, we’ll be there with him,” Autumn tried again. “It’s for the best. This is one of the best doctors in the country, we need to do this for him.”

“Then I’m coming too,” he said, determined.

“Luke!” Lily turned to him. Holden stood up quickly, shaking his head sternly.

“Absolutely not,” Bob stepped closer to his bed. “Luke, you’re not getting out of this bed for awhile. I’m sorry, I truly am, but I won’t allow you to hurt yourself. Your body can’t handle a move like that.”

“Then bring the specialist here,” Luke kept up, his voice cracking. “Please? Please, don’t take Noah away.”

“We have to,” Autumn whispered.

That stopped everyone. In the full minute of silence that followed, Lily studied the two of them again. There was something there… They were tense and upset, of course, but also… angry? “Why do you have to?” she finally asked.

Eric kept his arm firm around his wife. “We found out what happened to Noah last year.”

The quiet, aggravated sigh next to Lily told her Bob knew what they were talking about. She looked over at him, and realized she hadn’t seen him look quite this aged in a long time. “What?”

“Noah’s medical records. They saw his records,” he quietly explained.

Holden closed his eyes and sat back down again, gritting his teeth. Lily found herself holding onto Luke’s hand tighter. If the Millers had gotten a hold of Noah’s records, they knew- in detail- what Noah had suffered through last year, at the hands of the Colonel and Alan Reddik. And they knew he was in therapy, and they knew…

“So much has happened to him here,” Autumn tried to explain. “So many bad things. He needs… we think he needs a break. From this town, from its drama and its troubles and…” she turned pleading eyes towards Lily, as though asking her to understand.

But Lily shook her head. “ _Good_ things have happened to him here too. He found us. He found…”

“He found himself,” Luke finished, much quieter, but still frantic. “Noah was in hell before he came to Oakdale. If you take him away, part of him’s going to go back to that. He’s going to shut down.”

“He should be with his family right now,” Autumn insisted.

Eric nodded alongside her. “We have to take care of him. He’s our son. I’m sorry Luke, but you have to understand; we want to protect him.”

Luke bristled at the implication. “Protect him from what? Us?” Lily wanted to turn and soothe him, but she was starting to get just as angry. “We would never hurt him. We _saved_ him! And hey, did you think about what Noah would actually want? He wouldn’t want to leave. You can’t make this decision for him.”

Autumn looked close to tears, but Lily was about done feeling sorry for her. “Noah can’t make any decisions right now, Luke. He can barely keep his eyes open for five minutes at a time. It’s up to his family to make these-”

“No it’s not!” Luke got as close to yelling as he could. His eyes narrowed as he turned to Bob once again. “Noah’s medical records. I’m still listed as his next of kin, aren’t I?”

Bob nodded, but his face wasn’t at all encouraging. “Yes, but Luke-”

Luke wasn’t paying attention. “I’m his next of kin. I say he doesn’t go, end of story. Done.”

“Luke, settle down,” Holden murmured just quietly for him (and Lily) to hear. He eyed the machines monitoring Luke’s blood pressure and heart rate. “Passing out now isn’t going to help your cause, okay?”

Luke looked like he wanted to snap in response, but reined it in at the last second. Then he directed his glare back at the Millers. “Noah stays here.”

“Luke,” Bob spoke up again, very gently. “Being next of kin doesn’t give you final say.”

“What?” the three Snyders all stared at him.

Bob held up a hand, apologetic. “If we still thought that Noah had no family, then yes- we would probably turn to Luke and the rest of you. But Noah does have family.” He smiled sadly. “The DNA test results came back yesterday. Noah truly, biologically, is Andrew Miller. And that means if Noah is unable to make medical decision for himself, then we have to turn to them first.”

“But Noah chose me,” Luke pointed out, voice almost plaintive, grasping for those last few straws. “I know him. I know him better than they do.”

“Luke, in a court of law that won’t matter. I’ve already talked this over with Tom.” The Millers looked shocked by that little development, and Lily could have kissed Bob for it, despite the situation. “His actual family takes precedence over his partner, I’m sorry.”

“Will everyone stop saying that?” Luke snapped. “I don’t care that you’re sorry, I care that you’re taking Noah away from me! When he’s going to need me!” The glare went back to the Millers. “And if you saw his records, and if you care about him like you say, you wouldn’t separate us, and you wouldn’t take him away from his therapist! Are you guys stupid?” He had to stop to catch his breath again.

“We spoke to a lawyer,” Eric was quieter, but still steady. Firm. “And we’ve been granted custody and medical proxy of Noah.”

Lily closed her eyes for a moment, trying to ward off tears. The reality of this was starting to set in; no matter what they said or did, they were going to lose. They were going to lose Noah. She knew they couldn’t stop the Millers, and she hated it. It was like Noah getting kidnapped all over again, only this time they all knew it was coming and couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Luke wasn’t ready to give up yet though. He kept shaking his head. “So? I don’t care! That doesn’t mean you get to control him!”

“It means,” Eric continued, “that until Noah is deemed to be back in sound mind and can make his own decisions, we’ll be the ones taking care of him. And it’s our decision to take him back to Georgia. Away from this place and anything that has hurt him here.”

“He’ll hate you for it,” Luke spit out, face getting red with anger and terror.

Autumn flinched, a few tears spilling down her face. But her voice remained as set as her husband’s. “He’s our son. We lost the chance to take care of him nineteen years ago, Luke. We’re not going to let that happen again.” She bit her lip for a second, looked at the row of unhappy, unyielding faces in front of her, and then quickly turned and left the room.

Eric stood still, also looking back at them. As Lily watched, his face only grew more resolute and closed. She’d seen that same expression on Noah a few times, and it made her heart hurt. Eric blinked once, twice, and then headed for the door. “We’re leaving tomorrow morning,” was the last thing he said before the door shut behind him.

Luke leaned forward in his bed almost bonelessly, face buried in his hands. His shoulders shook, and Lily couldn’t help but sit next to him on the bed, pulling him as close to her as his IV and monitor wires would allow. “Luke, baby…” she whispered. Holden stood on the other side of the bed, starting to pace. Bob stayed where he was, leaning back against the window sill.

Luke leaned into her, still shaking. “They can’t. They can’t,” he whispered over and over.

Lily soothed a hand over his hair, gently rocking him. “It’s not permanent, honey, you know that, right? As soon as Noah’s better, he’s going to be on the first thing that moves back here to Oakdale. To you.”

“Unless he can’t,” Luke mumbled into her shoulder.

“What do you mean?” she asked, frowning. Holden continued to pace, but his eyes focused in on his son.

“He’s going to shut himself away. I know he is.” Luke sounded agonized. “Who’s he going to be when he gets back, Mom? My Noah, or the Noah we found in that basement last summer?”

************

Four hours and two naps later, Luke awoke to the sound of someone knocking on his hospital room door. “Come in.” And just like with every knock, his expression turned hopeful, wondering if maybe this time a solution would walk through, or (better yet) Noah would.

But also just like with every knock, no such luck. His face fell when Krista ducked her head into the room, eyes tired and wary. “Luke? The nurse said you wanted to see me.”

Luke stared at her for a second before nodding. As Krista eased her way into the room and shut the door behind her, he readjusted the bed to bring himself up to a sitting position. “Yeah,” his voice shook.

Krista reacted to the sound, but still came close enough to take a seat next to the bed. “I can’t change my parents’ minds,” she said softly, looking down at her hands.

Luke flinched, clenching his jaw tightly to keep from crying. And/or screaming. “So you don’t agree with them,” he guessed.

“I never said that,” she responded carefully. “I do think Noah should get the best possible care. And I do think my parents need to be the ones who help him. But…” finally she looked up. “But I am sorry that it upsets you.”

“It’s going to upset him too,” Luke told her. “A lot. And it’s going to hurt him.”

“It’s a done deal, Luke,” she was still quiet, cautious. “He’s leaving with us tomorrow.”

For a moment Luke’s vision went dark. _Nonononono_. He couldn’t get himself to accept this. He just couldn’t. They’d already gone through enough crap in their lives, there’s no way the universe would be this much of a bitch. Something would convince the Millers to stay, right? But just in case… “Then I need you to do something for me.”

“Do what?” Krista still looked nervous.

He reached over to his bedside table where a paper was folded up neatly. “Here.” He handed it to her.

She took the paper gingerly, unfolding it as though afraid it was some piece of hate mail. A part of Luke didn’t blame her for thinking that, since there was enough anger in him to power a mid-size volcano, but another part of him didn’t care. This was more important than hate mail.

“It’s a list,” he explained needlessly. “Noah’s favorite movies. And a list of movies he likes to watch whenever he’s not feeling well. And his favorite food, and some candy I know he likes, even though he won’t admit he splurges on them sometimes. But I know. And there’s a list of CDs he listens to, and…” he had to pause to keep himself from breaking down. “And, just, stuff he likes. Stuff he might need.”

She traced the list lightly with one finger, not looking at him. “His Chicken Soup movies?” she spoke softly.

He nodded, not looking at her either. The fact that she knew that term at all proved to him she was the right person to tell what he was about to tell. “There’s something else, Krista.”

Her head snapped up. Luke had never actually said her name before. It felt weird on his lips. He didn’t like it. He took a deep breath, not liking anything that he was about to do. “Noah doesn’t like hospital rooms. Something bad happened to him last time he was in one.”

“I know what happened,” she whispered, almost whimpered.

He refused to feel anything for her. “He’s going to have nightmares. And, and that means he’ll probably have panic attacks. When that happens, you have to get him to calm himself down. Drugs, sedatives, whatever, they knock him out but they don’t, um, soothe him. Okay? So you have to do that.”

Krista was quiet for a bit before speaking. “How do I do it?” she asked, sounding a little more steady.

Against his will, Luke appreciated that. “He has to take deep breaths. You have to get him to do that. Tell him to breathe deep and slow. Counting helps, it’s an exercise he learned in therapy. Sometimes just counting slow is enough to help him out of it.” His hands were shaking again, so he clasped them together in his lap.

“Is that it? What if counting isn’t enough?”

Luke hated when it wasn’t enough. “S-sometimes, I have to put his hand on my chest. Over my heart, so he can feel it. Sometimes it slows his heart rate down, gets him to try to match mine. And it helps,” a sharp pain laced through his lungs, and Luke had no idea if it was from the internal bleeding or something much much worse. “It helps reconnect him. Reminds him he’s not alone-” he cut himself off and turned away.

“Luke…” Thankfully, Krista stopped herself from saying anything else. She probably knew there was nothing she _could_ say to make him feel better.

“Just make sure he knows I didn’t want this to happen,” Luke managed to say, even when it felt like glass was filling up his throat. “Make sure he knows I’m pissed and I tried everything I could to keep him here. _Where he belongs_ ,” he couldn’t help but stress the words.

“I will,” she sounded like she might be crying.

Luke didn’t care. “And make sure he gets enough rest, and follows whatever orders the doctors give him. Don’t leave the room in complete darkness at night. Don’t stare at him, don’t try to force him to talk about anything. And if he needs to talk to me, I don’t care what time it is, he can call me and I’ll answer.”

They were both crying now. “I will,” she said again. Then she stood up. But instead of going to the door, she came closer to the bed. “Luke.” He turned towards her but didn’t dare look her in the eyes. Until she said, “Do you want to go see him?”

************

Casey raised his hand to knock, then stopped. He turned back to the driveway, took two steps, and then went back to the door. Went to knock again. Stopped again. His hand was raised in mid air, wavering back and forth between going for the door and going for his pocket, when the problem was solved for him.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jade asked as she opened the door.

Casey took a moment to study her before answering. The cut on the side of her head was stitched up, swollen and painful above her right eye. Her wrist was in a cast that stretched from hand to elbow, and she was unconsciously pulling at the sling where it rested on her shoulder. And she was, of course, glaring at him. It was like her default position when he was around.

“I wanted to see how you were,” he answered carefully. That totally wasn’t why he was here, but it was a start.

“Really.” She studied him, and must have realized something was different because she didn’t automatically slam the door in his face. Instead she took a step back, opened the door wider, and gestured for him to come inside.

“Casey!” Ethan rocketed out of the kitchen, headed straight for him.

“What’s up, E-Dog?” he managed to pick Ethan up and balance him on one hip.

Ethan regarded him solemnly. “Luke and Noah in the hospital.”

Casey swallowed hard, kept his voice light. “I know. But they’re going to get all better, aren’t they?”

Ethan nodded vigorously, grin returning. Faith appeared at just that minute. “Ethan! You still have a bowl of mac-and-cheese to finish before you can leave the table, mister.”

Casey managed a grin too, handing the little boy over to his sister, turning back to Jade once they were alone. “How’re you doing?”

Jade’s expression had softened a lot watching Casey and Ethan, but now she went back to her normal expression. “Tired. Cranky. And a little confused.”

He tilted his head to the side. “So. The concussion didn’t really do much to change your disposition, huh?”

She went to smack him but raised the wrong hand. “Damn it,” she muttered, easing her arm back down into the sling.

“Hey, easy,” Casey stepped closer, guiding her to the couch. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to incite violence.”

“You just make it so easy sometimes,” she shot back out of habit. Then she softened again. “What are you doing here?”

“You told me I had to choose,” he said simply.

She stared at him, not letting herself realize what he meant. “Yeah. I did. And?”

“And…” Casey took a deep breath. “I talked to Alison. We broke up.”

She didn’t react exactly like he’d hoped (not that he really had any idea how she’d react). “You broke up with her or she broke up with you?”

He stared at her, knowing he could only tell the truth. “I told her I had feelings for you. She asked me if I wanted to try to work things out with her. We both decided we didn’t. The end.”

“So much for happily ever after,” she snarked, though it was more half-hearted than usual. Then, softer, “You have feelings for me?”

“Yeah,” he answered, just as quiet. “Most of the time they’re rage and annoyance, but sometimes they’re…” he glanced over at her. “Not.”

“Yeah,” she echoed, smiling a little. Casey had never admitted to himself how much he liked her smile. Back when they had been hooking up last year, back when Emily had been paying her to and Casey hadn’t cared, he had always liked how it lit up her face.

He scooted a little closer to her. “You told me I had to choose,” he said again. She raised her eyebrows at him. “I’m choosing now.” And then he kissed her.

This wasn’t like their other kisses. This one was soft, careful, and- dare he think it?- sweet. It wasn’t a messy make-out session. It was a real, honest to God, I-care-about-you kiss. And while that terrified the crap out of Casey, what shocked him more was that he wasn’t ashamed for feeling it.

They broke from each other, taking a deep breath and trying to figure out where to go from here. “There’s something else,” Jade said then, frowning, studying him. “Something else is wrong. What is it?”

Casey choked on his exhale. “You need to get better quick, alright? Luke’s going to need you.”

She sat up straighter, alarmed. “Luke? Is Luke okay? What happened?”

He continued as though he hadn’t heard her. “I’m going to need you too, I think. So you have to get better and be back to your normal bitchy self as soon as possible.”

“Casey,” she grabbed his face, holding it close. It was the first time she’d done this that Casey wasn’t waiting for a smack to the head. Which was nice. “Casey. Tell me what’s going on.”

And he had no room left for jokes. He deflated, leaning into her hands a little more. “It’s… it’s about Noah.”

************

Lucy and Krista both nodded to him when he glanced back at them. It was a specific nod, the international symbol for ‘We’ll keep watch.’ He couldn’t bring himself to nod back, because he didn’t care. If they really wanted to help him, help Noah, then they wouldn’t let him be shipped away.

Luke wheeled himself into the room, shutting the door quickly behind him before anyone could follow. He kept his head down, eyes on his lap, unable to face the reality lying in the hospital bed in front of him. What felt like three centuries passed before Luke was able to raise his head and face his boyfriend. His wounded, unconscious boyfriend. Noah lay on the bed, looking almost childlike in a light blue hospital gown.

His chair rolled along as though lead anvils were tied to its sides, moving slowly over next to Noah’s bed. He opened his mouth, wanting to sigh but not able to produce enough oxygen. Shallow, quick breaths were all Luke could handle as he reached out, putting one of his hands over Noah’s. He rubbed his thumb gently over the knuckles. Usually when he did that Noah would turn his hand over, curl his own fingers in so they could link together. But now there was nothing. No movement, no sound, nothing.

“Noah?” he whispered. Nothing. Noah’s eyes remained closed. “Noah, baby, it’s me. I’m here. Don’t worry, okay? I’m here.” He propped his elbows up on the side of the bed, still holding onto his hand. Since Noah wouldn’t curl his fingers, Luke did it for him. He latched their hands together, using his free one to trace the lines across Noah’s skin from his knuckles down to his wrist.

“Come on babe, I only have like ten more minutes, you have to wake up!” he begged.

Noah could never stand it when he begged. Apparently not even when he was unconscious, because seconds later his eyelids fluttered open and closed a few times. The hand Luke was holding twitched, and just as Luke figured out a way to start breathing again, Noah’s eyes opened. And focused on him.

“Hey,” Luke said softly, squeezing his hand. He wanted more than anything to run his hand through Noah’s hair, but was terrified of hurting him or the skull fracture.

“Luke?” Noah’s voice was soft and sandpaper-rough.

“Yeah, Noah.” He kissed the hand quickly, reassuring. “How do you feel?”

Noah frowned just a little, his eyes glazed over. “My head. Feels big. Is it big?”

He couldn’t help but smile. “No, it’s head-size.” He leaned in and kissed his forehead gently, willing himself not to cry.

“What happened?” Noah was still frowning when Luke settled back in his chair again.

“There was a car accident,” he decided to keep the answers simple, figuring Noah probably wouldn’t be able to grasp anything more than that.

“No,” Noah protested. “I’m a good driver.”

He smiled, resting a hand on Noah’s shoulder and rubbing it slowly. “Yeah, you are. You weren’t driving, love. Jade was.” At his worried look, “She’s okay though. She’s fine.”

“You. In the car?” Noah winced a little, trying to reach up and rub at his head.

Luke stopped him before he could tangle up any wires or mess with any sutures. “Yeah, I was there too. But I’m okay. See?” He smiled wide, kissing Noah’s hand again.

“Good,” Noah sighed, relaxing into the bed again. Not letting go of Luke’s hand. “Stay with me?”

Luke bit his lip hard. How was he supposed to do this? He swore about a hundred times in his head, English and Italian. “No, baby, I can’t. I won’t be with you next time you wake up,” he tried to keep his voice steady but was pretty sure he failed.

Noah frowned again, obstinate. “You’re always here.”

“But you won’t be,” Luke near-whispered.

His eyes widened, confused. He started to shake his head as vehemently as he could, even though it obviously hurt to do so. “No. No. I won’t leave you, I promise.”

“Noah…” he moved his hand from Noah’s shoulder to his chest, laying it flat, trying to calm him. “I know that. But they’re going to take you to see a new doctor. To make sure you get better. So you’re going to be gone for a little while, but I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Noah just watched him for a moment, and Luke silently pleaded with him to understand. Noah closed his eyes with another wince, then opened them slowly. “’M tired,” he mumbled.

And Luke hoped he was tired enough to not see the tears spilling down Luke’s face now. “That’s okay,” he lowered his voice. “Go back to sleep. You’ll feel better next time you wake up.”

Noah tugged a little on Luke’s hand, even as his eyes closed yet again. “Stay here with me, ’kay?” He let out a slow, heavy breath. “Be here when I wake up…”

Luke felt like he’d just been punched in the chest. God, Noah didn’t understand, did he? He was still too out of it. “Noah, baby, I-” he looked down. Noah’s eyes were closed, his breathing deep. Asleep. Luke cursed again, squeezing his own eyes shut tightly. “Damn it.”

“Luke.” Lucy stood in the open doorway, watching him sadly. “I have to get you back to your room.”

Luke wanted to throw a tantrum, scream and cry and stomp his feet and handcuff himself to Noah. But he was just so damn tired. How many different ways and how many times was he going to have to watch Noah disappear? It wasn’t fair.

“Luke,” his cousin said again. “I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t acknowledge her. Everyone was saying they were sorry. It didn’t matter. It didn’t help. Instead of answering her, he turned back to Noah once more, leaning forward in his chair again so he could press one last (don’t say last!) kiss on Noah’s soft, unresponsive lips.

“Noah,” he whispered, hoping Lucy couldn’t hear him. “I’ll see you soon, I promise.” Another kiss before Lucy could grab his wheelchair and pull him away. “This is not a goodbye.”

This couldn’t be a goodbye.

************

Holden schooled his face to calm and reassuring as he entered Luke’s room. If he was really smart and really paying attention, he wouldn’t have gone in; the stormcloud hanging over Luke’s head could be felt all the way down the hall. But Holden wasn’t on top of his game. Noah was leaving today. And Holden was angry and worried and feeling completely helpless.

Much like his son was, unfortunately. “What now?” Luke grunted when Holden stepped inside.

Holden kept his voice steady. “They’re leaving soon. In a few minutes. The transport-”

“You mean the kidnapping?” he bit out.

“Luke…” That was as far as he got before the stormcloud erupted.

“What, Dad? What are you going to say, in all your Dad-wisdom, that will make me feel better? Huh?” Luke must be getting better, because his glare was in full force. “How can you be so calm about this? Don’t you care at all that Noah’s getting taken away? Against his will? Don’t you care?”

He almost yelled back. Almost. “Of course I do, Luke. You think I want this to happen?”

“Well why don’t you act like it then?” Luke’s voice just got sharper. Even more bitter. “You wouldn’t let me go see Noah when I woke up. If I had been there, he might have gotten better faster. Then you just sat there while the Millers told us they were taking Noah.” He shook his head, angry tears springing out. “You just sat there. You didn’t argue.”

“Luke, I couldn’t-”

“You didn’t get upset,” Luke wouldn’t let him get a word in. “You didn’t fight them on it. You let it happen. You let them take Noah!” He was getting more and more worked up.

Holden took a step closer, now worried that Luke going to hurt himself. “Hey, you have to-”

“Don’t.” He was back to growling. “Don’t tell me to calm down. Don’t tell me not to worry about him. Don’t tell me what to do or feel. Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I don’t care.”

“There’s nothing we can do right now, Luke,” he tried to explain. “And we can’t let you go with him, you know that.”

“Then why can’t you go with him?” Luke argued. “Or Mom or Jack? Why can’t Doctor Weston go? Am I the only person who actually wants to help Noah? No one else seems to care!”

 _He’s upset_ , Holden reminded himself, ignoring the ache in his chest at Luke’s words. _He’s just upset, he’s taking it out on you_. It was another reason he couldn’t tell Luke everything, like how the Millers had gotten the medical equivalent of a restraining order against the Snyder family, convincing a judge that they would bring unnecessary stress to a fragile patient. Luke would quite possibly murder someone if he knew that. “I know how you feel, son.”

“No! If you did, you wouldn’t let them take Noah. But you’re not doing anything to fight for him. You’re letting them go. You’re letting _him_ go. Like he doesn’t matter!” He tensed visibly when Holden took a step closer to him. “Get out.”

“Luke…” Was that all Holden could say right now? His name?

“Get out,” Luke repeated. “I don’t want you here. I don’t want anyone here. Get out.”

“I don’t want Noah-” he tried to say something…

“Just go.” But Luke didn’t want to hear it. He slouched down farther in his bed, crossing his arms defiantly.

He looked so wrecked that it nearly killed Holden to head back to the door, but he knew there was no point in reasoning with his son when he was like this. “I’ll be back to check on you later,” he managed to say. But just before he left, maybe because he was glutton for punishment, he tried one more time. “I love Noah like a son, Luke. Like I love you. And it’s killing me to have to let him go. But I… I promise he’ll be coming back. I know he will.”

Luke just stared down at his blanket-covered lap, not acknowledging a word.

Holden let out a heavy, dragging sigh as he walked down the hall to the elevator. This was going to be one of the longest days of his life, he could tell. And of course that had to happen, just when Holden thought he and Luke were finally coming to an understanding and mending fences… this had to happen.

When the elevator doors slid open, he was shocked to see Marcus already on, obviously heading to the same place he was. They tried to smile at each other and failed miserably. “Going up?” the older man asked.

“Of course,” he answered, wishing he wasn’t.

They traveled in relative silence for a minute before Marcus spoke. “How’s Luke?”

Whatever sound came out of Holden was supposed to be a laugh, but it didn’t turn out that way. “Physically, okay.”

Marcus didn’t need to ask about ‘emotionally.’ He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I tried to petition, as Noah’s therapist, to have him kept here. With all of you. Normally I think that would have been enough, but the Millers’ lawyer knew I was involved with Lucinda and argued that I was too close to the case,” Marcus straightened his jacket, needing to keep his hands moving for some reason.

It was Holden’s turn to shake his head, put his hand firmly on Marcus’s shoulder. “Not your fault, Doc. Not at all. And I know for a fact that Noah wouldn’t be doing as well as he is with his life right now if it weren’t for you. It may not help, but I for one am glad that you’re too close to the case.”

After a beat, Marcus nodded. Before he could say anything, the doors to the top floor opened, and the two men had barely stepped out of the elevator when they ran into the people in question. Eric and Autumn were standing at the doors that led out to the rooftop and helicopter pad, waiting for the airlift to land. Next to them were a medical team and, unconscious on a stretcher, Noah.

While Marcus stopped to talk to the Millers, Holden ignored them completely and approached Noah. Behind him he could hear the parents explain that Justin and Krista had already left, were returning their rental car and flying back. Holden didn’t care. He looked down at Noah, one hand going to his shoulder, just resting there.

He didn’t know how long he stayed that way, but it was too soon in Holden’s opinion. Before he knew it the air-transport had landed, ready to take Eric, Autumn, and Noah away.

Before anyone could move him, Holden leaned down and dropped a quick kiss onto Noah’s forehead, hating that Noah didn’t even stir. “Be strong, kiddo,” he whispered. “And get back here soon. We’ll be waiting.” Then he stood up, finally facing the Millers. They looked at him, worried but defensive. “Take care of him,” he ordered. Not waiting for a response, he walked past them back to the elevator.

Marcus joined him a moment later. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he muttered. “It’s unreal.”

Holden grunted an agreement. “I can’t figure out when it all went so wrong. And why that family suddenly thinks we’re some danger to Noah. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Tragedy rarely does,” Marcus offered, watching with sad, somber eyes as Noah’s stretcher was loaded into the transport.

“Damn it,” Holden sighed more than spoke. He wasn’t sure if he could do this. Because he knew the second that transport lifted off the ground that he’d be losing not one, but two boys. With every second that Noah was gone from them, Luke might as well be too.

And when the helicopter finally took off, Holden turned away.

He couldn’t watch.


	12. Pretty Strangers and the Promises They Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Luke tries to get news about Noah, Casey and Jade attempt a first date, Krista worries about Noah's progress, a super-secret rescue plan is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits, though there are some great cover versions by Matt Nathanson, Indigo Girls, and the Killers.

“Northside Hospital, ICU Ward 4. This is Shannon, how may I help you?”

Luke gripped his phone tighter, nearly shoving it inside his ear. “Hi, can you transfer me to Noah Mayer’s room?”

“Hold on just one moment.” Luke’s hopes rose quickly, heart jumping into his throat… and then just as quickly died. “I’m sorry sir, the patient in question is still unable to accept calls. There’s a hold on his room for the time being.”

His hand shook, but he refused to drop the phone. It was his one and only connection to Noah right now. “He’s unable to accept calls? Is he still… Are you- can you tell me how he is, then? Please? Has he woken up? Do the doctors think he’s going to be okay?” There was movement beside him, someone coming closer eagerly, but he ignored them.

There was another pause on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry, sir. We can only release that information to family.”

He glared irrationally at the glass of water on the tray in front of him. “How do you know I’m not family? Please, I need to know how Noah is. Something. Anything. Please!”

There was a sigh from the nurse or receptionist or whatever the hell she was. It wasn’t a frustrated, annoyed sigh; it was a pitying, helpless sigh. Which did nothing to ease Luke’s anger. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “There’s nothing I can do. Medical updates go to family only.”

Luke shook his head sharply, willing his voice to stay firm and not slide into desperation. He didn’t need to pull a Sally Field; it wouldn’t help his case right now. “Look, I’ve been calling for the past three days. And the only thing I’m sure of is that he’s alive. I’ve been his partner for three years, I’ve known him longer than that ‘family’ has. If it was up to him, he’d be in Illinois with me. So please, just tell me something.”

There was another sigh, and then the answer came too quickly. “Sir, I’m truly sorry, but there’s nothing we can do. You have to be family- or spouse- to get that information.”

The word ‘spouse’ was like a knife to the heart. Like life hadn’t messed with them enough? “Look, ma’am, I don’t know if you can tell this by my voice, but spouse? Probably isn’t going to happen. Because I’m gay, and Noah’s gay, and there’s not much either of us can do about that. We also can’t talk to each other, and for some reason I can’t know whether or not the love of my life is seriously injured or not. So maybe-”

“Sir,” the voice cut in, firm but still apologetic. “There is nothing I can do. If you want to find out about Mr. Mayer, I suggest you contact his family and ask them.”

“Oh yeah, great, that’s a suggestion I never would’ve thought of!” Luke snapped. “Thank you so much, I’m sure glad I made this call and-”

The phone was snatched out of his hand, and he huffed angrily as Casey put it up to his own ear. “Um, thank you ma’am, for your help. We’ll try again tomorrow!” he said over-cheerfully before hanging up and tossing the phone over to Hunter, who fumbled with it momentarily before managing to set it on the bedside table.

Luke hunched over as much as he could, fists covering his eyes. Trying to regulate his breathing, counting slowly in his head. He realized he was doing the breathing exercises Noah used, and almost started crying. “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”

“Did you find out anything? At all?” Casey asked quietly, surprisingly subdued.

Luke shrugged, not looking up. He hated looking up now, into a room that didn’t have Noah in it. It sucked. “Nothing new. He’s alive. He can’t accept calls, or isn’t allowed to. Any real information only goes to family,” he spit out the word.

“He’s alive,” Hunter pointed out tentatively from his seat. “I mean, it looks like he’s not any worse. So he’s probably getting better, right? That’s something.”

Luke didn’t respond. What was the point? Knowing Noah was alive, but hurt? Knowing exactly where he was, but not able to get there? It was one of the worst feelings in the world.

“It is,” Casey finally answered. “It is something. I mean, Luke- no matter what that, uh, proxy thing says, you are still listed as Noah’s next of kin. If anything were to happen, they have to let you know.”

“Great,” Luke mumbled, finally looking up to stare glumly at the door to his hospital room. “So my options are no news or bad news.”

“Hey.” Casey sat at the foot of the bed, regarding him more seriously than Luke had ever seen him look before. “Luke. Noah’s going to be okay. It was a bad injury, but completely treatable. He’ll get better and come back home, I know it.”

Luke was about to snap at him, but stopped after a closer look at his friend. Casey looked tired. Like he hadn’t slept in awhile. That bouncy energy he always seemed to have was reduced to a nervous twitch. And suddenly, Luke realized. Casey was scared about Noah too. Casey missed him. Luke wished he knew what to say to make this better, but he didn’t.

“And Noah’s just as stubborn as you are,” Hunter supplied helpfully, as Luke was still silent. “After everything that’s happened, I don’t think he’d let something like this separate you for long.”

Both Casey and Luke turned to stare at Hunter, open-mouthed.

Hunter squirmed under their scrutiny. “What? I’m awkward, I’m not dumb.”

And just like that the tension was gone, at least a little. At least enough. Luke sat back heavily in his elevated bed, sighing. “Thanks guys. He’ll be back. He will be.”

“Duh, of course he will,” Casey offered a smile. “He may even get back to the apartment before you do.”

Luke mock-glared. “Don’t even get me started on that. Can’t you work some Hughes magic, get my doctor to let me out of here now?”

Casey shook his head. “Dude, don’t tell anyone, but I’d rather cross my mom than cross Grandad. He says you have to stay, then you have to stay.”

Luke blew out a breath, aggravated. “Four more days. I don’t know if I can be stuck in here for four more days.”

Casey patted Luke gently on the leg. “Look at it this way. By the time you get discharged from here, Noah’s gonna be waiting for you at your apartment. Safe and sound and happy.”

************

The next time he opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong. It was a feeling in the pit of his stomach, and all-consuming fear and tension that felt like it would never go away. He was staring up at the same hospital room ceiling he’d seen for days. And he was alone this time. Hospital rooms and being alone. Two of the things he hated most in this world.

Noah slowly, with more strength than it should have taken, turned his head towards the window, which was thankfully open. The first time he had fully woken up, all the blinds in the room had been shut and it was dark. That, combined with a serious lack of ‘Luke’ in the room, had thrown him into a panic attack. For which he had been sedated.

And that was- Noah checked the date on the clock next to his bed- five days ago. It had been a cycle of waking up, asking futile questions, and getting drugged back into sleep. A cycle of nightmares. Being asleep assaulted his mind with warped memories and dreams. But being awake… being awake he was even more helpless and scared, and he had no way of talking to Luke.

He blinked heavily again, waiting for everything in the room to come into focus, then fumbled for the switch on the side of the bed. Once he was raised up enough, he pulled his tray over and sluggishly lifted his water glass to his lips. This all sucked. His coordination was way off, and he had a hard time focusing on anything in his brain. Thoughts flew in and flew out before he could connect them all. The only constant thing was Luke. Luke wasn’t here.

No one was here. He was alone in a hospital room, weak and vulnerable. Unable to defend himself. Anyone could come in here and-

The door opened slowly. Noah felt one of his hands ball up into a clumsy fist. If this person tried to hurt him, he could do something this time.

“Noah?” a soft voice called out, as a figure- two figures- appeared in the doorway. It was Eric and Autumn, regarding him with cautiously hopeful expressions. “How are you feeling today?”

Noah somehow relaxed and tensed up at the same time. “I’m fine,” he mumbled, voice hoarse and scratchy. “When can I get a phone in here? I need to call Luke.”

They exchanged a glance, one he couldn’t decipher. One that made him a little angry, for some reason. “Honey,” Autumn tried to sound soothing. “We don’t think you’re quite ready to make phone calls just yet.”

“I don’t care,” he replied. “I need to talk to Luke. He was in the car with me. He’s hurt, and he’s probably worried about me. I need to make sure he’s okay and he’s taking care of himself.”

“Noah, you need to worry about taking care of you first,” Eric tried to explain.

Noah shook his head as much as he could without causing new explosions of pain. “No, you don’t understand. He’s hurt, and I’m not there to take care of him. I-”

“Noah,” Eric’s voice stayed calm, quiet. “You can’t do anything for Luke until you’re better yourself. That’s why we brought you here, so we could make sure you got the best help possible.”

Autumn stepped forward a little closer, her hand touching the railing at the foot of his bed. “The doctors say you have to avoid as much stress as possible for the time being. I know it’s hard, and I’m sorry, but we can’t let you get involved in all that business in Oakdale right now.”

“It’s not your decision!” he snapped, causing Autumn to take a step backwards. Normally he’d feel guilty about that, but not now. His heart was racing now, pumping faster and faster. “How am I supposed to relax when I can’t talk to him? I need him. He needs me!”

The door opened again, this time a nurse entering. With one slightly uncomfortable, strained smile at them, she headed to the monitors by Noah’s bed, fiddling with something. At some point, one of them must have started beeping. Noah ignored it, and her, in favor of glaring at the Millers.

“We’re not keeping you from him on purpose Noah,” Autumn protested. “But you need your rest without being bogged down with any unnecessary-”

Noah almost growled his next words. “If you say anything about Luke is ‘unnecessary,’ I swear to God, I’ll-”

“Noah, you need to relax, right now.” It was the nurse speaking now. Noah remembered her name was Jolene, and he was probably supposed to be nice to her. She had been the one to open the window for him last time he was awake. “Your heart rate is getting too high.”

He shook his head stubbornly, trying to keep his breathing deep and even. “But…” he counted to ten in his head, picturing Dr. Weston for just a moment. It helped him calm a little, focus back on the problem in front of him. “I don’t want to be drugged anymore. I just want a phone, so I can make sure my boyfriend is still alive.”

“Noah, this is for your own good right now, you have to understand that,” Eric tried once again to reason.

The Colonel used to say things like that, Noah thought with a shudder. Breathe, Noah. Count and breathe. Then he looked at them steadily again. “I don’t want this,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.”

Autumn flinched, but tried to smile anyway. “And you will, sweetie. Soon. I promise. But you have to let us take care of you first, okay? Your body can’t handle that much stress yet.”

Eric nodded, putting his arm around Autumn. It felt to Noah like a united front against him. He glared as Eric spoke. “The fact that getting upset like this- right now- causes your heart rate to go up… It kind of proves our point.”

“What does that mean?” Noah grumbled, glancing to the side as the nurse adjusted something on one of the monitors again.

“The medical proxy,” Eric explained. “Because of your head injury and past, uh, mental trauma. No one’s sure you should really be making these decisions yet. So the courts are letting us do it. It’s just temporary, Noah.”

“Letting you do what?” Noah cocked his head to the side a little, ignoring the way his entire body protested the movement. “What the hell is a proxy? What…” and then he trailed off. Oh God. ‘Past mental trauma.’ Oh God, they knew.

“Noah…” the nurse started to speak again, a note of either concern or warning in her voice, as his blood pressure rose again.

He gripped the railings of the bed tightly. “No, no, no. You… how did you find out? You know all about me? You can’t…!” he sucked in a deep breath, wishing his chest didn’t feel so heavy.

“It’s okay!” Autumn tried to go for soothing again, but it just agitated him even more. “Those things that happened to you, they weren’t your fault, Noah! All those bad things, they happened in Oakdale. And you’re not there anymore, so they don’t have to hurt you anymore.”

“That’s not how it works,” Noah gritted out through his clenched teeth. He briefly tried counting in his head, but it wasn’t working. He couldn’t get himself to focus on the numbers. His hands were trembling, shaking. He needed Luke to hold them, keep them still. Luke wasn’t here.

“We’re going to help you, I promise!” she kept talking. “Please, honey, please let us.”

“No, no,” he managed to shove the blanket off of him and sit up further. The whole world tilted around him, but he pushed it away. He had to get out. He had to leave. He had to find-

He tried to swing his legs- why did he have a brace around one knee?- over to the side of the bed and get up, but gravity decided to get in the way. His vision went blurry and gray, and he probably would have ended up face-planting onto the floor if Eric and the nurse hadn’t caught him first, easing him back onto the bed.

“No, I have to go. Please, let me leave,” he wheezed heavily, feeling liking his lungs were squeezing his heart tightly.

“You have to calm down, you have to calm down,” Eric repeated over and over, quietly, trying to pacify him.

It made him sound like Holden, which just shook Noah even more. He half-sobbed, trying to pull away, trying to do anything. “No!” But his voice was quieter now, slurred. A warmth flooded through first his arm, then the rest of his body. Not a comforting warmth, but an unnatural, forceful one. That he had no chance of fighting. “No.” He had been drugged again. The nurse, she must have put another sedative in his IV. It’s happening again…

“Noah it’ll be okay, I promise,” Autumn whispered, holding his hand.

With the last bit of strength he had, he pulled his hand away from her. “Don’t touch me,” he murmured, frowning even as his eyes slid shut. There was a part of his brain, the tiny corner of it not giving in to the drugs, that was screaming. At being trapped, at being controlled, at being held against his will. God, he wasn’t supposed to ever feel this way again.

He tried as much as he could to turn away from them, all of them. He pointed his face towards the window. Towards Luke and Oakdale. Towards home. His last thought before that darkness took over again, no more than a whisper in his head, This isn’t home.

************

“Well,” Bob entered Luke’s room looking over a clipboard, flipping through the papers on it. “Looks like tomorrow’s the day, Luke.”

“I can go home?” he asked, needing it said out loud. Lily took his hand, squeezing gently, smiling.

Bob finally looked up, offered a smile of his own. “As long as you take it easy at home, get lots of rest and take care of yourself, I don’t see any reason why not. Tomorrow morning, we’ll finally cut you loose.”

“Finally,” Luke echoed, under his breath. Not that he was really truly looking forward to it. His apartment was still empty. Noah was still… He shook his head as Bob continued to speak.

“Luke, I truly am sorry. I feel I have to say it again. If I had known what the Millers were going to do, I never would have let them see Noah’s records. I never wanted things to come to this, for either of you.”

“No, no,” Luke was quick to try and reassure him. “Really, out of everyone, you’re the least at fault here. I mean it.”

Lily cleared her throat awkwardly. “No one’s really at fault, honey, it just-”

Luke cut her off with a look. They’d had the same discussion (argument) for the past week. Luke wasn’t ready to talk to or about his dad yet. One crisis at a time. “Not now, Mom.”

Bob stepped even closer, sensing there needed to be a change of subject. “Be that as it may, I wanted to make it up to you, son. So I called in some favors, talked to a few old friends, and managed to get connected with the head attending of ICU at Noah’s hospital.”

“What?” Luke’s head snapped back in his direction, face lighting up. “N-Noah? What does that mean? What did you…?”

Bob smiled softly. “I wasn’t able to talk to him directly, but I did get a chance to speak with his doctor. As a former physician of the patient, it was within my right to ask for an update.”

Luke sat forward eagerly, gripping his mother’s hand tight enough to make them both go numb. “How is he? Is he okay? Is he awake?”

The look on Bob’s face wasn’t quite as reassuring, and it caused his excitement to stutter and stall. “Physically, yes. He’s doing well. He’s healing. His knee is mending and the swelling in his brain continues to recede. All tests have come back with positive results. He’s getting more and more aware each day, his motor functions continue to improve…”

“Then what’s the problem?” Lily frowned, sensing the same things that Luke did.

Bob regarded them sadly. “They’re worried about his… mental state, if you will. He argues with the family every time he’s awake, or ignores them completely. He’s respectful to the staff and listens to the nurses for the most part- they seem to have a high opinion of him- but his family doesn’t seem to know how to deal with him.”

Luke felt himself glaring. At people who weren’t even there. “That’s because they don’t know how,” he muttered. He turned to his mom. “At least Noah hasn’t been, like, brainwashed by them. That’s good news.”

“Luke,” Bob shook his head. “This isn’t all good news. The doctors seem to be worried about his progress, about him being able to take care of himself.”

“Well, is there anything we can do?” Lily asked.

Bob sighed heavily. “Not as long as the Millers have this proxy and custody hold over Noah. A judge has to relinquish control back to him or to someone else. And the doctors would play a major part in that decision. They have to believe Noah can take care of himself to do that.”

“But you said they could give the custody to someone else?” Luke pointed out, half-asking.

“They could,” Bob conceded. “But it probably won’t happen. The Millers are his biological family, and he wasn’t legally separated from them. Everyone else in Noah’s life is linked to him through you, Luke.” He hesitated before continuing. “And a gay partner isn’t going to hold much clout in court.”

Luke flinched again. “So he needs to get better in order to get away, but he needs to get away in order to get better,” he mumbled, more to himself than anyone else in the room. After a few deep breaths, he looked back up. “How long will this custody/proxy thing take?”

Bob looked back at him mournfully. “I don’t know. I don’t know if anyone does.”

************

“So…” Casey tapped his foot as quietly as he could underneath the table, where no one could see it.

“So,” Jade said right back, pulling on a lock of her hair, biting her lip. She glanced around. “So. This is a date.”

“I think so,” Casey answered, also looking around. It had taken a ridiculous amount of time to figure out just where to bring her. Al’s was too casual. The Lakeview was too formal. And out of all the things Jade was, a ‘picnic fan’ didn’t seem to be one of them. So he brought her to the new Italian restaurant in nearby Elkton. It was a jeans-and-t-shirt type of place, but new and fun. And definitely clean. So that was a plus. Right?

Jade nodded, opening and closing her menu. “Any news about Noah?”

He shook his head. “Nothing new. I, uh, even tried calling the hospital pretending to be his long-lost uncle but they didn’t go for it.”

She smirked a little. “Which voice did you use?”

He scrunched up one side of his face. “I was going for Refined Older Guy, but ending up sounding like a British Family Guy character,” he admitted.

Jade laughed. “Well, at least you tried.”

“How’s Luke?” Casey asked. “Stupid classes and everything, I haven’t been able to stop by the apartment to see him.”

“You wouldn’t see him if you did,” Jade answered. “He’s staying with us at the house.”

Casey nodded. “Probably a good idea, make sure he actually takes care of himself and doesn’t do something… dumb.”

“You’d know all about doing something dumb, right?” Jade smirked again.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” he shot back. Then he softened, “He doesn’t want to be in the apartment without Noah, does he?”

“Nope,” she confirmed. “Can’t blame him, really. It would be weird sleeping alone in the bed you’d been sharing with-”

“Whoa, okay, no mental images, thanks!” Casey held up a hand.

Jade smiled again, but it was a little forced now. And then Casey found out why, when she spoke. “How’s, uh… have you talked to Alison?”

Aaaand now they were back to the awkward. “Um, not really, no. Saw her once or twice at the hospital, but we’re both doing a pretty decent job of avoiding.” He shrugged. “Hunter told me she’s okay though. Not, like, wallowing or whatever.” Then he rolled his eyes, speaking quickly. “Not that she should be or anything. I’m not saying I’m like some perfect-”

“Casey,” Jade cut him off, rolling her eyes. “Chill. This isn’t a Miss America pageant. I don’t need a perfect answer for every question.”

“Okay.” He deflated a little, tapping his finger against the beer bottle in front of him. Then he frowned. “Why would you pick Miss America as the example?”

She quietly half-laughed again, and then they both went back to glancing around, waiting for the waitress. His foot was tapping again. She was playing with her hair again. Another two minutes of unbearably, eternity-stretching silence, and Jade smacked her hand lightly on the table. “What the hell?”

Casey twitched. “What?”

“This!” she waved her hand between them. “Us! What the hell is the matter with us?”

“I don’t know!” He leaned his elbows on the table, head in his hands. “I have never been this awkward around a girl. Especially not a girl I’ve already, you know, slept with. Why is this so weird? We’ve seen each other naked, but we can’t see each other eat pizza?”

Jade leaned back in her chair with a sigh. “We’ve slept together, but we’ve never dated. Not for real.”

“But we know each other,” Casey protested. “It shouldn’t be this… weird. Right?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t really done a lot of, well, dating before. Have you?”

He shook his head. “Guess not. But I didn’t think it would be like this.”

“Me neither,” she muttered, opening and closing her menu again. Then she looked up at him. “Maybe we’re trying too hard. Maybe we just need to, I don’t know, find out the things we really have in common, that we like to do, and do those.”

“Okay,” Casey nodded, running the idea through his brain. “Okay, that makes sense.” He sat back in his chair. “So. What do we both like to do?”

Ten minutes later, they were in the backseat of Casey’s car. Their jackets were scattered somewhere on the floorboards, Jade was pulling her top off, and Casey was fumbling with the buckle of his belt.

Yep. This was something they both liked to do.

************

Krista watched her younger brother (wow, still getting used to that) as he slept. It was really the only time she could still see him- the Noah she had gotten to know in Oakdale- without him turning into the angry, closed-off person he had become. They had forced him to become. Without her feeling raging amounts of guilt about this whole mess.

She squeezed his hand a little tighter when he frowned in his sleep, turning his head towards the window. He didn’t like hospital rooms, she remembered that. So she always made sure the window stayed open and the blinds were never shut. So sunlight always got in. She wasn’t sure how much it was helping, but then again… she wasn’t sure anything any of them did was helping.

When she had first met Noah, she was immediately charmed by how shy he was, how tentative. Their family could be so boisterous and crazy at times, and here was this quiet, sweet kid that could be a part of them. But now Noah wasn’t just quiet, he was withdrawn. He didn’t trust them, he didn’t want to be around them. It was just all… wrong.

He was stubborn too, she had to admit, smiling a little. That was definitely another family trait they all shared. He would close his eyes, turn his back as much as he could when they entered his room. The social worker too. The hospital had assigned a social worker-slash-therapist to Noah’s case to try and figure things out, and so far Noah had managed to ignore the woman spectacularly. Krista was impressed in spite of herself.

The only people he was still polite to were the nurses, and even then it was only the ones who came to do physical therapy with his knee, or bring his food or change his sheets. The ones Noah instinctively knew weren’t responsible for his predicament.

She sighed and squeezed his hand again. Who was responsible? She had asked herself every day for the last… ten days? Had it been ten days since they had brought Noah to Georgia? Every day seemed to bleed into the next, and she couldn’t imagine how that felt for Noah, being stuck here in a place he hated. Accepting no comfort. The only time he even let Krista hold his hand was when he was mostly asleep or drugged.

He didn’t trust any of them or their motives, and even the nice gestures were met with stony silence or a short, biting rejection. He didn’t believe them. They had backed Noah into a corner, and he wasn’t going to get himself out for them.

“Hey.” The door opened, and Justin stepped in quietly, face still impassive. Stony. Like Noah’s. He held up the box in his hands. “Brought the DVD player.”

“Good,” she answered softly, keeping her hand on Noah’s. She watched as Justin set the device up, placing it on the tray next to Noah’s bed along with the DVDs Krista had suggested. “They’re some of his favorite movies,” she needlessly explained. “Maybe it’ll get him to-”

“You really think a Marx Brothers movie is going to magically cure him?” Justin raised an eyebrow skeptically.

She chose not to answer, suddenly very very tired. “Can you sit with him for a bit? I wanted to run out and pick up some sandwiches, maybe he’ll eat more if it’s non-hospital food.”

Justin shrugged, taking the seat opposite her. “Make sure it doesn’t have tomatoes.” At her questioning look, he shrugged, embarrassed. “Luke told me. He doesn’t like tomatoes.”

She couldn’t help but smile again. She loved her brother. Brothers. She really did. “Okay.” But she couldn’t get herself to stand up, let go. “Have you talked to Mom and Dad today?”

He shook his head. “Not yet. Not really a point to it, is there? It’s the same words, every time. I’m tired of hearing their justifications for all this.” He cocked his head to the side. “You know the lawyer they used for all this?”

“Not personally,” she answered, confused.

Justin frowned. “I don’t mean personally. I mean, anything about the lawyer at all. Where did Mom and Dad find him? When did we get this hardcore legal expert to get custody of Noah? It’s all weird.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, that whole thing went down without me.” She softened her voice, glancing at the door. “I heard them talking yesterday, saying this wasn’t going the way ‘he’ said it would go, that Noah wasn’t… I don’t know, maybe they found the lawyer in Oakdale, and he promised this would all go smoothly. None of it makes sense to me.”

Justin snorted. “None of it ever made sense to me.”

Her voice lowered even more. “I think we made a mistake. Bringing Noah here, I think it was a mistake.”

“Me too,” he nodded. “We should’ve just let him stay in his life. Not done any of this.”

Krista’s face flushed, and she had to fight the urge to snap at him. “God, Jus. You never wanted Noah to be a part of our lives at all, did you? You never wanted to trust him.”

He shook his head, fighting to stay calm too. “No, I never wanted Noah to become Andrew, that’s all. Because Andrew died when he was taken from us. Okay? The Andrew that we knew is gone and never coming back. This, this kid right here?” he gestured to Noah. “He isn’t ours. He’s someone else friend and son and brother. And boyfriend.”

The image of little Ethan climbing into Noah’s lap, throwing his arms around him, flashed in her mind. So did the look on Noah’s face when he talked about Luke. And so did the way Lily would smile when she saw him, how that blond kid Casey would jump in with a bear hug whenever they hung out. “Jus-” she reached out with her free hand, but he pushed away, standing up to pace a little, biting at his lower lip.

“He belongs to them, Kris. Not us. Mom and Dad are trying to fit Noah into their idea of who Andrew would have been, or should have been. It’s just going to hurt them when he can’t be that. It’s going to be the last twenty years all over again, them getting all our hopes up just to be disappointed. Again,” Justin pressed a shaking hand to his eyes, trying to calm down.

Krista regarded him, tears in her eyes. “I don’t want Andrew. I don’t know him. I barely remember him, besides that time he tried to flush my Malibu Barbie down the toilet. That’s it. However,” she stood up, grabbed Justin’s arm, dragged him to the foot of the bed so he was looking at Noah. “I have gotten to know this kid. Noah. And I like him. Love him, even. I want to be his sister, but if things keep going the way they are, I don’t know if he’ll let me.”

“Kris,” Justin’s voice went soft, comforting. Like he always was with her when she cried. She always hated crying, she remembered spending so much of her childhood trying not to cry, and Justin was the only person (besides her boyfriend) who never made her feel ashamed when she did. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “I have to find a way to help him,” she whispered fiercely.

Justin opened his mouth to say something, but right at that moment a sound from beside them had both siblings turning back to Noah. Noah was wincing in his sleep, breathing harshly, shaking.

Krista’s body went cold. A nightmare. These were the nightmares Luke had warned her about. “Noah,” she said quietly, urgently. “Noah, hey, it’s okay.”

Justin moved towards the door. “I’ll go get a nurse-”

“No!” she held a hand up to stop him. “It won’t help. If he just gets drugged… it won’t help.”

Justin frowned. “Krista.”

“No,” she said again. “Luke told me. It won’t help. I have to calm him down.”

“What, are you the Horse Whisperer now?” he snapped before he could stop himself. But he also didn’t open the door. In fact, he turned his back to it, leaning against it.

She ignored the sarcasm, a practiced gesture on her part, and turned back to her little brother. “Noah, it’s okay. It’s just a dream, it’s not real. You’re safe, honey.” She picked up his hand, which was clenched into a tight fist. Slowly she unfolded it. “It’s not real. Come on, Noah.”

He shook his head almost desperately, gasping for air. “No. Don’t, don’t…” He sounded so scared.

She pushed aside more tears. “You need to breathe, Noah. Nice and slow. Deep. Come on, you can do it.” Remembering what Luke had told her, she laid his shaking hand over her chest, over her heart. “Come on, deep breaths. Please, Noah.” She laid her free hand over his heart, feeling the frantic beating there. She fought to stay calm, then started counting. Slowly, softly.

“Krista,” Justin sounded hesitant again.

“No,” she told him, before focusing back on Noah. “It’s okay, sweetie. I’m right here. You’re not alone, okay? Deep breaths, deep breaths. Please,” her voice cracked a little on the last bit, but she kept both hands where they were, gentle but steady. “Please, Noah.”

A couple more seconds, in which she was mildly shocked Justin didn’t go get a nurse, and finally Noah’s breathing slowed down. He shuddered, turning a little, and Krista finally let go of his hands so he could curl into himself, still trembling. She touched his hair lightly, smoothing it back from his face. “Noah?”

His eyes still shut, he turned his face towards her. “L-Luke?” he whispered, voice raspy and shaking. But hopeful. Like everything around him really was a bad dream. He half-opened his eyes, searching for something. Someone.

Yeah, like God didn’t hate her enough. Damn it. “No, honey, it’s me, it’s Krista. Are you okay, do you want some-”

Too late. As soon as he realized she wasn’t Luke, he curled into himself even more. Turned towards the window again. His chest was still stuttering with each inhale and exhale, but it was calmer than before. At least Krista could be grateful for that, right?

“Noah,” she said again, softly, almost pleading. But he gave no indication that he heard her. His eyes were shut tight again, trying to block the world out. The only reason she knew he was still awake was the trail of tears running down his face. Matching the tears of her own.

She had been telling the truth, what she said to Justin before. She was going to find a way to help Noah, no matter what. She had to make this right.

************

The knock on his door startled Marcus out of his thoughts, to the point of almost causing him to knock over his mug of now cold coffee. “Come in?” He had no idea who it could be. Noah was his only patient, and Noah was…

The door opened slowly, and Marcus fought against reacting with surprise. Luke stood there, wary and nervous. “Hey doc,” he gave a little wave.

“Luke, hello,” he stood from behind his desk, beckoning. “Come on in, son.”

Luke offered a smile and made his way to the couch, settling himself down gently. “I’m not, um, bothering you or interrupting, am I?”

He smiled in return. “Of course not. I need the distraction, truthfully.”

“Yeah, me too,” Luke replied quietly. He brushed a nonexistent piece of dirt off his shirt.

“How are you feeling? Your grandmother said you’re staying at the house?” Marcus asked.

Luke nodded, glancing around at the office, the photos and decorations scattered throughout. Marcus let him, watched him, unconsciously doing the same thing he did when Noah was in the room. Letting him get his bearings, get comfortable in the environment so he could talk.

Finally, Luke turned to him. “I still get tired pretty easily, and a little dizzy. But I can walk around Old Town and the farm and the house without falling over, and Mom seems to think my eating habits are back to normal, so…” he shrugged.

Marcus laughed softly at the joke, because he knew Luke wanted him to. “That’s good to hear.” He paused for a moment before continuing on. “Has there been any news on the hit-and-run?”

Luke grimaced. “Not yet. Jack’s been working, like, overtime trying to find the car that hit us. Considering everything that’s happened because of it, I don’t blame the person for running. People are seriously wanting to blame this guy for everything.”

“What about you?” Marcus asked. “Do you want the person punished?”

“Of course I do,” Luke looked confused. “That person almost killed us, and didn’t even stop to see if we were okay, I mean-”

“But is this the person you’re angry at?” Marcus cut in quietly. This was why Luke was here to visit him, Marcus knew it. He needed to talk all of this out.

“No,” Luke admitted. “I’m angry at a lot of people though.” He tapped his fingers anxiously against his leg. “I mean, the Millers, of course. They’re hurting Noah, and they’re going to ruin any chance of having a good relationship with him because of this.”

“And they took him away from you,” Marcus pointed out.

“Away from all of us,” Luke responded, raising an eyebrow at Marcus knowingly.

Good God, he looked just like Lucinda when he did that. Marcus had to fight the urge to sigh and pour his own worries out. Now was not the time for that, his own insecurities. If he couldn’t help Noah right now, then the least he could do was help Luke. Noah would want that.

“They’re not the only people you’ve been angry with though, are they?” his expression back at Luke was just as knowing.

Luke sighed. “I screwed things up even more with my dad.” He shrugged. “I know I need to make things right with him, especially now, but I just… I just can’t. And after everything I said to him the day they took Noah away-”

“You know he doesn’t blame you for that, Luke,” Marcus was quick to point out.

“He should,” Luke responded immediately. “I lashed out at him because he was there, and because we were already fighting. It was the easiest. But I- I don’t know, at the time it seemed like he was taking everything in stride so easily. Like he was letting Noah go. I wanted him to fight. Like I wanted to fight. Like I couldn’t.”

“None of us could fight it,” Marcus knew they were getting to the heart of the matter now. “I was with Holden when they airlifted Noah away. He was… I imagine it’s what he would look like if you or your siblings were ever taken like that. He was losing one of his kids.”

Luke’s eyes were shut tight. “I know,” he mumbled. “I know. But I can’t. Every time we’re in the same room now I just feel angry and guilty and tense and it’s like he feels the same way. I can’t stop it.” His fingers were tapping anxiously again. “I can’t focus. I can’t center myself. I don’t know what to do.”

Marcus studied him quietly for a moment, wondering how honest he should be. With Noah, he knew he could be blunt, that Noah appreciated getting straight to a point and being forced to confront it. Luke probably needed a different tactic. “How do you usually center yourself?”

Luke bit his lip. “Noah. Either having him nearby or knowing he’d be nearby if I needed him.”

He nodded, expecting that answer. “And before you met Noah? What did you do then?”

Luke looked startled by the question. “Huh?”

Marcus smiled calmly. “You were alive for seventeen years before you met Noah. You’d been a teenager for four. How did you center yourself then?”

One side of Luke’s mouth quirked up in a reluctant smile. “Writing.”

“Well,” Marcus sat back, unconsciously mimicking the movement that he did whenever Noah had a breakthrough in a session. “There’s nothing stopping you from that now, is there? What was it about writing that got you focused?”

Luke cocked his head to one side, thinking. “It… it made me think about everything. What I saw, what I felt. When I had to transfer thoughts from my brain down onto paper, I’d have to understand what I was writing before I could write it.” A self-conscious shrug. “It made me think.”

“All that in past-tense,” he shook his head, smile turning sad. “Why can’t you do that now? At least until Noah gets back?”

Luke opened his mouth to answer, but couldn’t seem to find the words. Finally he shook his head. “I guess… I guess nothing’s stopping me?”

Marcus nodded, encouraging. “I think it might help, Luke. Definitely can’t hurt. And if you can write down all your feelings about this fight with your father, maybe it’ll help you figure out what you should feel. What you should say to him.”

Luke seemed to be nodding without even realizing it. “Yeah, maybe. But-”

The ringing of his cell phone cut him off, and they both looked surprised for a second. Marcus wasn’t used to one going off during a session, but then he had to remind himself that this wasn’t actually a session to begin with. “Go ahead,” he waved an okay to Luke.

Luke pulled the phone out of his pocket sheepishly. “Sorry, it’s just…” he trailed off, frowning at the unknown number. “Hello?” he answered cautiously. Then his eyes widened and he sat straight up. “Yeah, this is Luke.” He pulled the phone away for just a second, staring at Marcus. “It’s Krista.”

************

Noah heard the door open, and he could tell by the slow speed of it that it wasn’t a nurse. Besides, by his guess it was 4:30, and the next rotation wouldn’t be in until 5:05. They had their routines down to the minute here. Normally Noah wouldn’t mind the structure or precision of it, but stuck here? It just reminded him of the minutes and days and weeks (God, it had really been two weeks now) that he was away from Oakdale.

But no, this wasn’t a nurse. The soft, almost tentative steps coming towards him also meant it wasn’t Eric or Justin, not that Justin came into this room that often. Especially not alone. So it was either Autumn or Krista. Right now, Noah didn’t really care. It wasn’t who he wanted.

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, hoping they’d think he was asleep and leave him alone. If he had to hear one more time how he was better off here without the Snyders, he might just scream. Go away go away go away…

“Noah?” It was Krista. Damn, he couldn’t really be mean to her. Out of everyone, she seemed the least comfortable with this whole deal. “Noah, can you wake up for me, please? I have… I have something for you.”

He sighed softly, fighting the urge to cough when it got stuck in his throat. Then slowly, he opened his eyes and turned over onto his back, facing her. She tried to smile at him, then held out her cell phone.

He frowned, confused and a little suspicious, but took it from her with one slightly shaky hand. Stupid coordination still wasn’t great. He held the phone up to his ear out of instinct, but still looked at Krista. “What-?”

The second he spoke, a soft sigh was heard on the other end of the line. “Hey, baby.”

He froze, more than a little convinced that this was a trick. “Luke?” his voice sounded rough, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “Luke? It’s really- are you there? Luke?”

“Hey. I’m here,” Noah could hear the tears in his voice even over the cell connection. He barely noticed Krista move back out of the room, standing guard right outside of his door. All of his focus was on the tiny little phone in his hands. His lifeline. “Are you okay, Noah? Are you feeling okay, are you-”

“Are you okay?” Noah burst out, gripping the phone tighter. “Luke, they haven’t told me anything. You were in the car with me. And Jade! Are you okay? Are you still in the hospital, what’s going on?”

“I’m fine, love, I swear,” Luke assured him. “Had a couple injuries, but I’ve been home resting for days now. I promise I’m okay. And Jade too, she has a broken wrist but she’s totally fine.” Noah sighed with relief, feeling at least that much weight lift off his shoulders. “What about you? And you damn well better tell me the truth, mister.”

God, he wanted to crawl through the phone line and be there with Luke, see that mock-stern look on his face. “I’m okay. My head still hurts sometimes, and I get really dizzy? But I’m okay. And my leg is fine, I can stand up and walk around my room and stuff.” He shook his head, done talking about the stupid accident. “I miss you. I miss you so much, baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, none of this is your fault, I promise,” Luke spoke determinedly. “Just concentrate on getting better, okay? Whatever the doctors say to do, you do it. Prove to them that you can take care of yourself so they let you out of this stupid proxy-thing. Then you can come home and never have to miss me again. Ever.”

“I don’t understand it, Luke,” he said quietly. “How this happened. I don’t want to be here.”

“I know, Noah. I don’t want it either,” Luke was quick to say. “We’ll get this all fixed. But for right now, you have to get better. Okay?”

“I love you,” he felt compelled to say.

He could picture Luke’s face from here. That soft, dare-he-think-angelic smile. Where his whole face lots all its edges and lines, and just seemed to glow from within. He’d give his right arm to see it now. Hell, he’d give both arms and a leg to see it now.

“I love you too,” came the immediate, unwavering response. Luke was quiet for a second before continuing. “Krista called me, she said you needed me. Now, I know that’s true on a normal basis, but did something happen to scare her?”

He nodded before remembering Luke couldn’t see him. “Panic attack,” he admitted softly.

“Nightmare?” Luke guessed. He didn’t wait for Noah to answer. “What about?”

Noah struggled with the best way to phrase this. “The hospital room. Being trapped. And…” he took a deep breath. “He was there.”

Luke didn’t need to ask who ‘he’ was. “How many of those dreams have you had?”

“A couple,” Noah couldn’t lie, not now. Not when this was his only communication with Luke. His free hand tightened into a fist, wishing it had a specific hand to hold.

“I’m so sorry, Noah. I wish I could be there. I wish you could be here. We,” Luke’s voice broke for a second, but then he continued. “We all miss you so much. All of us. The kids keep asking where you are, and Casey’s going crazy, and Grandma keeps baking things… we miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he whispered. “I’m gonna come home. As soon as I can. I promise, Luke. I promise.”

“I know,” Luke was swift in reassuring him. “Just hang on a little while longer, okay? Do what the doctors say and get better, and we’ll all be waiting for you here.”

“Yeah?” he hated that his voice cracked.

“Duh, moron,” Luke teased. “Maybe we’ll even have a party. I mean, I can’t promise it, depends on if anyone’s free…”

He laughed, realizing how long it had been since he’d done that. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to disrupt anything. I know how busy Natalie’s T-ball schedule is.”

There was another pause, a heavy one. “She’s been watching a lot of movies lately. Faith suggested it, something for them to do when they miss you.”

Noah banged his head back against the pillow. “Will you… will you tell them I miss them too? Everyone? Tell them I’m okay?”

“Of course I will.”

“They don’t want me to leave,” he confessed quietly, urgently, unsure if Krista could hear him or not. “They keep telling me I shouldn’t go back. I don’t understand what’s going on half the time, Luke, but I promise I’m not going to give in to them.”

“God, Noah…” Luke sounded so agonized in that moment, it caused an almost physical ache in his chest. “No matter what they say or do or whatever, you have to know I’m here waiting and I love you. Okay? Don’t forget that.”

Noah struggled to come up with the right words, the right way to say this. “Luke, before I met you, when it was just me and… before I met you? All I had were movies. And I had some, certain ones I would watch when I really needed to feel happy. They, I don’t know, gave me strength. Hope. That kind of stuff, whatever.” Quieter now, “I never knew something other than movies could make me feel that way. But you do. You always do.”

Another deep, choked breath sounded from the other end of the phone. “I love you so much,” Luke half-whispered.

Please don’t cry, Noah silently begged, not sure if he was talking to Luke or himself. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to hang up,” he tried to joke. Luke tried to laugh, which he appreciated.

“I don’t think I want to let you,” he answered painfully. “But you know I’m gonna be here, right? And hey, we’ve got Krista as our mole now, so we can talk any time. Any time you need me, you get her to call me.”

“Okay,” Noah hated how small he sounded, how helpless. “Luke, I-”

“Noah.” Krista stood in the doorway. “The doctor will be here any minute. And probably Mom and Dad too. You might need to hang up now.”

Noah shook his head stubbornly. “But-”

“It’s okay,” Luke must have heard her. “It’s okay. We can talk tomorrow, remember? Or later tonight maybe. We just have to be careful right now, baby. But hey, this is just temporary. We both know you’ll be home soon.”

“Yeah,” Noah exhaled. “But I can’t… I can’t hang up. I can’t hang up on you, Luke.”

Krista stepped forward, apologetic and frustrated. “Noah, give me the phone, hurry.”

Noah stared at her for a second, swallowing back his fear. He couldn’t panic now, he couldn’t. “Please…” he had no idea what he was asking for, who he was even asking. He just wanted things to be fixed.

Krista blinked hard, held her hand out. “Give me the phone,” she said gently.

He closed his eyes, whispered one more “I love you,” and placed the phone in Krista’s hand.

He was surprised when she spoke into it. “Luke, I swear. We’ll call you again as soon as we can, okay? …Yeah, yeah me too. Okay. Bye.” There was a click as she hung up the phone, then a moment of silence. “Noah?”

He didn’t open his eyes. “I don’t want to be here, Krista,” he murmured, curling onto his side away from her. “I’m sorry. I don’t.”

A hesitation, then a hand on his shoulder. “I know.” She probably would’ve said more, but the door opened yet again, this time briskly. Which meant a nurse. And more voices, sounding like Eric and Autumn. Krista squeezed his shoulder, then stepped away.

Noah let out a shaky breath, then another. A random movie quote ran through his head as he debated whether or not to be cordial today. Ever wish you could freeze frame a moment in your day, look at it and say, ‘This is not my life?’

For the first time since he woke up in Georgia and realized what was going on, Noah wanted to be drugged. He wanted to go to sleep and not wake up until all of this was over.

************

One Week Later...

It had been three weeks. Three weeks since he had left Oakdale (he’d gotten to talk to Luke four more times since that first call). Three weeks of being told nothing was his fault, that he deserved a better life than he’d had. Three weeks of hearing why he should never go near anyone with the last name Snyder ever again. Noah was ready to snap. It felt like he was being brainwashed by amateurs.

If he’d been physically and legally able to, he would have walked out days ago. But his body was still weak. And there were friggin’ guards outside his room almost all the time. Not actual guards, of course, but the Millers were always there. And the doctors and social workers were all in line with the proxy order. Meaning they wouldn’t let him leave.

He stared out the window again, having moved his wheelchair as close to it as possible. He actually had to hold a part of himself back from just jumping out the window. Anything to end this mindless waiting. No matter what he did, he wasn’t well enough to make his own decisions, according to the doctors. According to his supposed parents.

“Noah?”

Speak of the devils. He turned in his chair slowly, meeting their gazes. Eric and Autumn entered the room without a doctor or therapist, thank God. Autumn was watching him gently, sadly. Like he was a puppy stuck in a pound. A pound you put me in. “How are you feeling today? Any better?” she asked, sounding almost hopeful.

“I feel a lot better,” his voice was dull, but he kept it civil. “I’m ready to go back to Oakdale.”

He watched them exchange a practiced glance, and really wished he had the energy to get really angry. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, son,” Eric spoke next.

Noah took a few more deep breaths. “It doesn’t really matter what you think. Or shouldn’t matter. I’m doing better. I can take care of myself. And I want to go back.”

“You’re not ready to make those kinds of decisions yet,” Eric argued. “The doctors don’t think you’re ready.”

“The doctors don’t because you don’t,” he shot back. “This whole thing is wrong. Something is wrong, something is…” He took another deep breath, reminding himself that getting worked up wouldn’t help his cause. “I know you think you’re doing what’s best for me, but you have to trust me. This isn’t right. I need to be back with-”

Autumn shook her head desperately. “Noah, I don’t know what kind of hold that family has over you, but it doesn’t have to be your entire life! You can have a family of your own, you can have us!”

Noah stared at her, shocked. “What kind of ‘hold’ they have? They’re not the ones keeping me locked up in a hospital!” He gripped the arms of his wheelchair tightly. “You don’t even know them, do you? They’ve been everything to me! They’ve saved me in ways you can’t even… No, no. You don’t know them. And you obviously don’t know me either.”

“You’re our son!” Eric’s voice got louder too. “Our son, not theirs. How are we ever supposed to make this right if you can’t even be with us?”

“How can I be with you when you force me to be here?” Noah fired back.

Autumn looked so confused, and Noah couldn’t figure out why. This whole thing made his brain fuzzy, and he hoped to God that wasn’t because of his injury. “We’re not forcing you, Noah,” she tried to explain. “We’re trying to help you. We’re trying to show you that we are your family, not those people.”

Noah was about to shake his head, argue some more, when Eric spoke up. “You know none of them have tried to contact us, right? And they haven’t even called the hospital to see how you are. How can they be this great family, your friends, if they don’t even want to know how you’re doing?”

Noah flinched. No. No, that couldn’t be true. It was just like last year- the Colonel had said no one was looking for him then. But they had been, they had saved him. “You’re lying.”

Eric shook his head, looking sincerely regretful. “I’m not, son. I’m sorry. But how can we just let you go back to these people, who forget about you the minute you’re out of sight? How can we call ourselves good parents, and let you go back to that town where all you seem to do is get hurt, all the time?”

Noah was shaking again. No, it wasn’t true. He wasn’t going to fall for that again. “No.”

Autumn took a small step forward. “That’s why we’re here, Noah. To show you that we’re not going to forget about you. We’re not leaving you behind. Not again.”

He closed his eyes, willing everything to stop pounding into his brain. “No,” he said again, but even he could tell his voice was weaker.

“The doctors don’t think you’re ready to have the proxy lifted,” Eric said quietly, also coming closer. “You’re still hurt, and you’re still having nightmares. So until they do, we have to take care of you. We want to. As long as we have any say, you’re going to be a part of our family. And no one else’s.”

Noah bit his lip, almost hard enough to make it bleed. He wanted to call Luke. He wanted Krista to tell him she was sorry about all of this. But neither of them were here now. Would it matter if they were? All of this was out of his control.

“Honey,” Autumn whispered. “God didn’t give you back to us just so you could leave again.”

He couldn’t hear this, he couldn’t do this. He locked the wheels of his chair and slowly stood up, hobbling and limping his way to his bed. Hands reached out to help him, but he bitterly shoved them away, as hard as he could. Eric stumbled back a step or two, hands up soothingly. As Noah settled down in the bed, he glared at the hands, and Eric went back to stand next to Autumn.

“Just give it some time, okay?” she tried to reason again. “It’s been… sweetie, it’s been twenty years. We’ll figure this out.” That’s what Luke said. But can anyone really do anything? I don’t want to keep doing this. “When we lost Andrew-”

“Stop it!” he yelled. He had no idea where it came from, but he couldn’t get himself to care. Autumn and Eric took a step back in shock. “Just stop! I’m not Andrew, okay? Maybe I once was, but I’m not anymore. I don’t want to be! My name is Noah!”

“Hey, son, it’s-” Eric looked like he wanted to try placating him, but no.

“I don’t want to be your son either!” he was still shouting. He couldn’t stop himself now. He idly wondered if the people out in the hall could hear him, but the part of his brain that Luke always called his ‘manners filter’ was gone. “I don’t want to be in this family, and I don’t want to be here!” He collapsed back on the bed, so tired. “I already have a family, and you’re not it. I’m done here. I want to go home.”

************

Casey let himself into the farmhouse kitchen cautiously, very unsure of why exactly he was here. And he was brought up short by the sight in front of him. Jade was sitting at the table. He and Jade had yet to figure out the whole ‘dating’ thing. Each time they had tried, it had amounted to twenty minutes of awkward talking, and then lots and lots of sex.

Not that Casey was really complaining.

“Hey, um…” was his brilliant greeting. Luckily he was saved when he realized someone else was in the kitchen too, leaning against the sink. “Oh. Hey Lucy.”

“Hey Casey,” she smirked a little, looking back and forth between him and Jade. Casey kept his head down and took the seat next to Jade. “So Luke called you too?”

“Yep,” he nodded. “Any idea why?” he asked both girls.

Jade shook her head. “He’s been jittery and tense all week. I don’t know when the last time he spoke to Noah was, but I’m betting this has something to do with-”

The screen door shut with a bang, interrupting her, and a second later Luke entered the kitchen. He was moving a lot better, Casey was relieved to note, and recovering well. But the reason Casey really knew Luke was back to fighting form? The look of fierce, resolute, I-will-walk-through-a-brick-wall-if-it-gets-in-my-way determination on his face.

“What’s going on, Luke?” Lucy asked, moving over to sit on the other side of Jade. “Why did you call us over here?”

Luke rested against the island, facing them, arms crossed. “Noah’s been gone for a month,” he stated quietly. Casey almost flinched. He couldn’t believe it had been that long. Man, he needed Noah back here pronto. For one thing, Noah would be able to tell him how to fix this thing with Jade. For another, Casey was dangerously close to failing his next geology test without him.

“But it’s gotten better, hasn’t it?” Jade tried. “You’ve been talking to him on the phone and…” she trailed off at the dark look on Luke’s face.

“I haven’t talked to him in a week,” he told them.

Casey’s jaw dropped. “A week? But, but how? I thought the sister was, like, on Team Oakdale now. What happened?”

Luke regarded each of them sadly, finally sitting at the table with them. He glanced around to make sure no one else was nearby, then began talking again. “I didn’t hear from them for a day or two, so I started calling Krista. Every day. And no answer. I left message after message, and-”

“Did they do something?” Jade burst out. “Did they take him, or move him somewhere else? What if-?” Casey put his arm around her instinctively, and was more than a little surprised that she didn’t shrug it off.

Luke shook his head. “Krista finally answered this morning. She couldn’t talk long, but she wanted me to know.” His voice had gone dull. Casey swallowed back his fear, fought the urge to put an arm around him too.

“Know what?” Lucy prompted softly.

Luke stared at his hands where they were resting flat on the tablecloth. “Noah got into an argument with his… with the parents. Last week. And since then, he hadn’t responded to any of them, even Krista. He hasn’t talked to anyone in days.”

“What?” Casey watched him, feeling himself shake a little in his seat. “How- he hasn’t talked? To anyone?”

Luke bit the inside of his cheek to keep control. “He’s not even listening to the doctors or nurses anymore. He’s not doing his physical therapy. Whatever happened in that fight, he… he’s shutting down.”

“Luke, he can’t do that,” Lucy protested, her voice still quiet. “If he does, the doctors won’t lift the medical proxy. They won’t let him leave of his own volition!”

“I know,” Luke was still way too calm. Casey was beyond worried. “Krista said if he doesn’t start cooperating soon the doctors really are going to think he can’t take care of himself, like, long-term.”

“They can’t do that!” Jade argued.

Casey felt himself nodding before he even realized it. “No way. Of course Noah isn’t going to get better there, he’s basically a prisoner! He needs us- you- for help.”

“Case, you’re not saying anything I don’t already know,” Luke was still staring at his hands. “It’s why I called you guys. And Ali and Hunter, they’re doing something for me right now. But… we need to act. Fast. I can’t have Noah go back to the shell that he was last year.”

Casey’s panic stuttered and flared. God, he hated thinking about that day. The day he and Luke had found Noah in the basement of that cabin. And he hadn’t even been really close to Noah then, not like he was now. Now, he considered Noah to be one of his best friends. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle losing Noah- and what made Noah ‘Noah’- now.

“So what do we do?” Jade asked, face as set and determined as her cousin. In fact, all three cousins looked pretty on board with this, whatever this was.

“And what are Alison and Hunter doing?” Casey asked, wary.

“And who’s Hunter?” Lucy looked just as confused.

Luke finally looked up at them all. “I have a plan to get Noah back.”

“How?” Lucy asked warily. “And how do we fit into all this?”

“If you want to help me,” Luke looked at each of them in turn, “You have to decide right now. Because I’m going to Georgia. Tomorrow.”


	13. You and I, We Will Remain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Two people share an intimate moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  This chapter's title is brought to you by the song "Sweet Rose" by Matt Costa.

The car door opening startled Luke out of his thoughts. He looked up as Jade groaned in frustration, climbing back into her seat. “No go, guys. It’s like they have spies everywhere.”

Luke, Casey, and Hunter all deflated. Casey dejectedly pulled the SUV away from the curb and parked in the nearby lot. Turning off the car, he twisted around to look at the group. “So, now what do we do?”

Luke looked back at the hospital. _Noah’s_ hospital. He was so damn close, but it was like this last hurdle was the largest of them all. Three hundred billion feet high. He stared at the building, picking a window to concentrate on. Of course he had no way of knowing, but pretending that it was Noah’s window made him feel a little bit better. _I’m not leaving without you_ , he said silently.

Fake-Noah rolled his eyes from the other side of the window. _I know that. You’re never going to give up on me, just like I’d never give up on you._

“Luke?” Casey prompted lightly, studying him.

Luke shook his head, coming back to the present. Casey, Jade, and Hunter were all looking at him expectantly. Like they had been for the last twenty-four hours since agreeing to his plan.

They had planted a cover story, telling everyone in town that Casey, Jade, and Hunter were taking Luke away for the weekend to Lake Michigan (with Ali and Lucy staying behind to cover for them). And instead they were able to reroute Lucinda’s jet to Atlanta, where a rented SUV was waiting for them (also thanks to Lucinda).

Hunter, Ali, and Lucy had come up with the perfect way to get Noah out of the hospital, but the only problem now was… none of them could get in to see him.

Jade groaned again. She had been the one to volunteer to sneak in and do a little recon of the ICU where Noah’s room was. “The Miller parents were hanging around the hallway outside his room,” she reported. “And there was some official looking woman with them, maybe the social worker Noah mentioned? I don’t know. But lots of obstacles. Too many for us to do this quick and easy.”

“And they know what we look like!” Casey banged his hand against the steering wheel. “They’ve seen all of us. Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if they have our pictures hanging up by the nurse’s station like we’re wanted criminals. So they can be ‘on the lookout’ for us.”

Hunter had pulled out his laptop, booted it up, and started typing. “Well, we have to find some way of getting to him. It has to be his signature on these papers or basically we’re all breaking the law.”

“We’re kinda dangerously close to doing that anyway, aren’t we?” Luke pointed out absentmindedly, tapping his fingers against his leg, thinking hard. It was his plan, sure, but even he could admit how crazy it was. Just as long as it worked, he didn’t care.

Hunter conceded that point with a nod. “But we won’t really be, if he can sign these.” He typed for a few more seconds.

“There’s got to be a way we can, like, sneak in,” Casey mused. “Or maybe we can find someone, pay them to get in there and get the papers to Noah?”

Jade rolled her eyes. “So either we get trench coats and disguises, or we grab a homeless man and bribe him with drugs and liquor?”

“Hey, I’m just thinking out loud!” Casey protested. “We have to get past the Millers somehow, right?”

“But it can’t be just anyone, some random guy, Case,” she reminded him. “Think of Noah. He’s not going to react to a stranger coming into his room. Not in a good way, at least.” They all grimaced at that. Luke was still staring out the window. Decidedly not thinking about what Noah’s reaction would be.

Hunter looked up. “Well, the AMA papers are all set and ready to go. If we _were_ to go in the hospital, they should be printed out and waiting for us at the front reception desk.” He sat forward, fiddling awkwardly with the power cord of his laptop. “So, um, how are we going to do this?”

Unconsciously, the three of them looked to Luke again. “Luke?” Jade was quiet, almost gentle. “Any idea what we should do?”

Luke looked back and forth between the three of them and the window he was pretending was Noah’s. “We have to get past the family,” he murmured, more to himself than anyone else. He racked his brain, there had to be something he hadn’t thought of yet. There had to be. “Someone the family doesn’t know…” he said quietly.

“What?” Casey frowned, maybe a little wary. Definitely confused.

And then suddenly, there it was. Luke sat up straight, startling the others who had been leaning in close. They all jumped back even as Luke yanked his cell phone out of his pocket, his energy renewed. “Someone Noah trusts, that the family has never met? Give me five minutes for a phone call, and a few hours to get her here. This isn’t over yet.”

************

“Hey,” Margo perched herself at the edge of Jack’s desk. “Dallas said you wanted to see me?”

Jack half-grunted, sliding a folder over to her. “I guess I got some good news. We found the guy.”

“What guy?” she asked, even as she picked up the folder and looked through it.

“The hit-and-run. The guy who hit Jade. We found him.” He jerked his head back towards lockup. “Got him in a cell right now.”

Margo was about to smile, nod, give into the relief, when she noticed Jack’s still-sour look. “And what’s wrong with that?”

“Keep reading,” Jack pointed to the file.

Margo obeyed, scanned a little further down the forms. “They found his car, dented in the front, with paint flecks matching the color of Jade’s car. And a red light camera puts him nearby just after the collision happened. So what…?”

Jack reached out and turned to the next page in the file, pointing to one important fact. “Check out his bank statement. Two days before the hit-and-run happened, an extra ten thousand dollars appeared in his account.”

Margo frowned. “You think someone paid the guy to do it? Really?”

He shrugged. “That’s what my gut is saying.”

“Your gut isn’t enough,” she reminded him.

He smiled without smiling. “I know. So I did a little more digging. Found out that the ten thousand dollars? Came from a man named Daniel Thrace. He works for Port Authority.”

Margo scanned the papers again. “Why would someone from Port Authority hire a guy to hit a bunch of kids with his car? It doesn’t make…” she trailed off, eyeing Jack again.

He was glaring at the file in her hands. “Guess what company Thrace handles regulations for?”

“Please don’t say Grimaldi Shipping,” she groaned, dropping the file back on his desk with a loud _smack._

“Hits just keep on coming, don’t they?” he replied grimly. “So to speak.”

“So what the hell do we think Damian did now?” she took the seat next to his desk, now speaking for his ears only.

Jack shook his head. “No clue. But it’s got to be something. It’s enough for a shady colleague to nearly kill his son over.” He pinched the bridge of his nose for a second. “Enough to nearly kill three kids and cause a mess too big for anyone to fix.”

“You’ve done everything you can,” she offered what she could. She knew that was true; Jack hadn’t had a day off since the Miller family left Oakdale. He was trying to solve this case and find a way to bring Noah back, and Margo was more than glad that at least one of those things got accomplished. “Noah won’t be gone forever.”

“Yeah well,” he shrugged one shoulder. “Short of calling my buddy in the FBI and pretending Noah needs to go into Witness Protection, I’ve been completely useless in that fight.” He seemed to hesitate for a second, just enough time for Margo to realize he probably knew what she knew. “There’s nothing to stop the Millers from-”

“So you haven’t heard anything else about Noah?” Margo asked softly.

Her tone had Jack looking up sharply. They exchanged a glance that went from wary to knowing in a matter of seconds. “Nothing new, no,” Jack spoke slowly.

“Luke must be a wreck right now, huh?” she prompted.

“Oh yeah. Luckily he’s with Casey, right? And Jade and Hunter,” Jack sat back in his chair a little more, taking a sip of room-temperature coffee.

“That’s right. I’m sure Casey will, uh, help him any way he can,” she wanted to roll her eyes.

“It was a good idea,” Jack agreed. “Taking him out of town for the weekend. Lake Michigan is supposed to be really nice this time of year.”

“I’ve heard that.” She caught his gaze and they shared a small smile. “They told you they were going to Lake Michigan too?”

“Yep,” he nodded. “And that’s what I’ll say if anyone asks.”

Margo smiled wider now. “Me too.” Even quieter, after a glance around, “Do you think it’ll work? What they’re _not_ doing?”

“Probably not. Logically, I want to say it won’t. But I think if I were ever to make a list of people who could pull this off, my cousin and your son would be on the top of it,” Jack’s smile was more genuine now too.

She laughed. “Especially considering who it’s for.”

“Yeah,” he said softly. His gaze lingered briefly on a framed photo on his desk, the entire Snyder clan. Which, as anyone who lived in Oakdale knew, included Noah. As anyone who met a Snyder knew.

To an outsider at first glance, Margo knew Jack’s bond with Noah would seem a little random. There were only a few people in Oakdale who knew how and why that friendship had started, and she was one of them. And while she hated the circumstances, she was so glad these two had found each other, helped each other get past that shared trauma.

“I bet he misses you,” she said quietly, cautiously. She and Jack could talk about a lot of things, but they hardly ever strayed into the really sentimental.

Proving her point, Jack shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “He misses those damn ducks, that’s what it is,” he grumbled.

But he said it with a smile, one she returned a little confused. “Ducks?”

“Never mind.” Jack looked up at her then. “It’s a real nice thing, what Casey’s doing. You should be proud of him, looking after Luke and… and everyone like that.”

“I am,” she answered fondly. “I just wish that ‘everyone’ didn’t have to include Jade Taylor, but…”

He shrugged. “Hey, it’s not like he’s stealing money from registers or drinking himself into oblivion or-” he cut himself off with a grimace, rolling his eyes. “What I mean is, he’s a good kid. A good young man. At least he’s being honest with what he wants, not forcing a relationship that isn’t there.”

Margo knew he was speaking from experience there, so she refrained from arguing. “But Jade? Really?”

“Hey, I know her past is a little shady, but she’s been doing really well lately,” Jack argued. “Look at how she’s been there for her family.” He glanced at his family photo again, at where he stood next to Carly. “You can’t always choose who you _want_ to be with.” Then a grin, “And at some point, you’re really going to have to stop assuming the worst when it comes to your son.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Could say the same to you.”

He kept grinning. “Eh, Parker’s still a teenager. I’m allowed to assume the worst.”

“Speaking of,” she glanced around before continuing. “How do you think that trip to, um, Lake Michigan is going?”

Jack checked his watch, face falling into weary caution again. “Well, by my calculations they probably got there a few hours ago. So if anything were to happen, it’d be happening right now.”

************

The next time Noah awoke it was to someone speaking quietly and urgently to him, holding his hand. “Come on, Noah, wake up! Wake up, hurry!”

Instinctively Noah pulled his hand free, frowning, not wanting whatever supposed comfort they were going to try to give him this time.

“Aw, careful,” the voice said. “That could really hurt a girl’s feelings.”

It wasn’t a voice he was expecting. Noah’s eyes popped open and though he groaned at the brightness of the room, he was able to focus on the figure standing next to his bed. “…Maddie?”

“Hey Too-Tall,” she grinned, grabbing his hand again. This time he let her, squeezing back tightly. “About time you opened those eyes.”

“How long have you…?” his voice was scratchy from disuse, and he struggled to sit up, a part of him desperately needing to be closer to someone that he knew actually cared about him. Finally, someone he could trust. The other part of him didn’t think this could be real, but he went along with it anyway. Because maybe… maybe living in this dream would be better than living in reality?

“I got here like a minute ago, but you know how impatient I can be,” she kept a hand on his shoulder as he finally made it upright, and then she threw her arms around him. “I’m so glad you’re okay. Now come on, it’s time to go.”

“What?” Noah couldn’t draw any comfort from the hug. He tried, but his brain was telling him he was going to wake up any minute and be alone again. “How are… how are you even-? They aren’t letting… what’s going on?”

Maddie smiled again, smoothing down his hair where it had been mussed up by the pillow and her hug. “I’m here with reinforcements. And we’re busting you out of here. But we have to go, now.”

“How?” he asked again dumbly, confused. It was too much for his brain to process.

Maddie somehow managed to pull him up so he was sitting on the side of the bed, legs dangling down over the edge. She set her purse on the blanket next to him. “Through a long, complicated story we’ll tell you later, we managed to find a way to legally get you out of the hospital. Just…” she pulled a paper out of her bag. “Sign this. I’ll drop it off at the nurse’s station while you…” She next pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt. “Change into this.”

Noah was still very confused, and he idly wondered if Maddie’s purse was like the magic bag in _Mary Poppins_ as he signed the paper she gave him. Then he slowly, painfully, stood and changed into the clothes as she slipped out down the hall. The sweatpants took some work to get over his knee brace, but he managed.

It was as he was pulling the shirt on over his head that he realized it was one of his own shirts. _His_ shirt, one that up until this point he had thought was in Oakdale, in his and Luke’s apartment.

Luke.

Even thinking the name was enough to make Noah literally weak in the knees, and he found himself sitting down heavily on the bed again. Luke. Had Luke sent Maddie here? Where was he? Why would he have a dream with Maddie in it and not Luke?

“Noah?” Maddie had re-entered the room, giant magical purse slung over one shoulder. She was pushing a wheelchair, eyeing him critically. “Come on hon, let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

“Maddie,” he stammered, managing to get back to his feet, too overwhelmed to make fun of her for saying ‘popsicle stand.’ “Is- is Luke…?”

She smiled gently, holding his elbow and helping him sit in the chair. “He’s waiting for us, don’t worry.”

The next few minutes were a blur as Maddie pushed him out to the elevator and then down a hallway past the waiting rooms and ambulance bay. The doors to the entrance of the hospital opened and Noah immediately closed his eyes, breathing in the fresh air. He hated, absolutely hated, being kept inside. Probably always would now.

Then Maddie stopped, and Noah forced his eyes open again, looking up at her questioningly. She just grinned mischievously again and nodded off to the side. “Here comes the getaway car.”

Noah followed her gaze to the large black SUV that was pulling up to the curb. And thank God he was sitting down, because he was pretty sure he would have collapsed at the sight. Casey. Casey was driving the SUV, and Noah could see his big silly grin through the windshield. And Jade’s too, from where she sat in the passenger seat. Noah’s confused frown only deepened. How was this possible? It was a crazy, crazy dream.

The car came to a stop next to them, and Hunter appeared from around the other side, opening the side door. And then Noah stopped thinking and questioning. Because Luke was there. Climbing out of the SUV, smiling and perfect. More beautiful than Noah had actually ever remembered him being. Had his hair always been that blond? And Noah really wanted to say something, but he couldn’t remember how. Because this was a dream.

Hunter and Maddie helped him stand up out of the chair, and as they bustled around him, loading things into the car, Luke moved to right in front of Noah. “Hey,” was all he said, eyes glistening with relief. After a brief hesitation, his hands came up to touch either side of Noah’s face.

Noah was still struck dumb. He raised a shaky hand to cover one of Luke’s, feeling it, wondering if it was real. If this wasn’t, Noah was pretty sure he’d kill himself when he woke up.

“Noah?” Luke was somehow even closer, staring directly into Noah’s eyes worriedly. He leaned in and very very softly kissed Noah’s suddenly numb lips. And somehow that was enough to break the spell Noah was under. Just like a fairytale.

“Luke,” he breathed out, grabbing tightly to his boyfriend and pulling him to his body for something that was way too important, too _everything_ to be called a ‘hug.’ Luke sighed happily, one arm wrapping around Noah’s waist, the other coming up to pull Noah’s head down to his shoulder, cradling him, touching his hair. Noah let out the breath he had unknowingly been holding for a month.

They stood there for not nearly long enough when Maddie came up and tugged on their arms. “Okay, the thing about a getaway is that we actually have to _get away._ Into the car, boys, pronto.”

Luke reluctantly pulled away from the embrace but kept an arm steady around Noah. He and Hunter carefully walked Noah to the SUV, and Hunter supported him while Luke crawled into the middle bench seat first. Then a combination of pushing and pulling got Noah in next to him with a minimal amount of pain.

Finally, after Hunter and Maddie jumped into the far back seats, Casey pulled away from the hospital and out onto the highway. They were free. There was a collective but unacknowledged sigh of relief throughout the car. Hunter and Maddie engaged in some quiet conversation in the back while Casey and Jade argued about radio stations up front.

Leaving Luke to concentrate solely on the person next to him. Paranoia and recent events had Luke making sure the seatbelts were tight around both of them, even as he welcomed the feeling of Noah leaning almost bonelessly into him.

“Luke?” Noah’s voice was hoarse, slowly drawn out. The excitement of everything combined with the most moving around he had done since the accident were already wearing him out. He forced one hand to come up and rest on Luke’s chest. The heartbeat he felt told him that maybe this might not be a dream after all.

“Yeah, love?” Luke pulled Noah in even closer, both arms wrapped around him.

Noah nestled his face into the crook of Luke’s neck, breathing in deeply. It smelled like the real Luke, that scent that was impossible to recreate- a combination of expensive cologne and striped shirts and probably too much hair product, and the farm. Luke always smelled like the farm somehow, even when he wasn’t there. Noah had to make sure… “This is real, right?”

“Yeah it is,” he heard the whisper. And Noah wanted to believe him.

“I missed you,” Noah’s voice was just as quiet. He was so tired…

“I know. I missed you too,” Luke’s reply was murmured into his hair.

Noah wasn’t finished. “I love you.”

“Same here, baby, I know.” Luke’s voice cracked a little on his reply.

There was more Noah wanted to say, needed to say. But all that came out was, “Maddie’s purse is really big.”

His body vibrated for a second when Luke laughed softly, arms tightening around him even more. “Yeah, it is.” A kiss on his forehead, and Noah turned his face towards it looking for more. Luke obliged, pressing a kiss to his mouth, slow and soft. Noah sighed into it, leaning up as much as he could. When Luke pulled away it was way too soon, and Noah’s lips tried to follow his boyfriend back. He didn’t want Luke’s mouth to leave his ever again.

This is what he’d been looking for the past month. No matter what that family tried to tell him, Luke was what he needed. Luke kissed him again, as though silently agreeing. “Go to sleep, Noah. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise. We all will.” And that was something Noah could definitely believe was real.

************

Emma was just finishing up the lunchtime dishes when Holden walked in, hanging up his cell phone with a quick “Okay, keep me posted? And be careful. Bye.”

She prepared herself yet again for bad news. “Who was that?”

“Jade,” her son answered, turning to her. And she was shocked to see a smile starting to form on his face. “They just crossed state lines out of Georgia.”

“They- they did?” she stood stock still, just barely keeping from dropping her dishtowel on the floor. “All of them?”

The smile was a full-on grin now. “All of them.”

"Oh…” she dropped the towel now, tossing it somewhere behind her- she didn’t care where- and pulled Holden into a huge, relieved hug. “Oh, thank God.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, holding her just as close. “It’s okay, Mama.”

She sighed quietly into his shoulder before pulling back again, needing to see his face for confirmation. “And they’re all okay?”

His grin was softer but still in place. “Yeah. Noah’s asleep right now, but Jade said he seems okay. He was talking when they got him into the car, and aware, and… He seems okay.”

Another sigh of relief. “Good. Good.” She hadn’t wanted to admit it, but she was terrified that Noah would be permanently… wounded, in some way, because of this. But if Jade said he was okay, then he probably was. Jade wasn’t one to sugarcoat.

She wasn’t sure what she would do if they couldn’t get Noah, _their_ Noah, back. Not just for Luke, but for the whole family. She wanted the Noah who gave endless piggyback rides to Ethan, who listened attentively to Brad and Katie’s thousand-and-one stories about baby Jacob. She wanted the Noah who she knew had left flowers on Harvey’s grave on the anniversary of his death because she had been down with the flu and unable to get the cemetery. _That_ Noah, she needed.

The Snyder gatherings never felt right when all of them weren’t there, and she had to deal with too many missing members as it was- Caleb and Seth, Ellie and Iva, Abby and Aaron, and all the others. Noah was one of them. It didn’t feel right cooking Sunday night dinners and not have to make extra sweet potatoes for him.

Holden was nodding in agreement, sinking into a chair at the table, almost shaky with his own relief. He pulled out another chair for Emma, which she gladly took. “I’m sure he’s going to be fine,” he offered up.

She studied him. “And Luke? How is he holding up?”

Holden lifted one side of his mouth up in a half-smile. “Jade said he seems to be dealing well. I think no matter how he feels, he’s going to make sure Noah’s taken care of first, keep himself busy. But with people like Casey and Jade around, he’ll get taken care of too.”

“And that other young man Hunter is there too, right?” Emma asked.

He nodded. “And Maddie, believe it or not. She apparently flew down and met them at the hospital. Helped them get Noah out.”

She rested a hand to her chest, hoping to slow her heartbeat. “I can’t believe it all worked out. Well, so far.”

“So far,” Holden echoed. “I don’t think I’ll be breathing easier until all those kids are back home, safe and sound. Where they belong.”

“When do you think that’ll be?” she asked cautiously, trying to clamp down on her eagerness.

He shrugged slightly. “I’m not sure. Knowing Luke as I do, I’m pretty sure their plan is to lie low for a little while, throw off anyone who may come here looking for them-”

“Oh, Lord,” Emma sighed. She hadn’t thought of that. Of course Oakdale is the first place the Millers and their lawyers or whatever will come looking for Noah and all of them. She better get herself prepared for that.

“And he’ll also want to give Noah a quiet place to… get his bearings and recuperate. And I’m sure he wants some time alone with Noah.” Holden smirked then. “I doubt they’d get that if they came back here right away.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s true. And I’m not ashamed to admit that it’s true.” She was completely unrepentant. It was within her rights as a grandmother to spoil and smother the children in her family. Speaking of family… “So you haven’t talked to Luke?”

Her son flinched a little. “No,” he answered quietly. “No, not yet.”

“But you will,” she insisted.

He nodded. “Yeah, I will. I have to. All of this, Mama, everything that’s happened? God, if it had happened to Luke, and Damian had somehow taken him away from us… I’d hate for Luke to think I would just let him go. That any fight between us would cause me to give up on him. Because I never would, Mama, never.”

She smiled wide. “I know that, sweetheart.” She cupped his cheek for a second, squeezing, waiting for him to smile back at her. “He knows that too, I’m sure of it.”

Holden’s smile was pained. “I hope so. I hope Damian knows it too.”

Emma studied her son. “You still think he’s up to something?”

He gave her a practiced _oh-come-on!_ -look. “Is he ever not? If Jack finds some way to tie him to what happened to the kids with that hit-and run…” He shook his head, unable to finish.

She held his hand, trying to bolster him with a smile and ignore her own fear. If there really is someone out there who wanted Luke hurt that badly... “Then you’ll do what you do best, protect your family. No doubt in my mind.” She smiled a little wider when he ducked his head, but she then sobered up a little, thinking about what he said of Noah having to recuperate. “They’re going to need help.”

“What? Who?” Holden looked up at her, confused.

“Luke, Noah, all of them. Staying by themselves somewhere? They’re going to need help. They’re all going to need proper rest, and proper meals, and… good Lord, what if they just live off of fast food? No, we should do something, Holden. We have to.”

Holden was grinning again. “I’m glad you think that. Because Jack and I have been talking about this little trip to Lake Michigan that the kids have gone on, and we have an idea.”

************

“You sure this is cool?” Casey called back from the driver’s seat, eyeing the house as he pulled into the driveway.

“Yes, it’s fine,” Hunter insisted for the thirteenth time. “The house belonged to my mother. Or, um, fake-mother. It’s still in her name, which means it’s still in my name. We can stay here for as long as we need.”

Luke looked out the window at the house. It was wonderful; not too big, just enough space for all of them, inviting and warm. Like a mini-Snyder farmhouse. And most importantly- it was out of the way. No one would think to look for them here. When Hunter had suggested it as a place to stop, spend a few days regrouping, Luke knew it was the perfect option.

He looked down at Noah as Casey parked the SUV. Noah was still asleep, leaning into him. He kept both arms around him securely, one hand on Noah’s side, the other gently in his hair.

Casey turned around in his seat, eyeing Luke and Noah worriedly. “How is he?”

Luke smiled, keeping his arms and hands where they were. “He’s fine,” he answered softly. “Just sleeping. I don’t think he really gets that this is real yet, but he’s… he’s Noah.”

The feeling of relief seemed to echo throughout the van, even though nobody moved or made a sound. Casey opened his door slowly. “I guess we should wake him up, get him inside.” He gave Jade a look, and she quickly got out too.

Hunter followed, leaving Maddie to crawl up into the middle seat on the other side of Noah. She smiled at Luke. “You want to wake him, or should I?”

Luke rolled his eyes. “What, are you going to give him a wet willy or something?” Not waiting for an answer, he turned his attention back to his boyfriend, tightening his hold momentarily and kissing the side of Noah’s face. “Noah? Wake up, love.”

Noah mumbled something, frowned, but didn’t wake up. Maddie grinned, picking up Noah’s hand and squeezing it gently. “Come on buddy, a nice comfy bed awaits if you wake up now.”

Luke mirrored the grin when Noah dragged his eyes open halfway. “Bed?” he asked groggily.

Luke helped him sit up, keeping an arm around him at all times. “Yep. You just have to help us get you out of the car first. Okay?”

Noah reached his free hand out to him. “You’re gonna stay with me, right?”

Luke bit the inside of his cheek for a second, willing his face to stay cheerful. “Of course I am. You, me, and a bed? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He made an effort to roll his eyes. “Horndog. You _are_ real.”

“Told you I was,” Luke kept his voice light as he and Maddie helped Noah out of the car. Hunter and Casey had already gotten all their bags and everything out of the SUV and piled them just inside the doorway of the house.

Noah tried to open his eyes a little wider, take it all in. “Hey,” he said in everyone’s general direction, still leaning into Luke’s hold. “You’re all here.” They smiled, even as Noah ducked his head a little, eyes starting to close again. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

Luke’s grip on his emotions started to crack just a little more at that. He kept one arm around Noah, burying his other hand in his pocket to try and stop the shaking before anyone saw.

Too late. Casey frowned a little, exchanged a glance with Jade, and then turned back to Noah. “Dude, duh! What else would we do?” He stepped forward, putting his own arm around Noah’s shoulders. “Come on, since I’m obviously the muscle of this team, I’ll get you inside to your room. Wouldn’t want anyone to drop you on that freakish head of yours.”

Noah glanced at Luke for a second before allowing Casey to lead him inside. “Missed you too, Case,” he said quietly. “Missed you too.”

Casey cocked his head at Maddie and Hunter, getting them to go on in ahead of him. “Now just because I’m the muscle, don’t get any ideas. I’m not gonna, like, carry you over the threshold here or anything. I love ya, man, but not like that.”

The sight of Noah offering a little smile just as Casey got him inside the house was the last straw for Luke. He sank down to the ground next to the van, hugging himself, sucking in a watery breath. “Jesus.”

“Hey,” Jade crouched down next to him, throwing her arms around him. “It’s okay. He’s okay. It worked, and he’s safe and we’re all here.”

“I know,” Luke sniffed, wiping at the tears that ran unbidden down his face. “It’s just everything kinda hitting me now. If this hadn’t worked-”

“But it did,” she insisted, hugging him tighter. “You did it. You got him here safe. Everything’s going to be okay now. The worst is over!”

He chuckled, leaning into her embrace. “God, I hope so.” He took a few deep breaths until the tears subsided, smiling when Jade eased off of him. “Thanks.”

She shrugged. “It’s what I’m here for. Now get in there and take a nap with Boyfriend. You’ve both earned it.”

He laughed again, standing and helping Jade up too. “Best plan I’ve ever heard.”

They made it inside just as Casey was tip-toeing (almost literally, the dumbass) out of one of the side rooms. He grinned at Luke. “I’m pretty sure he’s waiting for you to be there to fall asleep.”

Luke thought he might’ve said something, put his hand on Casey’s shoulder, but he wasn’t sure. He also wasn’t caring. Before he knew it, he was in the bedroom, door shut firmly behind him. Noah was semi-curled up in the bed on one side, leaving the perfect amount of space next to him.

Luke kicked his shoes off, pulled off his sweatshirt and jeans, and then climbed into the bed. Somehow, it felt like the warmest, comfiest bed ever. He smiled when Noah’s very unfocused eyes tried to zero in on him. “Hey there, lover.”

One side of Noah’s mouth quirked up in a smile. He mumbled something that was probably a witty comeback, but neither of them had any idea what it was. So instead he reached out and pulled Luke closer, erasing any space between them.

Luke went in happily, throwing an arm and a leg gently over him. Out of habit, his head immediately went to rest on Noah’s chest- as always creating the perfect pillow for him. Warm and cool and soft and sturdy, all at the same time. Perfect.

Noah’s arms came around him lazily, holding him there, fingers trailing slowly up and down his back. “I’m not gonna wake up back in the hospital, am I?” he said with slow realization, almost more of a statement than a question.

Luke lifted his head just enough to press a kiss to Noah’s cheek before then laying back in his original, very comfortable position. “Nope. You’re really here with me. With us. I promise. I swear on the head of Orson Welles.”

He didn’t have to move his eyes at all to know that Noah was smiling a little again. “Good.” His own heart stuttered a little when he felt Noah kiss his forehead. He loved it when Noah kissed his forehead; it made him feel loved and protected, even now when he was the one who should be doing the protecting.

He laid there, staring at nothing, listening to Noah’s breathing deepen and slow. He could tell the minute he was fully asleep. Only then did Luke tilt his head, lay a soft kiss over Noah’s heart, and then allow himself to do the same.

It was the first real, restful sleep either of them had gotten in a month.

************

Justin inhaled deeply, letting the burn of nicotine works its way down his throat and through his body. He almost didn’t want to let it go, but exhaled anyway. His dad may be trying to quit, but Justin had no such intention. There were worse vices than cigarettes, Justin knew that for a fact.

Besides, smoking was more than a mental escape right now. It was also a physical one, since he couldn’t be inside the hospital with a cigarette in his hands. Thank God. He hated having to lie to his family, but he just absolutely knew it was necessary.

He felt bad for Noah, he really did. The kid didn’t deserve the crap they had unintentionally put him through. And the problem was, Krista and Justin were the only ones who saw it for what it was- a disaster. Well, the nurses seemed to too which, coupled with the fact that they had all been so completely charmed by Noah after he woke up, didn’t make things any easier. For anyone.

It was like being twelve years old all over again. The year that tip had come in through a call-in hotline; Andrew had been found. All of them had celebrated, been so excited, drove to Atlanta where the kid was. Was supposed to be. Instead, they had found out the whole thing had been a scam for the reward money. Justin had had to watch as his parents lost their baby boy all over again. It had hurt almost more than he could take.

And it was happening now. He could see it in Noah’s eyes whenever he had actually opened them and looked at the family. Noah was going to leave, it was only a matter of time. And Justin had to sit there and watch his parents get their hopes up and make plans, all the while backing Noah farther and farther into a corner he couldn’t escape.

Until he actually did.

To be honest, Justin was surprised it took this long. If it had been him, he would have lashed out and yelled by like the fourth day, and disappeared the fifth. It took Noah a month. Justin was semi-impressed, Noah had the patience of… well, of someone like Krista. It was Krista who had suggested that Noah was interesting mix of his two older siblings, but Justin wasn’t ready to think like that yet.

He took another drag of his cigarette, watching cars and ambulances pull out of the docking bay. Just like that black SUV had.

He had just been approaching Noah’s room earlier when he saw the kid being pushed away in a wheelchair by a tiny dark-haired girl. More curious than anything else, he had followed them. And, from a little ways away, had seen the look of pure relief on Noah’s face the second he was out in fresh air again. Justin could relate to that, he hated being kept inside for too long.

He was just about to make his presence known when the SUV had pulled up, and Luke Snyder had gotten out. Then Justin had understood- he was witnessing a rescue operation. He watched them, the looks on their faces, the way they held on to each other, the near-palpable electricity of _something_ between them…

And he let them go. He let Noah go. It was the right thing to do.

Justin wasn’t as dumb as he looked. It was like he had told Krista- Noah didn’t belong to them. Noah wasn’t magically going to turn into Andrew. It was better for his parents to hurt now- because of this- than hurt later because they couldn’t accept the truth. It was better for Noah to be with the people he knew and trusted. It was better for all of them to go back to the way things were two months ago.

So when Noah’s empty bed had been discovered, Justin had played ignorant. Told everyone, including that doctor that had wigged him out since the beginning (it wasn’t just Justin’s paranoid nature, no matter what Krista said), that he hadn’t seen anything or anyone.

And now while his parents conferred with Doctor Weird and lawyers and whatnot, and while Krista kept making call after call on her cell phone… Justin smoked his cigarette almost down to the filter. Then he stood, looking out down the highway where he had seen the SUV drive away hours ago.

He smirked a little. “Good luck, little brother.” And with that, tossing the remnants of his cigarette into a nearby ashtray, he turned and went back inside.

************

Casey looked up when Jade dropped onto the couch next to him. “They okay?” he asked, looking past her towards the room Luke and Noah were in.

She smiled. “Yeah. They’re both asleep. Thank God.”

“Good,” Casey fidgeted in place a little bit. And it was good; both Noah and Luke desperately needed some time to breathe easy, if even only for a few days. More importantly, they needed to breathe easy _together._ He wiggled his fingers a little, studying his fingernails. Scuffing his shoes on the carpet.

“Huh,” Jade commented off-hand. “That’s rather ironic.”

“What?” he turned to her, but she wasn’t looking at him.

She nodded over his shoulder towards the kitchen. “Maddie and Hunter.”

He frowned, confused, but twisted around to see what she was looking at. Maddie and Hunter were hanging out in the kitchen, cooking up a dinner for all of them. They were talking quietly, joking around, laughing. Maddie teased Hunter about something, he shook his head and said something back that made her punch his arm playfully. Then they went back to cooking.

“What’s ironic? That Hunter can actually cook without setting the house on fire?” Casey asked, still way confused.

She shook her head, smiling sadly. “No. It’s ironic that the couple that just broke up is more comfortable around each other than the couple that’s together.”

“Hey, we’ve only been dating for like less than a month,” Casey protested, though he didn’t actually refute her statement.

“No, we’ve been having sex for like less than a month,” Jade corrected. “We’re not really dating, Case.”

“But…” Casey trailed off. Were they?

“Think about it,” she continued. “If something awesome were to happen to you, right now, who would be the first person you’d want to tell?”

“N-” he stopped himself at the last second from answering. Oh crap. He saw her point.

Jade smirked, nodding. “You can say it. You’d be calling up Noah. Me? I’d be calling Luke. I wouldn’t think to go tell my boyfriend.”

He winced at the word. He really wasn’t doing this right, was he? “Man, I suck at this boyfriend stuff,” he grumbled, head dropping into his hands. First Ali, then Jade…

He felt her hand on his shoulder. “You don’t suck at being a boyfriend, Casey. I’m sure you’ll be a great one at some point. It’s just you’re not really my boyfriend. And hey, is this really what we want, or what we think we _should_ want?”

“What’s that mean?” Casey asked, still not looking up.

He could sense her shrug. “We’re acting like we have to be dating and couple-y and all that, but it’s not like it’s the law. We can do whatever we feel like doing. Trying to force it, that’s what caused problems with you and Alison. We shouldn’t be doomed to repeat the same mistakes.”

Now he was looking at her. “What we feel like doing,” he repeated slowly.

Jade rolled her eyes a little. “We like each other. We like hanging out. We don’t need to be in a relationship to do it. A lot of our bad choices in the past have been because of the relationships we’re in or want to be in or think we should be in.” Another shrug. “What if we just cut all that out?”

Casey sat still, contemplating this. “Just be ourselves, or figure out who ‘ourselves’ should be. But still, um, hang out.”

“Yeah,” she grinned at him. “And by the way, that means yes, I still want to have sex with you.”

“Oh thank God,” he breathed a sigh of relief. They smiled at each other for a moment before Casey continued. “I… I do like hanging out with you, you know. I like how you make me think and how you make me argue.”

“Well, I make you argue,” she corrected. “Make you _think?_ I’m not a miracle worker, Hughes.”

“Shut up, Taylor,” he shot back. Then, after they were both smiling again, “I don’t want you to think I’m just, like, using you for sex or anything.”

“Hey, this was my idea,” Jade reminded him. “A damn good one. This way, we have each other without being… tied down to each other. Win-win for both of us.”

Casey shook his head with a deep chuckle. “Jesus. I never thought we’d end up in that whole ‘friends with benefits’ type-deal. But I guess it makes sense, for us.” He tilted his head. “Well, except for the friend part.”

“Hey,” Jade poked him in the side. “If all this drama has taught us anything, it’s that we can use all the friends we can get. You and me, we’re a part of something, like, special. With this group of people. I’ve never gotten to be a part of it before. I’m not going to ruin that, at least not on purpose.”

“Me either,” Casey smiled softer, understanding. “So this way, we can work on being, I don’t know, better people and better friends without that constricting label of a ‘couple,’ and still get awesome sex out of it. Sound good?”

Her smile matched his. “Sounds great.” And the kiss that followed was pretty great too.

************

Every time he woke up now, it was a struggle. To not break down, not give up. Noah seriously thought he would start going crazy at some point, and had to remind himself that he no longer had genetics to blame if that happened. (Well, they may be crazy, sure, but the Millers weren’t like _Colonel-_ crazy or anything.)

But something was different this time. Noah could tell right away. The bed felt different- softer, bigger. It had a real smell, like wood and fresh air and scented candles. The blanket covering him was softer too, quilted and not smelling of antiseptic.

And, most importantly, someone was in the bed with him, a solid and warm weight against his side. An arm slung over his middle, the hand just barely resting under his t-shirt.

He opened his eyes cautiously. And at the sight of blond hair resting on his shoulder, Noah almost gasped. It hadn’t been another dream. It had been real this time. _Luke_. Luke was really here. They were really together again.

Without thinking, without hesitating, he grabbed Luke’s face and brought it to his, kissing him fiercely. Luke woke up with a start, inhaled sharply, and returned the kiss with just as much intensity. “Noah…” he panted between breaths of air.

Noah kissed him again. “You’re real,” he whispered after each one. “You’re real, you’re real.”

Gradually they both calmed down, the kisses slowing to something less about oh-my-god-dying-I-need-you and more reassuring-I’m-here-I-won’t-leave. Luke offered one more soft kiss before rolling them both onto their sides, facing each other. He touched Noah’s face gently. “How’s today going for you?”

Noah tilted his head into the touch. “Better than yesterday,” he gave the old traditional answer, loving how true it was. “Much, much, much better.”

“For me too,” Luke smiled. His hand drifted up, thumb brushing at the ends of Noah’s slightly unruly hair. “You’re feeling okay?”

“I think so,” he answered honestly. “Things are kinda… muddled, in my head. I can’t- how did you get the proxy dropped? How did you guys get me out of there?”

The smile turned a little mischievous. “We didn’t get the proxy dropped. But we found a loophole.” At Noah’s confused look, he continued. “Alison and Hunter came up with it- those papers Maddie had you sign? They’re AMA forms. ‘Against Medical Advice.’ You basically checked yourself out legally, saying you understood the doctor’s orders but were ignoring them and won’t hold them responsible if anything happens.”

“But the Millers weren’t even at my room. How did you know when they’d be gone?” Noah was still confused.

Luke leaned in quickly to kiss Noah’s frown away. “A certain someone- whose name rhymes with, I don’t know… Lacy Fuse?- called the hospital pretending to be a coworker of Eric’s, saying there was an emergency at work.” He shrugged. “Then Maddie had your doctor paged to another floor, and she waited until Autumn went to get lunch or whatever.”

He looked so proud of himself, Noah couldn’t help but smile. “And that AMA thing is okay? Even with the proxy?”

Luke shrugged one shoulder. “We’re not actually sure. It’s kind of a gray area. But it’s not _il_ legal. They can’t say you just ran away or someone kidnapped you, you know? So it’s something.”

“It’s enough,” Noah responded immediately, kissing him again. “Ali’s not here though, is she? I don’t remember…”

“No, but don’t worry about it. There are a couple people back in Oakdale who are in on this whole thing. Let them handle the drama for right now. We’re here so you can get your strength back. Then we’ll go home, I promise,” Luke still wasn’t letting go of him. Not that Noah wanted him to.

He smiled involuntarily at the thought of ‘home.’ Then he frowned, confused again, looking around. “Where is ‘here?’ Are we in Illinois?”

Luke shook his head. “North Carolina. Hunter… the mom that wasn’t really his mom? She owned a house in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. We figured it’d be a nice, quiet, comfortable place to chill for awhile. And it’s out of the way, so if…” he trailed off, suddenly unsure.

“If the Millers go looking for me, they won’t come here,” Noah finished for him softly. He bit his lip. God, what if they did go looking for him? What if they found him? Would they make him go back? Would they get Luke and Casey and everyone in trouble? What if-

“Hey,” Luke’s voice brought him back, sure and steady. “Like I said, don’t think about it right now, okay? You just concentrate on getting better and… and feeling better; then we’ll deal with all of that.”

Noah stared hard at Luke, the emotions behind that statement slowly dawning on him. “Babe,” he put his hand flat on Luke’s chest, reassuring. “I’m okay. I’m… I’m not gone. Or going anywhere.” Softer, “I’m still me.” He wasn’t actually sure _what_ he was, but he knew Luke needed to hear it.

Luke’s eyes glistened just a little, but no tears came. He took a deep breath, then let it out fast. “Okay,” he said in a rush, just before diving in for another hard kiss, as demanding as their first ones had been. Noah met him halfway, both of them needing to reassure the other of… of everything. Remind each other that bad things might happen, but the good things between them could make it worth it.

Noah was sure of that. Luke was always worth it, all of it. He smiled into one last kiss before rolling onto his back again, bringing Luke with him. Luke broke from the kiss with another deep breath, resting his forehead down against Noah’s. “It all seemed so unreal,” Noah found himself saying.

Luke lifted his head enough to look into his face. “What did?”

“Them,” he said simply, brow crinkling in confusion. “Like, all of a sudden they don’t like you? Or your parents or any of the family? Which doesn’t make sense, because every time I hung out with them in Oakdale, they were so happy about all of you, how nice and welcoming and wonderful you were. Are. I don’t get it.”

Luke shrugged sadly. “Sometimes people lie, baby.” His voice was cautious, gentle.

Noah fought back a flinch at that. He didn’t want them to have been lying. Why would they lie about that? Why would they lie to him, if they wanted him? “But then- they get this fancy lawyer who knows just what to do in this situation? And you know what else was weird?” He looked back up at Luke seriously. “All the doctors I had to meet with were all in agreement with it too. But the nurses all acted like I was fine, like I was normal and they felt bad I had to be there.”

Luke shook his head, running his fingers lightly through Noah’s hair over and over, scratching at his scalp comfortingly. “I don’t know, Noah, I really don’t. I’m sorry.”

Noah couldn’t stop the sadness from creeping in. His hands unconsciously fiddled with the hem of Luke’s shirt, twisting it between his fingers. “And why would they think you- all of you- never called to ask about me or check on me?”

“What?!” Luke pulled back a little bit further, eyes wide. “Noah, we called _every day._ More than once. A bunch of us did. No one would tell us anything, they said they couldn’t!”

“I knew you would,” Noah was quick to say, rubbing his hand along Luke’s side reassuringly. “I’m not doubting that. I just don’t get why they would say that to me. And they… they really seemed to believe it. Even Krista told me she was upset and surprised you guys never called.” He shook his head. “What the hell was going on in that hospital?”

Luke looked just as troubled by it all. He thought it over for a few minutes, looking at Noah without seeing him. Noah waited, hands still slowly moving, now just a little bit under Luke’s t-shirt, feeling at that stretch of skin over his hip bones. _So beautiful. God, I missed you._

He was startled out of his thoughts by Luke’s nose rubbing against his teasingly. He looked up to see the same words he was thinking reflected in Luke’s face, and had to respond. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Me too.”

Luke’s expression melted sweetly, and he kissed Noah on his forehead, his cheek, his nose, and finally his lips. Noah moved his hands around to Luke’s back and pulled him down flush on top of him. “Yeah,” Luke echoed, kissed him again. “Yeah.” After another pause, “You know none of that matters right now, right? They’re not taking you away again. We won’t let them.”

Noah just smiled, not wanting to think about it anymore. He slid his hands up slowly, causing Luke’s shirt to ride up with them. Luke sat back a little bit, more out instinct than anything else, but at least it gave Noah room to pull his shirt all the way off.

“Noah?” Luke asked softly, trying to gauge everything.

Noah didn’t answer, letting his eyes and hands run down his boyfriend’s chest. He didn’t want to feel anything else, just this. He wanted to be consumed by it. He sat up enough to yank his own shirt off and then pulled Luke back down to him, chest to chest and skin to skin. “I’m here,” he said it under his breath. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Luke smiled into their kisses now, one hand back in Noah’s hair, the other on his stomach, running along it gently. “Not that I’m complaining, but are you sure you’re-”

“Luke.” Noah held his face in both hands. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I swear to God if you don’t have sex with me right now, I’m breaking up with you. I haven’t seen you for a month. You can’t be in bed with me right now- after everything, you being here and you being _you_ \- and not expect me to want you.”

“Jesus,” Luke nearly groaned out. He dipped his head down, kissing Noah roughly, the rest of his brain (hopefully) fried out.

Noah opened his mouth wider, inviting Luke in, pressing both of his hands into Luke’s back and sides and anywhere else he could touch bare skin. And he let out an almost embarrassing whimper when Luke pulled back again. He opened his eyes to see Luke studying him thoughtfully, though a little out of breath.

“You want me to make you forget, don’t you?” Luke’s voice was surprisingly tender for being so deep and hoarse.

Noah nodded, tangling their legs together and ignoring the twinge in his sore knee as it bent along the side of Luke’s body. “Please?” He unconsciously bit his lower lip again. He hoped Luke didn’t think he was using him, because he wasn’t, but he just… he needed this.

Thank God, Luke smiled lovingly, understandingly. He worked Noah’s mouth open again, lightly biting down on that same lip. “Love you,” he murmured. Noah could feel his lips moving with the words as they brushed across his skin, his face and neck. “Love you. So much.” He repeated it over and over, kissing his way down Noah’s torso.

And if Noah had had enough brain power left to form words, he would have told Luke that he loved him back. That it was the one thing he’d never forget.


	14. Let's Pretend We Don't Exist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  Noah recuperates, Luke and Holden talk, the Millers search, Damian is evil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  Today's chapter is brought to you by the song "Wraith Pinned to the Mist..." by Of Montreal. And yes, while it has been turned into a rather ubiquitous commercial jingle, the orginal is still pretty great!

“Is he really okay? Or is he doing that ‘I say I’m okay because I think that’s what you want to hear’ thing he does?”

Luke smiled. “I don’t know, to be honest. I think somewhere in between.” He heard Ali sigh on the other end of the phone. “But either way, I really do think he’s going to be alright. He just needs some time to figure it out in his head.”

“Of course, yeah.” There was a pause, some noise on her end of the line. “Crap, I have to go. Will you tell him hi for me? And anything else that sounds really reassuring?”

He laughed. “Of course I will. And thanks again, Ali. For covering for us with this thing.”

“Oh honey, of course! Okay, I really have to go. Give Noah a hug and kiss for me, and give one good glare at Casey and Jade if they get too cute, got it?”

“Yes ma’am,” he answered, slightly impressed with how well she was taking the breakup with Casey. “Talk to you later, Ali.”

After he hung up, he headed back into the kitchen. It wasn’t like he was going to cook or anything, but it offered the best view of the back porch. Which was where Noah was currently sitting, stretched out on a lawn chair, surrounded by pillows and blankets, listening to whatever words were coming out of Casey’s mouth.

Luke was slightly- in that Lily Snyder part of his brain- worried about Noah being outside in the cold for too long, but a larger and more logical part of his brain- which he admitted was his Holden Snyder side- knew that Noah needed it. It was their fourth day in this house, and Luke could see how jittery Noah got if stuck inside for too long.

Though he had to admit, being here was definitely helping. The six of them had developed a routine, steady and comforting. They were in their own universe here, one where reality and all its troubles couldn’t touch them. It was probably helping more than just Noah right now.

“Hey,” Maddie shuffled in, still in her pajamas. She stopped when she realized who she was talking to. “Oh God, you’re not about to make breakfast, are you?”

“No,” he gave her a glare as she reached for the coffee pot. “I’m trying to help Noah, not hurt him.”

She smirked. “You stole my next line,” she teased before adding some milk to her coffee mug. Then she gave a little laugh. “Of course, we could all get in here, I could throw on some Temptations, and we could reenact the breakfast scene from The Big Chill.” She laughed again at his confused expression and then followed his line of sight out the window to the back porch. “How is he today?”

Luke’s smile dropped a little. “He’s dealing, I think. Despite what he said when we got here... he’s shaken up. He’s trying to act like he’s fine, but-”

“I noticed it too,” Maddie nodded. “He’s really quiet. And it’s like he can’t stand to be in a room alone anymore.”

“Yeah,” Luke’s voice was just as soft. “Which is weird, it’s like the exact opposite of last year. Instead of withdrawing from everyone and locking himself away, it’s like he needs to be near people.”

“Can you blame him?” Maddie pointed out, leaning back against the counter next to him. “Luke, when I...” she stopped for a second before continuing. “When I got into his room? Even when he was asleep, he was, like, empty. I went to hold his hand and he didn’t know it was me, he pulled away so fast...” she trailed off, looking out the window again. “I really think he’s going to be okay, but I’m not surprised he’s like this now.”

Luke bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t want to agree out loud, even though it was true. Noah had spent a month either alone or stuck with people he couldn’t trust. And he hadn’t talked for a lot of that time. So of course he was like this, afraid to be alone right now, not sure where he stood with everyone and everything.

Luke understood that. But it didn’t mean he liked it. And he didn’t like that Noah was trying to hide it, to be so strong for him and reassure him that he was fine. Well, okay, he liked that Noah had that impulse. He just wished he didn’t have to use it.

“He’s been having nightmares, I think,” Luke confided quietly. “Either that or all the time he spent in the hospital messed with his sleep schedule. I don’t know. But he wakes up all the time, in the middle of the night. Doesn’t make any noise, doesn’t bolt out of bed, none of that.”

“He doesn’t want to wake you up,” Maddie guessed.

Luke nodded. “But sometimes I do. He, like, jerks awake. Takes a minute or two to look around, remember where he is. Then he holds onto my arm or my hand or anything, and tries to go back to sleep. It’s happened a couple times each night.”

Maddie sat her empty coffee mug in the sink. “Well,” she mused quietly. “I mean, if what you were told is true, they were drugging him a lot in the beginning. And combined with everything else that’s happened, and being stuck in that same hospital room for so long...”

“Yeah,” Luke cut off her train of thought, not wanting to go any deeper than that. “We just have to get him to accept that the worst is over. And get him used to talking again.”

She grinned. “If anyone can do that, it’s us!” she said perkily. She gave Luke a quick hug. “What about you, how are you holding up?”

Luke offered up a tired smile. “I’m ready for a vacation. A real one, not a...” he waved his hand around them at the house. “Not a super-secret hideout one.”

“Hey,” Maddie said firmly, pinching his cheek a little teasingly. “As long as you two are together? Things are going to be fine.”

Luke poked her in the side. “Thanks.”

They both leaned against the counter again, looking out the window. And just in time, because right then Casey finished telling some story, waving his hands in the air crazily, causing Noah to smile. No, not just smile. He actually laughed. Luke felt something in his stomach untwist at the sight, and he found himself relaxing even more as Casey drew Noah into a huge, fierce, Casey-Hughes-hug, and Noah returned it willingly.

Both he and Maddie busied themselves wiping the kitchen clean as Casey and Noah walked back into the house, Noah still limping slightly, one hand out a little to steady himself. He stopped in the doorway to the kitchen while Casey headed to the stairs. “I’m gonna grab a shower,” Casey called out as he kept walking. “By the way guys, you’re not fooling anyone, we know you were watching us!”

And Luke would’ve lied or come up with some excuse, but the fact that Noah blushed and smiled at him, reaching out in an unspoken request for a hug? Took all his words away.

************

Luke sometimes wondered what his life would’ve been like if he had grown up in a normal town. With a normal family and normal parents and a normal boyfriend. But as always- just as he filled his head with images of apple pie and baseball games or whatever- he would remember that even if things always got screwed up, he still had what made him happy. He could deal with all the-

 

The phone ringing startled Luke out of his daydreams. He checked on Noah again- still sleeping, breathing deep and steady- and then picked up his cell. “Hello?” he answered quietly, not wanting to risk waking Noah. Granted, he could just get up and walk into the next room, but he wanted to be the first thing Noah saw when he opened his eyes. Just in case.

“Luke?” Damian sounded a little puzzled. “Is everything alright? I’ve been trying to call for days...”

“Damian, hi, um,” Luke ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. Crap, he had totally forgotten about Damian. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m... I’m with Casey and Jade and Hunter. We’re up at Lake Michigan. Just for a little while.”

“Is it because of Noah? Have you heard something, is he okay?” Damian sounded genuinely concerned, which always threw Luke for a loop. Because until recently, he had never considered putting ‘Damian’ and ‘genuine’ in the same hemisphere, let alone the same sentence. But he had come a long way since the last time he had been in Oakdale, Luke had to admit.

Damian had reappeared in Oakdale at the same time that Noah’s pneumonia had, so the man had gotten a crash-course in how much the Snyders cared about his boyfriend...

“Okay,” Luke plopped down on the bench next to Noah. “You get five more minutes out here and then I’m taking you back inside.”

“Luke,” Noah near-whined, coughing at the end of the word. “I just sat down.”

Luke glared sternly, pulling the blanket around Noah’s shoulders a little tighter, keeping his hands flat against Noah’s chest. Even through the blanket and long-sleeved shirt and short-sleeved shirt Noah was wearing (he was chilled and shaking even though it was June), Luke could feel the crackle and stutter of his breath. Stupid pneumonia. “And you’ll be standing back up in five minutes, so enjoy it while it lasts.”

Noah pouted. Actually pouted. Luke had to fight so hard not to smile at the look on his face. “You love getting to boss me around, don’t you?”

Luke let the smile show now. “I love lots of things I get to do with you.” He leaned up a little, kissing Noah’s cheek. Noah rolled his eyes, even though he couldn’t help but smile too. Luke kissed him again, this time on the forehead as Noah rested it down on Luke’s shoulder.

They sat there for just a few minutes, completely ignoring everything around them, until the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. The sun was in their eyes as they tried to figure out who the driver was, and Noah coughing again distracted Luke from getting up to find out.

He had just planted another light kiss on the top of Noah’s head, rubbing his back soothingly, when a voice called out quietly. “Luciano.”

Luke froze. No. No way. His grip on Noah’s shoulder tightened, and for a second he couldn’t get himself to move. To turn, look up, and confirm that this man was back in Oakdale. No way.

But then Noah looked up at him, confused and wary. “Luke?”

That broke him out of his trance. He definitely wasn’t about to let Damian anywhere near Noah, that was for damn sure. “Noah, go inside, okay? Go find my parents.” He stood up, making sure he was between his boyfriend and his... and Damian.

Noah shook his head as he stood up too, still clutching the blanket around him. He moved next to Luke, holding his hand. “What’s going on?”

Luke would have answered him, but he saw Damian’s gaze zero in on their clasped hands. “Please, baby, it’s okay. Just go inside.” He saw Damian’s eyebrows raise at the ‘baby,’ but luckily he didn’t say anything. Because Luke would have punched him if he did.

Noah’s fever-addled brain must have finally caught up with everything. “Wait, this is him?” his voice was lower, tight. Angry. “I’m not leaving you alone with him.”

Damian held up his hands. “I’m not here to cause any trouble, Luciano, I-”

“My name is Luke,” he snapped quickly. “And don’t think for a second that you’re coming into this house.” He squeezed Noah’s hand, and was about to try to get him to go inside again, when the door to the kitchen opened. And suddenly, thankfully, his parents were standing next to him.

"What the hell are you doing here?” Holden’s voice was like thunder, and his face was just as stormy. He stood protectively in front of all of them, arms crossed, glaring hard at Damian.

Damian took a step back closer to his car, hands still up peaceably. “I stopped by your house but no one was home. I thought I might find you all here.” He looked at the four of them, his gaze curious when it landed on Noah. Luke fought the urge to pull Noah behind him, knowing it wouldn’t make a difference and probably just make Noah mad.

“Well, you found us. Now you can leave,” Holden spoke quietly but steadily.

“Please,” Damian stayed where he was, but his face begged all of them to listen. “I just want to speak with you.”

“About what, Damian?” Lily echoed her husband’s question. “What would we want to hear from you?”

Damian was silent for a moment before finally speaking. “I... I wanted to see you. All of you. To, well, to apologize. To make up for how I...” He stopped for a second, focused on Luke, and then continued. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, Luke. I won’t deny that. But I don’t want to be that man anymore. I’m not that man anymore. And if there is a way to be forgiven, to make up for the things I’ve done, I want to do that.”

Holden snorted derisively, his eyes flashing with anger and disbelief. “If you think for a second that I’m going to let you-”

“Dad,” Luke said softly, reaching forward to touch his arm. “Don’t.” Holden turned to look at him, surprised, but Luke looked back at him calmly. “Let him say whatever it is he wants to say, then he can go.” He glanced at Damian over Holden’s shoulder. “Then I want him to go.”

Holden shook his head, was about to argue more, when Lily stopped him. “Maybe it would be best for me and Luke to handle this,” she suggested quietly. “Why don’t you take Noah inside, he’s been up for too long anyway.”

Both Holden and Noah started protesting at this. “No,” Noah said stubbornly, even though his voice had grown scratchy. “I’m staying with Luke.”

“Honey, you’re about to fall over, and it’s about time for another dose anyway,” she rubbed his arm. It was almost a running joke in the Snyder household now- any medicine Noah took could knock him out for hours.

“No. I don’t care. I’m staying,” Noah frowned obstinately, causing Luke to want to gasp and laugh at the same time. Noah was actually arguing with his mother, was actually refusing her request. Wow, this was one for the record books.

“Noah.” Lily frowned right back, hand on her hip, putting on her best stern-mother face. The one you weren’t allowed to talk back to. “You’re still sick and you need to get more rest. Nothing’s going to happen out here, I promise.” She turned to Holden next. “Get him inside, and make sure he stays inside.”

And when Lily’s face was like that, in her Lucinda-mode, no one could really argue. Holden glanced back at Damian one more time before putting a hand on Noah’s back, steering him towards the kitchen. “Come on, kiddo. No use fighting when she’s like this.” He turned to Luke. “If he tries anything...”

Luke smiled a little. “You can come back out here and beat the crap out of him. I promise, Dad.” He hoped he said that loud enough for Damian to hear. “We’ll be fine.” He spoke to both his dad and Noah. Noah looked at him uncertainly, but let Holden lead him back inside.

Luke turned around then, his smile hardening back into a glare. “Say what you have to say, Damian. Then go.”

Damian was looking in the direction of the kitchen doorway, but he looked back at Luke, trying to offer a smile. “So that must be your-”

“Don’t,” Luke cut him off. “We’re going to talk about what you’re doing here, not the guy I’m in love with.” He hoped that hurt him a little bit. “What do you want?”

Damian looked back and forth between him and Lily, gathering himself. “I want to make amends...”

“Luke?” Damian’s voice cut through his thoughts, bringing Luke back to the present.

“Sorry, Damian, I’m kinda tired. No, we haven’t heard anything new about Noah. Casey and everyone just figured I needed some time away,” he answered, hoping Damian would drop the subject there.

“Of course, whatever’s going to help you at this point. Any idea when you’ll be back?”

Luke frowned. He really had no idea. He didn’t plan on going back to Oakdale until he was sure Noah could. “I don’t know yet. Maybe a few more days. Why? Do you need me at work, did anything happen?” He wanted to ask if Damian had bribed anyone new, but now wasn’t the time for that.

“No, no everything’s... everything’s fine.” Maybe Damian thought Luke wouldn’t hear the hesitation there, but he did. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, son.”

Luke wanted to tell Damian not to call him son, but more than that he just wanted to hang up the phone. He was talking to the wrong ‘father.’ Luke really, desperately, wanted to talk to Holden. To hear his dad say everything was going to be okay, that they had made the right decision busting Noah out of that hospital. That this mess with Damian and the bribery was fixable. If Holden said it, Luke could believe it.

“I’m okay,” he finally responded. “I’ll be home in a few days, I’ll give you a call then?”

“Sure. Call me if you need anything. And... and be careful, Luciano. I’ll see you soon.” There was that hesitation again. But before Luke could dwell on it, Damian hung up.

Luke stared at his phone for a few seconds, feeling like his mind was racing and blank at the same time.

“You should call him,” a voice, rough and quiet, spoke.

Luke twitched, startled, and looked to the bed. Noah was watching him, eyes sad and knowing. “I should call who?” Luke played dumb.

Noah shook his head a little. “Holden. You want to call him. And you should.”

Luke smiled, standing up and stretching a little before sitting down on the bed next to Noah’s hip, facing him. “And you should still be asleep,” he deflected.

“You don’t have to watch over me, Luke. I’m okay,” Noah’s voice was still soft, trying to sound reassuring.

The only problem was, Luke knew that at least part of it was an act. Noah was still holding stuff in, trying to be okay so Luke wouldn’t worry. Which just made Luke worry even more. He shrugged, smiling wider. “Maybe I like watching you,” he replied, tapping Noah on the nose.

It caused Noah to smile too, almost involuntarily. “Well, it’s not like I don’t like having you near a bed,” he admitted, before putting his arms around Luke’s waist and pulling, forcing Luke to fall fully into the bed almost on top of him.

He laughed a little, scolding at the same time. “Noah!” He twisted around enough so he wasn’t putting all of his weight onto Noah’s body, still worried a little about his leg. Instead he draped himself along one side of Noah’s body, propping himself up on one elbow. Once they were both comfortable, he leaned in to kiss the underside of Noah’s chin. “You’re hopeless.”

Noah hummed his unashamed agreement, kissing him back. After a moment, he grabbed Luke’s free hand in both of his, squeezing. “He’s always going to love you, you know. No fight between you two will ever change that,” he said, suddenly serious.

“I know,” Luke replied. And maybe that was part of the problem, in some ways.

“Are you okay?” Noah’s face was so earnest and concerned, it gave Luke those fuzzy feelings he swore he was too old and cynical to feel. Except for whenever Noah was with him, apparently.

He smiled. “Of course, I’m fine,” he realized in the back of his brain that he was trying to do the same kind of reassuring that Noah was. “You’re the one recuperating, how are-”

“Luke.” Noah’s voice stopped him again. “Stop.” He said it calmly, almost gently, rubbing his thumb along the length of Luke’s hand. “I know you are too. Recuperating, I mean. And with everything going on... please, just- just tell me how you’re doing?”

Luke stared at him for a full second, almost unsure of what to say. “I don’t know,” he finally whispered.

Noah studied him for a second before holding his arms out again. “Come here.”

Luke went willingly this time, burrowing himself into Noah’s chest, wrapping his arms around Noah’s middle just like he felt Noah’s wrapping around him. “I just wish everything could be different. Not us, not you,” he was quick to amend. “But with my dad. And with Damian. And with your family...” he shook his head a little, resting his forehead down so he could feel Noah’s heartbeat.

“I know,” he heard Noah’s soft reply. “I do too. But Luke? Just so you know? If I had to put up with all that- with everything- just so I could be with you and your annoyingly lovable self? I’d do it. You and I, we’re... you’re worth it to me.”

His goal probably wasn’t to make Luke cry, but he was dangerously close to it anyway. “I love you too,” he said instead, knowing that Noah would understand. After another moment, “And I’m not annoying,” he murmured. Noah’s answering laugh rumbled through both their bodies.

But just before they could really relax, before Luke could hope that Noah would get some more of the sleep he still needed, a sound from outside their window startled both of them. It sounded like a car pulling up into the driveway.

“Oh God...” Luke bolted upright, keeping one hand on Noah’s chest to stop him from doing the same. “Wait right here.”

Noah shook his head, frantic. “Luke, if it’s them, you guys have to go. You have to... to, I don’t know, hide or something. Get away. They’ll try to get you in trouble, they’ll-”

“Noah, no one is going anywhere, okay?” He climbed out of the bed. He could hear car doors opening and closing, muffled voices. Male and female. Damn it. “We’re not leaving you here, and we’re not letting them take you back.”

Noah looked terrified. “Luke...” He was well on his way to panicking, and Luke had two options- try to see who was coming up the front steps of the house, or try to calm Noah down. Really, there was no choice.

“Hey,” he sat back down on the bed, put his hand on Noah’s back. “It’s going to be okay. Whatever happens now, it’s you and me together. They can’t pull us apart again.” He leaned his forehead against Noah’s, the both of them breathing together.

A knock on the bedroom door had both of them flinching. Luke kept his hand on Noah as they stood up from the bed. “Guys?” Casey’s voice called to them. “You might want to come out here.”

Feeling slightly like they were walking to an execution, Luke led Noah out into the rest of the house. And stopped so suddenly in the hallway that Noah almost fell against him. “Oh my God,” he breathed out shakily.

The four people in the entranceway looked back at him, triumphant. “Hey there,” Holden smiled. Jack, Emma, and Lucy stood just behind him. “Uh, surprise?”

************

Holden watched the expression on Luke’s face go from scared to shocked to relieved to confused in the span of a few seconds, and he had to fight back a wider smile.

“What... what are you doing here?” Luke finally got himself to ask.

Holden made sure his smile was gentle, reassuring. “We thought you could use some help for a few days.” His gaze moved on to the guy standing behind Luke. Noah looked just as bewildered by it all, as though he was looking at a mirage, but at least he was upright. At least he was here. Holden let out a silent sigh of relief, the one he had been holding in until he could know that Noah was okay.

“But how?” Luke looked around at all of them, including his friends crowding the hallway beside them.

Jade cleared her throat from where she stood next to Casey. “I’ve been making a couple calls since we left the hospital, Luke. I think we need the backup right now, and someone who won’t destroy the kitchen anytime they walk into it.”

“Hey!” Casey protested before he could stop himself.

Emma smiled, stepping forward to pull both Luke and Noah into a hug. Holden pretended not to hear the thankful sigh from all three of them. “And that’s where I come in, sweetlings. You kids need some proper meals in you, not whatever junk you order at McDonald’s.”

“Actually we’ve been going to Bojangles more than-” Maddie shut Hunter up with an elbow to his side.

Emma just smiled, stepping back from the hug that neither boy seemed willing to end. “We left Oakdale under the pretense of a Snyder family reunion in New York. If anyone comes asking questions,” she touched Noah’s arm gently, smiling at him. “They won’t have reason to be suspicious.”

Noah didn’t look particularly convinced, but Jack spoke up reassuringly. “Everything’s taken care of. Brad and Katie took Jacob to Disneyland so they’re not in town either, and Carly is staying with Parker and Sage. Everything’s fine. And they never knew Lucy here was a part of the family, so they’d never suspect that anyway.”

Holden was still smiling when Luke looked back to him. He could see the questions in his son’s eyes, and he nodded confidently, hoping he was answering them. And he must have, because a second later Luke was right there in front of him, pulling him in for a hug. For a moment Holden was fifteen years younger, comforting his little boy about a skinned knee or bee sting. He held Luke tightly to him, the relief of it all nearly making him weak.

Over the top of Luke’s head, he half-watched as Jack approached Noah, giving him a light hug as well. “Missed you, kid,” he heard his cousin say quietly.

Noah returned the embrace, nodded a little, offering a smile. “Same here.”

Holden relaxed even more at that, squeezing Luke just a little tighter before pulling away. “We’ll talk later,” he said just loud enough for Luke to hear.

Luke gave a nod of his own, relieved. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Then he reached past Holden, hugging Lucy for a second. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course!” she shoved his arm lightly before turning to Noah. “And if it’s okay, Noah, maybe I can take a look at your knee? Make sure it’s healing right and living with these crazy goofs hasn’t hurt it any more.”

“Sure,” he answered cautiously, probably embarrassed by the attention. Holden stood back and watched as Lucy hooked her arm through Noah’s and led him deeper into the house, following Casey, Jade and the others.

“This place is beautiful, how did you find it?” she asked them as they all entered the living room.

“Oh, um, it’s- it’s mine. My mom’s,” Hunter stuttered, waving his hand from the corner where he was standing. “Not my real mom. My first mom. It was hers.” He blushed furiously.

“Well alright then,” Lucy wasn’t fazed by the strange answer at all. She smiled at Hunter tentatively. “I don’t know you.”

Casey magically appeared between them. “Hunter, this is Lucy. Lucy, Hunter. Hunter is Alison’s brother and Emily’s son-” he held up a hand when Lucy opened her mouth. “Don’t ask, and Lucy is Luke’s cousin and Craig Montgomery’s daughter-” he switched the hand over to Hunter. “Don’t ask.”

“Okay,” they said together. Lucy smiled wider, held her hand out for Hunter. “Well, it’s nice to meet you Hunter.”

He stepped forward, almost tripping over his feet and falling into her. Casey caught him at the last second. “You too.” He smiled broadly, echoing hers. Especially when their hands touched.

Holden caught Luke’s quiet snort of laughter from beside him, and shook his head at his son, though he could practically hear his thoughts. We can’t go one day without a couple breaking up or coming together, can we?

He watched as Jack and Maddie sat with Noah on the couch, Lucy approaching to do whatever examination she had planned. Emma was busy in the kitchen already, enlisting Jade and Hunter to help her, Casey carrying her grocery bags and supplies. Which left him and Luke with nothing to do.

He put his arm around Luke’s shoulders, bringing him a little closer. “Let’s go for a walk somewhere, okay?”

For just a second, Luke looked nervous. But then he took a deep breath, smiled. “Sure. I know a place we can go.” He took a second to make eye contact with Noah, somehow silently telling him he’d be back soon. Noah nodded and smiled encouragingly, even as Lucy started scolding him to get his attention back on her.

Holden motioned for Luke to lead the way, taking one last second to glance around the living room and kitchen. At the bubble these kids and his family had created. Safe, happy. Together. He smiled, following Luke out the front door.

************

Luke led his dad down the driveway to the fountain and pond that was just across the quiet one-lane street they were on.

“Nice place,” Holden commented, taking a seat on the marble bench next to him.

“Yeah,” Luke breathed out, looking at the small pond, the giant willow tree hanging over one end of it. “Noah and I sit out here after dinner. I think it reminds both of us of...”

“Of home,” Holden finished for him. Luke just nodded. Both of them sat there, facing the pond, hands on their knees. “Luke,” Holden finally spoke. “I-”

Luke couldn’t let him do it. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so sorry. For making you think you’re not the dad I want. For... making it seem like I’d ever choose Damian over you. I mean, I know- I’m so lucky I have you. I know that. To think of the fathers I could have had, guys out there who treat their kids like...” His voice cracked against his will.

“Luke,” Holden turned to him now, hand going to his shoulder.

“No, I’m not done,” Luke was almost breathless, and missed the smile Holden couldn’t hide. “You’ve always been there for me. No matter what. You’ve always given me what I need, even if I don’t think I need it, but then I realize later you were right all along and I did. You...” quieter now, “Sometimes I think you’re a better dad than I deserve.”

“Hey,” Holden stopped him now. “I don’t ever want to hear you say something like that. You think I’d be this good of a dad to just anybody?”

Luke smiled, but still answered honestly. “Yes.”

Holden reached up, ruffling his hair a little like he used to when Luke was ten and went through that ‘I’m too cool to hug people’ phase. “Well, it’s not true. I got blessed with some pretty great kids, and you’re one of them.”

“Dad,” Luke shook his head. “I’ve made so many friggin’ mistakes, how can-”

“Oh, and I haven’t?” Holden pointed out. “Luke, they’re just mistakes. People have always made them, always will. You are not a bad person. I’m proud to call you my son, Luke. Look at all,” he waved a hand back towards the house. “I don’t think just anybody would do something like this.” He ducked his head a little, looking Luke in the eye. “My son would. And I’m always going to be damn lucky to call him my son.”

“I’m glad I’m a Snyder,” he said then, voice a little small, recalling their giant argument that started this whole thing. “I’d definitely rather be a Snyder than a Grimaldi. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Then why did you?” Holden prompted.

“I don’t-” Luke was about to say he didn’t know, but that wasn’t true, was it? “I was upset and panicked when we were arguing. And I wanted to make you mad, like I was mad. Because sometimes it’s scary being me. It’s like I’m waiting for that moment where Damian’s DNA is going to take over. Like it’s inevitable.”

“It’s not, Luke,” his dad insisted.

Luke sighed. “Logically, yeah, I know. But it feels like it could happen. Like Noah was always so scared that he would do something like the Colonel, you know? The pressure, the weight in the back of my brain telling me every ‘mistake’ I’ve made is something Damian would make... I just wanted to get it over with.”

“That doesn’t sound like you- leaving something up to fate. You’re usually more proactive and decisive than that.”

He shrugged. “I was scared. Every time Damian comes to town something bad happens. I wanted this time to be different. And I think I knew it wouldn’t be, but I was trying so hard to believe him this time. I didn’t want you to be right.”

“I’m sorry that I am,” Holden replied heavily, leaning in a little closer. “And I’m sorry I acted like I didn’t trust you or want you to grow up. Because the truth is, I’m a little selfish there Luke. I want you to grow up like me, like your grandmothers, like Jack, like... like my dad. I don’t want you to be burdened with, well, with Damian. I guess I got a little ahead of myself with that, though.”

Luke blinked back the tears in his eyes. “Can’t you just yell at me and tell me how stupid I’ve been?”

“I think that goes without saying, doesn’t it?” his dad joked back. After Luke laughed, he settled back more relaxed on the bench. “I know you, Luke. I know half that stuff you said was because you were upset. And I know that because half the stuff I said was for the same reason.”

“Like father, like son,” he said quietly, blushing a little when Holden grinned wider. Though he turned quizzical when Holden’s smile disappeared. “What?”

“Luke, there are some things I need to tell you. About the hit-and-run.” Holden looked about as unhappy as a person could look. A tiny walnut-size bit of fear formed in Luke’s stomach. “Jack caught the guy who did it, but they found out he was… he was hired to do it.”

“To hit Jade?” Luke asked, confused. “Why?” The look on his dad’s face had that walnut growing into a huge, giant boulder. “Oh. To hit me.”

Holden nodded reluctantly. “He was paid ten thousand dollars by someone who works for the Port Authority.”

Port Authority.

Oh.

Damn it. “Daniel Thrace?” he guessed. The boulder was an elephant now, stomping on his insides.

Holden didn’t even look that surprised that Luke knew the name. “So it is connected to Damian, isn’t it?” he asked, almost resigned.

Luke took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “I found out, a little while before the accident, that um… Damian’s been bribing Port Authority to get Grimaldi Shipping around fees and stuff. I don’t know all the details or how long it’s been going on, but I know it’s been awhile. Something must have happened between them.”

“And Daniel Thrace wanted to send Damian a message by hurting you.” Holden’s voice was a lot tighter. Funny enough, it reminded Luke of Noah whenever he tried to keep himself from getting angry. “Does Damian know that you know?”

Luke shook his head. “I was trying to find more evidence before I went to anyone about it. Noah and Jade and Casey were the only ones who knew.”

He waited for the freakout, for the ‘I told you so,’ but none came. Instead, Holden looked at him steadily. “Well, that ends now. From here on out, you’ve got me and Jack and your grandmother and anyone else who can help. We’ll all figure this out, Luke. I promise.”

Then he waited for himself to freak out, but it didn’t come either. He just smiled, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders he hadn’t even known had been there. “Good.”

Holden gritted his teeth for a second, jaw muscles jumping. “I’m not going to let Damian or anyone else hurt you, or Jade or Noah, again.”

Luke felt his own hands shake a little at that. They had nearly been killed, because of Damian. Noah’s life- both their lives- had nearly been ruined, because of Damian. And (as Jade has pointed out several times) Jade’s car had been ruined, because of Damian. Maybe they were all right. Maybe it was time to sever ties, once and for all.

They were crossing the street and almost back in the house when he realized his dad was speaking again. “You know, I’m proud of you Luke. For doing all this.” He nodded towards the front door. “The lengths you two go to, to be together. It’s pretty awe-inspiring.”

Luke was trying his best not to blush again. “He’s worth it.”

Holden’s arm was around his shoulders. “Yeah, he is. And I think he’d agree that you are too.”

Luke couldn’t help it then, he pulled Holden into another quick hug. “Thanks for not giving up on me, Dad.”

Holden just grinned as they re-entered the house. “Never going to happen, kiddo.” He might have said more, but they were both stopped by the smells coming from the kitchen. “Well, we know what Mama’s been up to.”

Luke just nodded, hearing the sounds of Hunter and Lucy assisting Emma in the kitchen, everyone else gathering in the dining room. He didn’t think it was possible, but Luke felt himself relax just a little bit more. With his dad next to him, the smell of Grandma’s cooking in his nose, and the voices of Noah and the others in his ears… it was as close to truly happy as he’d felt in a long time.

************

Lily had been waiting for this moment to happen. Expected it. She had been mentally preparing for days, ever since that phone call from Jade. She put on her best Lucinda-Walsh face and opened the patio door. “Hello.” She didn’t open the door wider. She didn’t invite them in.

“Lily,” Autumn Miller took a deep breath, then a deeper one. She looked like a wreck, all three of them did. (Lily noticed Justin wasn’t with them.) Eyes red from tiredness or tears, shoulders slumped... Lily would have felt bad for them if she didn’t know better.

“He’s not here,” she said before they could ask. “I don’t know where he is.” Her voice cracked a little, but not for the reasons they thought. Still, anything that made her seem more upset would probably sell this better.

“You haven’t seen him? Spoken to him?” Eric’s voice sounded a little rough, like he hadn’t slept in days. Lily bitterly hoped that was true. So they would know how she felt. But then she wanted to kick herself. Their child had been kidnapped twenty years ago. They already knew what it felt like.

“No,” she answered honestly. “I haven’t.”

“Can we talk to Luke?” he asked tentatively.

She just barely managed not to lash out at him. “No, you can’t. Luke is out with his friends right now, he needed a break from all... from everything.” She did her best not to glare accusingly at them, and failed spectacularly. “And even if he was here, I wouldn’t let you near him.”

“Please, just- do you know where he is?” Autumn tried again.

“No,” she said again, this time lying through her teeth. “I have no idea where he is. But you know what? I’m glad no one knows. I’m glad he got away.” At the shocked looks on their faces (not so much on Krista’s, Lily noticed), she continued. “You were hurting him, keeping him there. Not letting him make his own decisions. He wasn’t sick. He wasn’t incapable. You took that away from him!”

Eric shook his head, expression hardening. “We don’t have to listen to this.” He was about to pull Autumn away, but Lily kept going.

“He got out of the hospital. Apparently he signed, what did your lawyer say they were called, AMA papers? He found a way to leave legally and apparently found a place to hide. So that psychological hold you had on him doesn’t seem necessary, does it?” she pressed on.

“We didn’t come here for this,” Eric snapped, arm going almost protectively around his wife. Krista stood behind them, eyes on the ground, biting her lower lip uncertainly. “Certainly not from you.”

“Excuse me?” Lily’s eyes narrowed.

Autumn put her hand on Eric’s arm, “Honey, no. Now’s not the time.”

“Not the time for what?” Lily wasn’t about to let that go.

Autumn sighed, turning to face her once again. Her face was colder, almost hostile. “When we first met, you told me Noah had been through some horrible things, do you remember?”

“Yes,” Lily bristled. “And I remember wanting to make sure you knew that, so you would be careful with him. A lot of good that did.”

Autumn flinched. “But you didn’t tell me everything. You didn’t tell me that so many of those ‘horrible things’ happened while he lived in this town. While he was with you and your family.”

“Are-” Lily actually had to take a step back, shocked. “Are you saying that we let that happen to him? That him getting hurt was our fault?”

The woman shook her head. “No, but... but you made it seem like you looked after him. That you cared about him like he was your own-” She shook her head again, a quick jerk of a motion that was almost violent. “But you’re all not his family, are you? You were just around when it was convenient. When it suited your son. When they weren’t together, why weren’t you-”

“Autumn, you’re right,” Eric cut in softly, almost consolingly. “Now’s not the time, okay? Let’s go.”

Lily just stared at them, confused and shaken. “What? What does that mean? What do you know about any of that?”

Eric looked at her, so tired and drawn. “We know that someone needs to step up and be his family. And it should be us, not you.” And with that, with Lily still struggling through her surprise to come up with a response, he led his wife and daughter away.

Well, not quite. Krista hung back just a little, still looking at Lily so uncertainly. “I know you know where he is,” she said quietly, so only Lily could hear. “I’m not going to ask where. I’m not going to try to call him or talk to him. But, but please. Can you just tell me how he is?”

For a second Lily frowned, not wanting to fall for some trick. But then she really studied Krista, thinking about everything she had done for Noah and Luke while they were apart. Maybe... “He’s okay,” she whispered. “He’s safe, he’s healing.”

Krista sucked in a shaky breath, nodding. “Will you, um, will you tell him I’m sorry? And I’m glad he’s okay? That I... I just want him to be okay...” She trailed off, looking cautiously hopeful.

Lily felt tears in her own eyes. All these poor kids, suffering at the choices of their parents. It made her want to run inside, grab her children in the biggest hug possible, and never let go. And once Luke and Noah got home, she’d probably do just that. In the meantime, she smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. “I’ll tell him.”

“Good,” Krista’s voice was still so quiet. “Good. Thank you.”

As Lily watched her go, she checked her watch. It was only just after noon. With that, she turned and went back in the house, shutting and locking the door behind her. Well, if ever there was an excuse to have a glass of wine so early in the day, this was probably it.

************

Krista quickly wiped away the last of her tears as she joined her parents out on the driveway. Part of her wished she had stayed in Atlanta with Justin. She knew he disagreed with their search for Noah, and she was starting to think he was right.

But that wasn’t why she was with her parents now. No, she didn’t want to find Noah and try to convince him or bring him back to Georgia. She just wanted to see for herself that he was okay. And she wanted to... well, she wanted to apologize to him. She should have found a way to make all of that work, instead of trusting her obviously grieving and misguided parents to do it. Justin was right, this was beyond all of them.

If they lost Noah forever because of this...

When did you have him to begin with? a voice in her head asked. It was that overly-logical part of her brain, the one that sounded like her boyfriend. She mentally glared at the voice and focused back on her parents. They were just getting back to the rental car when a figure approached them. Krista started for a moment, before vaguely recognizing the man. Who was he...?

“Mr. Grimaldi, hello,” Eric acknowledged the man but didn’t look to happy to see him. Krista frowned. Grimaldi? Luke’s biological father?

“You haven’t found Noah?” Damian asked.

“No,” Eric sighed. “We haven’t. Why?”

Damian glanced back at the Snyder house, then looked at them again. “I spoke to Luke today. He and his friends are up at Lake Michigan right now.”

“Lake Michigan?” Eric echoed. “They’re not in Oakdale?”

“You think Noah is with them?” Autumn was eager, almost desperate. Krista wanted to hug her, but she felt like she was in some sort of weird limbo right now. She didn’t know what she wanted anymore.

Damian nodded. “It’s possible. Luke didn’t give me a lot of concrete answers when I talked to him. I get the feeling he was hiding something.”

Krista frowned. This was weird, right? Luckily, her dad must’ve felt the same way. “I don’t get it, Damian,” Eric said. “Why are you helping? Why have you done all this? Helping us find that lawyer, telling us the truth about Noah and... and them,” he nodded back towards Lily’s house.

“What?” Krista’s frown deepened now. “What truth? What’s going on?”

“Krista,” her mother said softly. “The Snyders... they haven’t exactly been truthful. About always being there for Noah. They led us to believe that they had brought Noah into their family, but they,” she paused again, trying to figure out the best way to word it all. “They didn’t.”

“What are you talking about?” Krista shook her head. How could they think that? The way that family- those kids, the grandmothers, all of them- doted on Noah, she couldn’t believe it was all some lie.

“They haven’t always treated Noah well, Krista,” Damian said gently, his accent putting her teeth on edge for some reason. “Noah’s been hurt in this town more than you know, and some of it was because of the Snyders.”

“No way, I can’t believe-”

“They may not have hurt him directly,” Damian cut off her protest. “But they didn’t do anything to help him.”

“But he loves them, I know he does,” she insisted.

Damian shook his head sadly. “Because he never knew anything better. He was clinging to them because he had nothing else. But it’s true, Krista. I’ve shown your parents the records from Memorial, from the police station, from... other sources. Noah’s better off with your family, I know it.”

“A-and that’s why you did all that for us?” Autumn asked. “Why you helped us find that lawyer, and get the paperwork for Noah’s proxy, and everything?”

Wait. Krista cocked her head to the side, studying the man again. Had it been Damian’s suggestion to take Noah to Georgia in the first place? “Why have you been helping us,” she repeated her father’s question. “Even though you knew it would upset Luke?”

Damian gave them a sad, long-suffering look. Krista didn’t know whether to believe him or not, this whole thing was getting more and more confusing. “I knew it would upset Luke at first, but I also knew the truth. And I know how you all feel. These boys... they need to be with their families. Their real families.” He let that sink in for a moment, before nodding and heading back to his own car. “Luke said he was at Lake Michigan. I’d start there.” And with that, he was gone.

Krista stared after the man, even as she got into the rental car with her parents. Her brain was overloaded with questions and theories and a million disjointed thoughts. What records did Damian have that the Snyders had kept secret? It couldn’t be that mess with Colonel Mayer from last year, they all already knew that. But then what was it?

She chewed on her lower lip for a minute, trying to think this all through. She felt like she was in AP Calculus all over again- nothing made sense, the answers just out of her reach. So she did the same thing she did in high school. She went to her older brother for help.

Pulling out her cell phone, she sent a quick text to Justin. Okay. We need to look into the doctor at that hospital. You’re right. Something weird is going on.

***********

The room was dark when Luke opened his eyes. A glance at the clock told him it was just a little after midnight, and instinctively he knew he was alone in the room. Which meant he was alone in the bed. Which meant no Noah.

He sat up slowly, blinking away the sleep from his eyes. The room was dark and the windows were closed. Noah probably just needed a moment of air, probably took a walk or something. Lucy said his knee was healing just like it should, so it was good for him to move around.

Ducking his head out of the room, he heard a soft, murmured voice coming from down the hallway and could see the flickering light of a television bouncing off the walls. Curious, he followed it into the living room, but the sight in front of him had him pausing in the doorway, fighting the tight feeling in his chest.

Emma was sitting on the couch, watching some old movie on mute on the TV. She was singing softly under her breath, an old hymn she used to sing as lullabye when Luke was a kid. He could still remember being bundled up in a huge quilt and drifting off to it as a boy, spending nights at the farmhouse.

He smiled fondly at the memory and even more at Noah, who was fast asleep, his head resting in Emma’s lap. Luke didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or take a picture. So instead he stood still and just watched.

It didn’t take long for Emma to notice him there. She smiled warmly, in that way that only a ‘grandma’ can, kept one hand on Noah’s forehead, and beckoned Luke forward with her other. “Don’t just stand there,” she whisper-scolded.

He grinned a little and approached them, grabbing a blanket off an armchair along the way. “Yes ma’am.” Gently, he covered Noah with the blanket, then settled on the floor at her feet, leaning back sideways against the couch, at eye-level with Noah. “How long has he been asleep?”

“About half an hour. He promised to stay up and watch this movie with me, but...” she smiled as she trailed off.

Luke nodded. “No, good. He needs the sleep.” Unable to stop himself, he snuck a hand under the blanket, finding Noah’s. Even in his sleep, Noah tightened his fingers around Luke’s instinctively. “He’s gonna be embarrassed when he wakes up,” he said, nodding to Noah’s head in her lap.

Emma sniffed almost haughtily. “He’ll just have to get over it, won’t he?” But she kept her hand in Noah’s hair gentle, almost soothing. Her voice went quieter. “How’s he doing, Luke? Really.”

“Really?” Luke sighed the word out. He watched Noah sleep for a minute, still holding his hand. “I think he’s terrified- and I am too- that at any moment someone is going to show up and take him away again.”

Emma’s eyes were suddenly sad, regretful. “Oh Lord, when we showed up at the front door...?”

Luke nodded. “Yeah. We sort of panicked for a second before we knew it was you. And really-” he stopped for a moment when Noah shifted in his sleep, but he didn’t wake up. “Really, we don’t know how this ends. If we go back to Oakdale, will it make a difference? That family is still out there.”

“We can make it so they can’t bother him again,” Emma whispered consolingly.

Luke shook his head. “But is that really a good thing either? To find out he has this whole other family, and never be able to see or speak to them ever again?”

“I don’t know, sweetie,” Emma said after a pause. “I wish I could see how this ends, but I can’t. But,” she reached out her free hand to touch the side of Luke’s face. “I know that no matter what, he’s always going to have us. So things won’t be all bad. Honestly, look at all this that’s happened. Legal barriers and several states can’t keep us separated. I don’t believe anything will.”

Luke blinked hard against the moisture that had been threatening to fall since this whole mess had started. He studied Noah again, how open and relaxed his face was, how unguarded it made him look. Luke hated it a little, because he knew the second Noah woke up, that wall, that tension, would be back.

His free hand found its way to Noah’s face, caressing lightly, glad that Noah didn’t wake up from it. “It’s not fair,” he found himself saying. “Noah’s one of us. Isn’t he? He’s earned it. He deserves it. But something like this happens, and... and...” he shook his head again. “He’s a Snyder in everything but name. And it’s like that’s not enough when we need it to be.”

Emma sighed, looking back and forth between them. “I forget sometimes,” she began softly. “That he’s not really, well, ours. If there was a way he could be, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“Me too, Grandma,” he smiled at that. ‘Noah Snyder’ had a nice ring to it. Noah had told him a few months ago that whenever they got married he was taking Luke’s last name. And Luke had just said okay, because any more complex thought than that wasn’t possible at the time.

Noah wanted to marry him. Noah thought about marrying him. The only thing he had seemed uncertain of was how Luke would react to Noah taking his name, like the whole marriage thing was a given. Just thinking about it now made Luke want to grab him, kiss him silly, and do other things he couldn’t when Emma was in the room.

“And yet at the same time,” Emma was still watching them both. “I know we’d have to convince him that we want it for him as much as he would.”

“He wouldn’t just take it as charity,” Luke agreed, squeezing the hand he was holding. “He’s kinda stubborn like that.”

Emma snorted quietly with laughter. “And that sets him apart from Snyder men exactly how?”

Luke mock-glared at his grandmother. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, dear,” she smiled sweetly. “Just that I’m glad you and your father talked.”

His face softened involuntarily. “Yeah. Me too.”

“See?” she said. “You can’t keep us Snyders separated for long. It’s impossible.”

************

Marcus watched, decidedly not fidgeting (really, what man his age fidgeted? Lucinda was crazy), as Tom finished up his argument in front of the judge. This had to work. It had to. If it didn’t-

He shook his head, focusing back on Tom. “Your Honor, the proxy violates the patient’s own civil rights, especially considering he had selected a next of kin to act as custodian and executor of his rights if he was unable.”

Marcus glanced over at Margo, who was watching her husband intently. Margo had already testified, having done an investigation of Noah’s “escape” from the hospital and determined that no laws were broken when he checked himself out AMA. She was nodding along with Tom now.

“In fact, Your Honor,” he continued. “Further study of the proxy shows that it actually just prohibits anyone else from taking over decisions for Noah, but doesn’t stop Noah from taking control back himself.” He handed the paperwork over to the Bailiff, who handed it to the judge.

Marcus felt his fists clench at that. Because it meant that somebody lied to somebody at some point about all this medical custody business. And if he found out that Noah and the rest of this family were the ones who had been lied to... Well, okay, Marcus wasn’t sure if there was anything he could do about it. But he’d damn sure be angry.

Tom was still laying down his case. “The fact that Noah thought to do this at all- the AMA papers, get himself clear of the hospital undetected- shows he’s of sound mind and perfectly capable of making his own decisions.”

There was a second of silence and the judge continued to look over the paperwork. After exchanging a nod with him, Tom thanked him and stepped down, taking a seat next to his wife. That meant it was Marcus’s turn. He took a deep breath, which probably wouldn’t have done anything for his nerves if it weren’t for Lucinda calmly touching his hand just before his name was called.

Marcus cleared his throat as he stood before the judge. “I am speaking today on behalf of Noah Mayer, as I have been his clinical therapist for the last ten months. First and foremost, I have to say that no matter Noah’s state of mind, he should be back here in Oakdale- where he clearly wants to be- under the watch of people he trusts. Anything else, especially considering what’s happened since he was moved to Georgia, would be a detriment to his recovery.”

He took another deep breath. “But whatever the case, Noah is of sound mind. And he can prove that himself.” He stepped forward with his own paper, passing to over to the Bailiff per protocol. As the judge was studying it, he began talking once more. “That’s a letter from Noah Mayer, signed and dated by his hand, which was then scanned and emailed to us yesterday.” He mentally thanked Alison Stewart’s brother for that one. “It’s the best indication that the proxy should be lifted.”

The judge nodded. “And it can be legally verified that this is Noah Mayer’s signature?”

Tom stood up quickly. “It matches exactly with the signature in his medical records, Your Honor.”

Marcus stopped himself from taking a step forward, even from leaning forward. “He clearly demonstrates that he is of sound mind and capable of making his own decisions. One, you may note, is to rectify this whole situation as soon as possible by granting his partner and his partner’s family power of attorney for him. As long as you, Your Honor, rule in his favor.”

The judge placed Noah’s letter down in front of him, then eyed Marcus. “It has been brought to my attention, Dr. Weston, that in the previous proceedings for this case you were prohibited from being involved, because you were ‘too close’ to the patient.”

He hoped he wasn’t rolling his eyes. “With all due respect? This is Oakdale. That’s pretty much unavoidable.” He thought the judge might’ve smiled at that, but he didn’t want to press his luck. “Please, Your Honor. This is a kid’s life we’re talking about. He just wants to come home.”

The judge looked past him then, at the one person in the courtroom who hadn’t testified before him. “And why are you here, Lucinda?”

Lucinda huffed grandly. “To prove that we mean business, Benji. And I’m willing to raise my voice if it will help.”

The judge definitely smiled then, and it gave Marcus the courage to add one more thing. “The lawyer the Millers used in the ‘previous proceedings,’ is apparently unavailable now, because he’s involved in some bribery investigation. And thanks to a few helpful nurses in Georgia-” and that Hunter boy again- “We have actual results of all of Noah’s last tests in that hospital. As well as a report from an Oakdale Memorial doctor who recently examined him. Noah is perfectly fine.”

He thanked the judge, and then reclaimed his seat next to Lucinda. Their hands automatically came together, though Lucinda’s lioness face was concentrating on the judge. Speaking of which... “Benji?” he murmured out of the side of his mouth.

“Hush,” she shot back immediately, not looking away. Though she did squeeze his hand a little tighter. And it almost looked like a smile on her face.

The judge cleared his throat, getting their attention. “After examining all of the evidence and testimony from today, it is clear to me that this young man is of sound, competent mind. Noah Mayer is hereby released from the medical proxy and custody over him.” There were more official words, the banging of a gavel, and the four of them stood as the judge left the small courtroom.

And really, their standing had less to do with protocol and more to do with celebrating. Marcus gratefully shook Tom’s hand, starting to feel some of the weight lift off his shoulders. He smiled when Margo grabbed Tom and kissed him hard, and turned to Lucinda.

She was off to the side, not celebrating, her cell phone out and pressed to her ear. She shook her head when he stepped closer. “Not yet, darling. I want to immediately get started on that next step. I want them all here. Now.” She would have said more, but someone answered on the other end of the phone line. She smiled that smile she got whenever she won something big. “Holden? Pack your bags. All the bags in that house. You’re coming home.”

************

Casey watched with a huge grin as Maddie hugged first Noah, then Luke, then Noah again, then Luke one more time. Finally the guys headed back in the house with one last goodbye and thanks, her telling them to shut up and call her soon.

Before she could grab her bag he picked it up for her, shouldering it and walking with her down to the end of the driveway where the cab would be arriving any minute. “Sorry we’re not giving you a ride to the airport,” he said again.

And again, she waved it away. “Hell no, it’s way more important for you all to get home as soon as possible.”

He smiled again. “How are you so... I don’t know,” he shrugged one shoulder awkwardly. “Thanks for coming and doing all this. Getting Noah out of that hospital, being so awesome with him since then. You’re like a hero or something.”

She stopped somewhere near the mailbox, giving him a funny look. “Are you crazy? Casey, you’ve been so amazing with both of them, I can hardly believe you’re the same guy I once knew. I mean look at you, all responsible and student-y and everything. I’m impressed. It’s like you’ve got all those good parts I remember about you, plus something else.”

He wasn’t used to this dynamic. He was the screw-up, Maddie was the queen. Her respecting him? Whoa. “What something else?”

Maddie studied him hard, smiling. “I don’t know. But it’s good. It’s nice.”

The cab pulled up just then, idling in the driveway. Casey followed Maddie to the door, still carrying her bag. “Thanks, I guess?”

She laughed, grabbing the bag from him and tossing it into the backseat. “You know, I never would’ve thought you and Noah would become so close, but I’m glad for it. You two are good for each other.”

Casey smirked. “Jesus Maddie, you know he’s with Luke, right? He and I could never be more than just-”

“And there’s the guy I remember,” she cut him off with an eye roll. They shared another smile.

“So how do you feel about this Hunter-Lucy thing?” he asked, only slightly teasing.

“There isn’t a Hunter-Lucy thing,” she said pointedly.

He shrugged. “Not yet. But we both know there will be, duh.”

Maggie shrugged right back, mocking his. “Well, it’s not exactly great to see the recent ex move on right in front of you, but whatever. I’m actually cool with it. I knew for a long time that we wouldn’t last, and really- you can’t help who you’re drawn to.” She grinned, exaggerated and wide, teasing. “Like you and Jade.”

Casey fought against groaning or rolling his eyes. “The ‘you and Jade’ will only be a ‘you and Jade’ for as long as they can stand it. I kinda like the idea of taking some time not messing up how to be a boyfriend. Who knows how long this thing will last.”

Maddie was still smiling as she pulled the cab’s door opened wider. “Well, when you’ve gotten that, and her, out of your system... let me know. I won’t be waiting around forever.” She even dared to wink at him as she got into the backseat.

Casey’s eyes went involuntarily wide at that, but he still stepped closer, smiling too. “I’d chase you forever,” he admitted quietly. Really, truly, sincere.

Maddie shut the door, leaning out the open window. “I know.” She kissed him on the cheek lightly. “That’s why I’ll wait.” And with another grin, she was gone, the cab disappearing down the road and out of sight.

He stood at the end of the driveway for a minute, trying to actually contemplate what might’ve just happened. He made it back to the porch still smiling, but the second he opened the front door and found a pair of smirking blue eyes there waiting for him, he glared. “You say a word, man, and I’m breaking your other knee.”

Noah just smiled, held up both hands peaceably, and followed him into the house.

************

The car was really, really quiet. Luke stared out the window next to him, one hand clasped inside Noah’s next to him. Noah was really, really quiet too. Had been ever since they left the house in North Carolina.

Casey, Jade, Hunter, and Lucy were returning their car to Atlanta and flying back to Oakdale in the jet. They had left an hour before the rest of them. So now it was Jack, Holden, Emma, and him and Noah in yet another Lucinda-provided SUV. Emma sitting up front with Holden driving, Jack crashed out in the middle seat. Leaving Luke and Noah the back to themselves.

But they weren’t going straight to Oakdale.

Despite all of them desperately wanting to, there was another stop first. Jack had mentioned that the FBI and Military Police had raided the Mayer’s old house in Fort Gordon in their investigation, and Noah had softly asked to see it.

None of them were sure if it was a good idea at first, Luke least of all, but Jack had agreed to it. He had pointed out to Holden (with Luke eavesdropping of course) that it might be a chance for Noah to get some semblance of closure on one part of his past. And really, it’s not like Noah was going to come back this way anytime soon. Plus Jack had said by their records it looked like Noah had only spent two, maybe three, weeks at this house before the family relocated. It would be entirely possible he wouldn’t remember or feel anything at all.

So here they were, driving through a boring, cookie-cutter neighborhood of army housing. Every home, every yard looked exactly the same. God it was really like this everywhere? On every base? In every country? Luke wanted to ask Noah, but saved it for another day.

They pulled into the driveway of one dark, empty house. He could feel Noah’s hand tighten around his. They all piled out of the car, Noah studying the entire plot intently, but turned to Jack when he cleared his throat.

“Look, Noah...” he hesitated but kept going. “The investigators here, they found something in the backyard. It was a grave.”

Emma made a small noise somewhere off to the side, but Luke kept his hand and concentration on his boyfriend. Noah just stared at Jack, jaw clenching a little. “A grave.”

Jack nodded, looking about as regretful as a person could look. “The remains, the skeleton they found was of a toddler. The forensics people say it looks like he had a broken neck.”

Luke stuttered in his breaths for just a second there. This was the... first Noah? Real Noah? What the hell were they supposed to call that poor little kid? “His neck was broken? W-was it...?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“No,” Jack was quick to shake his head, eyes still focused on Noah. “No. They’re guessing the kid fell from somewhere. An accident. But the Colonel and your- and Charlene just couldn’t deal with the grief. With reality after that.”

Noah looked down at his shoes, muscles still tight. He nodded shortly. “Okay.”

“Hey,” Jack’s voice was soft. “I promised you no secrets between us. Much as I hate telling you all this, I have to.” Noah nodded again, a little less tense. Jack echoed the nod, then continued. “The investigators already removed the remains. There’s nothing there now, but-”

“Okay,” Noah looked off to the side, away from all of them. “Can I go back there?”

Jack exchanged a quick glance with Luke before nodding, even though Noah wasn’t looking at him. “Sure. We’ll wait out front here,” a look to Holden and Emma to convince them, but they were already nodding.

Luke, however, was doing no such thing. He squeezed Noah’s hand in both of his, pulling it in close to his side. “Come on, let’s go.”

Noah didn’t say anything, but his hand stayed firm in Luke’s, and he led the way around the side of the house to the backyard. Luke wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t this. A nice, normal plain suburban-y backyard. It even had a god damn swing set and a picnic table.

He looked to Noah, but Noah was busy staring at something else. In the far back corner of the yard, surrounded by stakes and yellow crime tape, was a shallow, dugout ditch. Without speaking, they walk over to it, stopping just at the edge of the tape.

Luke was almost surprised when Noah started speaking. “Some, um, one of the dreams I’ve been having lately? I think it’s a memory.”

“Of what?” Luke asked quietly, barely above a whisper.

“Here,” he answered simply. “At first all it was, was a taste and smell. Cherry. Not like, you know, actual cherries. But that fake, plastic cherry flavor.” He rolled his lips between his teeth for a second before saying, “Like cough medicine.”

His stomach dropped a little, but Luke couldn’t get himself to say anything. Because there was no way that-

“I’m pretty sure they did, Luke,” Noah read his thoughts. “When they first took me, brought me here? I-I think they made me take cough medicine. So I wouldn’t cry as much or whatever.” He gave a little shrug, a painful little smile. “Explains some things, doesn’t it?”

It did. Luke knew it probably did explain Noah’s aversion to sleeping pills and being drugged and all that. But he couldn’t say it out loud. Instead he reached out, putting his hand on Noah’s back, rubbing just a little. Noah leaned back into the touch, neither of them able to say anything for awhile.

And when Noah did, it wasn’t at all what he expected. Noah gestured to the ditch in front of them. “What do you think he would’ve been like?”

It hit him in the center of his chest like a punch. “Noah...” This was so a dangerous road to go down.

“Would he have grown up to be, like, a scientist or something? Cured cancer? Or a famous athlete? Or a director like me?” Quieter, “Or someone just like the Colonel?” He kicked at a rock near his foot.

Luke wasn’t sure what to say, so he went with honesty. “I don’t know.”

Noah kept talking. “What if he had been gay? Would he have admitted it right away? Not let himself be bullied for so many years? Or would he have been just as much of a wuss as I was?”

Luke had no idea what he could say, and he had a feeling Noah wasn’t done getting this all out, these thoughts that had been festering for however long.

“What if he had shown up in Oakdale three years ago instead of me? Would you have met him? Would you...” Luke could hear the Would you have fallen in love with him? that he couldn’t say. But then Noah kept talking, voice broken. “If he had had my life, would he have screwed up the same things I did? Or been better? What if Noah Mayer was supposed to be some incredible person- and I let him down. I wasted his life.”

“No, no way.” He stepped forward then. “You haven't wasted anything, you understand me?”

Noah sat down shakily on the bench of the picnic table, covering his face with both hands. “God, Luke, I really am a horrible person. You know part of me can’t regret that he died and I took his place?”

That stopped Luke in his tracks. “What? What do you mean?” He dared to come a little closer.

“If he hadn’t kidnapped me…” Noah gave a little laugh even as he spoke, like he still couldn’t believe that this was his reality. “If the Colonel hadn’t taken me, I never would have met you. How messed up is that?” He wiped at his face hurriedly, unable to look up at Luke.

Luke stared down at him, breathing slowly. A part of him couldn’t believe he had never thought of that before. But then he shook his head and crouched down in front of the bench, one hand reaching out to force Noah to look at him. “First of all, doesn’t matter. We would’ve met anyway.”

Noah bit his lip desperately, hopefully. “We would?”

He nodded confidently. “Of course! God, Noah, what we have... what we are together?” He paused so he could cup Noah’s face in one hand, kiss his forehead. “It’s stronger than all that. It wouldn’t matter where you are or where I am. What our names are. We’d find each other.” He waited a few seconds. “And it doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. I know you, and I know you’d never actually wish something like this on anyone. It just is what it is, baby. And you’ve come out of this situation as a good, loving, wonderful person. Which is perfect enough for me.”

Noah still couldn’t look him in the face, his expression twisted into something like embarrassment and frustration. “Wow, guess I’ll have tons of stuff to talk to Dr. Weston about, won’t I?”

Luke couldn’t smile, couldn’t treat this like a joke. “If it helps you understand all this, then yeah.”

And suddenly without warning Noah was holding his face with both hands, staring into his eyes seriously. “Luke, I just... I need you to know how grateful I am that I ever met you. How lucky I-”

Luke shut him up with a kiss, kinda hoping and kinda knowing it would be enough for Noah to know that Luke was lucky too. They came up for air together and then kissed again, Luke slowly rising to his feet just enough to settle onto the bench next to Noah. He was halfway impressed that he managed to do that without breaking contact with Noah’s mouth.

They finally pulled back, if just a few inches. Luke wove his hand through Noah’s hair, resting on the back of his head. Noah looked back at him, still breathing a little heavy, one of his hands cradled at the side of Luke’s neck. He laughed for a second then, shaking his head at Luke’s questioning look. “I feel like I should apologize for always needing to be coddled like this.”

Luke fought back the anger that briefly flashed in his brain, anger at Noah’s doubts and the people who put those doubts there. “Right,” he snorted. “Because it’s not like I’ve ever needed it from you before.”

“Doesn’t feel like it lately,” Noah mumbled. He was about to drift away again, so Luke pulled him back.

“Well it’s true,” he said, nudging Noah’s shoulder with his own. “Partners means more than sharing kitchen duties and utility bills, lover.”

The smile that appeared on Noah’s face was sweet and almost hopeful at the same time. “You hold my hand, I hold yours.”

His legs shook at the relief that Noah got it, and the perfect simplicity of the statement. “Exactly. And we don’t let go.” They both leaned in, shoulders and heads resting against each other.

Movement out of the corner of his eye had Luke turning his head just slightly, not enough for Noah to really notice. Holden was standing at the corner of the house, watching them. His expression was dark and sad enough for Luke to know he’d been standing there for awhile. He nodded to Luke, then silently headed back to the front of the house.

Luke goes back to studying Noah, the exhausted, heavy set to his shoulders. He hadn’t realized until now that there was a lot more going on in Noah’s head then just crazy family drama. This went a lot deeper. He brushed the hair off Noah’s forehead, getting his attention. “You ready to go?”

Noah took a deep breath, breathing out with his answer. “Yeah.” They stood together, unwilling and unable to let go of each other. Noah turned his back to the grave, touched the side of Luke’s face gently, and pulled him in for one more lingering kiss. “Yeah,” he said again. “Let’s go home.”


	15. You With the Sad Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our Skywalkers break up with their respective Vaders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter is brought to you by the song "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper!

“Okay, here we are,” Holden announced quietly, and rather unnecessarily. Luke lifted his head from where it had been resting on Noah’s shoulder and glanced out the window. The farm. Home.

They had driven almost straight from Fort Gordon back to Oakdale, stopping only for food and quick breaks. Their first stop back in Oakdale had been the police station so Jack could get his car. He had mentioned he’d probably go over to Carly’s for awhile (to see the kids, he had said, though they all knew better), which meant the farmhouse would be empty and quiet.

Well, almost. The engine wasn’t even off when the door to the porch opened with a bang, Lily and the kids eagerly waiting for them. Luke smiled, giving Noah’s hand one last squeeze before hopping out of the car. He made it around to the other side in time to see Noah helping Emma out as well, and his smile widened even more when Lily practically yanked Noah towards her and hugged him tightly.

Luke exchanged a relieved look with Holden as Noah hugged her back, it almost looking like the two of them were clinging to each other for a moment. Then Lily finally let go, kissing him briefly on the cheek and moving over to Luke. As he hugged his mom, he watched Faith and then Natalie hug Noah too. He wasn’t sure if Noah ever even opened his eyes, just welcomed in the affection from whatever direction it came from.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Lily whispered, kissing his cheek as well. Luke smiled and hugged her again, giving into the assurance that they had finally made it home.

“Noah!” Ethan was the last to get to him, and the most exuberant. He latched onto Noah’s leg, wrapping his arms around the knee and holding on, grinning up at him widely.

“Hey buddy,” Noah bent down slightly, slinging an arm briefly around his little shoulders. “I missed you.”

“Sweetie, be careful of Noah’s leg,” Emma warned softly, her arms around the girls.

Ethan started to frown, sad and confused, but Noah shook his head. “It’s okay,” he stage-whispered, as though telling Ethan a secret.

Ethan’s face lit up, and he put a loud, smacking kiss on Noah’s denim-covered knee. “Better?” he asked expectantly, looking up again.

Luke could tell Noah was a little startled by the gesture, but he hid it behind a watery smile. “Much better,” he replied.

Ethan looked very satisfied as he tugged on Noah’s leg. “Come see! Come see what we did!”

From beside Luke, Lily hurriedly wiped her eyes and stepped forward, one hand still on Luke’s arm. “We’ve got some dinner all ready for our weary travelers, don’t we guys?” She guided Luke and Noah (with Ethan still holding on) up to the porch, then paused to give Holden a quick kiss hello.

Natalie took over as guide then. “We cooked everything!” she explained, grabbing Luke’s hand and leading them into the house. “And we decorated too!”

Luke didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when they finally made it into the kitchen. An Emma-worthy supper was laid out on the table, which was surrounded by balloons and paper streamers and a hand-made Welcome Home! sign taped to the wall. “Wow, this looks great!” he said brightly, giving Natalie a hug and ruffling her hair.

She giggled. “I picked the flowers,” she pointed to a vase on the table filled with dandelions and wildflowers. “Like last time. Remember, Noah?”

For a second something flashed in Noah’s eyes, and Luke struggled to figure out what. But then he remembered two months ago, when Noah had come home and given him a bouquet of flowers from the playground, and told him all excitedly how Natalie had made a bouquet for him to give Luke... and one for Krista. “Yeah, NatBug. I remember. I love them,” he answered softly.

Luke shook himself out of those thoughts, bringing his arm up to wrap around Noah for a moment, shaking him out of them too. “They’re beautiful, Nat. Let’s get started on this feast, okay?”

By this time everyone else was in the kitchen too, and Luke was beyond grateful that they immediately got down to the business of eating. No one made a big fuss or speech, and Emma’s prayer for grace was short and simple. Hopefully they could sense as well as he could that Noah wasn’t ready to deal with much ‘welcome home’ attention.

Ever since opening up in the backyard in Fort Gordon, Noah had been pretty quiet, sort of passive and listless, as though saying all that had taken everything out of him. He would speak when spoken to, offer up smiles and sometimes even laugh... but just like in North Carolina, Luke was afraid it was just an act. Not that Noah was purposefully deceiving all of them, more that Noah was hoping that by pretending to be okay, he would be. Deceiving himself.

But luckily, he was surrounded by Snyders. They knew better. Luke had to think, judging from the glances and silent conversations between his parents and grandmother, that they got it. They knew Noah was having a hard time, but they also knew not to acknowledge it just yet. And the kids were just so happy to have everyone back, they chatted about everything and anything, keeping them all entertained. Luke was content to keep quiet for once too, just making sure he always had a hand on or near his boyfriend.

After the food was gone and dishes cleared, Luke was about to reach for Noah, make excuses for them to go back to the apartment, but the family had other plans. Ethan and Natalie grabbed them again, this time dragging them into the den, where Faith was setting up the DVD player. “What’s all this?” Luke asked.

“Well,” Faith smiled, looking happier and more relaxed than Luke could remember her being all this year, “We know it’s not Friday Night Dinner, but we haven’t gotten a movie night with you two in a long time. So,” she smirked a little. “Guys and Dolls. You owe us.”

Luke wasn’t sure whether to agree or protest, so he hung back, looking to Noah. After a moment of silence, “Well, we can’t have that hanging over our heads, I guess,” Noah spoke, glancing at him with a tentative smile.

Luke felt himself smile wide in return. “I guess not,” he let Natalie pull him over to the sofa, keeping his arm out across the back of it so when Noah sat down next to him he could drape it around his shoulders. Oh-so-subtle.

But not completely subtle, apparently, because Natalie plopped down on the other side of Luke and grabbed his free arm, draping it over her own shoulders. He had to fight against laughing, even more so when Faith got comfortable in the empty space by Noah and Ethan climbed up into Noah’s lap, with his feet and Power Rangers sneakers propped up on Luke’s thigh. They were surrounded. And maybe, after another glance at Noah’s face, it was exactly perfect.

Ethan was practically asleep by the time Sky and Sarah made their trip to Cuba, and Lily- probably going off some Mom Radar- ducked her head in a few minutes later. “Okay baby, let me take you up to bed...” She leaned over from behind the couch, reaching to pick up Ethan.

“No,” Ethan grumbled, obstinate. His little hands fisted into both Noah’s and Luke’s t-shirts, and he laid his head down determinedly against Noah’s chest. “Staying with Luke and Noah.”

“Honey, I think maybe they don’t-” Lily reached for him again.

“No.” Everyone was surprised when the protest didn’t come from Ethan this time, but from Noah. He blushed a little, but kept his arm around Ethan, maybe even tightened his grip. “It’s okay. He- he can stay if he wants.”

Luke kept his hand on Noah’s shoulder and looked up at his mom, half-pleading with his eyes. Luckily, Lily caught it and understood. She beamed at all of them, letting her hand linger in Noah’s hair for a moment. “Sure, sweetie. In the meantime then, I’m going to get together some leftovers from dinner for you two to take back to the apartment tonight.”

“I’ll help you,” Luke volunteered, pausing to kiss Noah’s forehead quickly. “Someone made me watch this movie about a thousand times already anyway,” he said before Noah could comment. Noah rolled his eyes but kept quiet, pulling Ethan in just a little closer. Luke smirked, picking Natalie up and dropping her back down where he had been sitting, so she was leaning in close to Noah. “Save my seat for me, Nat,” he ordered solemnly. She nodded back just as seriously.

Once they were both in the kitchen, Lily wrapped Luke up in another fierce hug. “He’s going to be okay,” she whispered.

He nodded into her shoulder. “He’s home,” he said in response. “Right now, that’s all that matters.”

“How bad do you think this is?” she asked, pulling back enough to look him in the face.

He hesitated. “I don’t know. There’s no way of- of measuring this, Mom, it’s not going to be like last year. This is different. Back at Fort Gordon, he... well, we-”

“Your father told me,” she broke in quietly, understanding. “That you found the gravesite and that Noah...” she trailed off sadly.

“I think he’s feeling about a thousand different things at one time. Not just about his- about the Colonel, and not just about the Millers. But,” he sighed, “about who he is and who he thinks he’s supposed to be.” He shook his head heavily. “I can’t even imagine what it must feel like. I hate that I don’t know how to help him.”

“Oh, honey,” Lily rubbed his arms comfortingly. “You are helping him, I know it.” She lowered her voice. “I’m so proud of both of you. And I love both of you, you know that, right?” Her voice got a little anxious. “You know this whole family is behind you and Noah.”

“Of course, Mom, why wouldn’t I think that?” Luke frowned, concerned.

The screen door creaked open and shut, and then Holden appeared in the kitchen, wiping his hands on a rag. He caught the looks on their faces and immediately came closer. “What’s going on?”

Lily sighed, glanced for a moment back at the den where the music of Guys and Dolls could faintly be heard, Faith and Natalie attempting to sing along. “The Millers did show up here. Almost a week ago. Before the proxy was lifted.”

“Th-they did?” Luke stuttered, fighting the urge to look around as though they might still be here.

She nodded, looking at both him and Holden. “It was just... some of the things they said didn’t make any sense. They were acting like we had been lying to them, like-”

“Like we were the enemy,” Luke finished for her, remembering some of the things Noah had told him. “They wanted Noah to believe that too. He was all confused because they seemed to think we never tried to contact him in the hospital. And they thought we had some sort of hold over him, that he didn’t know any better, and we didn’t care about him.”

“What?” Lily gasped a little, her hold tightening on Luke’s arm.

Holden rubbed a hand over his jaw line, thinking hard. “There are a lot of lies and misunderstandings going on around here. Too many.”

Luke hated that he agreed. “Something else has to be going on,” he told his parents. “I just wish I knew what.”

************

Luke awoke with a start, another dream just out of his grasp, leaving behind only the sense of fear and loss. Noah. He’d had another dream about Noah. He reached over, wanting that feeling of a warm body against his, but there was nothing. Luke twisted around, only to find he was alone in the bed.

He would’ve panicked, but Noah had done this a couple times in North Carolina too. Luke knew where to find him. He eased out of bed, throwing on some pajama pants and a sweatshirt as the cool air from the open window hit him. That reminded him to grab a blanket too, just in case, and then he made his way out to the front door of the apartment.

He found Noah just outside, sitting on the walkway that led to their door. One leg stretched out in front of him, the other bent up to his chest with his chin resting down on it. Just sitting.

Luke didn’t say a word, only took a seat next to him and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders to cover the thin t-shirt Noah was wearing. He sat cross-legged so his knee barely brushed against Noah’s leg, let his hand trail up Noah’s back to rest at the back of his head. He looked out past the courtyard and parking lot, down the road to where a left turn meant Old Town and a right turn meant the farm. Just sitting, too.

After a little while longer, maybe half an hour (which hey, Luke was proud- he didn’t say a word that whole time), the early-morning chill started to seep through his clothes and his brain. He scratched his fingers lightly in Noah’s hair, then stood slowly, holding his hand out. Noah looked up at him with a sheepish smile and grabbed the hand, letting Luke pull him to his feet.

They walked back into the apartment, Noah pulling the blanket off from around his shoulders and folding it neatly, dropping it onto the back of the couch. Luke stood nearby, debating on whether or not to drag him back to bed for more sleep or head into the kitchen to make coffee. It was 5am, a dreaded in-between time. He had no idea.

His thoughts distracted him, and it wasn’t until Noah sat down at their ‘dining room’ table that he realized Noah had moved at all. (It was a dining room table with quotation marks, because it was actually in their living room. They only really used it when they had company, otherwise they stuck to the small two-person table in their kitchen.) He took a few steps closer, though he faltered the second he saw what was on the table in front of Noah.

The boxes. God, he had never taken them back to the farm for storage. The damn boxes of the Colonel’s and Charlene’s. Luke took a few steps closer, unsure if there was anything he could do or say right now. These boxes were-

Noah made a noise that was somewhere between a growl and a sob, and suddenly threw one of the boxes across the room. Photos and papers and little Army medals fluttered in the space between. Luke flinched, more at the sudden movement than anything else. He took another step forward, but Noah wasn’t done. He turned to the other box, pulling out the little Noah figurine and the Ark, and smashed them to the floor. A baby pacifier joined it, thrown into the wreckage of wood and plastic that once had been his baby toys.

No, Luke reminded himself, not his baby toys. They had belonged to the other Noah Mayer. He tried to ignore the ache in his heart, watching as Noah brought more photos and papers out of the other box, held them in his shaking hands.

Another moment of silence and stillness, and Luke was just about to speak up and say... something, when Noah made another sound Luke hoped he’d never hear again and started ripping them up. The baby photos, the letters, all of them. Ripping them to shreds.

It took a second for Luke to react, but then he hurried forward, saying his name softly and grabbing Noah’s hands in his. For a moment Noah tried to fight it and pull away, but Luke held on tightly. They were both breathing hard, almost gasping, which was weird considering they were barely moving.

Noah shook his head hard, biting his lower lip and trembling. Finally his hands relaxed, dropping the torn pieces of paper from his grasp. He dropped soon after, going to the floor, back against the wall. His eyes were shut tight, his whole body collapsed inward.

Luke crouched down in front of him, eyes wide, hands hovering as though unsure what to do or where to touch. He put a hand on the floor to keep his balance, and his fingers came into contact with one shredded piece of paper. Idly, he picked it up, looked at it, and was startled to recognize the words.

It was one of Charlene’s letters to Noah. In fact, it was the same letter Noah had read at the farm when he first got this stupid box, three years ago. Luke couldn’t believe he remembered the words, but here it was. Well, part of it, anyway.

...the courage to believe in yourself, and to make your own choices. You should have grown up with a mother and a father who wouldn't judge you and would always understand. I'm sorry you'll never have that, Noah. I'm sorry I...

That was all that was left of the damn woman’s letter. Had she even written it to this Noah? Or had her real son been in mind when she sent it? Suddenly he really, really hated her. Almost as much as he ever hated the Colonel. She left Noah, left him with the monster that had kidnapped him. She never told anyone. And then she had the audacity to write this, like this would be enough of an apology? Her letter was right, Noah would never have a mother and father who would understand him. And that was partly her fault. How could she-

Luke crumbled the paper up into his fist, trying to keep from yelling or crying. He tossed the scrap away and turned back to Noah. And was shocked to see he was crying. Slow, silent tears trailed down Noah’s face, even as he tried to wipe them away clumsily.

He realized at a moment like this that words probably wouldn’t help anyway. He sat down all the way on the floor, sliding around so he was next to Noah. He sat still for a minute, giving Noah the time to know he was there, then debated what to do next. He wanted nothing more than to wrap him up in his arms for the next eighty years or so.

But Noah surprised him. Just as he went to reach out to him, Noah opened his eyes briefly, turned, and wrapped his arms around Luke. Luke smiled sadly, letting himself get pulled into Noah’s body for a tight hug. He twisted enough for Noah to bury his face in Luke’s shoulder, and brought an arm up rest to against one of Noah’s.

Before he knew it, tears were running down his face. Angry, pained, helpless tears. And from the way his sweatshirt was soaking at the shoulder, he knew Noah was the same way. He leaned his head down, pressing his forehead into Noah’s hair, and tried to breathe deep.

Noah’s arms tightened around him, and for a minute Luke couldn’t tell who was comforting who. Though it went against a lot of instincts to do so, Luke kept still and quiet. Noah needed to get this out. Maybe they both did.

************

Jack pulled his car into the driveway with a relieved sigh, greatly looking forward to his weekend off. He had worked a shift every day since getting back from North Carolina, and between that and dealing with whatever was going on between him and Carly... he could use the break.

Speaking of ‘could use a break,’ he thought to himself as he pulled up beside Noah’s truck. He was a little surprised; he hadn’t seen Noah or Luke since the day they all got back. He had heard from Holden that the boys were pretty much holed up in their apartment day and night, only coming out for dinner when Lily demanded it.

He couldn’t really blame them. They’d been forced apart for a month after a near death experience and the huge news bombshell of Noah’s childhood. If it had been him, he would have wanted to hide from the world for awhile too, especially if it meant just being around the person he loved.

He climbed out of the car just as Noah was stepping out from the porch. “Hey kid,” he called out, smiling wide.

Noah looked startled to see him at first but flashed a smile. “Hey Jack.”

Jack tried to analyze his voice in two seconds before Noah would notice. He sounded tired, a little drained, but not as subdued as Jack would’ve expected. Definitely not as lifeless as he had sounded in North Carolina and the drive back. He felt some hope stirring in him, and came to a quick decision. “You busy right now?”

Noah looked at him, confused, but shook his head. “Just dropping off some of Emma’s dishes.”

He had to laugh. “Let me guess, she gave you two enough meals to last till Labor Day.”

Noah smiled again. “I’m kinda more surprised she didn’t insist we stay here for a few, well, forevers,” he admitted.

“I’m sure she wanted to,” Jack said, reaching back into his car and pulling out a plastic bag. “Now come on, there’s something I want to show you.” He headed out past the barn, towards the pond.

Noah followed without question, though he did eye the bag curiously. “What’s that?”

Jack grinned. “Something I picked up at the store today. Figured the next time you came by the farm you could use it.” Noah still looked confused, which just made Jack smile wider. He settled down on the banks by the pond, gesturing for Noah to do the same. “I was out here the other day with Sage and saw something I think you’ll like.” He pulled a loaf of bread out of the bag and handed it over to Noah.

He took it, and after a moment of realization, he smiled and looked out a little eagerly towards the water. Sure enough, less than a minute later, a group of about a dozen ducks swam closer to them, feathers ruffling. Noah broke off a few pieces of bread and tossed it towards them and then, like no time had passed, they were up on the grass and toddling towards Noah. “They came back,” he murmured, seemingly without meaning to.

Jack’s chest tightened a little at the slight tone of wonder and disbelief in Noah’s voice. Some things would probably never really change, he reminded himself. Life always had a funny way of making some stuff just a part of who you were. “Of course they did,” he said steadily. “Like they’d give up the chance to be spoiled and overfed for another summer.”

He felt another knot of worry in him ease as Noah smiled and settled a little more comfortably on the ground. And he smiled himself when Noah handed over a couple slices of bread to him. Just like last year.

They sat for a few moments, offering up bits of bread to the ducks, when Jack finally broke the silence. “You know I’m going to ask, so I might as well get it over with. How are you doing, Noah?”

Noah was quiet for a few moments, gathering the right words to speak. “I don’t know. Better, I guess. Each day gets better. Especially since...”

“Since what?” Jack prompted when Noah trailed off.

He shrugged, looking almost pained. “The other night I, uh, I kinda flipped out. Threw stuff, broke some things, and-”

“What stuff and things?” Jack asked quietly, hoping the concern he was feeling was disguised enough that Noah wouldn’t feel ashamed.

“I had a box from each of them,” Noah answered. “The Colonel and Charlene. Personal effects and photos, letters...” Another shrug. “They were right there, and- and I didn’t want them anymore. They shouldn’t have been mine anyway, so I tried to get rid of them.”

Jack kept the frown off his face. “That’s the only thing that got hurt, right?”

Noah looked at him with wide, almost panicked eyes. “I’d never hurt Luke like that, Jack. Never. He was there, and he stopped me from ripping up more pictures, but I-”

“Noah, God no,” Jack moved in closer. He kept his voice and gaze firm. “I didn’t mean that. I swear I didn’t. I would never accuse you of... that’s not you.” He gripped Noah’s arm, willing him to believe that. “I know that’s not you. I just want to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself. Or anything else in that apartment you two worked so hard to furnish.”

Noah didn’t really smile at the joke, tossing out the last of the bread. “I got so mad. At them, at the Millers, at... I don’t know, God or whoever controls all this. I hated them all. I didn’t want to have anything of theirs or their son’s. I wanted it all gone.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling that way,” Jack commented quietly. “Being angry at everything that’s happened? I think I would be too.”

He shook his head. “I got so mad,” he repeated. “And I broke all that stuff, and it actually made me feel better. Taking my anger out on something that didn’t deserve it, made me feel better.” His face twisted a little in self-loathing. “I used to see him do the same thing all the time.”

“No.” Jack moved so he was crouched down in front of Noah now. “Not the same thing. You were hurt, okay? And you were letting it out in a way that wouldn’t hurt anyone else. That’s so far away from what the Colonel would’ve done.” Noah stared at him silently for a moment. Jack was surprised when he didn’t argue, even more surprised when he nodded shortly. Relieved, he settled back down on the grass next to Noah.

“I am feeling better,” Noah said, looking down at his sneakers, fingers playing idly with the laces. “Every day. I promise I am.”

“Good,” Jack smiled again. “And hey, this is a pretty damn unusual situation, understand? So I say there’s no wrong or right way to react. You can do whatever you want to get yourself feeling better, and it’s okay. Don’t worry about that.”

Noah’s smile appeared once more, looking up to watch the ducks hop back into the pond and start circling around it, quacking and splashing through the ashy-film that covered parts of the water. “That’s good to know, I guess.”

“It is,” Jack agreed. “And what’s even better to know is that we’re going to be with you a hundred percent on this. No matter what. You have all these crazy, meddling Snyders for support. Got it?”

“I got it,” Noah replied assuredly. “I know.” Quieter, “That’s something I’m never going to be worried about.”

Hearing him say that meant there was one less thing Jack was worried about too.

************

Luke took a deep breath, steadying himself, putting up what he secretly referred to as his ‘Lucinda Walsh Armor’ before knocking on the door in front of him. He opened it without waiting for an answer. “Damian?” He ducked his head inside.

Damian was sitting at his desk, frowning down at some papers, but he looked up with surprise when Luke entered his office. “Luke. I wasn’t expecting to see you back at work for another week or so...” he trailed off when he saw Luke’s casual clothing. His brow furrowed, he gestured for Luke to come closer and take a seat.

“I’m not here to work,” Luke confirmed, sitting down across from him. “I’m here to quit.”

It had been a long time since he’d seen Damian so shocked. “I- I’m sorry? You want to quit?”

“I am quitting,” Luke corrected calmly. “We can call it my two weeks notice if you want, but let’s be honest. I haven’t been working according to regulations in months, so me walking out today and never coming back won’t change much.”

Damian sat back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap. “Can I ask why?”

He fought the urge to shrug, wanting to appear as collected and determined as possible. “This isn’t right for me. This isn’t what I want to do. With everything that’s happened recently, I’ve... I can’t predict what’s going to happen in the future, so I want to spend the time I have doing what’s best for me. This isn’t it.”

“And what is?” Damian’s voice was still so quiet and calm.

“I don’t know yet,” Luke answered honestly. “But I want to be able to find out. And right now, especially, I want to spend time with my family. And Noah.”

Something shifted in Damian’s eyes at that. “Of course.” It wasn’t an accommodating, understanding ‘of course.’ The words came out resigned, almost bitter.

“Okay, what?” Luke asked, wanting to get this over with.

Damian took a deep breath, his tone coming out as annoyingly compassionate. “Son, I’ve tried not to get involved in this, but don’t you think it’s dangerous to make all your life about someone else?”

“Excuse me?” Luke had to keep from springing out of his chair. “First of all, that’s not what I’m doing. Second, no, Damian, I don’t. I don’t think it’s dangerous to love someone and make them a part of your life. I don’t think my relationship with Noah is dangerous or, as a matter of fact, any of your business.”

“I just worry about you, Luke,” Damian’s voice took on that extra-oily edge. Like a salesman. Like Luke was just an ignorant mark for his scam. “You’ve been doing so well here and really building towards a great future. I’d hate to see you bogged down by unnecessary distractions.”

Distractions. Luke suddenly flashed back to a conversation they’d had in New York. When Luke had been worried about missing Noah’s phone calls. “You think he’s a distraction?” When Noah’s calls had mysteriously disappeared from his phone. “You do, don’t you. In New York, you didn’t want me thinking about Noah at all.”

Damian’s face gave nothing away. “You were there to work, Luciano. Not answer at his beck and call.”

“My name isn’t Luciano,” Luke managed to keep his tone civil. He narrowed his eyes, hands clenching into fists. ““Did you delete his calls? My phone was missing, you miraculously found it. None of Noah’s or Casey’s calls showed up. Did you have something to do with that?”

Damian was silent for a moment, enough time for Luke to know his answer. “I was keeping your focus on the job, where it should’ve been. And everything worked out fi-”

“Everything worked out fine?!” Luke cut him off. “Where have you been the last two months?”

“I’ve been on your side,” he answered smoothly. “I’ve been looking out for you, unlike everyone else.”

“No,” Luke wanted to hit something. Someone. “You haven’t been on my side, you’ve been on your own. Noah was going through something horrible, and I wasn’t there for him. When I missed his calls...” he took a breath before continuing. “You turned me into someone who isn’t there for the people he loves. I should have been there with him, he-”

And now Damian was interrupting him. “Luke, you belong with your family. And Noah belongs with his. Yes, things got out of hand, but-”

“He doesn’t belong with them, how could you say that? After how they treated him, how they...” Luke shook his head. Another thought, unbidden, entered his brain. He hated that, on some level, he could understand and follow Damian’s line of logic. “Damian. Did you get the Millers that lawyer? Did you help them take Noah away?”

“Luke.” He was going to find some way around it.

“Was it your idea?” he hated that his voice got smaller, disbelieving. “Did you tell them to take Noah away from me?”

Damian didn’t even flinch. “Everything I did was in your best interest.”

He had to stand up now, put some space between him and this man. “You know, Colonel Mayer used to say the same thing,” he spat out. “He even said that after he almost killed me. I- I should have known. I should have known you’d do something like this. It just proves it, doesn’t it?”

“Proves what?” Damian’s eyes were narrowed now, calculating and careful.

Luke glared at him. “Proves that not only could you never be an honest man- yeah,” he nodded at Damian’s surprised look. “I know about the bribes. Port Authority? Daniel Thrace? I know all about it. And I know it was your fault that I was nearly killed last month, that Jade and Noah were almost killed.”

“Luke-”

“I’m not done,” he spoke through gritted teeth. “It proves that not only could you never be a decent man, but you could never be a decent father. You only care about what makes me into the person you want. So you know what? You’re going to have to find someone else to play your boy-king. You and I are done. I quit this. I quit everything about you.”

Damian was standing now too, and Luke made sure to put more space between them. Not out of fear, but out of necessity. “Luke, you’re my son. We can’t just-”

“We can and we will,” Luke shook his head. “How many times have we had this conversation, Damian? This is the last time. No more chances, no more ‘turning over a new leaf’ or any of that. You’ve ruined it. You’ve ruined any chance of us, and if I ever see in you anywhere near me or the people I love...”

“You can’t just cut all ties with me,” Damian persisted.

“Yes I can,” Luke grew more and more assured. “You want to take my inheritance away? Fine. I really don’t need it. I’ll find other ways to keep the foundation going. I’m fine getting rid of every single reminder of you. You’re just DNA, Damian. But I’m no more your son than Noah is Winston Mayer’s, got it?”

“No,” Damian came forward in a rush then, grabbing Luke by both arms. “You can’t do this. You’re my son, Luke. Like it or not, there’s Grimaldi in you. In your blood. You can’t just cut that out of your life and ignore it.”

“I’m not ignoring it,” Luke didn’t pull away just yet. “I’m choosing to rise above it. I want to be better than that, and better than you.”

“You’ll regret this, son,” Damian’s grip tightened. “Some day in the future, you’re going to want to know about your history and your family. You shut me out now, and you’ll never get that back. I’m a part of who you are, Luke.”

Luke took a deep breath, then shoved Damian away from him. “Yeah, you’re the part of me I’m constantly going to be fighting against. I’m not taking the easy way out anymore, not like you. My last name is never going to be Grimaldi, okay? It’s Snyder. And I won’t ever regret that. If I let you continue to be a part of my life, and someone else gets hurts again? That’s what I’ll regret. Like I do now.”

“So that’s that, then?” Damian stared him down. “No talk of someday down the road? No hope of forgiveness?”

He shrugged carefully. “You don’t care that you did something wrong. I can tell. You only care that you got caught. You don’t care that you wrecked my cousin’s car and nearly ruined Noah’s life.” He laughed a little. “I’m not even sure if you really care about me. Not if you really think this is in my ‘best interests.’ So yeah. That’s that.”

“But, son...” Damian shook his head, taking a step forward again.

Luke didn’t care. He opened the door to the office, turning back at the last second to glare at his biological father. “You want this in the easiest possible terms? Here it is- when Noah and I get married, at whatever time in the future, don’t expect an invitation. My father’s going to be there, and it’s not you.”

And with that, he shut the door on Damian. Luke had always been a little ashamed looking back on his life and all the things he’d never followed through on, but quitting this time? It had never felt so satisfying.

************

“Luke left his job at Grimaldi Shipping,” Noah finally spoke up. He had been sitting still and quiet for a few minutes, and he knew it was up to him to get the ball rolling here.

“Really?” Marcus raised an eyebrow. “What brought that about?”

Noah pursed his lips, wondering how much he should say. He knew he could trust Marcus with anything (and wow, when had that fully happened?), but this was also about respecting Luke’s privacy. “He found out some stuff about Damian, stuff he didn’t want to be associated with.”

Marcus smiled knowingly. “You don’t have to go into detail, it’s okay. What’s Luke going to do now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if he knows yet. I mean, besides keep me out of trouble?” He smiled a little. “But I’m sure he’ll figure it out.”

“And what about you?” Marcus settled back in his chair. “What are you going to do now?”

Noah frowned. “What do you mean?”

“The semester’s halfway over, are you going to go back to school now or wait till the summer or fall? And what about Java?”

Noah looked downward, biting at his lip. “I, um, I don’t know. I don’t know yet. I mean, I don’t want to put off school, I could still make up what I’ve missed and graduate on time, but...”

“Why do you feel so uncomfortable with that, Noah?” Marcus went right for the heart of the matter. Noah could never figure out how he did that, how he saw through what people were saying to what they were actually thinking.

“I- it feels weird going back to what my life was in January.” Which seemed like a lifetime ago. “Now that I know it’s not really mine.”

“Do you think this is the life Noah Mayer would be leading regardless of who he is?” Marcus asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Noah mumbled, not sure he wanted to get into those thoughts again.

“Want to know what I think?” Marcus smiled when Noah nodded. “I think you’ve been through a lot in your life, and you’ve worked so hard to get where you are now. It’d be a shame to stop that now.”

Noah really wanted to believe that, he wished he could. “But I stole that kid’s life. Shouldn’t I be trying to do something important or good with it?”

Marcus regarded him seriously. “Noah, what happened to him has nothing to do with you.”

“I know,” Noah said lamely.

“Then why are you laying the blame on yourself? Why say you ‘stole’ his life? If you look at it logically, his life was forced onto you. You were not an active participant in what happened to that child,” Marcus said it so firmly, Noah knew better than to argue.

He let those words sift through the layers of his brain, hoping they’d stick. “Logically, yeah, I guess,” he finally said. “But then why do I feel so guilty about this?”

Marcus took a very slow breath, the cue Noah recognized as his way of not sighing. “Because that’s how you’ve always dealt with things. In a way, we’ve made some progress there. When we first started meeting, you would’ve been trying to find a way to punish yourself for everything. Wall yourself up and pull away from everyone.” He smiled. “You’re not doing that anymore.”

“You make it sound like I should be proud of all this,” Noah murmured, feeling his face flush.

He chuckled. “For better or worse, you’ve earned this. All you’ve done and worked for, you’ve earned whatever good things come your way. And that includes exploring your passion as a filmmaker, that includes you being gay and being with Luke and Luke’s family.”

He tilted his head, uncertain and feeling stupid for being uncertain. “That’s not, I don’t know, disrespecting the memory...?”

“No, I don’t think it is,” the man answered steadily. “I think you living the life you’ve worked so hard for, and finding joy in it despite everything... I think that honors Noah Mayer very well.”

Noah looked down at his hands again, trying to process it, make it real. Make it true.

“Do you think you could ever forgive the Colonel for what’s happened?” Marcus asked.

He felt his jaw clench tightly, enough for it to ache. “I still haven’t forgiven him for the stuff I already knew he did. How can I forgive him for this too? Why should I?” He could feel his heart starting to race, and took a few slow breaths to keep calm.

“Do you think you could forgive the Millers?” His voice was gentler this time. Noah appreciated that, though he’d never admit it.

Instead he stretched a little in his chair, keeping his eyes purposefully on his shoes. “I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’ve at least forgiven them for... being them, I guess.”

“But?” Marcus prompted.

“But,” Noah echoed. “I don’t know how I could ever be close to them or, or feel safe around them. Maybe Krista, maybe. But how do I trust them now? How can I think of them as my family? I just... I’m never going to have what the Snyders have together. I know it now. But I blame the Colonel for that more than Eric and Autumn.”

“Is that what upsets you the most?” he asked. “Not getting a family out of this? Or finding they don’t measure up to the family you’ve been with for three years? Let’s face it Noah, the Snyders have been your default- your only- view of what a family is.”

Noah was quiet for a moment. Part of him had been expecting Marcus to get them to this point. But he still didn’t know how to say what he was feeling. “I- I don’t know. I’m scared, I think. That this was a sign.”

“A sign of what?”

He shrugged. “That I’m just not meant to belong to other people. I never measure up to what they want. I mean,” he finally looked up at Marcus, willing him to understand. “I was never good enough for the Colonel. And now this? I couldn’t be Noah for the Mayers or Andrew for the Millers. So what am I supposed to think?” He gave a little laugh. “God, I sound pathetic, don’t I?”

“No,” came the immediate answer. “No, I don’t think you sound pathetic. But you know what? Instead of worrying about trying to something for someone else, just be you for you. That’s something we’ve always had to work on too, isn’t it? Not judging yourself by other people’s expectations?”

Noah nodded, conceding that. “Okay, then what do I do to get them out of my head?”

Marcus smiled, and Noah could see there was a little bit of triumph in it. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but it made him feel better anyway, like he had finally solved an impossible math problem in front of the teacher. “You have to start by taking yourself back from those people who tried to control you.”

He frowned, confusion taking over once again. “I don’t understand.”

“You said after you tore through those boxes, something in you felt better. There was a release, right? But those were just letter and photographs and the like. They were small, material things and so it’s only a small, material reprieve from the pain.” He focused determinedly on Noah. “If you want true closure, you have to confront the real things and not the photographs.”

Noah mulled this over in his head. God, it would be amazing to finally be free of his father. No, not his father. The Colonel, he reminded himself. (Now he knew how Luke felt, having to distinguish between Holden and Damian.) And the idea of that relief overpowered the terror of being in the same room as Winston Mayer again. He was nodding even before he looked back at Marcus. “How do I start?”

************

The knock at the door startled Holden out of his uneasy thoughts, and he stood with a grimace. Readying himself just in case, as every instinct he had told him that this was going to be who he thought it was. He opened the door, smirking a little at the startled look on the other man’s face. “What do you want?”

Damian recovered quickly, settling into a schooled, calm expression. “Where’s Luke? I need to speak with him. And what are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” Holden answered the second question first, leaning against the doorframe, not letting Damian fully into the apartment. “I figured you’d show up and try to inflict more damage.”

“Where is he?” Damian asked again.

Holden glared. “With Noah. It’s Thursday night, isn’t it? They went out to enjoy a movie night with their friends. Who are all pretty much lucky to be alive, no thanks to you.”

Damian shook his head. “I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m not-”

“Leave, Damian,” Holden interrupted. “And not just the boys’ apartment. Leave town. Now. Do yourself a favor and get out before we come after you.”

“What are you talking about?”

Holden took a step forward, lowering the pitch of his voice. “I know neither of them are really, truly my biological sons. But I love them more than any other father on this earth has proven to, and I don’t want you anywhere near them.” He fought not to ball his hands into fists. The last thing he needed was for this to turn into a fist fight. “You know we did some digging, right? Lucinda, Bob, even Dusty Donovan lent a hand.”

“Digging?” Damian echoed derisively.

“We know what you did,” Holden kept at it. “Not just the bribes at Port Authority that caused a lot of this mess. We also know you bribed the doctors at Noah’s hospital in Georgia to keep the proxy in place.” There was a flash of realization on Damian’s face, pretty much confirming it. Holden had to look away for a second. “What did you tell them- the Millers- to make them turn on everyone? I know you did something.”

Damian smiled. Actually smiled. It was almost enough for Holden to reconsider his reluctance to throw a punch. “Does the date December 4, 2008 ring a bell?”

Holden searched through his memory quickly, not wanting to give Damian control of the conversation. “No. Why?”

“On that day, Noah Mayer was admitted to Oakdale Memorial’s Emergency Room,” Damian was still smiling.

Holden hid his flinch at the last second. Noah was in the hospital? No, they would have known. They would have been there. Hell, Luke would have thrown a fit... And then Holden realized. That was after the student election crap. Noah had moved back to the dorms, he and Luke were broken up. They had been so concerned with Snyder drama at that time, Lucinda’s illness, Luke’s erratic behavior... Noah had just disappeared off the radar until Christmas.

He hid the burst of regret and self-recrimination at that (God, had they all really forgotten about Noah like that?) and turned back to Damian, hiding his reaction. “Where are you going with this?”

Damian gave an oh-so-casual shrug of one shoulder. “I managed to get my hands on the medical and legal records from that incident. He was mugged in Old Town one night after closing at Java. He wasn’t hurt badly at all, minor cuts and bruises, but he was taken to the hospital to get checked out. And no one in your supposedly perfect, sanctimonious family was there. None of you showed up or made a fuss or offered to pay his bill or any other fit you go through when someone’s in trouble.”

Holden stared, dumbfounded. This couldn’t be real. “What does this have to do with the Millers?”

“Very little,” Damian replied. “I simply showed them the records, gave them the facts. They came to their own conclusions.”

He was still staring, but it was more in anger now. “You manipulated them, didn’t you? Made them think we had abandoned Noah because he and Luke were broken up. Anything to make us look bad.”

“I did no such thing. I showed them proof, Holden. Showed them that Noah had never had a real family, especially not the ones who claimed to love him, but only when it was convenient for them.” Damian raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t Noah deserve to have a real family of his own and be with them?”

“Too bad they didn’t turn out to act like a real family,” Holden snapped. “How can you live with yourself? Knowing what you did to him, and knowing what Luke went through because of it? And getting the Millers to think that we-”

“What, letting them believe the Snyder family wasn’t the most magical, perfect people in town? Before this, they thought you all had pretty much adopted their son and kept him safe. They didn’t know all the trouble and hurt he had been through. I merely told them the truth. I’m sorry if I lifted that veil away, but maybe they deserved to know.”

“The truth?” he took a step forward. “You misled them on purpose, just to get Noah away from Luke. And why? Noah wasn’t any threat to you. He was the only one who supported Luke working for you. He convinced Luke to give you a chance last year. Why would you do this to him?”

“It’s not about Noah, Holden,” Damian lectured patiently. “It’s about Luke. Luke was never going to come into his own with Noah there. He would never be able to live to his full potential with that dragging him down.”

“That?” Holden spat out. “You hypocritical bastard, you keep preaching about the value of family in Luke’s life, then you try to separate him from one of the most important-”

“Really? Luke is only twenty-one years old. Am I really supposed to believe that this boy will be all that important in the grand scheme of things?” Damian snorted.

Holden couldn’t keep himself in check any longer. He grabbed Damian by the lapels of his jacket and shoved him back until he slammed into the brick wall across from the front door. “You say Luke is ‘only’ twenty-one, yet you’re trying to set up his entire life. And furthermore, that boy has proven time and time again that he cares more about Luke’s future than you do.”

Damian tried to push back but Holden tightened his grip on the jacket, keeping him in place. “I don’t believe that.”

Holden shook his head. “I don’t know if you still have a problem with him being gay, and I don’t care. They love each other, Damian. Trying to send one of them to a different state isn’t going to change that. And no matter what, Noah is a part of our family now. You try to push him away from Luke, and we’re all going to pull him right back.”

“I can’t believe this,” Damian’s glare was getting stronger, though he still hadn’t broken Holden’s grip on his jacket. “I can’t believe you would let Luke just throw his opportunities away to fawn over-”

“How old were you when you first fell in love?” Holden cut him off. When Damian didn’t answer, he shoved him lightly again. “You really don’t get it, do you? You really don’t care. You didn’t just hurt Noah and Luke, you hurt the Millers too. You twisted them into something they’re not,” he stared, starting to realize the damage Damian had really done. “You made them hurt their own child.”

“I was just looking out for my-”

Oh hell no, Holden wasn’t about to hear Damian refer to Luke as his son, never again. “Well, you’re not going to, not anymore. I’ll say it again- leave town. Now. Don’t ever show your face again, or I swear I’ll find a way to tear you down to nothing.”

“I’d like to see you tr-”

“Damian.”

Both men turned, Holden finally letting go, when Lily appeared from out of the apartment as well. She marched right up to Damian, and he smiled peaceably. “Listen, cara, I-”

She slapped him. Hard. “How dare you,” she hissed, angry tears starting to form. “These aren’t your lives to control, to lord over. Luke and I, we don’t belong to you. Noah isn’t something you can just toy with.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, the tears starting to fall. “I don’t want you near my son anymore, Damian. Just go away.”

Damian’s hand was on his cheek where Lily had struck him. He stared at both of them for a moment and then, without another word, turned and walked away, his strides getting quicker and longer with each step.

Holden watched him go, waiting until the footsteps faded and the sound of a car starting and pulling away could be heard. Then he looked back to his wife. She was crying silently, shaking the hand that had slapped Damian. “Lily,” he pulled her close, holding her to him. Stroking her hair, he tried to calm her down. “He’s gone, he’s gone...”

Hopefully for good.

************

It was in the three seconds between the door opening and Winston Mayer appearing that Noah wondered if he had made the right decision to do this alone. Nearly all of them- Holden, Lily, Casey, Jack, Dr. Weston, Luke most of all- had wanted to come into the prison with him. But Noah had politely declined. He wanted to prove, more to himself than anyone else, that he was strong enough to face him on his own.

And as the door opened, and the sound of shuffling, rattling footsteps drew closer, Noah almost regretted it. He actually truly wanted someone to hold his hand right now. Luke preferably, of course, but anyone would do. Something to remind him that he was on the right side of the upcoming argument. That he wasn’t hated, that he was enough.

But then the second the Colonel was there in the doorway, Noah took it all back. Seeing his former father, swathed in orange, chained at the wrists and the ankles, his face hard and lined with so much age and anger it was actually shocking... Noah was glad no one else was here. Was subjected to this.

He made sure to keep his own gaze steady, matching Winston’s. He watched calmly as Winston was led over to the table and chained securely to it. The guards bustled around them, but Noah kept his eyes fixed forward. Winston did the same.

After the guards backed away, one staying by the door as the other stepped just outside, Noah studied the man in front of him more closely. He looked older. Every time Noah saw him now, he could see how everything dark inside Winston was starting to show on his face. There more lines in the skin, more gray in the hair. And, curious enough, a fading bruise on his jaw.

“You have twenty minutes, young man,” the guard reminded him as he took his position.

Noah’s eyes never left Winston’s face. “This won’t take that long.”

Winston quirked one eyebrow. “Really? No heart-to-heart talks in store?” He was as cold, biting, dismissive as ever.

Funny thing was, Noah didn’t feel it punch him in his gut the way it used to. It hurt, sure, but more because he could remember the countless times the Colonel had hurt him this way in the past, not because he actually cared how the man thought about him now. This is what we call ‘progress,’ he could almost hear Dr. Weston say.

“No point,” he finally answered. “And there’s no need for you to talk at all. I don’t need to hear anything you’d probably say.”

The Colonel studied him, maybe (hopefully) a little wary now. Definitely more confused. “So why are you here, Noah?”

He half-smiled, no joy in the expression. “To release you. From fatherhood.” He pulled a piece of paper out of his messenger bag, put it on the table in front of Winston. “Had some help from a lawyer, got this drawn up and approved yesterday by a judge. Guess what, Colonel? You’re no longer Noah Mayer’s father.”

“What does that mean?” Winston snapped, not bothering to look down at the paper.

Noah shrugged, taking the document back. “Your son, Noah? The kid who died twenty years ago? He’s been officially declared as deceased. No longer exists. And your son Noah, the one you tormented and punished and scarred for life? He just erased you from his life legally. You owe me nothing, I owe you nothing. No more ties. The whole damn Mayer line dies with you. It’s a nice thought.”

“You can’t-”

“Yes I can,” Noah cut him off calmly. “I did. You no longer have any son at all. He’s dead. He died a long time ago. Me? I’ve never been your son. I’ve got proof now. You’re not my father. And once I walk out that door in... what, ten minutes?” he looked over to the guard. The guard nodded, and Noah turned back to Winston. “In ten minutes, you’re never going to see or hear from me again. Ever.”

“Noah, I’m your-”

“Not anymore,” Noah wasn’t about to let him get any control in the conversation. “You’re nothing now. You’re a bad dream and everything I’m working to leave behind. You’re not a part of me anymore.” He decided ten minutes was too far away, and he was done now. “And now I’m leaving you with nothing. Thanks for the memories, Colonel.” He gave a sardonic, short salute and stood up, walking away from him.

The guard at the door looked like he was hiding a smile as he let Noah out of the room. The other guard, waiting outside, gave him an almost approving nod, which lent Noah the courage to ask, “The bruise on his face. How did he get it?”

The guard shrugged. “Last week. The guy who visited him started arguing with him, then all of a sudden we had to pull them apart. That’s all I know.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.” Noah figured this was the last time he’d ever see these men and this place, but he wasn’t feeling all that nostalgic. He went quickly to the check-in desk, turning over his visitor’s badge and signing out. And that’s when he saw it on the sheet- the name of the person who had visited Winston last week.

Justin Miller.

************

Luke eyed the driveway for the six hundredth time, then looked back down at the notebook in front of him. He tapped his pen against the open page, eyeing the empty lines with equal parts excitement and frustration. Ah, the joys of being a writer, he told himself. He couldn’t help but grin- it had been a long time since he’d told himself that phrase.

“Trying to distract yourself?” his grandmother startled him, coming out onto the patio from the living room.

“Yep!” he answered in an overly-cheery voice.

“And is it working?” Lucinda smiled.

“Nope!” he used the same tone.

She gave her haughty chuckle, taking the seat next to his. “They’ll be home soon, and everything will be fine. Marcus would call if something were to happen. And Jack is there too. Noah’s fine, darling.”

“But he didn’t want anyone to go into the room with him. Marcus and Jack are waiting outside. If the Colonel tries to-”

“He’s imprisoned, Luke,” she interrupted gently. “Guards and chains and bars, he can’t do anything. Noah knows what he’s doing. He wants to do this alone to prove he can. And to spare of all us.”

“I know,” he said softly. “And I understand. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

She laughed again, then made a pointed glance down at his notebook. “Writing again?”

Luke shrugged, a little self-conscious. “Thinking about it. Something Marcus said, back while Noah was in Georgia. He kinda... I don’t know, reminded me why I used to write in the first place. I figured it couldn’t hurt to get back into it now.”

She nodded, smiling warmly. “And what about the rest of your time? Now that Damian is out of your life?”

He fiddled with his pen, tapping it on the paper again. “Actually, I’m thinking of getting back into writing for real. Maybe do some editorial stuff for the foundation? I’m going to be concentrating pretty hard on that for awhile.”

“Do you have a particular crusade in mind, or just in general?” she asked, reaching out to still the tapping of his pen.

He looked down, smiling a little. “I want to start a campaign for gay rights in hospital and medical issues. The state of Illinois doesn’t recognize same sex partners for medical proxy or for priority in visitation rights. I want to change that. I should have been able to be there for Noah after the accident, and I don’t want anyone else to go through that.”

Lucinda’s smile softened, and she moved her hand from his pen to his arm, squeezing. “Sounds like a fight worth having.”

He relaxed a little, grateful. “I figured I could put my writing to good use with this. Maybe draw up some articles, some open letters, some op-eds, anything to get the word out.”

“Well,” Lucinda waved her hand in the air grandly. “If this writing takes off and you need an outlet, come see me, darling. The Intruder could always use another decent writer on staff. Even if it’s just for the editorial section.”

“Oh yeah,” Luke laughed, shaking his head. “Imagine me, working for you and Emily Stewart. That’s a personality explosion waiting to happen.”

She joined in. “Heaven help us if all three of us disagree on something. We’d never get any work done.”

“Hunter would have a breakdown,” he added. They both continued to laugh at the absurdity of the idea... until they weren’t. Luke exchanged a glance with his grandmother, the possibilities of that suddenly not sounding so bad. He snuck another look out to the driveway- still nothing- and then turned back to Lucinda. “Um, actually, Grandmother...”

She nodded decisively, smile still in place. “Let’s talk.”

************

Luke let himself into the apartment quietly, making as little noise as possible. He could hear the clanging of pots and dishes in the kitchen, and the music on the radio- Motown, he recognized- told him Noah was in a good cooking mood.

Excitement bubbled up in him, and he was pretty sure he had a giddy grin on his face. Noah had been doing so well- amazingly well- the last few days. Really, ever since that night he tore through the boxes. Every day he got closer and closer back to his true self. Luke could look at him now and see sweet, shy, dorky, goofy Noah Mayer. The darkness and sadness and pain that always tried to take him down... it never would. Luke was sure of it.

He stood in the doorway to the kitchen now, leaning against the molding, watching as Noah chopped or stirred or did some cooking thing (Luke never got into the specifics of cooking) in front of the stove. He was intent on the task, his head nodding along to the Temptations unconsciously.

He watched as Noah leaned that long, beautiful body across the counter a little more, picking up a plate full of chopped... things (Luke had no idea what) and used a knife to slide them into a pan. Noah dropped the plate into the sink and then stretched his arms over his head, obviously having been cooking for awhile now.

And yeah, that was pretty much it for Luke. He stepped forward, wrapping his arms tight around Noah’s waist from behind before Noah could lower his arms, hugging him close. “Well hello lover.”

Noah jumped a little, startled, before relaxing back into Luke’s hold, turning his head to the side to steal a kiss. “Hi,” he smiled, letting his lips linger against Luke’s for a moment, then turning back to the stove. “How was the meeting at the Intruder?”

He kissed the back of Noah’s neck, semi-hoping to distract him while he was cooking. “Not bad, surprisingly enough. I think this might work out. What are you making?”

Noah squirmed just a little as Luke continued to amuse himself with kisses. “Shrimp teriyaki and stir fry. And Emma sent over an apple pie.”

Luke stayed where he was, resting his chin on Noah’s shoulder now so he could watch him work. “Wow, what’s the occasion?” He smiled when Noah leaned back even more, the two of them almost, almost swaying together to the song on the radio.

Noah shrugged, twisting again to surprise Luke with a kiss of his own to the side of Luke’s face. “Valentine’s Day.”

“Baby, it’s March,” Luke spoke slowly, confused.

“I know,” Noah turned down the heat on the stove, mixing together vegetables and shrimp. “But I wasn’t here in February. And... and we didn’t get to celebrate. I want to. For you.”

Okay, maybe just maybe he melted at that. “Noah,” Luke reached out to take the utensils out of his hands, setting them aside and then turning Noah around to face him. “I love that you planned this, and I love you, but I don’t want you to feel like you have anything to, I don’t know, make up for or whatever.” He framed Noah’s face with his hands, smiling wide. “Not to get all cheesy, but after everything that’s happened, it feels like every day is Valentine’s Day. Okay?”

Noah rolled his eyes, though a grin that matched Luke’s was on his face. “You failed, Snyder. That was pretty cheesy.” He leaned in and kissed him before Luke could get out a comeback. “And I want to do this, got it? After everything, and all that stuff with Damian, and how... how amazing you’ve been with me. I want to do this for you.”

“You had to go through that ‘Damian stuff’ too,” Luke quietly reminded him, one hand sliding down from Noah’s face to his chest, rubbing gently.

Noah laid his hand on top of Luke’s, squeezing. “All the more reason to celebrate something now. And hey, I get to prove how wrong he was about me, right?” He smiled at Luke, eyes adoring. “And how wrong he was about you.” He waved away Luke’s next attempt at a protest. “I want to do this, Luke. It’s my turn. We’re partners, remember?”

Luke studied him for a second more, then moved in to lightly kiss the underside of Noah’s chin. “You hold my hand, I hold yours,” he echoed Noah’s words from that backyard in Georgia.

Instead of going melancholy, Noah chuckled, chest vibrating against Luke’s hand. “That’s starting to sound like ‘you jump, I jump.’ Which probably isn’t the story or couple we want to base our own-”

“Shut up, nerd,” Luke cut him off, poking him in the side and kissing him roughly, pinning Noah against the counter. One of Noah’s hands came up to cradle his face, but Luke felt like being a little more daring. He slid both hands down to Noah’s hips, working them both under his t-shirt and grasped warm skin instead. His fingers squeezed as his tongue licked its way past Noah’s lips.

“Luke,” Noah half-moaned. “Dinner. Food. I... food. Pie,” he managed to say whenever his mouth wasn’t otherwise occupied.

“Mmmhmmm,” Luke replied, better words in mind. “Sex. Bed. Naked. Now.”

“’kay,” Noah didn’t really need much convincing. Without separating, they started making their way out of the kitchen. They had just made it past the doorjamb into the hall, shirts untucked and half-unbuttoned... when there was a knock at the door.

“No,” Luke groaned. “No. Damn it, just, no. I will murder whoever that is. No.”

Noah laughed roughly, his forehead dropping to meet Luke’s. “It could be-”

“I know,” Luke sighed. “An emergency, or family, or something important.” But damn it, didn’t the universe realize that sex with Noah was pretty important too?

Noah kissed his temple, taking a step away. “Family is something important,” he smiled, heading towards the door.

Luke followed, re-buttoning the top buttons of his shirt just in case. “With the Snyders? Family is something dramatic. Important isn’t necessarily...” he trailed off as Noah opened the door. Both of them stood there, silent and unable to move. Staring in shock.

“Um,” Krista gave an awkward, tentative wave. “Hi. Can we talk?”


	16. Love Is a Poor Man's Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love that you make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter is brought to you by the song "Hold You In My Arms" by Ray LaMontagne! Thanks to everyone for reading :)

Luke dragged himself out of sleep slowly, comfortably warm all over. He could feel sunlight through the window hitting his back, but it wasn’t until he opened his eyes that he realized why the rest of him felt so good. And he had to smile.

He had gotten home a couple hours ago from a morning foundation meeting that had gone really well. The Luke Snyder foundation was about to start its campaign for gay rights in medical issues, and he was really excited about it. Energized in a way he hadn’t been for awhile.

He had (gently) refused to let Noah come to the meeting or get involved just yet. For one thing, the fight was still hitting a little close to home- he didn’t want to have to use Noah’s story, put him in the spotlight, for the campaign right away- and he also wanted Noah to concentrate on himself right now and not Luke’s job. Noah was back in school and back at Java, and Luke wanted him to be settled and caught up in his own life before he helped out with this.

So he had gotten home to find Noah waiting for him. Well, half-waiting. Because he was also half-asleep on the couch, an old Batman cartoon playing on the TV in front of him. Lying there in loose sweatpants and a torn, paint-spattered t-shirt, eyes bleary and hair rumpled, Luke couldn’t believe how adorable he made that look.

He had pounced on him before Noah even knew he was there and found some creative ways to wake him up. After a round of lazy sex, slow and sweet, they had fallen asleep together on the couch. Luke had worked his way into what was probably his current favorite cuddle position (he reserved the right to change his mind to something else at any time)- lying between Noah and the back of the couch, spooned up behind him.

In their sleep, however, they must’ve turned a bit, because now Noah was lying on his stomach with Luke stretched out almost completely across his back. It was the first thing Luke saw when he opened his eyes- what looked like miles and miles of bare, perfect skin under him. He turned his head just a little, rubbing his cheek into Noah’s back softly, and looked up. And smiled wider.

He always thought Noah looked his most beautiful when asleep, because it was when he was the least guarded. His features softened, tension gone, any hint of self-doubt or shyness missing. He watched Noah, sleeping easy and breathing deeply, half his face mashed into a couch cushion. The warmth surrounding Luke, from sun and from skin, seemed to get inside his chest now, like it was taking up residence and never leaving.

He was so damn happy that they were both here, together, now, safe and sound. Especially after everything that had happened in the last few months, and even after everything that had happened in the last few weeks since they had gotten Noah back from Georgia. Really, since that night Krista had shown up at their front door...

 

“Um,” Krista gave an awkward, tentative wave. “Hi. Can we talk?”

Luke did try to fight the urge to stand protectively in front of Noah, he really did... but he lost. He grabbed Noah’s hand and pulled until his boyfriend was behind him, Noah too shocked to do anything but go along with it. “What are you doing here?” he snapped.

Her face fell but she hid the flinch that almost happened at his tone. He didn’t care. “I wanted to see you,” she answered Luke, though her eyes were still on Noah.

“What for?” he asked, wanting to keep the attention away from Noah. He squeezed his hand briefly, silently asking if he was okay, and felt a knot of tension ease when Noah squeezed back.

Krista swallowed hard before speaking. “We... we looked everywhere for you, and when we never got word of where you were or if you were okay, I-” she dared to take a step closer, almost inside the doorway. “I wanted to make sure you were okay, Noah. I wanted to see for myself.”

“I’m okay,” Noah said softly, still a half-step behind Luke.

She smiled a little then. “Okay. Good. I’m glad. We, we all are.”

“We?” Luke repeated.

She hesitated for less than a second, but it was enough for Luke to know that there was something there. “Our-” she shook her head. “My parents. They’re realizing how much they screwed up, guys, they are. I don’t know what you’re thinking their intentions are anymore, but I promise, there aren’t any.”

Luke gave a skeptical snort. “Krista.”

“I mean it,” she insisted, looking back and forth at both of them. Luke felt Noah take a small step forward, squeezing Luke’s hand again. He was listening to her. Luke tried to do the same. “They just want to know that you’re okay, Noah.” She attempted a smile. “Even Justin’s worried.”

Luke opened his mouth to retort, but at the last second stopped himself. He looked to his boyfriend, reminding himself that this was all up to Noah and not him. Noah was looking at Krista with equal parts understanding and wariness. “I...” he took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m okay, Krista. Better, now that I’m back home.”

It was a pointed comment, one that made Krista wince and Luke smirk, though they both tried to hide it. He had to give her credit though, Krista kept going. “I know things are really messed up right now, and you have every right to feel and do whatever you want, but... if, um, if at some point you want to talk to us, or see us again, the invitation will always be there.”

Again, Luke managed to bite his tongue just in time. Noah’s hand shook slightly in his, but he held strong. “Thank you,” he answered simply. “I know you all went through something too, and I’m sorry about that, but... you have to understand, Krista. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to- to be okay with everyone.”

She nodded, blinking back tears. “Please, think about it though? Because,” she tried another tiny smile. “Because I just got engaged. And I’d love for my little brother to be at my wedding.”

Luke didn’t think it was possible, but a sweet, genuine smile appeared on Noah’s face. “Tyler asked you to marry him?”

She nodded. “He did. And Noah, the wedding won’t be for awhile. But I’d like you to be there for it.”

Noah hesitated this time, and Luke could feel him begin to take a step back, so he finally stepped in, trying to rescue him from having to make a decision. “Does the rest of the family know you’re here?” he asked, bringing her focus back to him.

It was her turn to hesitate. “Sort of. Um, considering they’re outside in the car right now.”

“What?!” Luke’s voice rose sharply, and he could feel Noah tense up next to him. This time they both took a few steps back, needing just that much more space between them and the door. Noah was shocked back into silence, but Luke wasn’t about to stay quiet. “They’re not allowed in here,” he snapped at Krista. “This is our home, it’s safe and happy, and we’re not about to let it get tarnished with-”

“I know, I know,” Krista interrupted gently, hands up, pleading. “They understand, okay? They’re not here with me to start anything. Noah, they just wanted to know that you’re okay too, like me. That’s it.”

Noah closed his eyes briefly, breathing deep. Luke ignored Krista for a moment, turning to his boyfriend, letting go of his hand so he could wrap an arm around him instead. “Do you want me to call... someone? Jack? My dad?” he asked quietly.

Noah shook his head, then slowly opened his eyes, gazing at Luke. “I can do this,” he whispered, then softly kissed him on the forehead.

Luke leaned into the kiss, but then captured his eyes once more. “Yeah, well, I can do this too. Go with you, I mean. Just try and stop me.”

Noah’s eyes crinkled into an unexpected smile. “Yeah, I’m not that dumb.” He grabbed Luke’s hand once again, then looked at Krista. “Let’s go.”

She stared, eyes wide. “Noah, I mean it. You don’t have to see them, that’s not why I-”

“No. Krista, I want to do this now. Let’s go,” he said again, voice steady. Luke couldn’t help but stand up a little bit straighter next to him, happy at how confident he sounded.

Krista looked uncertain, but ultimately shrugged and turned to go back out to the parking lot. Noah and Luke followed behind her, focusing on the rental car parked next to Luke’s. There was a shadow of movement through the windows, and then three figures slowly, almost nervously, got out of the car.

Noah took a deep breath, let go of Luke’s hand, and then- to Luke’s surprise- approached Justin first. “Thank you,” he said simply.

Justin looked back at him, puzzled. “For- for what?”

Noah continued to stare him down. “The bruise was still on his jaw a week later.”

There was another second of confusion, but then understanding (and satisfaction) flashed across Justin’s face. He smiled, and Luke could see a trace of Noah’s smile in it. “Good,” the brother said. They looked at each other for a moment longer, and both nodded.

Noah then moved back to stand with Luke, taking his hand to either anchor himself or restrain Luke, he wasn’t sure of which. Luke didn’t give it much thought, he was much too busy glaring at the Miller parents.

Noah looked straight at them as well. “You were wrong about me,” he spoke softly, staring them down. “You handled this- everything- wrong.”

“We know that,” Eric said just as calmly and, from what Luke could grudgingly tell, honestly. “We know that now.”

“We were wrong, Noah,” Autumn looked like she desperately wanted to come closer, reach out her hands or something, but she was holding back. “That man, Damian,” she threw an apologetic look at Luke, “He lied to us, or led us to believe things that weren’t true. We didn’t-”

“I know,” Noah cut her off in that polite way that only Noah could. “I know he played you, misled you, and I’m sorry about that. But you still handled it wrong. If anything, you- you chose to trust Damian over me and what I told you. And I’m the one who’s supposed to be your family. You didn’t trust me. I can’t trust you, I can’t...”

He cut himself off, looking away. Luke covertly pulled him a few inches closer, and decided to speak up when Noah couldn’t. “My family loves Noah,” he reiterated the things he had tried to tell these people for months. “We’ve been there for him for the past three years. And any time it looks like my family hasn’t been there, is because of me and my problems. Not because of Noah, not because my family gave up on him or anything, but because I-”

“Luke,” Noah murmured, just for him. “Don’t you dare try to put any blame on yourself. Don’t you dare.”

Luke turned to look at him, about to protest, but the look of certainty in Noah’s eyes caused the words to die in his throat. Noah was resolute, eyes so certain and sure. They shared a small, secret smile before he nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Noah echoed before turning back to the Millers. “Look. I think I can forgive you- maybe I already do- for what happened. But you all have to understand that after all of it... things may never be wonderful between us. It’s never going to be perfect, I...” he took a slow breath. “I’m not whatever you wanted to Andrew to be. And I’m sorry for that too, but that’s the way it is.” Luke could see him fight the impulse to shrug. “If you can’t accept that, then this is never going to work.”

Luke watched with some surprise as Justin somewhat smiled, looking a little impressed in spite of himself. Krista was still trying to keep her tears at bay, glancing nervously at her parents. For their part, Eric and Autumn stood there with about a thousand mixed emotions on their faces. In some ways it looked like they were grieving losing a child all over again, but in other ways it was like they were seeing Noah for the first time. At least, Luke hoped that’s what it all was.

“Okay,” Eric finally answered. “We all got off course from what we had been trying to do in January. Which was get to know you. Not Andrew, not our lost son, but you. If there’s ever a way for us to do that again, we want to.” Autumn nodded next to him.

Noah thought it over. “I think, at some point, maybe we could do that again. It’s going to take some time,” he warned, not ready to give in just yet.

“Of course,” Eric replied. “How about this- how about...” he thought things over quickly in his head. Luke watched him process and plan silently, again seeing Noah in the action. Eric looked up at Noah determinedly. “We’re on a flight back to Georgia tonight. And that’s where we’ll be. From here on out, ball is in your court. You want to contact us- call, email, write, whatever- and we’ll be there for it. You dictate this from now on, Noah. Whatever contact you want with us, it’s up to you. We want you to feel right with this, feel safe. And maybe, at some point, we’ll be able to earn back your trust. Okay?”

Luke turned to watch Noah think this through, weigh his options. Noah worried his bottom lip between his teeth, looking at each of them. “It may be awhile before I can, before I want to.”

“Honey, whatever is right for you is right for us,” Autumn said tentatively.

Noah nodded, but still looked at them uncertainly. “And you’re sure you’d be okay with that. With a, a ‘long distance relationship’ or whatever?”

The tension eased somewhat at that, and Luke felt himself loosen his hold on Noah’s hand when the Millers relaxed. Autumn smiled at them. “I meant what I told you, honey. I don’t want to lose you. None of us do. And to think that we almost... almost ruined our chances with you, it- I’m sorry, Noah. So sorry for what happened.” She exchanged a glance with Eric. “So yes. We want to do this your way.”

“Okay,” Noah took a deep breath, then nodded. “Then... then I think that’s all we can do for right now.” He fixed them with a hard stare. “I spent sixteen years without any family until I found Luke’s. So... so I think I can wait a little longer. Until it’s right.”

Autumn quickly wiped away a tear. “Alright,” she smiled, took a step forward as though to try to hug Noah, before thinking better of it. “Then we’ll be waiting to hear from you, Noah.” Eric nodded and glanced over at Justin and Krista, giving them a look.

Justin exchanged one more silent nod with Noah and then climbed into the car, Eric and Autumn doing the same. Luke hesitated for a second, then gathered his courage and stepped forward. “Krista?”

She paused next to the car. “Yeah?” she asked warily.

Luke lowered his voice. “I never did get to thank you, for what you did while Noah was in the hospital. For both of us.”

“I wish I could’ve done more,” she whispered, smiling a little.

“You did what you could,” he said. “Seriously, you... you showed him you cared about him. That means a lot.”

She nodded, her smile more genuine. “Well, you still have my number. You- and Noah- can call me anytime, okay?” She opened the car door, and just before getting inside smirked at Luke again. “I wouldn’t mind if you came to that wedding too, Luke Snyder. Just saying.” And then she was in the car and it was pulling away.

He didn’t wave, and neither did Noah. But they stood together and watched as the car disappeared down the street. After a breath of silence, he looked over at his boyfriend. “You okay?”

Noah responded by smiling slightly and pulling him in for a kiss.

************

Luke smiled now, snuggling in even closer, his arms going tighter around Noah’s sides. He turned his face a little more, pressing a kiss to Noah’s back, right between his shoulder blades. Then he pulled back a little and used a hand to rub the kiss even more into the skin (an old habit Emma taught him as a kid- “See, dumpling, it makes the kiss stay longer that way!”), enjoying the feeling of muscle and sinew under his fingers.

After a few minutes he laid his head back down on Noah’s back, listening to him breathe. God, he had been so proud of Noah, confronting the Millers like that, so strong and sure of himself. Another kiss, lingering, on the closest shoulder blade, left Noah squirming half-heartedly under him. Luke held still, smiling, as Noah groaned and blinked slowly. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty.”

He groaned softly again, but made no move to get out from under Luke. “Time izzit?”

Luke swung his head around enough to catch the clock on the DVD player, conveniently allowing him to rest his cheek down in the middle of Noah’s back. “A little after one. We slept through lunch.”

“Mmm,” Noah hummed, somehow relaxing even more into the couch. “Not my fault.” Luke leaned up and kissed him on the neck, down to the side of his face. Noah chuckled, ducking his head away. “You have morning breath.”

Luke mock-gasped, smacking him lightly. “It’s one in the afternoon. And hey! I do not!”

“Then you have afternoon breath,” Noah shot back, though he still wasn’t moving.

Luke worked his way lower down Noah’s prone body. “Fine, I guess I just won’t kiss you anywhere near your mouth then.” Before Noah could respond, Luke grasped him by the hips and planted a wet, playful kiss directly on the small of his lower back. It wasn’t possible for Noah to melt more into the cushions, but he did. Luke smiled with satisfaction even as he kept at it, leaving a trail of messy kisses all the way up Noah’s spine.

By the time he reached Noah’s face again, nuzzling into his neck, he could see Noah’s eyes were fully open, amused. “Gotta say, Snyder. That’s not the worst punishment ever.”

“Really?” Luke aimed a kiss for his mouth, and just when Noah leaned back a little to meet him, he turned away. “Sorry, nope. Wouldn’t want to subject you to my horrible afternoon br-”

Noah shut him up by twisting around quickly onto his back, pulling Luke down onto him and kissing him soundly, almost literally taking Luke’s breath away. He smiled into the kiss, easing himself down fully onto Noah’s chest. Noah smiled back, peaceful and still half-asleep, as he broke the kiss. “Are you and your dad going riding again this weekend?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Luke arranged himself over Noah, head on his shoulder, one leg landing between both of his. He ran a hand up and down one of Noah’s arms as they came up to wrap around him. “I’d invite you to come too but I know you’ll say no.”

Noah shrugged, purposefully jostling Luke where he rested. Luke pinched his arm in retaliation. “I have to work for one thing. But yeah, I prefer not to spend a few hours getting stiff legs and a sore ass.”

Luke grinned cheekily. “Oh really? So I guess that means afterwards we can rule out-”

“Shut up,” Noah cut him off, rolling his eyes and- yes, of course- blushing a little. They kissed again, much softer this time, just the pressing of lips together. Luke kinda liked that they had a hundred different ways to kiss each other.

He settled down against Noah’s shoulder again with a (though he’d deny it later) happy sigh. He knew horseback riding was one tradition Noah probably didn’t mind not sharing with the Snyders, but Luke loved it. And he loved going out for a day with his dad, just two horses and a packed lunch from Emma with them. It had recently become a regular activity for just the two of them, and Luke really appreciated it. Their first outing had been an important one, a chance to re-bond...

 

The first few hours of their outing had been great. They spent the morning taking the horses out through the pastures, fished until lunchtime, talking and joking. Re-bonding, they loudly and repeatedly exclaimed. After their packed lunch (courtesy of Emma), they had made it here. And Holden gave Luke the look of ‘there’s something I need to say.’

And after everything his dad had just told him, Luke realized it was probably a good idea they had taken the trail out to the edge of the farm, away from everyone and anything that could hear him scream and curse and yell. Which he did. Damian had lied to the Millers. Damian had bribed those doctors in Georgia. Noah had been mugged while they were broken up, and no one ever knew...

“Luke,” Holden spoke up once he was calm again, staring out at the pasture. “I didn’t tell you this because I want you on my side versus Damian. I just want you to know all the facts, or, I guess, as much as I know.” He sat down on the picnic table, the one they had made together when Luke was twelve.

“I am on your side,” Luke insisted anyway, sitting down across from him, forcing his hands to stop shaking.

Holden smiled. “I appreciate that. But I don’t want you to worry either. Damian should be leaving town now and won’t be messing with you anymore. Your mom and I- and Lucinda and Jack and, hell, half this town- we’re going to do everything we can to make sure that’s true.”

Luke smiled a little at that, watching Eastwood and Rigby grazing nearby. “I still can’t believe it all went down like this. That Damian was so... I’m sorry, Dad. For real. For everything. After knowing everything he did, to think of the things I said to you...”

“Hey, we talked about this,” Holden caught his gaze firmly. “Luke, we both said and did some stupid things because of that man. If he’s gone, then our regrets about it should be too. Deal?”

Luke wanted to argue, wanted Holden to lecture and yell at him and not forgive him... but that wasn’t what his dad did. “Deal,” he smiled again, feeling just another bit of tension leave his shoulders.

Holden was quiet for a bit, letting the horses continue to munch on nearby grass, before speaking up again. “Thing is, Luke... I did a lot of my growing up without a dad. I used to worry that the things I did or the way I turned out wouldn’t be what he wanted. But now,” he grinned sideways at Luke. “Now, being a dad too, I realize it- he would’ve loved me no matter what. I just want that for you, Luke.”

“You have been that for me,” Luke jumped in quickly. “Always, you always have. It’s probably why I act the way I do sometimes; I take it for granted. You for granted. But that won’t happen anymore. I just, um,” he ducked his head, unable to look Holden in the eyes at this moment. “I just hope that one day if I have kids, I’ll be as good at that as you are.”

“I have all the faith in the world that you will be,” Holden replied, a different kind of smile on his face now- warm, content, proud. And then teasing. “And I have just as much faith that Noah will make sure you are.”

And now he really couldn’t look his dad in the eye. He knew his face had flushed and a big stupid grin was there too. He knew kids were a long way off for him. Hell, marriage and a house and being a grown up were a long way off for him. But the idea of him and Noah sharing all that together... that didn’t seem so out of reach.

************

Noah could see Luke was deep in thought, a content, far-off smile on his face. He didn’t know what the smile was for, but something about seeing it- so happy and... and right- made Noah want to live in this tiny moment forever. He maneuvered himself around bit by bit until he was curled around Luke’s body, arms still wrapped tight around Luke’s middle.

He probably would’ve stayed that way for as long as possible (forever), but the silent yet insistent rumbling of his stomach interrupted his plans. “Luke?” he loosened one arm so he could slide a hand onto Luke’s bare stomach, rubbing softly.

“Hmm?” Luke was fighting the urge to purr, Noah knew it. Step one, complete.

“’M hungry,” he murmured, saying it more to Luke’s shoulder than to him.

Luke laughed a little, walking his fingers up one of Noah’s arms. “Get up and make some lunch then.”

Noah shook his head, managing to inch his way even closer to Luke. “Don’t want to get up,” he kept his voice rough and deep, scooting down a little so he could return the favor Luke had started earlier.

He pressed a few light kisses onto Luke’s ribcage, half-smiling at the noise Luke tried not to make. Step two, complete. “Don’t even...” Luke started to warn.

Noah pretended not to hear. He slid a hand down to Luke’s hip, making sure his thumb rubbed gently at the skin between bone and torso. “Make some grilled cheese?” he pleaded pitifully. His kisses got nearer and nearer to the center of Luke’s chest. Slower, too. Savoring. (Hey, they weren’t just for Luke to enjoy, right?) “Please?”

Maybe Luke was trying to laugh at him, but that wasn’t what it ended up sounding like. “Damn it, you’re gonna win, aren’t you?” he griped with absolutely no bitterness. After another half-gasp, “Although, I do like hearing you beg.”

And just like that, Noah felt himself blushing. Okay, maybe Luke would win this round. So much for step three. He tried to hide his face by ducking down to kiss skin and chest again, but Luke caught his face in both hands, laughing a little. He tugged gently, so Noah pushed himself forward until their lips met, rough and sweet at the same time. “Please, baby, please?” he smirked when they finally pulled apart.

Luke laughed again, ruffling a hand through Noah’s hair. “Fine, fine,” he groaned dramatically, slowly pushing himself up to sit on the couch. He grabbed a pair of pants from the floor- maybe his own, he wasn’t sure- and slipped them on before standing. “Just so you know, I’m burning yours on purpose!” he called over his shoulder as he headed into the kitchen.

Noah twisted around on the cushions so he could see into the kitchen, propping his chin up on the arm of the couch. He wondered if, fifty years from now, if someone asked him what the happiest moment of his life was, if he would remember this moment. He wasn’t sure anything could ever be better than this, right here.

But he was excited to find out.

And he was willing to do pretty much anything, whatever it took, to keep this- and Luke- safe forever...

 

Noah forced himself to remain calm, still, collected, waiting for the man currently walking towards him to look up and notice him there.

It took another few seconds, but finally he did. “Noah,” Damian looked somewhere between surprised and resigned. He re-shouldered his bag unnecessarily and stepped around Noah, heading to the trunk of the car Noah was leaning against. “What are you doing here?"

Noah continued to watch him. “Making sure you really are leaving.”

“I assure you, I am,” the man responded stiffly, dropping his bag into the trunk and closing it with a maybe-too-hard slam.

Noah didn’t flinch. Or move at all. “I’m not going to argue or try to change what you think about me. I know you can’t change the mind of a person who doesn’t live in reality to begin with.”

“Are you calling me crazy?” Damian’s eyes narrowed.

“No,” he said simply. “You’re just a sad, misguided person. Who’s never going to be happy if you can’t learn to accept things and accept other people. Just because I’m not like you or what you want, doesn’t mean I’m... that I deserve you hating me. I’m with Luke. Deal with it.”

Damian sighed. “I’m leaving town. What more do you want?”

“For you to never come back,” he said immediately. “I just don’t get it- is it that I’m not good enough because I’m gay, or I’m not good enough and I’m gay?”

There was a moment of silence when Damian refused to answer, moving around to the driver’s side door. “Didn’t you just say what I think doesn’t matter?”

“You tried to turn Luke against me and my family against his. That matters.” Noah stepped closer. “You can’t change people’s perceptions of me just because you think Luke is better off with someone else, or somewhere else. That’s up to Luke to decide.”

“What you two have is just ‘young love,’” Damian spit out the phrase. “You’re just kids. You’ll outgrow each other. I don’t want you holding Luke back from being an adult.” He shook his head. “It’s only a matter of time.”

Noah took a step or two (or three) closer. “No. It’s only a matter of choice, and we choose to be together. After all the things we’ve been through... those things don’t happen to just ‘kids.’ We’ve fought through hell to be together and we love each other and that won’t ever change.” He lowered his voice. “No matter where you go, I’m not going to let you try to change it.”

Damian actually laughed. “What is it you think you can do to keep me away?”

Noah smirked right back, somewhat surprised Damian had given him such an easy cue. He nodded over Damian’s shoulder at the car parked nearby. By the time Damian turned around, Emily had already gotten out of the car and strolled over to them. “Mr. Grimaldi,” she greeted him. “Any comment on the rumors that Grimaldi Shipping has been bribing Port Authority to get around international regulations?”

“Excuse me?” Damian looked back and forth between her and Noah.

Noah gestured to her. “Meet Emily Stewart. Chief reporter and editor of the Intruder.”

Emily stuck out her hand for Damian to shake with a grin, but he ignored her. “What is this?” he growled at Noah.

He stood his ground. “I may be just a kid, but I’m willing to bet that a story like this going public would be really bad for business.”

Emily nodded helpfully. “Besides the ensuing investigations in both your international and domestic operations, the PR fallout alone would lose you a lot of clients.”

“And probably dissuade new ones from doing business with you,” Noah added. “Right?” he asked Emily.

“Right,” she nodded before turning back to Damian. “So. Any comment?”

Damian was still glaring at Noah. “What are you getting at, Noah?”

Noah stood up taller, for once comfortable using his full height to his advantage. “Emily kinda owes me a favor. So as long as you leave Luke alone, she’ll leave you alone.” He shrugged, purposefully casual. “Your call.”

Damian took a deep breath, cursing in Italian or Maltese or whatever under his breath. “Fine,” he spoke begrudgingly, gritting his teeth. “You have my word-” he ignored Noah’s skeptical look and Emily’s snort, “-that I will not attempt to contact Luke or get involved in his life, without his express permission. Good?”

“Good enough,” Noah answered.

Damian narrowed his eyes as he got into the car. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Emily beat him to it. “Are you done with the whole international man of mystery thing? You’re just a wannabe badass, Damian Grimaldi. All this power and money at your fingertips, and you choose to mess with the lives of two insignificant gay guys in Illinois? Don’t let the door hit you on your way out of Oakdale, thanks.” She slammed the door shut for him, tapping it twice for emphasis.

Noah just barely managed to keep a straight face through all of that, waiting for the car to pull out of the Lakeview parking lot before chuckling and looking over at Emily. Who looked oh so happy with herself. “You wrote those lines ahead of time, didn’t you?”

She shrugged one shoulder, unrepentant. “I owed you for that whole mess with the biological family, I know that. And I don’t need any drama in my newest employee’s life. So really, this whole thing was for my peace of mind, kid. Not because I want people to think I’m nice, got it?”

He schooled his face back into seriousness. “Yes ma’am. Got it.” It was nice to have the crazy-scary people on their side for once.

************

Marcus was fumbling with his tie, and nearly ran right into Lily before he realized she was there. “Easy!” she laughed lightly, holding onto his arm.

“Sorry, dear,” he smiled letting go of his tie to give her a brief hug. He nodded in the direction of her office behind the Lakeview front desk. “Are you heading home already?”

“Parent-Teacher conference at Natalie's school,” she answered. “What about you?”

He smiled sheepishly for some reason. “Late lunch with your mother.” He could see the light in Lily’s eyes indicate she was about to say something teasing, so he quickly continued. “I heard that Luke’s foundation fight is going well.”

Her eyes lit up in a different way now, excited and proud. “It really is! The editorials he’s written for the Intruder and the campaigning the foundation has done, like that PSA Noah came up with? They’ve gotten us a meeting with an Illinois senator and some lobbyists for next week.”

“That’s wonderful,” he smiled warmly. “I’m surprised Noah was allowed to help. I’ve heard from Lucinda that Luke’s been trying to limit his participation at the moment.”

“Oh,” she laughed again, shaking her head. “He’s trying. And succeeding for the most part, he wouldn’t let Noah come to the meeting this morning. But, well, you know Noah. He’s going to help no matter what.”

“Yes, that sounds like him,” he chuckled, fumbling with his tie once more. “I’m glad they’re both doing so well.”

“Aren’t we all,” Lily agreed. Then she turned serious, holding onto his arm again. “I- I want to thank you. Not just for helping Noah... which I appreciate, of course. But you helped Luke too, helped him get his spirit for writing and his voice back. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

Marcus shook his head with a chuckle. “Oh no, that wasn’t me at all. The progress those two have made, they’ve done that themselves. I’m just happy to be a witness. They... their bond is a thing to marvel at.”

“It is,” she said softly, eyes bright. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that they came out of this mess okay. Together. And with us, too. Everything that happened, it just,” she paused to gather her words. “It just shows me that Noah is a part of our family. And I’m so happy to welcome him into it.” Then she offered a sly smile. “And I’m happy to welcome you into it too.”

“I- I’m sorry?” Marcus quirked an eyebrow. Lily was giving him a knowing, pointed look. There’s no way she could possibly know, right? Noah had sworn he wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Luke. She couldn’t know. “Lily, I...”

Lily just smiled wider. “Good luck with lunch, Dr. Weston.” And then she was gone.

But somehow, Marcus wasn’t really truly surprised. Lily was a Snyder and a Walsh. Of course she would somehow intuitively know. He reached into the pocket of his suit jacket and patted the small velvet box one more time, then headed into the Lakeview Lounge.

************

Hunter wiped his hands nervously on his jeans. To say he was nervous, well, more nervous than usual? Quite possibly an understatement. Tonight was the first time ever that he was hosting Movie Night, and he wanted it to be, to use Casey’s vocabulary, awesome. He wanted it to be awesome.

A knock at the door- hours early (four hours early, to be precise)- nearly had him jumping out of his skin. He hurried to the door (it’s too early! He hadn’t finished cleaning up yet!) and opened it slowly.

“What up, man?” Casey grinned, shouldering his way past Hunter into the apartment. “I figured you might need some help, so I brought some pre-movie snacks, some beer, some soda- caffeine free for you- and some... what?” he stopped at the look on Hunter’s face.

Hunter wasn’t sure what his look was, but it was probably as confused as he was. “What are you... you’re here to help me?”

“Well, yeah,” Casey got a little quieter and- even more baffling- more serious. “Look, Hunter, I know with the stuff that happened with Maddie and the stuff that happened with Ali, things could get weird between you and me. And all of us.” He shrugged. “I’ve kinda gotten used to how you think, and I don’t want you to think that you and I can’t still be friends or anything.”

Hunter was shocked into silence for a moment, just staring. Casey shrugged again, completely honest. “Um, I- I...” he stopped, started again. “You still want to be friends? With me? Just because?”

“Just because,” Casey confirmed. “I mean, you and me have to stick together. We’re the only hetero guys in this group! We’re surrounded by man-lovers, both male and female. If you and I can’t-”

“Okay!” Hunter cut him off. He realized Casey tended to ramble just like he did, just louder and with a lot less stuttering. “I, uh, thanks Casey. For that.”

“Dude, don’t thank me yet. You haven’t seen my party-setting-up-skills in action,” Casey had the audacity to wink before heading into the kitchen to unload his bag of snacks. Hunter blinked, staring at the space Casey had just been occupying. Well, this was an interesting development. Not necessarily a bad one. “By the way,” Casey’s voice floated in way too casually. “Have you, have you talked to Maddie lately?”

“Are you going to date her now?” he asked curiously, stepping into the kitchen behind Casey.

“Jesus!” Casey almost dropped the bag of chips in his hand before setting it on the counter. He turned slowly, studying Hunter, and hesitated before answering. “No. Or, I don’t know, not right now.”

“When?” Hunter asked curiously, confused by Casey’s nervous behavior.

Casey laughed the laugh he used when he was amused by Hunter’s bluntness. Hunter had most of his friends’ laughs categorized at this point. “It’s just, I’m still getting my life together. And I’m kinda doing this thing with Jade that feels right for right now. Maddie is...”

“You seem to love her,” Hunter pointed out. “And she thinks very highly of you.”

Casey smiled softly. “Maddie was always the ideal, you know? Even back before I was such a screwup. And, I guess, I’d like to think that at some point I’ll be proud enough of myself to deserve someone like her again.” He scratched the back of his neck, shrugged self-consciously, something Hunter never thought Casey was capable of being.

“Wow,” he said finally, the quiet of the kitchen even more obvious after a statement like that. “Casey, um, I’m pretty sure Noah- and Luke and Maddie and the Snyders and a lot of people- would agree that you’re that person now. But... but I do understand.”

“You do?” Casey asked, his grin starting to come back.

“Yes, I do,” Hunter assured. “And I’m not upset with you about how things ended with Alison. I understand that too. It’s why Maddie and I discontinued our relationship, in a way.”

“Good,” Casey nodded. “I’m glad things are cool between us. Especially since I’m pretty sure you’re going to need my help tonight.”

“Help?” Hunter followed Casey back into the living room. “Help with what? Setting up? The movie? Because I-”

“Nope!” Casey’s pre-adolescent wide grin was back. Hunter had categorized this one as one that led to its owner saying something that would inevitably freak Hunter out. “I just think you might need some bro-backup tonight... considering Noah and Luke invited Lucy to join us.”

Oh. To borrow a Casey-phrase, oh crap. “L-Lucy? Luke’s cousin, Lucy?”

Casey snorted. “No, Charlie Brown’s friend Lucy.” He clapped Hunter on the back jovially. “Of course, Luke’s cousin. You two hit it off in North Carolina, didn’t you?”

“But... but... she’s coming here tonight?” Hunter shook his head. He wasn’t sure why, but he did. “What do I- should, should I...?” He sighed. “Casey? I might need help.”

“Aw, don’t worry, buddy,” Casey squeezed his shoulder, jostling it playfully. “I’ll do what I can. That’s what friends are for, right?”

For the first time in his life, Hunter realized he could answer that from his own experience. Despite the thousand and one nerves jumping through his brain, he smiled. “Yeah. They are.”

************

They were still on the couch. Not that Luke was complaining. He was pretty sure he would stay like this forever if it were possible. He finished off the rest of his grilled cheese (not burned, thank you very much), and brushed the resulting crumbs off of Noah’s chest. Which Luke had been using as his picnic table.

Noah was stretched out lazily, eyes half-closed, having finished his sandwich in record time. One of his arms was wrapped tight around Luke, holding him close, fingers tapping a random rhythm into Luke’s lower back.

Luke took another moment to settle back down comfortably on the couch (half-on Noah) before speaking again. “I didn’t get to ask you last night, how did the latest conversation with Krista go?” Noah and Krista had started up a phone-call-night not too long ago. So far, so good... but Luke liked to check.

Noah shrugged a little. “Fine.”

He said ‘fine,’ but he said it in that way that Luke knew meant he wasn’t sure whether or not to mention something. “And by fine, you mean what, exactly?” he prodded, tapping his knuckles lightly onto rib bones.

Noah captured that hand quickly, pulling it so Luke’s arm rested comfortably across him. “Krista, um... Krista wondered if at some point- not anytime soon, of course, but some point in the future?- she wondered if I would think about changing my last name to Miller. I’d still be Noah, but I could drop the Mayer part. And,” he reached up, rubbing his forehead. “I don’t know what to do or think about it.”

Once again, Luke let his instincts take over. “Oh hell no.” He turned onto his side more, leaning on an elbow and propping his head up with that hand. “No way. Do they actually think, after all that, they can still turn you into Andr-”

“Luke,” Noah’s voice was gentle, but firm. “That’s not what this is, this was just Krista throwing an idea out. And either way,” he smiled, letting one hand come up to brush against Luke’s face. “It’s my decision, okay? It’s one I may have to make eventually. Okay?”

Well, sure, when he used logic and his hands like that, Luke couldn’t argue. He narrowed his eyes, trying desperately hard not to pout, knowing by the look on Noah’s face that he wasn’t successful. “I know.” He leaned down, kissing Noah softly, quickly. “But you know I’m gonna be overprotective as hell, right? And you know why?”

“Yeah,” Noah flashed a grin, going in for another kiss. “I love you too.” Once Luke was settled back down resting against his shoulder, their arms wrapped around each other again, Noah continued. “I just don’t know whether or not I’d rather be tied to them or to the Mayer name. But I guess that’s what life has given me.”

Luke fought to stay calm again, for a different reason. Railing at God silently wasn’t really going to solve anything, no matter how good it felt sometimes. “If you want to change your last name to anything it should be Snyder,” he grumbled.

Somehow, Noah’s arms tightened even more, blanketing him. “I want that too,” he said softly. “And it will happen, one day.” Luke had to tilt his head up and kiss him for that. “But for right now? I don’t know. Do I want to be the person I’ve thought I always was, or the one I could’ve- maybe should’ve been? It’s just-”

“Hey.” Luke stopped him, bringing his hand up again to rub slow circles over his heartbeat. “It’s just a name. You’re you. Who you’re supposed to be.”

“I know that,” Noah rested his face down into Luke’s hair for a moment, leaving a light kiss there before he started speaking again. “Part of me would really love to screw the Colonel over that much more, let the Mayer name really die with him. But I don’t want the Millers to think I’m all ready to be a part of them either. And... and ‘Noah Miller’ just sounds weird,” he grimaced, child-like.

Luke laughed a little at that, because it did sound weird. “Well you know what? Ultimately it doesn’t matter, because you’re right. In a few years time it’s going to be Snyder anyway.”

He didn’t have to look up to know Noah was blushing. “Is that a proposal, Snyder?”

He laughed louder this time, now turning to look into Noah’s face. Yep, definitely blushing. But also giddy, teasing, and content. Luke wanted that look around for the rest of his life. “Sorry, love. I forgot a ring. So nope, not yet.”

Noah just rolled his eyes. “You always were bad at planning ahead.” He pulled Luke even closer, Luke now resting his head on Noah’s chest. Comfortable. Content. They were silent for a few minutes when Noah spoke up again, voice quiet. “If- if you ever ask, I’ll say yes.”

Luke didn’t even try to stop himself from melting at that. He blew out a slow breath, seeing Noah shiver a little at the sensation. “I plan on asking some day.” Then he twisted, sliding on top of Noah so they were chest-to-chest. “And yeah, I know you’re gonna say yes. That just makes me love you more.”

Noah’s eyes were bright, his mouth slipping up into a wide smile seemingly of its own accord. “Same here,” was all he said before yanking Luke into another deep, lasting, impossibly perfect kiss.

Luke pulled free just as Noah’s hands slid down to his hips. And then past his hips. “Oh hey, that reminds me. I talked to Tom yesterday, there’s something I want to run by you.”

The hand stopped moving, and Noah groaned. “Really? Really? How does this remind you of talking to Tom?”

He laughed, propping his chin on Noah’s collar bone, a little apologetic but not much. “We came up with something I want to talk to you about.”

Noah’s curiosity overshadowed his frustration for a moment. “Talk about what?” He ran his hands back up slowly (on purpose, Luke was pretty damn sure), resting at his shoulders, rubbing lightly.

Luke closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling for a moment before he remembered there was a question he was supposed to answer. “Yeah, um, Tom drew these papers up for us. For both of us to sign. For each other.”

“Papers?” Noah frowned, confused.

“Power of attorney. You grant it to me, I grant it to you,” he explained gently.

Noah stared at him, face unreadable. “Luke...”

Luke reached out, curling his fingers into Noah’s hair. “If something like this were ever to happen again, I want to be in the room with you. If something were to happen to me, I trust you to make the right decisions too.”

His face softened, so full of love and hesitance at the same time. “But, baby, you have your-”

“Noah,” Luke cut him off. “Mom and Dad trust you too.” At Noah’s slightly shocked expression, “They do. They okayed this. And...” In for a penny, in for a pound, Snyder. “And they want to sign too, to be considered next of kin and power of attorney for you. Just like they are for me.”

He smiled a little at the way Noah’s eyes lit up at that. “They do?”

“Yeah,” he kissed Noah on the nose. “It’d be as legal and binding as we could get to make you a part of the family. So,” he pulled a lock of Noah’s hair between two fingers, twirling it playfully. “When we’re ready to change your name to Snyder, you’ll really really be one of us. I mean, if that’s-”

“That’s what I want,” Noah said softly, throwing himself into a full body hug, arms and legs and body wrapped around Luke.

Luke sighed into it, pressing his face into Noah’s neck. “That’s as close to a ring as you’re gonna get right now, lover,” he   
murmured into the skin.

“I’ll take whatever I can get,” Noah’s voice got deeper, gravelly. Luke always shivered and burned when he used that voice. He turned his head, requesting another kiss. Noah was already there to meet him halfway.

They took their time with this one, angling just right, savoring, and when Luke felt a hand start to tug at the pants he had just put back on, he laughed into Noah’s mouth. “Hey, down boy. We’re supposed to be at Movie Night soon, remember?”

“Movie Night?” Noah frowned. “Never heard of it. Maybe we should just stay here.” He crossed his arms over his chest, conveniently trapping one of Luke’s hands between.

“Maybe I should get a boyfriend who isn’t always thinking about sex,” Luke teased him, allowing himself to enjoy the image of crossed arms.

Noah snorted. “Like you’re not.” He didn’t deny it though.

Luke smirked. “Only when you’re around.”

Noah closed his eyes for a moment, smile appearing almost against his will. “This isn’t helping your Movie Night argument.”

He laughed, tickling Noah until he could get his hand free. Then he sat back a little, finding it a little funny that he could enjoy the sight of Noah giggling and happy as much as he enjoyed the sight of those crossed arms. “Hey.” He framed Noah’s face with both hands, waiting for him to catch his breath. “Movie Night now, then...” he leaned down, laying a soft kiss on Noah’s lips. “We have all the time in the world for everything else.” Another quick kiss that he smiled into. “How’s today going for you?”

Noah stared up at him, completely sincere. “Better than yesterday.” And he couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

 

THE END!


End file.
